A/N – Chapter picks up immediately after last one. Enjoy.
Title:
Ghosts of Past
Summary:
"All of us are ghosts. It is not only what we inherited from our parents that 'walks' in us. It is all sorts of dead ideas, and lifeless old beliefs."
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Move. Regina needed to move. Going downstairs after tucking Snow in for the requested rest she promptly put away their discarded things properly by the door. Then she cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, scrubbing every surface available to rid the dirt from the invisible wound they shared. Mind raced on loop of the day long ago at the stables in another world and of Snow's words of memory.
Now the night she had gone to Snow's room after Daniella's murder made sense. Regina knew her mother had locked Snow away for the day but had no idea what else had been done. Mother had refused to give any details except that Snow was shut away as to not cause trouble in her absence. She had gone to Snow afterwards. Had tried to explain, tried to ask what had happened when she'd been trapped in her own hell, but child had remained silent. That is when things began to change, for all of them and Regina closed her eyes to the memory of it rushing in…
Regina leaned heavily against the door frame of her washroom at Castle White as her lungs tried to get used to the freedom of breathing again. Slow steps her feet made from Mother's bed chamber and the hidden heart filled vault beneath the fireplace there. With a trained stoic face she'd managed to get to her room before the mask fell and she allowed herself to feel the pain. Lungs burned and skin tender where the straps had wrapped around her ribs binding her to the stone floor.
The first few hours she hadn't feel them. Had cried herself sick for the reason of the straps being there. Then Regina began to feel the sharp blaze of strain to breathe as she forced short spurts of air into her lungs through strangled sobs. Leather strap edges cut through her riding clothes and blood lines ran the length of her body from chest to knees. Regina had not been able to move. Everything hurt. Her heart most of all for the part crushed in the servants stables today by her Mother's hand.
She'd been allowed one scream before her knees found the dirt by Daniella's body. Cradled her love's head in her lap as she wept, then raged against her Mother. Her voice silenced by a mere flick of a wrist as black smoke took her away. By evening in the vault after the day of being trapped there she was weeping in hot little puffs she could just barely manage. Streaks of tears dried and newly pouring made her cheeks tight and chapped. Eyes scarlet and swollen slits just wide enough to see the dark silhouette of black boots approaching.
Mother returned.
And the leather coming off was excruciating. Blood returned to parts of her body she had long lost feeling of. All pounding in fight through her veins to limbs in a dark rhythm to get feeling home; as the hearts screamed for help in the golden boxes on the shelves surrounding her. A deal Mother proposed to her then for release.
Her freedom back into the gilded cage she knew her life to be in exchange for submitting to the Dark One's teachings. To train the power she'd been born. Mother never said for what and weak in pain Regina had relented, but she was not a fool to not guess the why of her Mother's plan. Always she was a pawn, a tool, a bargaining chip for wealth and power. That was her role in Mother's life. Then and there she accepted that was all she would ever be to the woman who bore her. Deal sealed, the vault door opened.
But Regina was not weak and she would fight. Had her own plans once she gained some control over her powers. Help she needed. From the Dark One later, and soon hopefully from a friend. And as Regina cleaned the dried blood from her ribcage she heard a rap on her chamber door. Wincing as she dabbed a particularly nasty cut with a wet cloth she dropped it into the pink water and wrapped up in her robe. Mother was usually more careful with marks as her husband preferred to make his own, but with Leopold gone a full moon on his tour of the Kingdom she'd be healed by the time he returned.
Another knock she thought she recognized for the pattern. Slowly Regina approached her door and opened it the merest of cracks. A pair of hazel eyes looked in and she let go of a tight breath for whom they belonged to. Quicker she opened the door and he slipped in and bowed.
"My Queen." Graham greeted and raised his eyes. They widened. "Are you unwell? Shall I fetch the court physician?"
