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**RTDU**

Entry 4: 11th July, 1999

I love England, but there is just something about Boston.

If I could properly put it in to words I would. There is just, an emotion to it. The city feels, it knows. A mix between breathtakingly old and modern, it holds to that which gives it soul and revels in what makes it new. I don't even live here and yet it feels like coming home. Flying in over the sea and coming in to land amidst the tall buildings and elevated highways, even Ron was impressed. It might be the first thing we have felt similarly on in a while. Boston is.

Honestly, we have only just arrived and yet I could live here were circumstances different….

**RTDU**

Entry 5: 12th July, 1999

Yeah, so, I have a sleeping problem. It happens frequently enough where I wake up during the night and either can't sleep for a couple of hours, or just can't get back to sleep no matter what. In this case I both fell asleep while writing and woke up around one in the morning. I blame the travel and excitement. Maybe the sex too.

Whatever. The point is that I'm awake now for better or worse so I might as well continue since I am not sure how detailed my writings are going to be this week because of the sleep schedule and all that.

Anyway, I think what I was trying to say that Boston feels like home, similar to London, but in the long-awaited home sense. It is strange to feel that way but then again it may be the sense of novelty. I've traveled enough with my parents to know that I don't feel this with every city, but maybe it is because of the marriage?

When I was young and still afraid of the dark, I would always get chills and feel presences around me. I hated being awake in the middle of the night; the power of suggestion being too potent for my mind to manage at the time. Now, after having these regular visits to the waking world during the hours that terrify a greater portion of the population, I have developed a respect for the absence of light. Curiously we have adapted to being afraid of the hours when few photons fly about us, as if their absence means we are unsafe and subject to the terrors of unseen presences and intents. I have struggled with this for some time and even though I have a light with me now while I write, I feel the essence of the night. It is as if we have personified the voids where photons do not exist. Superstitiously strange and scientifically absurd. Anything present in the dark is similarly so in the light. We just culturally condition ourselves to believe otherwise.

I only mention this because now when I am awake in the middle of the night I try to be somewhat productive rather than cowering beneath my blankets.

Perhaps that is why so many of us pity the blind; imagining that they are trapped in a perpetual darkness, that darkness we fear and personify, giving it the strength to frighten us. That too is absurd since we should all understand that the absence of sight does not mean darkness, for darkness can only exist where we disrupt the presence of photons. If you cannot see photons or their absence, then you see nothing. I can't see out of the back of my head, but that doesn't mean I see blackness behind me. I can't see back there at all, emptiness, not darkness.

We as a society place so much safety in the ability to see that when we are robbed of it either due to darkness in the night or from blindness, we conjure impressions of fear and ineptitude. And from there we attribute light and dark to good and evil, only further strengthening that impression. How foolish we are.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, though if I am to do it anywhere it should be here. Harry just smiles when I do it as if he is waiting for me to realize what I'm doing.

Ronald was rather cute today. We were using today to visit historical sites and the entire time he was exaggerating how little he knows and joking about things he didn't understand. It is endearing since he is addressing his lack of interest in academia in a more appropriate way. He can be rather funny when he does that. It kept the two of us laughing and over all he did learn a lot. It was fun and we both got a lot out of it. Ronald jokes about the things he doesn't know and Harry pretends he knows more than he does with this sarcastic drawl as if he is Draco Malfoy and it is really adorable. Yes he's learned loads since school but it is cute when he…

No. Just stop. I don't need to just keep comparing them like this. It isn't fair to Ronald. Am I allowed to? Should I be doing this? I don't know, but what I do know is that he needs me to be present with him while we are here. I owe him that. I did marry him after all. My own issues shouldn't get in the way of fulfilling my end of the vows while we are together.

God I'm awful aren't I? Why does this have to be so hard?

The food here is excellent! We went to the North End for dinner and of course had Italian. Oh my was it delicious. And the pastries….

A girl could accept adding a few pounds if she lived here; absolutely worth the weight gained.

Tomorrow we will be going to a match before heading up to Portland Maine for the afternoon. Tuesday we will go to New York and Wednesday to Washington D.C. On Friday we are going down to Virginia and then back up to New York on Saturday for another quidditch match or two before returning home on Sunday.

I do enjoy spending this time with him. When we do things like this, we don't argue as much. The novelty takes a bit of that away I think. It is times like these when I wonder if it could work after all. If only we could always be like this.

For now,

Friendship, bravery, and love.