A/N – Oi! What a week—I need a week of weekends to rest up! Happy Saturday and her is an extra long chapter for you. Enjoy as always.
Title:
Letting Go
Summary:
"Time doesn't heal emotional pain; you need to learn to let it go."
– Roy T. Bennett—
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Waking to the darkness surrounding them in the bare chill of morning Regina moved her arm Snow was using as a pillow, careful not to disturb the little one. Numb she shook it and took a moment to tuck the blankets around the child form holding the adult mind she had fallen asleep next to. And forgiven for a secret; she was finally able to understand why and ready to let that piece of the past go. Regina felt lighter as her fingers combed those dark curls behind Snow's ear. Getting out of bed she put on her robe and matching slippers.
Dark as it was, it would be a while before Snow awoke and there was no more sleep to be had for her busy mind anymore. Regina went downstairs and into the kitchen, readying the coffee pot to brew. As she waited for the black liquid to steep she leaned against the counter, twirling the ring on her right hand around and around in thought. Stopping then to simply hold it a moment, she brought it to her lips. Closing her eyes as another memory came to surface; Regina held tighter least the ring somehow slipped away…
"It's pretty."
Regina watched with a heavy stomach as Snow draped the gold chain with her ring around a small neck. She sat forward more on the chaise at the foot of the bed in her chamber. Her hand paused in brushing the dark curls cascading down Snow's back in front of her.
"Where did you get it?" Sweet curiosity asked as the ring at the end was looked over.
Queen took a shaky breath as something flashed in the corner of her vision. She closed her eyes to it as her tone shifted to something grave. "Daniella gave it to me." Looking over Snow's shoulder as some dawning crossed the little pale profile.
They had not spoken of the stables in month. Hardly spoken at all save over trivial things, never mind the why behind Snow telling her Mother about the mysterious stable maid joining them in lessons each week. As Regina brushed dark curls once more she missed her daughter. The easy way Snow used to fall into her arms, chatter away about anything and everything. Slip a hand into hers when no one was watching. Now they were as strangers to each other even in this intimate act.
Since that day of disconnection, Regina had tried to coax and talk with the child, but Snow was having none of it. Something broke between them that day and Snow too, had tried in the childish way of testing to get her attention but they kept missing each other's intent in passing. Cora hadn't helped, but had in a strange way. Demanding her attention away from Snow to magic lessons and studying. The only good thing to come from that was that her Mother hadn't had time to be bothered with Snow. For that Regina would gladly attend lessons with the Dark One every day.
"The stable maid." Snow's tone heavy with guilt Regina more than recognized. "The one who left our service..." Snows lips kept moving and Regina wasn't sure of the rest of that mumbled statement.
"She did not leave." Correcting that notion felt foreign and cold as Snow turned around to face her. Little brows furrowed in confusion.
"What?"
"She was killed." Fact said as it was left Regina's mouth and was filled with a growing darkness she didn't recognize as her own. Nor understand. Snow must have sensed it as the child turned away from her. A back she was growing more used to seeing only made her blood heat in this moment. But this moment she was not herself. Someone or something was...
"Oh no." Breathy and full Snow spoke.
And Regina found her mouth being pulled apart to speak by invisible strings attached to her lips. "She was killed because you couldn't keep a promise to me; a secret from my Mother." Child went ridged under her chilly tone and Regina felt her hands begin to move of their own accord. One to anchor the child at the waist from running and the other like a black spider crept up a back to grip the gold chain at the nap of a neck. Her mind screamed against the actions, but her body was her own no longer.
"But she…"
"No dear Snow." Words pure honey venom in their sickness. 'NO! STOP!' Regina screamed at herself in her head as her hands moved to pull on the chain until it became taut. "Mother knows best." Harder until the gasps from Snow turned into a struggle to breathe and little hands began clawing at a throat. Then the dark focus Regina's mind and body was trapped in broke wide open.
"It's pretty."
Ripped open. Regina's eyes ripped wide open as the cold resentments of a compulsion spell began to fade away. A thin sheen of sweat marked her skin as she struggled to breathe. Snow. Breathing as Snow was breathing; that little back was to her as if nothing had happened. Regina's hands were shaking, fingers curled around the ends of black curls she had been tending.
"Where did you get it?" The child asked, unaffected.
Though Regina was anything but. More than a compulsion spell had taken over she realized. Dropping the brush in her lap Regina answered. "I don't remember." But she did remember. Every moment of her true love's life draining away in her arms as she cried at her Mother's feet. And it clicked.
Mother.
Regina stood abruptly and rounded the chaise where Snow sat on a padded stool fingering the gold ring. Quick and gentle she took off the necklace from a small neck, eyes lingering there for any harm done. A pristine white throat glowed under a two green questions looking up.
"You need to go to bed dear. It's late." Regina turned away from another tentative question rising in those Snow's eyes of whether a good night tuck in would come later. One that hadn't been asked for since before the stable incident. Regina's skin pricked cold and she knew they were being watched. She had to get her daughter out of the room. "Obey me at once." Firm and only for effect of the one watching from the shadows that there would be no such thing tonight no matter their equal want of it.