Just standing as she was, Regina was trembling. Using the door as an anchor she leaned against it and shook her head forcing words. "No Huntsman and I have not been well for a very long time." And she tried to ease toward the sitting area by the fireplace using the wall and stumbled. He reached for her arm and she hated the way she flinched at the touch, but allowed him to help her to one of the chairs there. After resting for a moment she asked. "I am glad to see you of course, but why are you here at this hour?"
Graham bowed again and reached to his hip to release a small leather draw bag there. He extracted a very wet and muddy toy rabbit. "I found this in the Royal Stables today when I returned my mount from the fox hunt. I know how fond the little Princess is of it. I tried to return it earlier, but you were not receiving callers or petitions according to your mother." He set it on the table between them, now unsure of how to read the tight face locked toy fur. "If I assumed or over stepped I am most—"
"Thank you Graham. Truly." Regina lost the formality as her eyes shined in the flames flickering in the grate.
Graham had always been kind to her. Respectful and trustworthy. He had been serving her family for decades and more in particularly her Father. They'd grown up together and Regina considered him a brother of sorts. Difference in station had not mattered to her and she handpicked him of the few staff from her childhood home she had been allowed to bring with her to the castle. He was employed to her personal service and she trusted him. More than proven his devotion and loyalty he had, by carrying the letters between her and Daniella for the last year. And standing here Graham appeared unlike his usual self.
"There is something else you should know." He shifted foot to foot in what seemed to be tender nerves. Then he bent a knee to stone at her feet. Formal converse returning for the grave words. "My Queen, I am grieved to report that the stable—Daniella…"
Amber closed to the room. "I am well aware." And opened for control when she felt entirely out of it. A raw softness spoke. "I need you to do something for me."
"Anything my Queen."
This Regina could ask of him and only him. Like recognized like and together through their forbidden love for the same sex they had formed the trust they had. Shared the secret from childhood that went against the laws of their land. Graham knew and understood her pain of a love lost too. And his, a young man by the name of August, gone now from the wasting sickness some few years. A breath and too deep Regina gasped in pain. Then a whisper. "Take great care and have her tended for burial. I will give you further instructions soon."
"You have my word."He placed his fist over heart in allegiance.
Thinking as another thought came in. Too many tangled ones ran through Regina's mind. Another use of her time in the vault today. But from time a plan of sorts had formed for what she needed to do. Mother's threat a year ago to take her crown and her heart should she continue to fight back rang in her mind through the pounding hearts within that space.
Tried on her own the last several months to awaken her powers further had been in vain. Regina knew she needed a teacher to learn how to wield magic and also one of a different sort for Snow. "I want you to teach my daughter archery. Twice a week for a few hours at a time until she is proficient." Considered a co-ed sport and one of the few she could get away with having her daughter take lessons in.
"Pardon my asking so, isn't the Princess is a little young."
Regina nodded. He was right, but time was not on her side any longer. "She's old enough at nearly 8 winters. Teach her."
A chin dipped in acknowledgement and then his concern asked. "Will you be joining her for lessons my Queen?"
Wincing as pain shot across her chest Regina answered. "I will oversee them on occasion as I do all of her studies, but I have my own lessons to sort through." Nodding then that he should stand. He began to back away five paces to turn to go, but she stopped him. "Graham." She waited until his eyes met hers. "Make sure she can shoot more than a still target." It went unsaid but defense flashed across her eyes and she knew he understood.
"I will my Queen and I will guard you and your daughter with my life."
Regina felt her eyes pinch as the memory faded. And with his life her childhood friend, her brother in all but blood had done just that. Stood between her and Mother upon Cora's debut along with magic from the Enchanted Forest in Storybrooke a few months ago just after the curse broke. Chaos was a kind word for the hell that had broken loose. Mother had stolen his heart and made him do unspeakable things. To her. To Emma and Henry. His death had broken something inside of her. And it torn her in half yet again as Regina leaned over the kitchen sink and wept for him anew.
An hour passed in a blur of shed tears and heartache.
