Chapter 14 – Final Goodbyes.

Lexi stepped out of the elevator inhaled through her nose and exhaled slowly out of her mouth. She took a left, walked past 3 doors before taking a right. Kelly's apartment was at the end of the corridor, she turned the corner to see a half-naked Kelly in a lip lock with a petite blonde, wearing a deep pink, sparkly cocktail dress.

Lexi stopped in her tracks, hot white anger coursed through her. She balled her fists at her side, she wanted to rip the blonde's hair from her head, she wanted to break every finger of her hands that were resting on Kelly's abs, she wanted to smash her face in to the wall and break all her teeth.

"Call me" the blonde whispered coming out of the kiss.

Kelly looked up seeing Lexi staring at them. "Yeah sure" he replied not looking at her as she walked away. Lexi stepped to the side putting her back flat to the wall, so the blonde could pass. The blonde looked her up and down as she passed but didn't make a comment. "Lex, I'm sorry" Kelly pointed to corner the blonde had just disappeared behind. "I didn't know you were coming"

Lexi walked towards him. "It's fine. I should have called first"

Kelly took her left hand and turned it over to look at her palm, "it's fine? Really?" he asked looking at the red imprints in her palm where she had dug her nails in to control her fury.

Lexi snatched her hand back. "I came to talk, so there's no more fights and no more back and forth"

Kelly stepped back from the door "I guess you had better come in" Lexi walked past him in to his apartment. It was a nice apartment, open plan, spacious. It was strange to see Kelly's belongings in this alien place. "Coffee?"

"Please" Lexi walked to the breakfast bar and stood at the end looking around the loft. Kelly stood by the coffee machine, arms folded over his chest, watching her. "Can you go put some clothes on?" She asked meeting his gaze, he had on boxer shorts and nothing else.

"Nothing you haven't seen before"

"Kelly" Lexi warned taking off her jacket and throwing it over a bar stool.

"Fine, fine" he said holding his hands up and starting for the bedroom. "You finish the coffee."

Lexi obliged and poured them both a cup of coffee. She went to his fridge to get the cream and added a splash to her cup, leaving his black as he liked it, stirring the liquid daydreaming.

"Thanks" Kelly said reaching around her to get his mug brushing her stomach with his hand and arm Lexi stepped back out of his way. Kelly leant on the counter behind him a small smirk on his lips at her pulling away from him, she didn't trust herself around him, he could tell.

Lexi leant on the breakfast bar behind her, directly opposite Kelly. He hadn't exactly got dressed, he had put on a pair of sweat pants. Lexi hugging her mug in her hands, made a mental note to keep focus on his face. "So, talk." Lexi told him "I'm here, it's what you wanted, so talk."

"Okay" Kelly put his coffee mug on the counter top beside him. "All the times I asked you about Halstead, if you had feelings for him, you denied it every time, was it all lies?"

Lexi became a little uncomfortable, she didn't want to discuss Jay with Kelly, it was none of his business. "No" she said but knew it was partly a lie "maybe, I don't know" She realised it was going to be a long conversation. Lexi put her coffee down and pulled herself up on to the counter top. "Regardless, nothing ever happened between me and him, until after the…" she trailed off she didn't want to tell him they had kissed on the night of the funeral, but she had already said too much.

"After what? The funeral?" Lexi nodded, yes. Kelly laughed with no humour to his tone "so you literally ran right to him?"

Lexi sniggered at him, he had some nerve. "At least I waited until we were over"

"I'm sorry, I don't even remember it" Kelly admitted breaking eye contact and looking down at his feet. "I just woke up next to some random…"

"I don't want the sordid details" Lexi interjected him.

Kelly knew he was losing her, maybe he already had, but if there was any chance he could save them, he wanted to take it. He watched her reach in to her jean pocket, she retrieved the item she was looking for and threw it towards him. He caught it before it hit him in the face and looked down at it, her engagement ring.

"You may as well sell it or save it for the next one"

"For the next one?" Kelly exclaimed "you say that like I can just switch off my feelings for you!"

"You managed to switch them off for a night" Lexi hurled at him. Lexi sighed, she didn't want to keep going in circles, taking digs at each other. "Look Kelly, I'm not doing this to hurt you"

"Then don't do it" he crossed the kitchen to stand in front of her, taking her hands in his. She took her hands back and jumped down off the counter, walking around him and back a few steps so they weren't so close.