"As you wish." Snow rose and curtsied, backing away three steps as was custom before turning a back to leave the chamber. Regina heard the wobble in that tone and closed her eyes against the hurt there. She wanted nothing more than to take her daughter in her arms to hold. But—
"You are learning." Black smoke faded in the wake of Cora's praise. "See what a little firm handling will get you Regina."
Queen stiffened as her Mother neared from behind. Turning she gave her as much of a dip of chin in acknowledgement as she could manage in her anger least praise turn to venom. Playing along. "What was that Living Vision for?" Regina knew enough about magic and the kind her Mother preferred at this point in her life to know what spell she had been under.
"That." Cora circled and flicked a wrist. "Was a warning."
Ice. There was ice in Regina's veins turning her warmth numb. It felt… good against the raw ache in her heart just now. Less painful suddenly were these feelings. Less and less she stood straighter with it and asked without feeling. "Warning Mother?"
"Not to let your heart run back to your little princess with affection. You feel it, do you not Regina?" Chin rising as a cackle did in the back of a wicked throat. "How good it is not to feel. Easier. Simpler. And all that pain is suddenly gone."
Regina's hand went to her heart in wonder, to rest over it for a moment. Beating, it was beating against her numb skin.
"Relax. I did not take it…" Mother trailed in further warning as pointed shoes came to rest mere inches from Regina's silk slippers. "You just keep listening to Mother and that—" A tap to the chest, "Will stay right where it is."
Then the sting of blue eyes dropped down to the gold chain wadded in one of her palms. Regina held her breath.
Mother's chilly chide turned to glacial. "I let you keep that ring not as a kindness daughter, but as a reminder."
Daring to ask. "What reminder?" Daring as Regina forced her hands to her sides. She stared back, a tear welling to leak down her face as all numbness left her being with a flick of her Mother's finger. Feeling. Every feeling slammed ruthlessly back into her body, right back spreading into the very essence of her soul and her knees wanted to liquefy with it. Salt rolled from her eyes at a sickening speed as she gasped from the weight she didn't realize she'd been carrying.
Loss was her mistress.
A red line bowed tight on Mother's face. "Let it serve as such. One lesson I mastered for myself that you have yet to learn. Of what love, what weakness, will cost you Regina. Heed before it is too late."
And Regina promised herself she would heed, but not her Mother. Heed her own heart, it was stronger. For her daughter, the Kingdom's people, and for a chance to stop her Mother's terror.
Hot.
Something was hot against her hand Regina jerked back from the over flowing mug. Coffee poured from the pot in her other hand automatically in her memory haze and dripped down from the counter to the floor. Sucking her burnt finger Regina set down the pot and reached for a dish cloth to wipe up the mess. Cleaning as the stiff memory left her. Just as she stood from the floor to throw the towel in the sink little feet entered the room.
Soft, she gave soft eyes to the child looking at her and tried a small smile. Then Snow was at her waist hugging tight and her hands began to journey through fuzzy curls. This feeling of easy willing affection was long missed by her heart and so Regina let her heart speak. "Good morning. I wasn't expecting you up for another hour yet little one."
"I could not sleep anymore and I wanted you." A shrug as little Snow buried her face in a gray robe at the nick name. And then looking up, she reached up with hope to be held. Lifted fluidly and tucked up on a hip, she fumbled with the gold ring on Regina's hand. She remembered it as one she loved to play with. Queen's free hand covered her playful one and removed it instead to lace their fingers together. "Do I have to go to school today?" A husk of chuckle rang out at her question and that made Snow find the matching light long missed in amber eyes.
"I was thinking you and I would have what this world calls a hooky day." Swaying gently, Regina waited for Snow's reaction.
"What's that?"
"A day off from work and school."
"From breaking the spell too?"
Regina nodded. "Yes, that too." She needed a day. One day to pretend that this life they were in was their normal. Feeling that perhaps Snow did too.
Brightening. "Just you and me?"
"Just you and me." Returning the grin she was getting as she moved to set Snow to sit on the counter. "I also thought we could go visit David in the hospital and maybe take a walk to the stables to visit WinterStar."
"Really?!" Straightening with excitement, Snow all but bounced and kicked her legs joyfully. Then wilted.
"What's the matter?" Regina asked, wondering why that would upset the child so.
"It's just that I thought after yesterday we wouldn't be going back to the stables again and I need to write the letter to Master—I mean Mr. Jettson still. What if he is angry with me?"
Regina took a deep breath and took up a chin, thumb gracing a dimpled cheek. "For a little while I didn't think we would go so soon either, but just because I no longer ride is no reason to deny you something you find joy in. We can sign you up and you may give him your letter. I'll help you draft it after breakfast. I think like before you will find he is very understanding."
"So, I may take lessons?"
"You may with a few caveats in place." Beginning to go over the rules long ago established with the stables once again so they would be fresh in these ears. As she finished her expectations Snow's arms wrapped around her neck and she returned the hug.
"Thank you Regina."
