Chapter 12 – Confessions.

Jay had fallen to sleep when Lexi left to rescue Kelly. He woke up feeling happy, she had told him she loved him. He woke and checked the clock, it was 4am, Lexi had been gone three hours. She shouldn't have been gone this long. The bar was only 30 minutes away, it was an hour and half round trip, at most. Jay picked up his phone from the nightstand and pushed Lexi's name from the recent calls list.

The phone rang, then her voicemail picked up. Jay hung up without leaving a message. He got out of bed and went to the kitchen. He stood leaning against the sink a glass of water in hand, his mind racing, had she been in an accident? Was she talking with Kelly? Had they got in to a fight and both been arrested? A million questions raced through his mind, then he heard her key in the door.

"Hey" he greeted her as she passed the kitchen walking directly in to the living room. She didn't respond to him, she threw her keys on the coffee table and took off her jacket throwing it over the nearest chair. Jay could tell she had been crying, her eyes were puffy and red, "What happened?"

"Did Kelly ask you where I was?" Guilt took over Jay's features giving Lexi her answer. She ran her hands over her face laughing without humour.

"Let me explain" Jay began taking a step towards her. Lexi took a step back; she didn't want him to touch her right now she was angry.

"Go ahead"

"I was going to tell you, I was. But then I saw you, you weren't good, you weren't coping. I didn't want you to talk to him and him to add to the misery."

Lexi exploded "THAT WASN'T YOUR DECISION TO MAKE!"

"YES, IT WAS!" Jay yelled. They both stood staring down the other, neither one willing to back down. "Lexi, you didn't see yourself. After that first week at the cabin you were a mess, you didn't even look like you, you looked like a ghost of you!" Jay sat on the arm of the chair nearest to him as his anger subsided. "It scared me to see you that way. I didn't think talking to him would help you. Then I saw you again and you were doing better, you looked better and I didn't tell you in case it made you take a step back"

Lexi calmed down and sat on the sofa. She understood his intent, he hadn't done it to be malicious or hurt her, or to even hurt Kelly, he was thinking about her, he had done what he thought was best for her. "You should have told me; you should have let me make the decision"

"And if you had spoken to him?" Jay queried "What about us? Would this be happening right now? Would we be together?"

"I guess we'll never know" Lexi sighed standing up "I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

Jay followed her, he sat on the edge of the bed and watched her undress, throwing her clothes over the chair in the corner of the room. "What happened with Kelly?"

She focused on pulling off her jeans and socks rather than looking at him. "It doesn't matter"

"Don't do that" Jay warned "don't treat me like some second-rate hook-up. What happened?"

"He kissed me okay?" she threw her clothes down with force, why did he have to push, why did he have to know? She stood up straight and looked him in the eyes. "Told me he loves me, wants a second chance and he kissed me, happy now?"

Jay shook his head and chewed his bottom lip, he didn't want to know the answer to his next question, but he had to ask. "Did you kiss him back?"

Lexi sighed and sat on the chair, on top of her discarded clothes in her underwear. "Yes" she admitted. It didn't matter that she had pushed Kelly away, she had kissed him, it didn't matter how long the kiss had lasted, she knew in her heart she had wanted to kiss him, and Jay deserved the truth.

They sat in the silence for what felt like forever. Lexi couldn't tell what Jay was thinking, couldn't decide what he was feeling. She knew she had hurt him, and she hated herself for it.

Jay swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "Do you still love him?"

"I don't know. I thought I was over it, then I saw him and…" Lexi's words trailed off knowing she was hurting him the more she spoke. "I know I love you" that she was sure of, there was no question. Lexi walked to him and knelt in front of him, she put her hands on his legs and straightened her back, so their faces were level. "Jay, I'm in love with you" Lexi moved to kiss him, and Jay pulled away out of her reach. "I'm sorry, I…" Lexi stood up, she knew Jay needed his space right now. "I'll sleep in the other room"

Jay woke a few hours later, exhausted. He couldn't hear Lexi moving around the apartment so figured she was still sleeping. He needed to clear his head, he dressed in to his running gear and quietly left the apartment.

The crisp autumn morning air hit his face as soon as he left the safety of the apartment building. He began a light jog down the street. Last night's events played over in his mind. Hadn't he done exactly what Lexi had told him she was afraid of? She had told him she was afraid something would happen, and she would lose him. He couldn't expect her to be over Kelly in just a few weeks and he couldn't expect Kelly to give up without a fight. But what did he want? What did Jay want? Could he deal with Lexi being in love with him and still having feelings for Kelly? Was it enough that Lexi was in love with him?

