Life with Magnus
By Shin Sankai
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Chapter Twelve
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It was just on sunset now, they having gotten back to the apartment as Magnus unlocked his front door and everyone piled inside, it being toasty warm as Magnus' heating had clicked on some time ago.
"Oh, Madzie wants to stay at Catarina's again tonight. Catarina will bring her to Day Care tomorrow." Alec glanced at Magnus as he was looking down at his phone, sending a quick message which was probably something along the lines of he being alright with that as long as she was being a good girl for Catarina. So fatherly... Magnus pocketed his phone.
Alec removed his jacket, taking Max and Raphael's jackets, scarves and beanies from them and hung them up on the hooks which were already overloaded by other coats, jackets and scarves of Magnus'. He really needed to clean up. Surely one didn't need that many jackets and coats.
"I really should have a clean up." Alec darted his eyes to Magnus thinking the man had read his thoughts.
"You boys need to put your bags in your bedroom." The brothers headed off.
"Any further updates on how everything is going with the construction in your apartment?"
"Kicking us out?"
"Not at all." Magnus instantly shot back. He arched an eyebrow, removing his scarf and jacket and unlaced his boots before toeing them off as Alec let out an almighty sigh. "That good then?"
"Apparently the works were commencing until another problem has been found. The contractors think electrical cabling may have also been affected which could possibly cause fires, so the fire brigade is on standby and electrical companies are running investigations as all the power has been cut to the building.
"Oh my...that is unfortunate for all the other residents." Alec nodded his head in agreement. "I can't house anymore then the three Lightwood's I'm afraid." Magnus tried to joke, getting a small grin from Alec.
"As soon as I get more definitive answers, I'll let you know." Alec removed his boots. "Again, I'm really sorry for imposing on you like this...and to think its already been this long too."
"Alexander..." Bright blue eyes darted up as Magnus had cupped his cheek. The man was giving him a tiny yet rather sweet smile. "I'm happy to have you and the boys here."
"Yeah?"
Magnus nodded his head. "Now, where are my happy little helpers?" Alec listened to him call out as his two sons rushed back into the entrance foyer, right at Magnus' side. "We are making dinner tonight aren't we?" Nods of the head was his answer. "And if your daddy lets us, tonight we'll finish off the remaining ice cream and then maybe, if we're all good boys, he may buy us some more tomorrow...?" Three pairs of hopeful eyes turned to look over at Alec, he not being able to help the grin on his lips at the sparkle in Magnus' natural coloured orbs. Ever since he and his boys had come to live with Magnus, the man was wearing his contacts less and less, completely comfortable with his eyes whilst in their presence. Does that make us special?
"How about, since I never did take us all out for that promised sundae, we make it happen this weekend?"
"Promise daddy?" Max's large innocent eyes sparkled hopefully up at his tall father.
"Promise."
"HOORAY!" The Lightwood boys cheered enthusiastically while Magnus gave a grin of his own.
"Now, whilst we are busy in the kitchen, feel free to relax Alexander. You are more then welcome to browse through any of my books, I've got lots of them as you know."
"Books..."
"Are you alright?" Magnus tilted his head at the faraway look on Alec's face.
"Y-Yes, I'm just going to lie down for a bit." Magnus nodded his head. "You boys be good for Magnus." He got a chorus of 'yeeeeeeeeeeees' and then headed off, Church following him as he opened the door to the bedroom and then closed it once Magnus' cat was safely inside with him.
Alec pulled out the 400 page document and then sat on the edge of the bed, it resting on his lap. Church hopped onto the bed, sauntering over to him and of course he started brushing his right hand over the felines back, listening to him purr up a storm. Magnus' cat had grown on him, Church even deciding to sleep with him on occasion rather then in Madzie's room.
