Chapter 6

The Quandary

I was engulfed in black smoke and dust, so much so I started coughing as I shielded my eyes from the fumes. What had he done to me? Was this his godly powers instantly sending me to the world above?

Could it really be anything else? I had my answer soon enough as the mist cleared and what my eyes saw next wasn't the cold black rocky walls of the Underworld. The first thing I saw was green, darkness, vague shadows of movement as the wind flourished in the world around me. I could feel the cool breeze glide over my skin and the sight of branches swaying in the night air.

Night! It was nighttime! I had no idea! I had been sent straight to the Underworld, this was my first time on the surface. I'd just assumed it was daytime when I arrived because it was daytime in my own world when I left. But no, it was definitely nighttime in the land of ancient Greece.

I glanced at my surroundings as I turned around to give myself a full view of where I was. For a moment I just took everything in, but only for a moment. I had more urgent matters to attend to than observing the nature I had found myself in the midst of.

My reluctant host of this strange world told me that since the Underworld had no facilities for mortal needs I had to go to the surface to meet these needs. But I couldn't see anything around me that would allow me to do this. Why had he sent me here? Was I expected to just go in the woods? …It was a good job I had tissues in my rucksack.

What the hell!? Even when I had a god for company I was still expected to go pee in the woods like a cavewoman. I didn't care if such a thing may have been common practice for ancient Grecians, (I didn't know if it was or not). But I wasn't a Grecian and I wasn't ancient! I was a twenty-first century woman and I was accustomed to twenty-first century plumbing!

Surely he didn't expect me to keep doing this. Not every time I needed something like this. And what about water? The water bottle in my bag was half empty already. Where was I going to find clean water? And what about food? And somewhere to sleep? And how on earth was I going to return to the Underworld from where I was, standing in the middle of the forest?

I shivered as the wind raced over my arms once again, though it really wasn't that cold. How could it be? This was a southern European climate even if it was nighttime. But it gave me a feeling of vulnerability. Weren't there monsters in this world? Like the ones Hercules was always fighting? It was dark and I was surrounded by woodland and any second I could be ambushed by a villain hiding behind a tree.

I couldn't see very well, even with my glasses. It was too dark for my eyes to get an accurate picture. This only added to my nerves as my head kept turing and my eyes kept swaying. There had to be a way out of here.

"You can't keep me here." I whispered to myself, too afraid to speak any louder in such a quiet environment. "You can't keep me out. You'll break your deal."

I wanted to go back. I'd finished my business and I wanted to return to safety. I was scared. I was alone in the dark, outside in a strange place I'd never been before. Time began to pass as I explored this naturalistic environment, and soon enough I had been wandering around for several minutes. I wanted to go back, and he couldn't shut me out or else he'd shut himself out. I wanted to go back. How do I get back?

"There she is!"

My heart almost leaped out of my ribs as I jumped and spun round on the spot. I looked up to where the voice had come from, up into the waving branches where I had been sighted by an unknown entity. What I heard next was laughter, very familiar laughter, from two entities that wouldn't remain unknown for much longer.

"Haahahah!" A burst of chuckles roared from the mouth of the little green imp. "Pain, you prankster! You scared the life out of her!…Hey, that's my job." Panic laughed with his playmate until a moment's realisation interrupted his amusement.

I stared up into the canopy and in the dark I could just make out the faintness of their colours. Hades' little minions had found me in the wilderness, and I could only assume that the god himself had sent them to collect me.

"Daw, isn't she cute?" Pain peered down on me with a menacing expression on his face. I knew he was being sarcastic. "Like a little doggie…going out to do his business! Pffahahah!"

I cringed inside. That was rude. And yes, it upset me.

"Hahaha! That's a good one!" Panic fell about laughing all over again. "That's a killer!" He almost fell out of the tree in the process.

I glared at them, silently outraged by their humiliating remarks. In that moment I despised them. Could you believe the audacity of them? Both of them, giggling at my misfortune like naughty little school boys. I didn't need to wonder why they call these guys 'imps'. Their immature insults cemented the reputation of their species.

I used the harshness of my voice to break up their manic chuckling. "Are you here to take me back to the Underworld?" I snapped at them. "Or are you just here to tick me off?" I actually said something a lot ruder than 'tick', something beginning with 'P'. But this story isn't the place for profanities of that kind.