Slowing down in her frenzy then, Regina wiped a brow as her heart finally calmed. Catching the nearing 5:00 hour and knowing she needed to get Snow up soon if child was going to be able to sleep on time that night, she decided to start a load of laundry before heading back upstairs. Going into the laundry room off of the kitchen Regina went to the washer and opened the lid, puzzled at seeing a mess of sheets already in them. Only until she remembered Snow hovering around the door way when she'd called the child for breakfast that morning.
Then the smell hit her nose.
Sighing at what it was Regina turned on the hot water and began adding detergent. It used to happen on only the worst of nights until Snow was eight. Little feet would walk the castle corridor to her chamber and wake her for comfort and help on nightmare nights when Snow wet the bed. Regina long suspected Snow still had the occasional incident after eight, but after the day at the stable the child no longer came to her for late night comfort. Closing the lid Regina left the sheets to soak, knowing the mattress most likely needed attention as well as the little one sleeping on it did.
Washing her hands, Regina headed upstairs and to the pink room to wake Snow, but child was already up making the bed and their eyes locked over it. Stepping into the room Regina carefully began. "How did you sleep?"
A shrug of one shoulder, green eyes on the embroidered blanket.
Easing in for the lack of answer. "Any dreams?"
"No." Snow's eyes darted up and down again.
"You must have had one that bothered you greatly last night."
Quiet. "The stables. I dreamt of that day." Then Snow gave a half shrug as the eyes looking down at her winced.
Regina stepped closer and covered a little fist that had grabbed a pillow. "Next time, come and get me. I'll help you clean up and right the bed." Regina's chest hurt for the anxious glare mixed with shadows tossed her way.
"I did not mean to..." Snow tried to pull her hand away. "I'm sorry."
Squeezing once Regina let go. "It's alright; you have nothing to be sorry for." She then began to strip the bed with a nod to Snow to begin helping. "The mattress needs to be tended and then left to dry. It may need to air overnight and if that is the case you may sleep in my room." Wanting the little one close after the hard talk of the day.
Snow folded the blanket as the sheets were pulled off. Grimacing when she saw the mark of her nightmare on the mattress. Then finally registering the words. Little hope spoke. "A sleepover, like before?"
Small fond smile bloomed as the Queen rounded the bed and leaned down to hold a gaze. "Yes, like before and even better you may stay the whole night." Careful they had always had to be on such nights to get Snow back into the nursery before dawn least Mother get wind of the accident or 'coddling' given.
Little Snow liked that idea and fought against the adult in her pushing to take over. Brows furrowed as a shift occurred. "Regina?"
Change in tenor had the Queen standing fully, but she did not let go of those hands. "I know you have questions for me, probably much more than I can answer right now and I will try to soon, but Snow I need time." Mother the subject of most she figured and raw as it was still between them she was more than done with the matter for the day.
"I figured. I just wanted to know one thing. Please? If you can?"
Regina searched green pools and then nodded consent for the question.
"After you got out of her vault and came to my room that night and gave me Mr. Thumper, did you…" Little Snow hesitated for a faint flicker of ache in amber. "Did you know I had told?"
"Told?" Unsure she hoped for a different question, but Regina asked.
"About my telling Grandmother. That Daniella sometimes was there at my riding lessons and about the letters."
Regina closed her eyes mentally and physically taking a step back as Snow's hands began to slip from her own, but she held them fast. Trying as Regina said she would, but hurting in the new bit of information she had not considered. "I knew you had told my Mother about Daniella being at your lessons sometimes, but—" Slow breath in and out. It made sense now; how quickly Mother had pieced everything together. How they'd been discovered in the servants stables readying the horses for their escape. As Snow waited in the Royal Stable yard she had been kneeling on hay mourning over the loss of Daniella's life.
Too fresh this hell was yet again.
"Regina?" Hesitant, Snow whispered.
Queen locked eyes on green ones in grief. "I did not know you had mentioned the letters. How did—" Breaking she looked away for a moment and then back. "How did you even know about them?" She had carefully kept the cryptic correspondence she and Daniella had secretly exchanged through Raven mail and Graham shut away. Burning most of the letters after reading and keeping the very few that held no contextual meaning that could be derived from a reader other than herself. Never signed and never addressed they would be meaningless unless...