Gazing down at the thick document, truth be told, Alec had finally conceded he was in a rut. He'd been in a phase of writers block for so long that he had contemplated sticking his tail between his legs and going back to his parents business, asking them to take him back, even if he found the office work so bloody boring, and even though things were also weird between him and his parents too. However, with two young sons to look after, times were getting desperate. He'd stopped all rental payments at this stage, refusing to pay for a place that he couldn't even reside in at the moment, so at least there was that bit of money as a backup. And then there was Magnus who refused taking any money from him for housing the three of them too. How can Magnus be so generous to strangers like me and my sons?
In his phase of writer's block, Alec did have other ideas pencilled down and had hoped the numerous thoughts he had would come to fruition but several had been rejected by his editor that he'd pretty much given up. Was he already a washed up children's author when he'd only been truly invested in it for the past five or so years?
With his savings fast being depleted, Alec had hoped beyond hope that looking upon his sleeping sons one evening, they would have the solution. Of course they didn't. He'd even tried using his internet search engine, placing in things like 'where can one find inspiration', 'how to come up with new ideas' and 'overcoming writers block' in the hopes something would help. In the end, at around 3am, Alec started thinking about the magical world he'd created in his books and wondered, was it at all possible he could expand on it, bring his fantasy ideas to another age group.
And with that thought in mind, he'd begun to place down as much on paper as possible, fingers hammering over his laptop keyboard as he wrote and wrote and wrote until he felt like his fingers were going to drop off. This went on for quite some time and now he had 400 pages currently resting in his lap. 400 pages of nonsense... Probably...
He'd not shown it to anyone, not even Isabelle and they usually told each other everything. Alright, that was pretty much a lie. Isabelle told him everything, he listened, offered her some advice every now and then, regardless of whether she wanted it, and then he'd try and change the topic before she asked him about his life. About his love life and everything in between. Love... He truly hated when it was ever brought up. Alec had never been comfortable about opening up about that stuff and Isabelle had always told him that if he didn't share soon, he was going to explode...and not the good kind of explode...whatever that meant.
She would then make him feel super guilty when she would frown up at him for not opening up to her about his issues with their parents, but he was the older brother, he had to look out for her, not the other way around. Not that he could at this moment, for she was on a modelling shoot in Paris right now.
What Alec thought were great ideas, flying from his head to the pages, had come to an abrupt end one evening. He'd sat alone in his apartment, having dropped off his sons at his parents, and sat looking at a blank document on his laptop for the umpteenth time. It'd been going on for months now. And starring at his screen there was just... Nothing... Absolutely nothing was coming to the forefront.
Having stared at the document for over two hours, Alec couldn't take it anymore, grabbing his jacket, scarf, wallet and keys (and phone just in case something happened to Max or Raphael and his mother needed to call him) and then headed out the door, strolling for what felt like hours down partially deserted streets of Brooklyn. He'd only been around the area for three months, when things had gone bad with his parents and he fled with him and his sons to this tiny apartment. As he strolled the streets that is when more horrible thoughts began. Did he truly have nothing left? Was that idea going to forever remain a jumbled and unfinished mess? Wasn't there anything or anyone who could make this damn writers block disappear?
Alec had suddenly come to a halt in his aimless stroll, focusing his gaze on a neon sign which read Ragnor's Bar.He had hesitated, since the bar was underground, down some palely lit stairs, looking pretty dodgy, but with his sour mood, and thankfully no children to look after that evening, Alec was in dire need of a drink, or two, or ten. Even if he weren't a drinker, he hoped it would make him feel better. After all, maybe a drunken night out and a shoddy hangover the next morning could possibly spark an idea or two, right?
Wrong.
In fact, nothing prepared him for what was to come...
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Quite awhile ago, before the dramas with his family, and when Isabelle was just starting to think about modelling as a career, none of the small talks she tried to have with him were successful at all. She tried to get him to at least admit to himself that he weren't the average man, as their eyes followed women about the place, whereas his had idly stopped once or twice on a couple of men, but he'd shaken his head, pressing on with his studies, work and archery. Isabelle was wrong, wrong, wrong. He could fall in love with a woman, no problem. She'd frowned at him when he'd said that matter-o-factly. And months later, she'd been extremely shocked and surprised when he'd introduced her to blonde haired, blue eyed Lydia Branwell. She was the daughter of close friends of his parents. And whilst he and Lydia were not together, together, they were good friends back in those days. Of course his sister saw through it all but for once didn't say anything.