He hadn't run two blocks before he decided that yes it was enough. He didn't care about Kelly, he finally had Lexi, she was finally his, it's what he had wanted from the day he met her. He wasn't ready to give that up.

Jay changed direction and ran back to the apartment.

"Lexi" he called entering the apartment, he opened the spare bedroom door to find the bed unoccupied and remade. He went to his bedroom to find her suitcase on the bed, half packed with her clothes. She looked up at him as he entered the room but continued to organise her suitcase. Jay didn't miss a step, he walked to her and took her face in his hands before kissing her. She reciprocated the kiss, a little breathless when they broke apart, still holding her face in his hands he told her, "I love you. We can deal with the rest, all that matters is that I love you"

Lexi smiled at him "I love you too" she kissed him lightly and pulled her face from his hands. "But I'm moving out"

Jay snatched the clothes from her hands and threw them across the bed "that can wait, we're going out!" he kissed her quickly "as soon as I'm changed" he walked to his closet and started undressing.

"Remember this place?" Jay asked pulling off the main road on to the gravel surface.

Lexi smiled, of course she remembered this place "Lovers Look-out" She remembered the name grinning at him. Jay had taken her here for their last night together whilst they were undercover. "It feels like a lifetime ago" Lexi said getting out of the car and walking to the edge.

Jay stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist, looking out at the ocean. "I spent that whole night trying to think of ways to delay that meet, so I'd get to spend more time with you" Jay confessed.

Lexi laughed and turned her head to kiss him. "I spent the whole night trying to stop myself from bursting in to tears at the thought of never seeing you again"

"I got so much shit for breaking my cover"

"Me too"

"Totally worth it" Jay said kissing her cheek.

They spent the day reminiscing, they drove by the old house they had lived in whilst undercover, they ate lunch at a little café they used to go to. They sat at a small table in the back of the café eating burger and fries. Lexi's phone rang a few times, the caller I.D. revealing it to be Kelly, after the seventh ignored call she turned off her phone.

"So, Halstead" Lexi began popping a fry in to her mouth. "Am I the only person you've ever taken to Lover's Look Out?" she looked at him sceptically waving a fry around accusingly in front of his face.

Jay snatched the fry from her hand and ate it quickly. "Of course you are, it's our spot." he told her avoiding eye contact and eating another fry.

Lexi laughed and threw a fry at him. "oh my god, I'm not!"

Jay chuckled attempting to catch the fry but failing. "I've drove past it; we didn't stop"

"Who with?" she enquired smirking at him.

Jay grimaced knowing she wasn't going to like his answer "Jenny"

"The nurse Will set you up with?" he nodded "urgh, I hated her"

"I know" Jay told her laughing as he put the straw from his drink to his lips.

"I was nothing but nice to her!"

"Please, you've never been subtle"

"She wasn't right for you. She had no sense of humour"

"You were jealous"

"I totally was" Lexi laughed "I admit it. You never did tell me what happened between you two"

"After that night in Molly's she decided I wasn't right for her. She said I was hung up on someone else"

"Really?" Lex smirked "whatever gave her that impression" Jay laughed and leant across the table and kissed her.

Flashback –

Lexi sat across the table from Jay and his date in Molly's. Well she supposed she was more than his date, she was his girlfriend, he had been seeing Jenny for a couple of months. Will had set them up, as she was a nurse at Chicago Med.

Jay had briefly introduced Jenny to Lexi and Kelly a few nights before in Molly's before he took her to dinner. Kelly had insisted they all go on a double date; however, Kelly was now running late as he was stuck on a job, leaving Lexi to be the third wheel.

"Kelly's stuck on a call" Lexi explained to them putting her phone on the table "he'll get here as soon as he can"

"Being a firefighter is such an important job" Jenny smiled sweetly at her "you must be really proud"

Lexi grinned "I am, he's really good at what he does. Just like Jay is a brilliant cop"

"Detective" Jenny corrected

"He's an ok Detective" Lexi remarked laughing looking at Jay.

Jay threw a peanut at Lexi laughing "An ok Detective?"

"Yeah I mean nine times out of ten I have to remind him where the bathrooms are, remind him to bring his gun, give him directions" Lexi smirked chuckling looking at Jenny. "I pretty much pick up his dead weight from day to day, I carry his ass, mostly he's just the muscle"

Jay burst out laughing as did Lexi. "He's a smart guy" Jenny said completely seriously "I don't believe that for a second"

"She's joking babe" Jay told Jenny kissing her cheek. Jenny turned her head and kissed his lips lightly.