As the Queen held onto the little girl another royal lingered on the peripheral behind the veil of the dead and the living. Considering and watchful of the way each held the other. A slow warm smile on a once ridged mouth grew under the mending happening between two hearts she had torn apart in life. In death with her own returned before the dark sleep had come for her, Cora only wanted one thing. Feeling her strength leaving in the light of the day, Cora faded back into the darkness to ready the next and final phase of her plan to mend what was broken for good.
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Snow shed her coat in the foyer of the mansion. The morning outing had brought a brightness to her eyes and pink to her cheeks. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed having one on one attention and the full attention of the woman putting away a purse next to her. Rolling on her heels, she bit her lip, not wanting the eyes now on her again to go away. Visit to David and then the stables followed by Granny's for lunch, she still wanted more time together. Was hungry for it after going so long without.
Regina studied those little eyes, sensing the want there. An idea came and she smiled. "How about we take a look in the pantry and see if we can find the makings for ginger snaps?"
"We may bake? But what about…" It was out before she could process the words of the past and Snow bit her lip. She had been careful all day not to speak of anything negative that would ruin the peace between them. Her hand was taken and she was being pulled along into the kitchen.
Rubbing a thumb on the back of Snow's knuckles Regina led the way. "No one is going to stop us or tell us that baking is unfitting of our station." Pausing at the pantry she opened it and began pulling ingredients out and handing them to Snow. Child next to her still seemed a bit unsure, but held the items. "Give me your eyes." And Snow did, almost pensive like. "Why that look Snow bunny?"
Child tilted a head at the free use of her nickname, small smile blooming. "I just really missed this." Wanted to say missed you instead, but her heart was still in a delicate place.
Regina bent to gently brushed her lips to a temple and straightened up. "I have too." Fondly caressing Snow's curls, she moved to the counter with child on her heels. Together they began adding ingredients to a mixing bowl.
Dry and wet blended and Snow quickly forgot her worry. As the electric mixer was turned on she was tasked with sprinkling in the remaining flour slowly. Getting a leveled scoop out of the open bag Snow carefully brought the measuring cup over to the bowl Regina had begun mixing and stumbled, dropping the cup. White plumes of flour billowed between them, coating the floor, their feet and legs. Snow's eyes went wide and waited for what the Queen would do.
Regina turned off and set down the mixer. Watching Snow watching her she swiped one finger on the counter catching a dusting of flour that had landed there. She held it up for little eyes to see and smirked. Gently she tapped a little nose leaving a white dot in place. And Snow sneezed, further spreading the rest of the flour on the counter all over her black slacks and blouse. Then a smile grew and Snow laughed.
That giggle warmed Regina's heart. And for just a moment as Snow took her waist in a hug she forgot about the curse, her Mother, and the world they had come from. Right then in the happy green eyes looking up, Regina only saw her daughter.
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After cleaning up the kitchen from their baking adventure, Snow came to lean heavily against Regina hips as she rinsed the last of the suds from the rim of the kitchen sink. As she dried her hands she took in the tired state of the little girl fighting to stay awake and wrapped her arm around a pair of shoulders.
"I think it is time someone took a nap."
Snow yawned under that statement and coyly asked. "Who me?"
"Funny bunny." Regina chuckled enjoying the ease of that affection more and more and gave Snow's long curls a stroke. "Go on upstairs and I'll be right there.
"But I'm not sleepy." Protesting as she forced her eyes open wide and looked up. "See."
"I do, and still I'd like you to lie down for a while. I'll be right up with something that will help you fall asleep." Knowing just what would help ease Snow into the idea of a nap.
Reluctant, but not caring to fuss more, Snow gave one more squeeze to the Queen's waist and went upstairs. After a stop in the bathroom she went to her room. Small fingers fumbled with the buttons on her hip and her skirt dropped to the floor. Then off came her sweater. She folded both neatly to put on the dresser and left in an undershirt and panties she was about to climb into bed when Regina appeared in her doorway.
"Not so fast, you need a night dress or PJs." Raising a brow at the way Snow began to roll eyes as she explained. "It is much too cold to sleep like that."
Going to the dresser, Regina set down what she brought with on top and took out a warm long sleeve and pant sleep set in a dusty rose color. Sitting on the end of the bed she held out the bottoms. Snow approached and held onto her forearms to step in. She drew the pants up those legs and moved to the shirt. Snow put arms up without being asked and Regina popped the shirt on quickly, unable to resist giving ribs a tickle on the way down. The little giggle that followed brought forth her laughter. Smoothing a collar Regina tapped a nose gently with a smile and was glad one was returned.
The Queen stood. "Alright into bed with you and when you wake up it will be time for some homework and then perhaps we may watch a movie."
"But I'm not tired."
"Oh but I think you are little one."
Rubbing an eye with a fist. "Am not and I don't want to do homework." A small whine as her feet stalled at the side of the bed and the covers were drawn back. "But…" A gentle guiding pat to her bottom got her moving and in under the blankets. To her surprise Regina went to the dresser and returned to settle on the bed right next to her. She pointed to the item in the Queen's hand. "What's that?" Asking and snuggling in closer to see.