As he and Lydia hung out more and more, Alec had suspected his parents and Lydia's were scheming something, but he was so busy with his life that whatever they were scheming wasn't on his radar really. After all, he'd told Lydia to run away and pursue the love of her life, secretly of course, as the both of them lied to their parents as to their relationship and also her whereabouts on multiple occasions.
They were in a 'business partnership' if you could call it that. To appear normal to his parents and in doing so he'd told Lydia to do as she wished, to go wherever she wanted, even if that meant chasing the love of her life half way around the world. And if she ever needed him, to talk or anything, then he would be here, in New York, in the small home they rented together.
Unfortunately, it had only taken a few months for their parents to find out what was going on. Not the whole 'he pretending to be normal' side of things, but Lydia having run off.
He was consoled for hours by his mother, which was downright painful to endure, and then Lydia's parents had come round to apologise to him (that was awkward) in regards to their daughter's selfish ways. They'd found out through a family friend that had run into Lydia and her lover in London and had relayed the news back to her shocked parents. They'd instantly rung her, demanding her to return to New York and to Alec's side but of course she refused. Alec had tried so very hard to defuse the situation by stating he and Lydia would always remain friends and that he was happy for her.
It was one thing he'd always admired about her, and envied about her too. Lydia was not afraid to make her own path in life, regardless of what her parents thought, even though she had hid it from them at first, but mainly at his request. Plus they both never thought she would get caught half way around the world. But still, even the pressure from her parents, she still didn't back down. She was so much stronger then him.
Regrettably for Lydia, she never got to spend the rest of her life with the man she loved, for he'd been tragically killed. Alec had not heard from Lydia in months and was worried about her, sending her text messages and leaving voice messages as well. And then, one evening, it being quite late, a thunderstorm brewing, he'd heard a knock at the front door of the small house that he and Lydia shared together to keep up their ruse back then. He'd never bothered to move out, even when he told Lydia to live her life, as it had become an easy place to commute from for work and studies.
Alec had answered the door and saw a sickly skinny, sleep deprived and bloodshot eyed Lydia. All he heard was a very broken whisper of he's dead and Alec had stepped forward, wrapping Lydia in his arms and allowed her to cry rivers of tears into his broad chest.
Out of respect for her parents, Alec had phoned them the next day to advise of Lydia's return. He'd given them a brief run down on how grief stricken she was and that it was best for everyone to just give her space as she still needed time to process everything that had gone horribly wrong. He advised them that Lydia was safe here and he was more then happy to offer her a room and the space she needed for as long as she required it. Again they thanked him for his kindness, which was really starting to make him feel guilty, and then Alec hung up the phone and headed back into the spare room to where he'd carried Lydia when she'd cried herself to sleep. He sat by the bedside, holding her hand until she woke hours later.
#
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months as Lydia was on the mend and recovering from the tragic loss of her beloved. Alec was at her side each step of the way and when he'd lost his dear sweet little brother, she'd been there for him just the same, but unlike her, he kept everything bottled up inside.
Somewhere through Lydia's grieving and Alec's silent loss, their budding friendship blossomed once more, like they'd never been apart, reverting back to the great friends they'd always been.
It wasn't long before their warped parents decided to forge their own opinions and assumed they were together again. So much so that marriage was constantly a topic for discussion. It grated on Alec's nerves, but then there was always that twitchy feeling, for if he and Lydia were to marry, how proud his mother and father would be of him. And then there was the other horrible feeling... Could he truly put the both of them through that when he knew he couldn't give Lydia a blessed married life?