"I'm done Kelly; I've taken all I can take"

"So, you're just bailing on us? On me?"

"I'm taking instructions from the Kelly Severide book. As soon as shit gets tough, he bails"

"That's not fair, I lost my best friend"

"I LOST HER TOO! I LOST MY SISTER" Lexi yelled at him, why was it always about him? Why was it always about Kelly Severide? "You always bail. You did it when we lost the baby, after every fight we had over some stupid shit, you'd disappear with Casey for days, I wouldn't know where you were."

"So, what this is my punishment?"

"No" Lexi explained, "this is me telling you I've had enough"

"We were engaged, we were getting married, does that suddenly mean nothing to you?"

Lexi sniggered at him, how could he ask her that question? He was the one who cheated, he was the one who broke up with her. "All you see when you look at me is her, right?"

"I didn't mean that" Kelly approached her again tried to grab her hands, she pushed her hands in his chest, her arms locked keeping him at a distance.

"Yes, you did, you meant every word of it" She told him keeping her arms locked to keep him at arms-length "you know what I see when I look at you? I see some faceless woman touching you, her hands all over you where my hands should have been, some random woman kissing you, undressing you. Those images tortured me for weeks, it was all I saw when I closed my eyes!" Lexi cried, the tears fell, and she couldn't stop them. She relaxed her arms and Kelly pulled her in to him.

Kelly held her against him, let her cry. This is how it should be, her in his arms. After a few minutes she pulled away from him and went to the sink, splashing cold water on her face. She kept her back to him, composing herself.

"I'm so sorry Lex, I never wanted to hurt you"

"But you did. You broke my heart Kelly, when it was already breaking in to a thousand pieces you took a sledgehammer to the pieces and broke it some more. I blamed myself, I went over it a million times, did I do something wrong? Should I have done something differently?"

"It was nothing you did" Kelly sighed. Silence claimed the room. "You're only remembering the bad stuff" Kelly told her. "But there was so much good. I remember the first time I realised I was in love with you, I remember the first Christmas I came home with you and Shay, your parents made us sleep in separate rooms. I had to sneak in to you in the middle of the night" Kelly laughed at the memory. "The first time I told you I loved you, I remember it all. I'm still in love with you and I'm not ready to give that up"

"You already did" Lexi told him turning to face him "the second you screwed someone else, you gave that up."

"I was grieving; I wasn't in my right mind"

"I get that I do. I wish I didn't understand it, but I do" Lexi sighed and ran her hands over her face. "I've had a lot of time to think about us the last few weeks and I kind of think this was inevitable"

"What?" Kelly asked angrily. How could she think that? They were in love, happy most of the time, they were supposed to get married.

"Hear me out" Lexi began "When we first met, I had just come back from being undercover. I had spent six months pretending to be someone I wasn't. I wanted something, no I needed something real, something to remind me who I was. As bad as it sounds, I used you in the beginning, I used you for my own selfish reasons, but I never meant to fall in love with you."

"Are you saying you regret it? You regret us?"

"No, no not one second of it" she assured him. "What I'm saying is we both had our reasons for wanting the other. I think you saw me and Shay as a package deal, and when she was gone, when that wasn't a possibility anymore, you took the easy way out. You bailed like you always do" Lexi heaved a sigh. "You know who has never bailed on me? Jay, every single time he's been right where I need him to be, since the day I met him. He's been my shoulder to cry on, picked me up when I've been down, called me out on my shit when I've needed it"

"I can be all of that, I will be all of that, you just have to give me a chance!" he told her walking to stand before her.

Lexi raised her voice "I've given you chances, more times than I should have." She stepped around him, not liking the proximity, she went back to her coffee on the breakfast bar and took a drink.

Silence found them again. Kelly stood staring at her back as she stood staring down at her coffee cup.

"Lex" he called, she didn't turn around. He walked to her and stood behind her his body lightly pressed against her back. Her shirt brushed his skin with every breath she took. "Tell me you don't love me. I need to hear you say it"

He was stood so close to her Lexi could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Lexi turned taking a step back, backing in to the breakfast bar to try and put some distance between them. "I can't" she told him looking him in the eye. "It would be so much easier if I could" She began to cry, Kelly used a finger to wipe a tear from her cheek, she closed her eyes at his touch, he caressed her cheek. She took his hand from her cheek but didn't let it go.