Regina wrapped an arm around small shoulders. "A book I thought you might enjoy. Henry certainly did when he was your age. It is this world's version of a story from our land. One we once read there together." Then big eyes were on her and little one hidden away.
"Why?" Snow eyed the cover with knowing and then Regina with hesitancy.
"Why what?"
"Why are you doing this?"
Regina realized both big and little Snow were asking two different things, but to both she gave one answer. "Because I think we both want to very much and so we shall."
Snow let that answer sink in and asked another question as it did. "What's it about?
A red smile full of nostalgia. "A very special horse by the name of Black Beauty."
She opened the spine of the well read book. One Regina had fallen in love with in this land all over again and she especially loved how it was told from the horse's perspective. She'd read it many times and to Henry too. Each time she had done so she always thought about how she longed to share it with Snow. Here and now she could; a gift of opportunity. And then the word gift from her Mother's letter began to make some sense, but she pushed the thought of Mother away and only drew Snow closer.
"Will you read your favorite part first?" Snow asked, more than curious just what that part was and wondered if the story's were as similar as Queen said they were.
Thumbing the pages and skimming it took a moment for Regina to find the page. "There is a part between the baby horse and it's mare I think you may recognize." She began and hoped truly Snow would. Her finger trailed the words she spoke from the page. "I hope you will grow up gentle and good, and never learn bad ways; do your work with a good will, lift your feet up well when you trot, and never bite or kick even in play."
Pink lips parted as she rested her head against Regina's shoulder. "You told me that once. Or something like it." Pieces of that day flashed in her mind's eye.
"I did."
"You remember?" Snow had been wondering over the Queen's memory of things of past. Her own prominent when her little mind took over.
"I remember a great many things." Her words not clear on what exactly as a vivid image flashed in mind. "But yes little one. I remember telling you some very important things I am glad that you seemed to have held onto." Regina returned to the start of the book and began reading aloud, done elaborating for the moment.
By the end of the first chapter Snow was asleep. She closed the book and set it aside on the nightstand before lying down next to the child. Regina watched Snow sleep as she thought about what had prompted her to begin teaching the lesson about keeping one's heart full of kind and gentle intent while also emphasizing what it meant to be a Queen.
The throne room was always drafty and even more so in the wintertime despite the huge fires in the hearths on either side of the great hall where she and the King held court. It was a long morning of hearing noble disputes and crimes against the crown where the King passed judgment on the lives of their people. Some petty crimes and others of much more grievance were presented today. Always she was present the same way; the quiet, dutiful wife of the King. Her opinion mattered not and was never asked for. She was to bear witness and be the perfect symbol for the role of a woman of the Kingdom; a beautiful, well behaved wife and mother.
Though on occasion, she was able to exercise her thoughts on certain cases presented if she went about it in a strategic manner. A game of words and roles so to speak she was learning to play within a set of rules in place by their laws, the King, and her own knowledge of how to manipulate both in her favor.
Regina detested court on days like today and even more so when Leopold insisted Snow is present with them. Leopold said it was in order for the girl to learn how to behave as future Queen alongside a husband who would be the new King and rule along with Snow once her daughter married and Leopold passed. Rule along was a comical word to use when Snow's husband would be the word of law in their land. She had a great many thoughts on that union when the time came, but that was years away from a discussion point—she hoped.
As they sat on their thrones, she on the King's left on a smaller one next to his gold grandeur, Snow stood on her right between them. Close enough she could touch a pale hand so she choose to. Being a child, even a Princess, the girl was expected to stand for court or if given permission to perch on a silk pillow provided in front of little feet one step below Regina's throne.
Queen noted the way her daughter was beginning to sway with fatigue. At six Snow still could not go the day without a mid day rest. As the morning went on it was past time for the child to be asleep. As the next case was announced she was about to bid Snow to sit which would no doubt irritate the King, but words were lost in her throat the words 'treason of roles' were uttered by the court announcer. Her head snapped forward and she studied the shackled women being brought forth to kneel on stone at the base of the dais.
A careful look toward the King and she saw the disdain and boredom in the set of his jaw as the case details were shared along with a brief history of the those standing accused. Then Regina glanced at Snow who had perked up with interest, it seemed. She could tell by the way that pink mouth parted there was a question or two brewing under dark curls. Snow must have felt her gaze for the child turned and looked as if to speak, but Regina gave the smallest hint of a shake and that was enough to have Snow remain quiet.
"You both stand accused of engaging in acts of unification with each other. Doing so is a direct blasphemous act against our righteous laws and roles of this land. How do you plead?"
Regina closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, and opened them to rest on the women kneeling and looking only at each other. One spoke and her heart broke for them.
"If you consider love between two people treason then I am guilty in your eyes, but not in the ones that matter to my heart." A young woman spoke with such conviction and the crowds murmured as the King's hand going up silenced all of them.
Regina's knuckles turned white from her grip on the throne arms. Breathing hard against the tightness of her corset she fought to keep a neutral face when she felt anything but over his next words.