#
A year after Max had died, Alec had been standing at his grave on the anniversary of his death. His sister had meant to come with him, but she'd finally hit the big time in her modelling and was now a sort after model for women's magazines and did a variety of ads all around the country, and she was currently on the runway in Chicago at the time. So whilst his sister was unable to be here, and Alec dare not want to attend Max's grave with his parents, he truly wasn't completely alone as Lydia was at his side, she having placed down a bunch of yellow roses and brushed off some leaves from his tombstone. She then stood back up, her hand between Alec's shoulder blades as he mumbled how much he missed his little brother.
"I know you do Alec. I bet he's watching over you though..."
"Think so?"
"And I bet he's proud you took a stand against your parents and took up your writing again. He loved the books he was able to read of yours."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah..." Lydia wasn't sure if this was the right place to voice her thoughts, but she truly couldn't hold it in any longer. "You know Alec, if you ever have kids, you should definitely call your first born son Max." She had felt him flinch as she finally turned to look up at him, to see a wistful look brush across his face before pain was evidently showing.
"Kids...is not possible for me."
"Yes they are." Alec was pulled away by Lydia and they ended up back at their place, sitting in the living room on the two seater couch, side by side.
"Lydia I..." Alec didn't quite know what to say to her, as the car ride back to their place was deathly silent. His mind was a jumbled mess, trying to understand what it was she meant back at Max's grave. Whilst he did love her, he didn't love her. And as he sat beside her, looking at her, she truly was very pretty, but that did nothing for him. "Something is wrong with me." Alec had mumbled, but Lydia had shaken her head.
"You've always been you Alec. You just need to start accepting that there is only one thing different about you, about how you feel towards your own gender."
"I...guess..." He truly hated talk like this. He hated that people seemed way more comfortable about what he was trying to still make sense of about himself.
"You're strong and dependable, someone who would go to the ends of the earth for the person they love." Lydia had placed her hand over one of his fisted ones. "I know you always think something is wrong with you, but nothing is wrong with you Alec. There is nothing to be ashamed of. And I know you probably think that you won't ever find the love of your life, but have faith Alec, you will meet that person one day."
"Your faith is better then my own."
"You're just a little scared that's all." She watched him frown at her words. Being scared was something Alec hated to admit to. "You will meet a nice guy Alec, he'll truly blow your mind, intrigue you like no other and when that happens, you won't be able to take your eyes off him. Promise me, when that feeling hits you, make sure you never let him go alright?"
"Lydia..." He was definitely a handsome man and truly adorable at the same time with that tiny blush on his cheeks. She knew he hated to talk about his love life...or lack there of. "What brought this on?"
Lydia shrugged her shoulders. "I've been thinking a lot, thinking about everything that has brought us to this moment right now." Bright blue eyes were gazing at her in intrigue. "You've done so much for me Alec, even lying to my family and your own, which is something you have never been comfortable with. You always want to make them proud, but even for my own selfish ways, you went against your beliefs and lied to them for me."
"Not just for you..." She placed her small petite hand against his cheek.
"I know...but one day Alec...one day you do need to be truthful to them...and yourself." She quickly placed an index finger against his lips, stopping him from whatever it was he was going to say. "You've been there for me, more then anyone, and I'll never ever be able to thank you enough for that."
"Lydia..."
"Let me finish." Alec snapped his mouth shut. "We've known each other since we were 17. It feels like a lifetime ago." Alec nodded his head, agreeing with her. "I'd also like to think, besides Isabelle, I definitely know you best." She gave him a tiny smile. "All these years, even when I wasn't truly at your side, I never stopped thinking about you. And now that I'm back, its made me realise that there is something I can do for you. Give you something you desperately want." She had watched him tilt his head, probably thinking there was nothing he needed. "Your very own family." Lydia observed him sit up straight at that.
"Wh-What...?"
"I've seen the way you look at kids Alec, you want to be a father."
"B-But...to...to do that..."