Kelly interlaced their fingers as she opened her eyes to look at him again. They both moved to the other at the same time, Kelly put his hands under her jaw line and Lexi put her hands on his hips, pulling him in to her as their lips met.

The kiss intensified as Kelly's hands roamed down her body, finding her waist he hoisted her up on to the breakfast bar. He kissed down her neck as he put his hands up her top and found her bra clasp.

Lexi kissed his collar bone as her nails dug in to his back, she watched her own hands over his shoulder leave red marks on his skin and reality hit her hard. "Stop" she told him before he had unfastened her bra.

Kelly stopped trying to undo her bra and let his hands fall to her waist, still under her shirt touching her skin. He rested his head on her shoulder looking down, catching his breath.

Lexi copied him putting her head on his shoulder. She put her palms flat on his chest, she could feel his heart beat. They stayed that way until their breathing slowed.

Lexi broke the silence. "I need you to stay away from Jay. I need you to stay away from me." Kelly shot his head up to look her in the eye. The pain in Kelly's eyes broke her heart, tears sprang to his eyes and he made no attempt to hide them. "If you love me the way you claim you do, you'll do that for me" Lexi waited for him to reply and got nothing. "We'll stay away from Molly's for a while, you won't have to see us" she used her hands on his chest to push him away from her to give her room to jump down from the counter top. She picked up her coat and straightened up her shirt. His eyes hadn't left hers, he stood staring at her intensely, she stepped to him and kissed him softly and slowly on the lips, a simple goodbye kiss. "I'm sorry Kelly" she told him before she walked to the apartment door.

Lexi walked up the stairs of the Intelligence Unit, Jay sat at his desk, looked up and took in the bewildered expression she wore. He stood up as she got to the top of the stairs "What's wrong?" he asked making the rest of the team look up at her.

"Nothing I'm fine" she told him striding past him without really looking at him, she walked directly in to Voight's office and closed the door.

Voight looked up from his computer and noted she looked confused, like her mind was racing a million miles an hour and she couldn't make sense of anything. "I need your help" she told him quickly.

"What do you need?" he asked giving her his full attention.

"I want to see all the files on the Trent Lamont investigation, and I need you to keep Jay busy for the day"

Voight frowned at her Trent Lamont was the man responsible for her sister's death. The case was closed. "Why?" he questioned "what's going on?"

"Nothing" Voight's expression told her he didn't believe her. "It could be nothing" she corrected herself "I promise I will explain everything as soon as I've seen the files"

Voight studied her for a second. "Okay" he agreed, "Platt can pull the files for you, but you don't leave the district alone and I expect a full explanation tomorrow morning latest"

Lexi nodded "I only need a few hours, then I'll explain everything. Like I said I hope it's nothing."

Voight nodded "I'll keep Jay out of your way but if you and him being together is going…"

"It won't be a problem" Lexi interrupted him "I just need to do this, without him looking over my shoulder or worrying about me"

Voight nodded standing and walking around his desk. "Let me know if you need anything else"

"Thank you" Lexi told him following him out of his office, she went in to the adjacent kitchen to make herself a coffee, her step faltered as she saw Jay, stirring his own coffee. Lexi felt guilty immediately remembering kissing Kelly less than an hour ago.

"Hey" he said looking up as she entered.

"Hey" she replied breaking eye contact and working around him to make herself a drink.

"You okay?" he asked watching her take the cream from the fridge and add some to her cup. "What was all that about?" he motioned towards Voight's office with his mug.

"Nothing"

"Didn't seem like nothing." he stated as Lexi walked past him towards the door.

"Jay" Voight said stepping through the door "I need you and Ruzek to go talk to the Lynch family" Voight stepped aside to allow Lexi to exit.

"Sure, thing boss" Jay told him watching Lexi descend the stairs out of view. He knew something was wrong, something was up. He didn't think it was just her seeing Kelly making her act the way she was, something else was going on and the fact she had gone directly to Voight made it clear it was something serious. "She okay?" Jay asked Voight.

Voight nodded "She's fine. I've got her back today, don't worry"