"Then you will both lose your hearts with the new dawn. You are sentenced to death by bowman."
The King waved them away as if they were nothing and Regina reached out to him across the space between them to touch his forearm. His eyes burned at her display of touch and she could feel Snow's burning question over that gesture and more, so she spoke with great care. "Might you consider one of the re-education camps my King?"
There was such a thing in their land for those that did not conform to the defined gender roles within the law. Usually they were reserved for those of noble birth deemed too head strong for their own good by their parents. Mother had threatened her with re-education when she had been but Snow's age and had been caught playing wedding with two female dolls. Regina knew it had been nothing but a threat from Mother's mouth. The stigma that came with having one's child or kin re-educated did not bode well for a family's reputation.
"Why ever should I?" The King challenged. "They are not of noble linage nor are they their family's provider nor have they children affected. Their death would be of no consequence."
Regina thought for a moment on how best to get him to agree. At least then the women would be alive and have a chance perhaps to escape. Graham ran an underground escape route for such prisoners in the re-education camps. If she could get them a place there they would have a chance to escape. She dipped her chin in deference and spoke in the demure way she knew he preferred.
"This woman only wishes to have the people see you as compassionate my King as well as all powerful that you have the rule to do so within the law should you chose."
"And I have chosen wife. What of their fate concerns you so?" Leopold asked.
Regina answered easily. "For Snow's benefit more than anything else. A lesson in mercy learned from none better than the King for she will inherit your legacy." She added as he seemed to be thinking over words. With a nod to the women in the clutches of the guards. "They are young and foolish as most uneducated women are and according to the case overseer one of them lost a Mother quite young. As their King, showing them mercy would only further solidify your strength as their savior for an unfortunate absence of that role model." Then finishing as humbly as she could manage when she thought him nothing of the kind. "I only wish the people to know of the reach of your wisdom and power on such things my King."
The King held up his hand to the guards and gave her credit within disdain as was his way. "I have been reminded by my Queen of the fragility of the female mind and on the importance of the role of a mother or in this prisoner's case a lack thereof. Today I will grant you mercy. Take them to the North re-education camp. If they prove worthy and dutiful to the role assigned them at birth in demonstration of their penitence then in time they may be released back into society to prove themselves as loyal subjects to the crown."
To Regina's relief he waved the women away in the opposite direction of the dungeons. Seeing he was in a temperate mood and more than pleased with himself she decided to inquire. "It is past midday and with your grace Snow and I will retire for a rest."
And he waved her off to hear the rest of the cases on his own. Regina stood and with a deep curtsy he expected, one Snow repeated, she backed down the dais one step before turning her back to walk. Little feet on her right and one step behind followed her path down the red carpet leading to the doors opening at the end of the hall. Nobles and peasants alike on either side dipped in bows as she passed. The two women in chains were forced lower on their knees by the guards as she approached. The one who spoke so boldly to the King managed to lift eyes up to hers and Regina understood the hint of a smile from that face. A silent thank you for another chance to love in freedom another day.
As she exited and the doors closed behind them Regina's shoulders dropped as the weight of two lives hanging in balance by her words left. Snow seemed to sense her feelings and she heard little feet patter after her quickening ones and was surprised to feel a hand slip into her own. For a moment she allowed the affection. Was grateful for it. With one squeeze and a stroke of her thumb across the back of Snow's hand she released when she did not wish to.
"Come along Snow." Regina directed and moved toward the steps that would lead them to the nursery. "It is time for you to have a rest."
"Yes Mother."
They walked in silence for a while and once she closed the door of Snow's room for privacy she coaxed her daughter to speak. "Tell me your thoughts of court today little one."
Snow trailed her to the bed where she sat and spun little shoulders around. With child's back to her Regina began to undo the lacing of the silk white dress.
"I thought Father showed mercy to let them go." Snow dropped a chin as the dress dropped to a puddle at feet.
Regina sensed a hidden truth there. "I want your thoughts, not what you think I want to hear." Explaining, in her own way, that it was safe for them to speak openly. "Always I want your honesty Snow." Her fingers moved to the girl's training corset, loosening the tight lacing she more than detested to allow Snow comfort to breathe in sleep. Deciding the shift under the corset warm enough for sleep, she tapped a hip, a signal for Snow to turn and the child did so. Regina took those hands and held.
"I think it is sad they are not able to be together." Child took a step closer.
Easily agreeing. "It is."
"But the law says differently and I don't understand why it's wrong for them if they love each other."
Delicate as the conversation topic was Regina thought for a long moment before responding. Snow seemed to sense the seriousness of the talk being had and waited quietly at her feet. Needing her daughter closer, Regina sat back and patted her lap. Snow grinned and climbed right up to sit. She pulled that little heart close to her own and found the words she hoped would stick with her child a lifetime.
"Not everything written in our laws is right or good. Some are quite the opposite. And in matters of the heart things are never as simple as ink on parchment, but ones intent matters greatly."
"But how do you know what is right or wrong?" Asked as Snow snuggled into her chest.