"That depends." The tubby little imp swaggered. "Are you ready to go walkies? Or do you need to go again?"

Panic snickered with Pain before adding to his own touch to his colleague's cruel taunting. "You know it hasn't rained in months." The green imp teased. "I think this tree could do with watering! Pfhahah!"

"Feck you!" I fired from my lips the only defence I could think of. And again, I actually said something much ruder.

"Ooo." The two of them leaned over the branch that held them secure. "Touch-ee."

I wasn't going to stand for this. "When I tell Hades what you said to me he's going to make you sorry!" I threatened them with the only thing in this world I knew they were afraid of. Their boss.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you~" Pain warned me in a sing-song tone. "Hades is so ticked off right now you wouldn't wanna touch him with a thirty-foot pole."

"Yeah. Right now he's a nothing but a ticking time bomb!" Panic backed up his fatty friend. "Open your mouth and he'll explode in your face."

"Like he does with you?" I growled. I wanted to point out that they couldn't avoid Hades's wrath like I might have been able to. At least that was one benefit to be had if I really couldn't return to him any time soon. I could avoid him. These little troublemakers can't.

I really wanted to give them a piece of my mind. I wanted to shout at them, I wanted to hurt them back. But I'm not Hades. I'm no hothead and I have more control over my impulses than that. Besides, I'm a kind person at heart. And even though I was offended by the mocking of these mischievous imps I still didn't really want to follow their example. I would only validate it. I believed it was wrong to bully people like that, so I wasn't about to become a bully myself.

"Just…take me back." I grumbled. "For feck sake." That time, I really did say what I typed.

They did just that. Not because I told them to, I doubted, but because their boss had told them to.

I followed them through the forest, wandering amongst greenery. And as it turns out, I didn't have to wander very far. Only a few dozen meters from where I had been standing was a rocky mound, like the start of a steep incline. And upon the rocky face, nestled in the shrubbery was an archway into the stone.

I was led into the darkness, and it was pure darkness as I could hardly even see my hand in front of my face. All I could do was place a hand upon the rough wall and feel carefully with my feet to sense the ground and give myself a vague sense of direction. Ivry grew on the cave's ceiling and hung down until the tips reached the floor. They dangled in front of my face and body, and I kept having to brush them aside like bead-curtains as I strayed forth.

But as I continued to tread, the texture of the ground beneath my boots changed greatly. I halted in my tracks, unsure of what I had felt. It was level and far smoother than the rough rock that preceded it. I shuffled my foot forward and felt a drop. But it couldn't have been a steep drop as the demonic duo were already ahead of me. I felt further still until my feet touched another surface, identical to the last.

They were steps. It was a stairway. Well at least it wasn't going to be a sheer drop taking me back to the Greek Underworld. Even though I still had to tread carefully with my hand on the wall at all times to steady myself.

It was still too dark to see and I thought the stairway was only going to get darker and darker as I followed the imps and wandered further and further from the light. But it wasn't long before I noticed a flicker of blue from somewhere down the way, and soon enough I saw a torch mounted upon the right wall.

Now my path had finally be illuminated, I could fully appreciate all that surrounded me. The steps I had been led down were black marble and they were decorated with art chiseled into the stone. And the walls were decorated too. With columns engraved at the top of the black walls that seemed to symbolise Greek houses. Blow them was what looked like a jagged vertical patten running all the way down to a series of skulls that ran along the bottom of the wall.

I proceeded slowly, admiring all that I saw with an essence of curiosity. More torches burning a blue fire ran all the way down the stairs and they eventually brought me to the same network of caves that I at last recognised. The journey was over, and it was time for the imps to split. I couldn't even remember their last mocking words before they scurried off. I was too busy thinking about the mess I'd gotten myself into.

Was this really the only way in and out of the Underworld for a mortal like me? If it wasn't the only way, was there not a quicker way? I couldn't be doing this every three hours, every time I needed to relieve my mortal needs. I know Pain and Panic had warned me that Hades was in a frightful mood and under any other circumstances I would have heeded their warning. It was the only comment leaving their lips that night that I actually believed.

But I wasn't prepared to live like this. I couldn't! And sooner or later I was going to need more things. Food. Water. Somewhere to sleep… May my own God have mercy on me, because I was going to have to confront Hades again sooner or later.