"There are other ways in order to have children then the usual way Alec." And she had watched his mouth drop open and his cheeks flush. He really was so very good looking and he definitely turned heads (from women and men) even if they were together, she was witness to it, but Alec seemed oblivious to it all. She was certain he was going to make one lucky man very, very happy one day. If only he accepted who he was on the inside. For if Alec wasn't careful, he'd meet the man and let him slip away without fighting for it. "I've thought about it for months now. I was never given the chance to have children with my love, but for the next best man in my life, who has stayed by my side through everything, I can be the vessel for you to fulfil your dreams of becoming a father. I can help give you a son, get you a little Max."
"Lydia..." She watched his pretty blue eyes well up. He was not a man to show emotion lightly.
"I'm not asking for any form of commitment either. And whilst this will cause complications with our parents once more, and they'll think marriage is soon on the cards, don't panic Alec, for I'm not asking that of you at all. You've done enough as it is for me." Lydia took Alec's hand. "So please let me do this for you."
"I...I don't know what to say."
"Just say yes." When he gave a little nod she smiled a true smile at him for the first time in so long.
"I'll make an appointment."
#
"Alexander..." He was thrown from his thoughts, nearly dropping the 400 page document in the process, scrambling as he did, smacking his knees on the floor as he went for a slide, now sprawled there, arms out in front of him and the documents held within his tight grip. "I did knock several times and got worried when you didn't answer. Is everything alright?"
"Y-Yes..." Alec scrambled to sit up on his shins, placing the bulky papers behind him, face down, but of course Magnus tilted his head, looking past his seated self and blatantly at the stark white papers.
"A little too thick for a children's book don't you think?" Magnus voiced far too plainly.
"Its just an idea..."
"An idea?"
"Its been dormant for months..." For once he was being truthful.
"I'm sure you'll get back into it." Alec did nothing but nod. For when he had walked into Ragnor's Bar, he had felt something shift, something was beginning to change and it had all slowly begun to happen when his intense blue orbs had locked onto a pair of cat eyes.
For the first time in a long time, Alec had returned to his tiny apartment, and placed pencil to paper. It may not have been the writing side of things, but his drawing was coming to life, coloured pencils, one after the other being picked up with ease as only one image came to his mind.
Two hours later he had sat back, threw his arms above his head to work the kinks out of his upper body before dropping his gaze back to the picture.
It was Magnus...but not Magnus...if that made any sense. He'd drawn an image from the waist up, adorning the man in a deep blue shirt and a black and grey snake skin jacket. He was adorned with necklaces, one hand raised with black nail polish and a couple of rings and an odd blue flame illuminated and surrounded the hand. His skin was flawless and golden brown, much like the real Magnus, but he'd given him a couple of earrings and two ear cuffs as well. Then there was the goatee, the intense and slightly narrowed look with bright gold cat eyes and dark eye-liner and eye-shadow, a slight hypnotic grin which hid many secrets and then the jet black hair, spiked into a mohawk but was accentuated with bright blue streaks, pretty much the colour of his own eyes. So magical...
Alec finally shifted the drawing away from his gaze that night, not wanting to stare at it so much as even he was starting to feel like a weirdo now. After all, Magnus was a man! And then there was the fact he'd only just meant him too! Alec smacked his head on his desk as he drew his eyes closed, trying not to remember the smile on his face or the feel of Magnus' hand against his own when they greeted each other as he was heading home for the evening.
#
"Can I ask what its about?" Alec jolted in his seated position, eyes darting to look up at Magnus who clearly knew he'd been lost in his secret thoughts. Alec watched Magnus wave towards his "hidden" documents. "What is it about?" He repeated his question.
"Um..."
"Let me guess, its complicated?"
"Magnus..." The man placed up his hands.
"Say no more, I know when to drop the topic before everything starts getting awkward between us."
Alec frowned at that. "Did you need me for something?" He also thought it was best not to comment.
"Oh! Maxy and Raph have finished cooking dinner." Alec arched an eyebrow at that, he not at all hesitant when Magnus placed out his hands drawing him to his feet. Or the fact their hands remained joined for a little bit longer then necessary. "With adult supervision of course."
"Of course..."
# To be continued #