"Your heart will tell you. Like it did just now with your sadness. Don't let the laws of men or this land keep you from listening to the whispers there." Regina kissed the crown of dark curls under her chin and tapped Snow's chest gently. "This is your conscience. Your moral compass and often times it is the guide you must listen to before the written law.
Snow was quiet for a long minute and looked up with wide eyes. "I don't hear any words though. How do I hear it?"
Regina cupped a cheek. "You will learn to. Seek first to understand another person's intent before you act as well as know your own. Keep a gentle and good heart. Grow with it into a strong compassionate Queen our people may be proud of and perhaps in your generation things may begin changing."
"But Father says one must act with a firm hand and mind. Grandmother too."
Nodding Regina explained. "There is a time and place for such a mindset, however if a monarch is not benevolent in heart before firm action they will not earn the people's love and loyalty."
Snow wiggled on her knee and a sigh of confusion Regina recognized came forth. "I don't understand."
"You know the sweet bread you like to eat or the soft silk we wear?" The child nodded and Regina thought this example might be a better one her daughter could understand. "Our people work to produce from the land. We purchase their goods or sometimes they are given to us in payment instead for taxes. In turn we provide them protection and our land for them to work and live. They are the backs the grain we eat comes from. Their hands weave the cloth we wear and their work provides our time for learning and pursuit of pleasure. We owe them our protection, wisdom, and love. Guidance too from our hearts and experience we have when they come to us with disputes or seeking justice for a wrong. In some cases when they break the law it is our responsibility to help balance that wrong. But in the case of today, in spite of the law, their hearts were not wrong."
Green eyes brightened then with some understanding. "Because we serve them not they us."
Regina smiled, glad Snow remembered what she'd taught about responsibility and service to the people due to royal station. The girl yawned as she continued to stroke dark curls. "That's right. You remember little one. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes Mommy." Murmured informal affection always pulled at Regina's heart in the sweetest way. "Time for sleep." She stood with Snow in her arms and turned down the great bed. Laying Snow down, Regina drew up the thick goose down blanket under a little chin.
"Not sleepy."
"Of course you are not Snow Bunny." Regina gave a knowing kiss to her daughter's forehead as little eyes lost the battle to wakefulness.
As her mind cleared the past away Regina wondered over what else her daughter remembered of the lessons on the heart she'd tried to instill. With a kiss between sleeping brows Regina thought she might understand more than she thought about the two minds resting beside her in that bed. Two minds that shared one heart she realized she well knew, one she'd never forgotten and always kept close to her own even when Snow had pushed hers away. That was changing day by day and slowly but surely her daughter was returning to her once more.
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As the evening approached, the fullness of their day of fun caught up to Snow as the sky darkened outside. Even though her nap had helped she was still tired. She was in her room playing with Mr. Thumper waiting on Regina to come and prompt her to get ready for bed when she heard footsteps in the hallway approaching. Pretending to pour tea into a plastic cup for the tea party she was hosting in the middle of her room with her stuffed toys Snow frowned.
"Awww, is it time already…" Turning to beg five more minutes of play and her blood froze. Iris' shattered at the vision of stiff black silk standing behind her. Eyes traveled up to a belted waist where a set of skeleton keys hung and could move no further as her stomach violently turned inside out.
Cora took in the little girl at her feet as she took a step closer.
Pink lips opened to scream, but no sound came out. Snow was choking on her own cries as she scrambled back against the side of the bed hugging her knees and suddenly those black skirts stopped moving forward and moved away to the other side of the room. Snow's eyes darted to the door and back to the apparition that looked like her Grandmother. The adult inside of her was screaming at her to run, to cry out, to move away, but the shaking child could do none of those things.
"Get the hell away from her." Sharp from the door.
And suddenly Regina was standing in front of her and Snow could breathe again. She peered around those legs shielding her and gripped fabric of slacks at the Queen's leg. At the touch Regina's hand rested on the top of her head.
The ghost spoke. "I am not here to hurt her."
"And I am supposed to believe you?" Regina countered with another step forward. "Get out!"
"I only want to speak to her." Cora tried again.
"That's not happening." Regina assured. "Snow. Go to my room. Shut the door, lock it." The child jumped up, but took her hand instead.
"I'm not leaving you."
Squeezing once, Regina gave direction again. "It's alright, go on." But Mother's next words kept them both in place.
"If you want to get back home this is part of how to get there." Cora cut in.
Regina hesitated, eyes assessing for a trick or untruth. "If you want to talk you talk. Leave her out of this."
"Oh but I cannot do that Regina. This spell is woven with both of your needs and cannot be broken without both of your efforts. If you won't let me talk to you then she needs to listen in your stead."
Big Snow pushed forward in mind and leaned tight against a hip, braving a few words when Regina's hand came around her shoulder pulling her in close. "Both of us how?"
Blue eyes darted between daughter and granddaughter. "That is what you need to work together to figure out." Her strength waning, Cora felt the solid ground beneath her feet begin to fade as she did.
"What's happening to her?" Snow whispered up to Regina as the Queen's eyes never left the now translucent woman.