Urgh! Babe, really? – Lexi looked away from Jay, she didn't like seeing him kissing someone. "I'm going to get another round" Lexi announced sliding out of the booth. "Hey Gabby, can I get another round?" Lexi asked approaching the bar.

"What are you doing?" Shay asked standing beside Lexi at the bar. "I can tell your flirting with Jay from across the room and I can't even hear what you're saying"

"What are you talking about?" Lexi asked looking over her shoulder at the booth to see Jay and Jenny still kissing. "I am not flirting"

"oh no and that look on your face isn't pure jealousy" Shay queried as Gabby served up the drinks.

Lexi picked up the tray with the drinks on and went to walk back to the booth "I am not jealous"

"Could have fooled me" Shay said watching her sister walk away.

"So, Jay tells me you met whilst you were undercover?" Jenny asked when Lexi returned to the table and gave each of them their drinks.

"We weredeep under cover" Lexi said suggestively, which seemed to pass over Jenny's head but received a smirk from Jay.

"Deep, deep cover" Jay agreed.

"Is it not scary being undercover?" Jenny questioned "I mean you're living with criminals, anything could happen"

"It had its scary moments, but it also had a lot of fun moments" Lexi smirked again looking at Jay.

Jay grinned a boyish grin and licked his lips looking at Lexi. "Fun was definitely had, multiple times"

Lexi couldn't help but laugh, she had to take a sip of her drink to stop the burst of laughter that threatened to erupt.

"Am I missing something here?" Jenny asked looking from Jay to Lexi.

End of flashback.

"Damn its cold" Jay said jumping out of the car after he had put it in park outside his apartment building. He rubbed his hands together and blew in to them trying to warm up.

"Thank you for today." Lexi told him as he joined her on the sidewalk. "I had a wonderful time it was just what I needed"

He slinked his arms around her waist and kissed her neck, his lips brushing her neck as he spoke, "anything to see that smile on your face"

"Mm, is that so?" Lexi questioned snaking her arms around his neck.

"Uh huh" he nodded "absolutely anything."

"What did I do to deserve you Jay Halstead?"

"Oh, you totally hit the jackpot" He agreed smirking standing up straight looking in to her eyes. "Tall, handsome, funny,amazing in bed…"

"Don't forgot modest" Lexi interjected.

"I was getting there before you rudely interrupted" Jay laughed "but the best thing about me?" he paused for dramatic effect a devious smile hanging on his lips. "Freezing cold hands" with that he put both his hands up the back of her coat and shirt and pressed them to her skin.

She shrieked, his hands really were freezing, she tiptoed to get out of his grasp, but he held her against him, laughing as she tried to squirm her way out of his arms. "I swear you're a dead man" Lexi cried laughing. Jay let her go and immediately ran towards the building as she gave chase.

Kelly sat in the car across the street, watching their interaction. The way she smiled at him, the way she laughed, you could see the love she had for him.

Kelly didn't know whether to be angry, the woman he loved was clearly in love with someone else, she was happy with someone, angry that all the times he had accused Lexi of having feelings for Jay she had obviously lied to him when she denied it. Or should he feel happy, happy that Lexi had found someone else, found someone she was content with. Lexi deserved to be happy, Kelly couldn't deny that, and he knew the last few weeks he had done everything but make her happy.

He thought about going to talk to her, as he had an intended, but decided he should leave her be, for now.

"Chicago PD freeze sucker" Lexi shouted chasing Jay up the stairs to his apartment.

Jay ran taking two steps at a time, he made it in to the apartment and in to living room before a breathless Lexi appeared behind him. He stood on the balls of his feet, swaying from side to side as if he were ready to take off running again.

"I have you surrounded" Lexi told him, slowly taking off her jacket. "You have nowhere to run"

Jay stood up straight and took off his jacket. "I surrender officer" he held up his hands the playful smile on his lips made Lexi bite her bottom lip in anticipation of what she knew was about to happen. "I'm unarmed" he confirmed.

"Show me" Lexi told him motioning for him to lift his shirt. Jay did as instructed pulling his t-shirt up to reveal the waist band of his jeans, then let it drop back in to place. "All the way up" Lexi demanded walking closer to him.

Jay pulled his shirt off over his head and stood staring at Lexi who stood a few feet from him. "Do you have any weapons on you?" Lexi grinned and couldn't help the laugh that welled up and burst from her lips.

"Oh, I'm going to show you a weapon" Jay said taking one long stride towards her and lifting her from the floor by her hips, she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him as he sat on the sofa, her sitting astride him.