Snow bit her lip, big eyes went wide. "I came across them once."
Forced patience. "Once when?"
Firm question and little Snow shrank under it. "When I was playing in your library. My ball knocked the box you kept them in over." She took a step back, wanting to run sweaty hands forming over her clothes but Regina was not letting hers go. "I cleaned them up, but I didn't read them. I didn't!"
Regina's eyes stung. "Then if that is true and you did not know what they were why did you mention them to my Mother?"
Another step back and silence, but Snow was pulled forward and her chin lifted. "I'm sorry."
Regina took a breath and moved her hands to rest on two little shoulders and leaned down to be eye level. "Snow an answer."
Quietly. "I saw you with her."
Amber eyes snapped shut. Hard. Then opened. Regina had been careful, so careful whenever she and Daniella had met alone. "That's not possible."
"But I did." Insisting on the truth Snow tried to explain. "In the mirror."
Dark brows furrowed to a pinching point and Regina straightened up and crossed her arms. Hard to believe what she was hearing, but she knew Snow. And the child in front of her was not lying. "Which mirror was that and how?"
"Mine. In my chamber. Grandmother locked me in my room that first time I'd been caught in the kitchens. You were away and Father was busy and I wanted you so badly. I told her I wanted to speak with you, but she was too angry." Beginning to sniff over that miserable memory. "I wished for you to come for me and then there you were in the mirror… with Daniella at the stables."
Wish Magic. Regina had read of such. Uncommon, but not so much in children with the strongest of hearts. Snow certainly possessed such a heart. She knew because her Mother had wanted it so badly when Snow had gotten older. So much so that Cora tried have her own grandchild butchered to get it. Regina swallowed Snow's truth along with that memory down and nearly choked on what it meant.
"You saw us together." Confirming the image in the mirror Snow had seen. Getting a nod, Regina asked again. "Why did you tell my Mother about the letters?" Wondering over the child's logic in the connection that had apparently been made there.
Little lips tightened and a head shook.
Stern. "Snow."
Wilting Snow tried to explain. "I… I thought they might be important." Twisting a loose curl around in nerves under those firm eyes. "She wanted to know if I noticed anything different with you or anyone around you." Softer. "I thought I was helping."
Hurt spoke. "So instead of coming to me you went to her. After everything…" A hand went to Regina's mouth to cover and she bit her lip hard to keep a sharp comment leashed. Seven years old Snow had been. Nearly eight years old at the time... and such a child again at her feet.
Confused and hurt Snow tried to explain. "But she said you..."
Regina held up her hand for silence and moved away from Snow down the hall. Distance needed for a moment with this new knife in her gut. Down she walked to get the cleaner from the linen closet she hoped would remove the nightmare's mark from the bed when the bleeding one inside her began to seep through back to the surface. After everything she'd done, everything she sacrificed to protect and—
Queen of present stopped cold at the linen closet, resting her forehead against the door there as the Queen from the past reminded her of what love meant. Her words spoken long ago on the night after the vault to her daughter cut the anger she felt in half…
Regina stood over her daughter's bed in the castle nursery with the damp rabbit in hand. Snow's profile barely visible in the moonlight casting shadows between them. Little one's back was to her and curled tight in a ball under the blankets. Gently she laid the rabbit washed and sweet smelling within easy reach and reached to brush a curl from a tender cheek, but child rolled over away from her reach. The smallest of whimpers was there and in the rawness between them Regina cracked the silent egg open.
"Snow…" And waited. For nothing.
Regina sat on the side of the bed then and child recoiled from her to the far side, rabbit pushed to the floor from the movement and seemingly unwanted. Her daughter was hurting and trying as she was she didn't have the strength to counter the heat separating them physically, but Regina tried again with words. "I know you are angry with me and you have a right to be, but I'm here now if you'd only give me your eyes."
But none came around. Snow only burrowed deeper under the blankets.