"She's losing her power." Said as she thought it and reached a hand out to run through her Mother's fleeting form. Regina hissed as frost made all the fine hairs on her hand stand upright, but other than frigid air her Mother appeared not to be able to touch her and then the apparition was gone entirely.
Snow's little chest rose and fell as she rubbed her eyes to see what was unseen again, but her Grandmother seemed to be gone truly. And then Regina was kneeling in front of her.
"Did she hurt you?" Needing to be sure.
Dark curls shook and Snow bit her lip as she began to shake with the adrenaline flooding her veins. "No, just scared me." And then she was being lifted up with Mr. Thumper to a hip and they were leaving her room to go down the hall. "What does she mean by you won't talk to her?" Mind racing on what was said and unsaid as Regina set her down on the bed in the master suite.
"I'm not sure how, not entirely anyway, but she's been haunting us since we've been here." Regina began as little eyes bugged at her and turned big again.
"And you're just now telling me this?" Big Snow stammered as her hands gripped Regina's knees near her own on the bed where they sat.
"I didn't want to scare you and I thought—"
"Well I am scared and—"
Regina countered. "Don't interrupt me—"
"You shouldn't have kept—" Snow cut right back in as her cheeks were cupped by two warm hands.
"I was trying to protect you."
And Snow promptly dropped her jaw as thumbs stroked her wet cheeks. "But… why?"
"Because I am your Mother." Regina searched green eyes trying to convey the more she didn't know how to say. "I have always been your Mother in spite of everything you think you understand. And that is important here. Somehow that role and your role matters."
Snow was quiet for a long moment. "Why does it matter here and not before?" Her eyes stung in confusion that she was beginning to think didn't belong.
"It has always mattered Snow." Queen lifted a dipping chin for the adult mind she saw wanting to run again. "It has always mattered to me and the sooner you realize that I think that may be what Cora means by working together." She wasn't entirely sure but with what she did know that made sense. And just as quickly as big Snow was present the adult was gone for the child again and little eyes filled with tears and reached for her neck.
"She's going to get me." Arms going tight in fear as Snow began drowning in memories of the past. Taken to sit in a lap she was held against a heart with a beat that she found calming.
"No she is not going to get you. Her magic, what's left of it, seems to be fading." Stroking long curls, Regina soothed little tears. "I can't stop her from appearing, but I don't think she will try that with you again."
"How do you know?" Weary.
Regina took a deep breath. "Because I'm going to give her what she wants."
"What?"
"Me." Swallowing hard as she felt Snow go ridged in her arms.
"You can't—"
"She has something to say to me and I have not given her a chance to. Perhaps if I do, she will leave us alone." Based on her prior conversation with her Mother she knew it was more complicated than that. Cora had said it was up to Regina to let her go and she still was not sure what that meant.
Snow pulled back to see the tone of amber eyes. "But what if she hurts you?" That idea upset her greatly.
In her leaving angst and fear Regina gave a small bitter laugh. "She has already done the worst she can to me." Realizing that for the first time and sobering hard in that truth as she pulled Snow closer. It had taken many deaths, losing her children, and two curses to realize that. "I am not afraid of her any longer." And the hope in her arms right now was not one Regina could bear losing again.
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"But why can't I be with you?" Snow huffed as a night gown was drawn over her head and clung to her damp skin. Fresh from a bath, it didn't make sense to her why Regina had to speak with that woman at such a specific time so late at night and being put to bed now would not allow her to be the look out as she's imagined she'd be.
Regina smoothed the cotton gown and began to do up the small pearl buttons on the front. Snow was not letting this topic go since Cora's appearance Tuesday evening and now Thursday she was more than ready to be done with the topic entirely. She'd taken yesterday to gather her thoughts and emotions and tonight she'd decided to make contact once again. Hopefully for the final time.
"You can't be with me because you have another important job." Regina began as she finished the last button and squeezed little shoulders once.
Hoping to help. "What?"
"To get some sleep so you're not a cranky little troll when I wake you up for school in the morning." Reaching tickle hands just as she'd done with Henry at this age Snow's squeals of laughter gave her heart strength. Ceasing when little one's cheeks turned pink Regina stood and pulled down the duvet. "Alright young lady. Bedtime." Patting the cool sheets once as Snow climbed in. Regina returned to sit on the side of the bed and tucked Mr. Thumper tight into little reaching hands.
Green searched for a promise in amber. "You'll be careful?"
"Very careful." Regina promised and leaned down to kiss a brow. Then serious. "Under no circumstances are you to try and eavesdrop or come in my room unless you absolutely need me or there is an emergency. Just for tonight. Alright?" She needed no distractions or worry that Snow would get tangled between her and Mother's words.
A wide eyed nod.
And a tone from Queen past surfaced for the seriousness of the matter. "A proper answer please."
"Yes, alright."
Regina heard the sincerity of those words and was satisfied enough to leave that subject alone. She reached to turn on the small night light they'd picked up after school last week. Stars began to glow and dance across the ceiling in her wake. Shutting the door and taking a deep breath she went to her room to further prepare.
All too soon midnight approached. Called the witching hour for a reason, it seemed the best time to speak to the one haunting them. Veil the thinnest between worlds she suspected Mother's earlier fading acts were due to the time of appearance before then. At this point they should have more time to talk. It would also be when her Mother's strength would be the strongest, but Regina didn't fear physical harm.
No, she'd spent the last day and a half shielding her heart instead against what was to come. The final battle of hearts with the Queen of them. Regina checked her door once more, making sure the inner lock was on. She'd checked on Snow all but ten minutes ago and child was sound asleep, but just to be sure little feet wouldn't wander in as they were prone to doing lately she wanted that door sealed.
"Mother." One affection that was anything but.
Regina paced the length of her room. The silk of her pajama pants gave a soft swish as she walked. Then the chill began to creep in and the carpet crunched with the ice chips forming under her feet. She felt presence before she saw the dark skirts out of the corner of her eye. Turning she was all but three paces from the woman who had tormented her wake and sleep for decades.
Blue and amber weighed in the silence.
And when blue was unwavering Regina held her own. "I will hear you out. Listen to whatever you have to say, but I want something in return." Mother's chin lifted and she pushed on. "I want your Witch's Oath that you will not try to contact or appear to or hurt Snow or anyone else in anyway going forward."
"Done."
Too easy she thought, but Regina felt the magic tether snapping in place between them binding Cora to that oath. One Regina knew magic would not let her Mother break in this world or when they returned home. Those blue eyes still pierced hers and with a deep breath she pointed to a ringed hand as another puff of white air escaped her lips. "What is that?" She shivered.
"This," Cora began holding up a two ended candle, "Is what your daughter used to kill me."
Regina paled. "I—"
"No Regina." Cora took a step closer. "You do not have to own or shield Snow's actions from me any longer." Hand out stretched. "Take it."
Regina eyed the candle and then her Mother once more. Reaching she took it by the metal wrap in the middle separating the white and black ends.
"The first time we really spoke here you asked me a question." Cora took another step closer. "You asked me why I let myself be consumed by darkness and power." A nod to the candle. "Light it and see."
Regina's grip around the carved metal band hardened. "I don't need illumination on your past, or your excuses."
"No," Cora easily agreed, "But you do on yours. You agreed to listen and this is the way I am choosing to speak. Light it."
Jaw squaring Regina stepped back and went to her nightstand. Opening the drawer she extracted a lighter she used for the candles in case of a power outage. She returned with the lighter and gave it a flick with her thumb, but Mother's head shook.
"Not that way or it will not work. With Witch Fire."
Amber narrowed. "I can't here and you know it."
Blue eyes closed a moment and a head shook. "You were born with elemental magic Regina, even my magic cannot put a cap on that on for long." She had tried and only briefly succeeded when Regina had been a child and when that child had grown up and had cause that magic sparked to life. She'd nearly lost her hand when it had.
"Then why did you here."
"You needed time to cool off and not do something you would regret."
Regina swallowed and decided to ignore that truth for now. Concentrating she called forth the warmth and smoke of a flame. Straining it flickered in her palm. But it was enough to light both ends before it smoked out. Moving to her dresser she set it to burn on a decorative silver plate she normally used for jewelry. Watching the flames the room began to fall away between them for a peek into the past. Colors, voices, people blurred into image after image of memory seen through her Mother's eyes. It began at a dilapidated Mill with the rages of a drunken father and abandonment of a mother. Of kneeling on cold marble at the feet of snickering royals. Straw spun into gold after a deal was made. And on and on it went to one betrayal and humiliation and hurt after another until the moment her Mother was standing in front of the imp with a box in hand and in that moment when Regina realized whose heart was in that box she turned away.
"Enough." And the image blurred back into the nothing from which it had come. Smoke from two tapers billowed up from a pool of melted wax now mixed. Shaking her head and more than freezing Regina hugged herself and turned to regard her Mother. "Did you show me this as some kind of excuse for what you did to me and mine? Because there is no excuse Mother."
"I showed you so you would have some understanding when I ask what I am about to now." Cora waved a hand and the candle remnants vanished.
Regina chewed an inner cheek. "And why should I answer any of your questions?"
"You shouldn't, but you should answer one for yourself."
A dark brow rose as Mother took the last step separating them.
"When are you going to stop blaming yourself for my wrong doings?"
Red lips parted under misting amber. And closed in a firm line as water spilled down her cheek.
"If death and the return of my heart have taught me anything Regina it is the power behind one thing. Love, your love and for your children, is anything but weakness. It is your strength. One I never had. So I ask that you forgive me for my weakness."
Bitterness spoke. "Why would I ever forgive you for what you did?"
Cora reached to touch that cheek and the flinch there made her eyes a sea of mirrors. "Because when you do, not for me but for yourself, you will be free of me entirely Regina."
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A/N – Regina and Snow have come such a long way, don't ya think?
Next time: A bit of school mischief leads to a deeper talk and new understanding between Snow and Regina.