Regina had never intended to leave Snow alone in the stables for long. Once she and Daniella had the horses ready on the servants end she was going to fetch Snow so they could flee together… But none of that mattered now and how to explain when the child knew not of the day she'd had or what had transpired. Now was not the time for talk of escape, or Daniella's death or her future plans. Regina simply wanted to hold her daughter, but holding herself upright this moment was taking all of her resolve. So she spoke of a different day entirely hoping some of her words would bring comfort her arms could not offer.
"After your Father and I were married you asked me what love was. Sat right in this room on my knee as I braided your hair. You were so full of questions in those early days." Recalling the memory fondly as her lungs burned to take a breath. "I need you to remember what I told you Snow."
Movement under the blanket caught her eye. She was not sure Snow remembered being as young as the child had been, but she was hopeful Snow was listening so Regina continued.
"Real love is magic of the strongest kind. It knows no law or boundaries placed on it. It does not conform to a forced mold or bend a knee to power. It is a spectrum with many different emotions that span it. My love for you is like that. It is why I do what I do." Reaching a last time to grace her fingers on dark curls Snow sensed her movement and pulled away. Hurt Regina kept on. "Even when I appear cross or indifferent I never feel that in my heart towards you. You are my daughter and I love you even if I cannot always show it the way I desire too." Voice cracking dry in her throat Regina struggled to catch her breath. She felt broken and hoped she did not sound that way to the ears she hoped were listening…
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Snow sat up blurry eyed as the stable dream left her mind's eye and pushed the heavy duvet off her small frame. Clock on nightstand read 10:00 on Saturday and marked three weeks here. And nearly a week since they'd spoken of the stables, though the dream was less intense than it had been since Regina revealed it had been her Grandmother in disguise. Still it left her with unease in their unfinished discussion of it and she wondered what the day would bring.
She was more than over with their dull routine and longed to do something fun, if even for a little bit. Since the discovery of her wet sheets and their talk of the stables Regina had been ever so much more focused on finding a way home. But as each new day passed with nothing for the effort that hope was slowly dimming for both of them.
Sighing Snow got out of bed, made it, and went down stairs in search of the Queen, a ready question on her lips. She found Regina in the Study fully dressed and sipping coffee with books spread on the great desk. Same picture that greeted her most mornings lately. But there was something different this morning. An expression on the Queen's face she couldn't place so she tried to get those eyes on her.
"Hi." Trying the quiet with a tap on the door and slang of the word of greeting in this world, Snow stepped into the room as the Queen looked up.
"Good morning." Tired smile and removing glasses, Regina ran the tip of the folded frame against her lips in thought as she moved her focus from the page to Snow. "Your breakfast is on the counter." Banana and bagel easy in her hurry to begin a day of research. When child didn't move she added. "What is it?"
"I was wondering if we may go out today?"
A patient sigh. "Snow…"
Wilting. "I know you have to keep working, but please Regina I'm bored." Another new term she found a use for.
A dark brow arched at the little one fully present. "You have a whole room full of toys and books to entertain yourself with." Explaining as the child came over and sided up next to her chair. That closeness was happening more the last few days. Ever since their less than easy exchange over Snow's reveal about the letters. They had not spoken if it since, but Regina knew they needed to soon.
"But it's not the same as doing something amusing." Fingering the simple gold ring on Regina's right hand. "With you. Together."
So that's what it was and Regina felt herself melt at the fact. Covering Snow's wandering hand with her free one. "Tell you what. You go have breakfast, get dressed, and play until noon and then I will take a break and we may go for a walk." So much to keep going through, but she could use a break.
"But I want to go somewhere now." They'd been cooped up for weeks in a fashion.
"I hear that you do, very much." Regina put back on her glasses as green eyes pleaded. "I need a bit more time to settle my thoughts on this passage." Tapping the book with the tip of a pencil as another idea came. "Later we will go to the park and maybe even lunch. How does that sound?"
"Like it is not now. Please and big me would very much like to see Charming again?"
"We may, but later as I have said." Regina nodded to the door and relented for something she never usually allowed in hope for a smile she thought it might bring. "Go fetch your plate, both hands, and you may eat in here with me meantime."
Brightening and taking the deal unsaid Snow nodded and all but ran for the kitchen.
"Walk Snow."
"Sorry!" Full of light and smiles.
And Regina gave one in return as Snow settled across from the Queen at the desk. Snow ate quick and quiet as a bird, nibbling and daydreaming while she did. Shared mind a mix on the hospital and more so on the park and the playground she had wanted to try every time they drove past on the way to town. Cell phone ringing broke her focus and Snow frowned around her last bite of banana as Regina spoke to whomever was on the other line.
"Yes, I'm well aware of the deadline. No I cannot simply drop what I am doing and…" Regina sighed and gave apologetic eyes to Snow. "Fine. Yes… I will be there at 11:00." Hanging up as green narrowed back. "Snow…"
"But you saaaiid we would already." Crossing arms, princess slumped in her seat.
"I did and we will still do the things I said, but a bit later." Council meeting to vote on the new board polices Regina had scheduled for next week now pushed to today in her secretary's ever incompetent scheduling snafus. Regina marked her place with a pencil and closed the book. "Go ahead and clear your plate. Then get dressed. We need to leave soon." Pushing back from her desk as Snow pushed the plate in answer, bumping her coffee mug.
"But you said we would go Regina."
Liquid spilled across carefully taken notes. Regina moved quickly grabbed for tissues on her desk, giving a hard eye to the pouting child as she blotted the mess. Tempted to take away the park in her frustration Regina took a breath instead. "Do as I have asked of you." And when the child did not move she dropped the mess in hand into the wastebasket and rounded the desk. Leaning to be eye level she tried patience again. "Snow we need to go shortly. Go on upstairs and get ready."
Snow was quiet save for one lone foot that tapped the desk in front of her. One of her toes popped and she winced, but held her pout. Never in her life before being here had she dared push as she was doing and had been the last few days. She found Regina had much more patience with her here than in the Enchanted Forest and even there it had been a lot by their societal standards. Her chin was lifted up and over.
"I know you are upset about the change of plan. As it is we will still be able to leave Town Hall around noon for lunch and then go to the park. You were going to play until then anyway. Remember?"
Tucking her lower lip back in Snow sat up some. "We will really go?"
"Yes, we will really go. Now get ready please." Letting go of a chin when the child got up.
Regina watched Snow leave, shaking her head with a small smile as she thought more about their conversation. It was unlike the child in front of her to push buttons and that meant something, but she couldn't put her finger on what. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a loud thump startled her.
Turning sharply Regina eyed the book on the floor at her feet. Mother's spell book. The heart jewel flashed once as if answer as she picked it up. Hopeful for another clue she all but turned the book inside out looking for another loose page. Nothing and dimming at the fact Regina tossed it aside on her desk with a huff as she stared at it lost in thought. And it must have been for a period of time for little words spoken several minutes later drew her out of her mind.
"What is the matter?"
Regina looked over to the door and sighed, beckoning the girl over, fingers automatically beginning to weave Snow's unruly hair into a sleek braid. "I just thought I saw something, is all." Finishing the tail and tying with the pink ribbon Snow handed over a shoulder. She finally took in what the child was wearing and smiled. Something other than white or pink, save the ribbon. Overalls again, but denim ones and a red sweater. "You have taken quite a liking to pants lately."
Snow blushed. "I like how I can move in them, but if you do not—"
"They are just fine for today and I like them on you very much." Assuring Regina patted a shoulder as Snow leaned into her touch. More and more she was able to make little points of contact and child allowed it.
A nose twitched. "I only meant that before you would have been vexed about it."
Regina turned away, stacking the books that didn't need stacking. "I would have, but not for the reasons you are thinking."
"Then why not here, but back home you would have been?"
Home. Regina closed her eyes at the implied meaning from that mouth. "Because your Father and my Mother would have been and then you would have been in trouble with them for the fact if I let something like that go." And she would have been as well. That truth a double edged sword she never liked the feel of or to wield as she'd needed to for Snow's protection.
Little Snow mulled that idea over, now following heels into the foyer where her shoes were pointed to, ones with laces she was still learning to tie. Her boots buttoned back home, here most everything tied or zipped or even more fun; snapped. "You did let plenty go though."
"I did." Regina sorted her purse and then knelt to help tie a sneaker, glitter ones that lit up Snow had all but lived at school in the last week when they'd been discovered in the back of a closet. Then clarifying. "When I could." That talk they needed to have, but never was it the time right when Snow was ready. The past was also a hard pill to swallow; it made Regina sick to her stomach each time. That feeling was getting easier to live with, but it still cut her windpipe on the way down each time.
"Why did you let some things go back then?"
That was easy for Regina at least. "Because I cared about you." But the face so close to hers was not easy after the fact. Questions halted abrupt and Regina felt the tension that had only been skirting the edges around them slap her right in the face. And that little hand nearly did, but her quick one caught Snow's flying wrist as she stood up to put some distance between them without losing contact. "Don't you dare, Snow White." Her serious tone had the desired effect and Snow lost some of the scowl coming her way. "What on earth has gotten into you?" Holding that hand when Snow tried pulling back.
Sniffling and then tears brimmed in Snow's eyes. "I do not have to answer you."
Back to this stand off again and unclear on why Regina was done with it. Pointing to a bare corner across the way she directed. "Go stand just there and we will try talking again when you are able to do so civilly."
"No." Less strong, but still defiant.
"I am not going to argue with you." Turning Snow around Regina gave a soft pat to a bottom and one more for good measure a bit firmer when little feet stalled. "Go on."
Losing steam under the direction Snow moved toward the bare wall. Then as she was bid to, she began thinking and to regret her response. But she was hurt for what was said and the hurt began streaming down her face in a quick burst she could not stop, then out of her mouth as it took over her heart.
Regina felt strings now connecting them pull as the child's quiet cries filled the room. Unsure if they were for an effect as Snow was sometimes prone to do or in fact real for some reason she was confused on as she waited the full seven minutes. Right when the time mark hit Regina called Snow over and knelt again, pulling out an every ready tissue she had taken to carrying in her pocket for just such a reason. Now she held it to a runny nose.
"Blow."
And Snow did and let the one she had tried to push away wipe her face.
"Now talk to me. What was that about?"
Silence.
"Answer me Snow."
"Yooou…" Her fists clenched in hurt over what Snow thought might be changing. "I thought… I—You said cared."
Regina dropped her head and just as quickly raised it again, level with green eyes seeking understanding. "I did not mean the past tense form of the word right now, Snow."
More sniffling and a nose was wiped again. "Really?" Hopeful.
Nodding. "I do care about you. I have always l…" Something violent blurred at the corners of the room just outside of Regina's vision and her eyes darted right following it. The faintest hint of a black silhouette… Blinking rapidly, she lost the image. An undertone of déjà vu shot through shaking her core. Unsettled and feeling like she saw a ghost she quickly finished tying Snow's other shoe and stood back up. And needed to move. Move away from…
"Regina?" Snow was puzzled by the Queen's quiet discontent she could easily sense.
"It's alright." Covering and getting her purse Regina guided Snow by the shoulder towards the door. "We need to get going. Fetch your coat."
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"But what is it?" Little Snow stared at the triangle on her plate in the diner. Trying to make sense of the thing on her plate and of the memories of her big side eating it.
Regina paused over her salad, arching both brows. "It's pizza. All children like pizza." Henry had told her as much once and this was the most Snow friendly thing on it. Basic components of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce would sit well with the girl's stomach and the side of herb chicken she had also ordered, waited to be consumed. "Just try it."
Not wanting to be rude, especially after her unjust upset earlier Snow took a tiny bite and chewed. Then her eyes, round as saucers, grew bright. "It is good!" Another bite, this time bigger and she began to consume her meal.
Wiping her mouth on napkin, Regina hid a smile. It was progress on introducing the sensitive stomach to foods of this world and she was glad there was now an option for when they came to Granny's. Regina lowered the napkin and looked about the room taking it in. The people in it were certainly pre-curse Storybrooke, miserable and as wanting of a happy ending as she is, but was she really? Unhappy without her son most certainly, without control of the situation too, but as she was with Snow, maybe not as much as she thought originally. Casting her gaze on the child now watching her Regina went back to her meal. Maybe…
"I said may we go to the park now and then the hospital to visit Charming? Big me wants to see him."
Stirred from her thoughts Regina nodded and readily took the check with an un-approving eye at the amount of leg Red riding hood was sporting today when the waitress dropped it off.
"Why does she dress like that?" Little Snow sipped her milk liking the way the paper straw made the last bit slurp.
"It is a free country." Another Henry-ism. Comfort in her missing of him and before Regina could clarify Snow jumped on it.
"Does that mean I may go without shoes?" Loving the look of the ones she was in, but that were hard and clunkier than she was used to. She longed to be rid of all of them entirely.
"No it does not." Then seeing what was left on a plate, Regina commented. "You've hardly touched your chicken. Three bites and then we may leave." Glad when Snow obeyed.
After chewing. "Is that because you said so about shoes or because it's a rule of the land?"
"Both." Gently tapping a nose across the table got a small smile she enjoyed seeing. Then unable to help herself. "And do not speak with your mouth full." Regina slipped cash into the bill fold. It was a rule for where they were at anyway and with Snow testing rules at every turn she did not want any more cuts on feet like their first day here. That felt like ages ago now, but had only been three weeks.
"Yes R—" Then remembering their talk of names in public. "Sorry."
"Good catch."
Standing when Snow did and was surprised the child took up her hand instead of the other way around. She squeezed one in acknowledgment and led them out of the diner. The park was close and the weather a crisp fall day. Cooped up for as long as they had been, it felt good to stretch her legs. Everyone they passed said hello or offered a tip of a chin in greeting and Regina realized how much she missed that simple courtesy since the original curse broke. Since it had she had felt as if she was right back under the tyranny that was the Enchanted Forest. Everyone hated her, including the child that was hers for now, once again.
But that was changing.
Regina's heels paused as the same shadow she had seen in the mansion caught the corner of her eye again. Pausing so she didn't lose it, it faded in the distance before she could make out what it was. Snow tugged her hand and she closed her eyes to focus.
Then the shadow broke her mind apart; the doors, the chills, the items moving and dropping of their own accord in the mansion hit her like a bat out of hell. And damn that bat splitting her chest wide open. Cracking hard right between her ribs and the power behind who was swinging nearly sank Regina to her knees. Burning, something was burning her hand and she realized it was the unrelenting grip Snow had on her. Then in the past and as the child did now. Regina swallowed nausea away. Or was trying to as it pooled in the back of her throat.
"Are you ill?" Little Snow asked in wonder of the odd display of posture and sudden range of emotion on the Queen's face. Regina was always so controlled, and lack of control frightened her.
"Of a sort." Agreeing with the word but not how Snow was thinking it. Then firm. "I'm fine." She wasn't. Regina was anything but that word. Though for little one who was looking at her with such concern and fear she could not say so. Straightening and continuing to walk. Quicker to the park as she had promised when all she wanted to do was run from this chilly feeling pricking in chase at her skin.
"May I try the swing?"
"Yes, of course." Quicker Queen moved away from what she had seen, but not the feelings. Regina felt the talons of hell clawing her back.
They were being watched.
And Regina knew the eyes of the dead saw much more than the living ever could…
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A/N – Thoughts?
I have to work Saturday so there will not be an update this week then. More Tuesday 1/15.
Next time: Regina faces the shadow one on one. Little Snow tries to mend what is broken with unexpected results. Regina and Snow relive a past day in their present reality.