Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.

Doing the right thing didn't make you feel better. That's what Rory first thought as she woke up the next day. And the next. Or the one after that. She had done the right thing... hopefully. However, it didn't make her feel any less apprehensive or confused. She had one landmark. Don't hurt Jess. Lol. Great starting point. It sure spoke volumes for the level of devotion she would show as a future parent. Don't hurt Jess. Great. At least it was something. One step at a time.

It was the third day of Christmas and the house was bubbling with talk and laughter. Luke and Lorelai, Paris and Josh, Tristan and Aiden, even Lane and the twins made an appearance for dinner. No one pressed her to talk or show any more animosity than she felt like. But the mood was much more high key than it used to be.

'How have you been?' Tristan asked approaching her in the kitchen where she poured sweet punch for her mother and Lane.

'Easy going like a high functioning sociopath,' Rory shrugged.

'That good, eh?' he smirked.

'How is Paris?' Rory asked instead.

Tristan's eyes narrowed. She was the one who was going through an existential crisis, wasn't she? Weren't peoope supposed to be concerned how she was?

'She's my friend, Tristan', Rory said calmly. 'I care about her.'

Tristan kept silently studying her. Was it possible that Rory had remained sensitive to the impact her oeo crisis had on others around her?

'Jess asked her for help and... it didn't go as either of them had expected. I think they got into a fight.'

Tristan's mouth moved into a smile. So it was true. Real friendship did exist.

'Well?' Rory probed.

He shrugged thoughtfully. He'd never seen Paris say so little as she did those last couple of days. It was disconcerting.

'She's been quiet. And she's Paris. So.. yeah. I guess she's still fazed.'

'They are so much alike.'

'Eh?' If Tristan was drinking a cup of something, he would've choked on it, coughing uncontrollably.

Rory let out a small sigh, as if she'd somehow expected his answer.

'Paris and Jess,' she explained. 'So hard on themselves.'

'Interesting,' Tristan put both of his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. 'I'd never thought about it that way.'

'Then you must be blind,' Rory shook her head with a small smile and started to go back into the living room, carrying both glasses with punch.

'Hey.'

She felt Tristan's hand on her shoulder and turned.

'I wanted to say ehm... congratulations,' he said quietly, almost shyly. 'I know it's not so simple, but...' he rubbed his neck and looked to the side before looking back into her eyes. 'Being a parent has been the best thing about my life and, well, I hope it is for you too.'

He shrugged, putting his hands back into his jeans' pockets.

'Plus, the sight of Mariano changing diapers is sure gonna be a treat,' he smirked, getting the playful tone back into the conversation.

'Thanks, Tristan.'

Jess walked out on the porch and stopped one step away, giving her space. She turned, feeling his presence, and he observed her face in the semidarkness.

'Hey,' she said.

'Hey,' Jess echoed.

'I'm okay,' she interjected before he asked the question.

He let out a small self-deprecating smile. Seemed like he wasn't going to ask. He was beyond that. Beyond pushing her to account for the way she felt. He wasn't gonna ask her, he'd followed her so that she had him around in case she needed him. He had let her be. Whatever that was supposed to mean. But it felt strangely... liberating.

'Did you see the way his fingers gripped her blouse?' Rory asked, mentally picturing the way Josh's small fingers clutched at the fabric over Paris' shoulder when she picked up the sleeping kid up from the sofa. It had happened so quickly - for only a moment he was gripping at his mom before he relaxed again, feeling the familiar presence. Like a permission to relax. It was so subtle, such a minor everyday detail. But for some reason it struck Rory. Somehow, it felt very important when she saw it. She saw it, noted it, remembered it. And Jess, being Jess, silently observed everything.

Jess looked up at her, giving her a small nod. He was so quiet these days. Like it was his job to register every little detail, a silent presence, a guard on watch... a spectator to his own life. He was always there, always at an arm's length, never pushing. Present without imposing. Silently available.

Rory studied his face, noting the tired strain in his features.

'It was so...' she paused and sought his eyes. 'exquisite,' she finished with a small thoughtful sigh.

His eyes flashed with surprise but he was fast to cover it. He was so very careful to watch his emotions these days. However, she caught it. The glimpse of surprise. The unexpected hope. The way he pushed them back as soon as they came up.

'It's the first time I felt joy about the prospect of being a mother,' Rory said and for a moment she thought he was cringing - he was, but it was with relief. The sudden stab of unexpected happiness. 'it feels...' she was about to say incredible but wasn't sure if the emotion would stick around for long, so she settled for 'Good. It feels good.'

Really good.

And I hope to God this feeling sticks around, she thought but didn't voice. She wanted to let him experience a single joyful moment for what it was, without ruining it with any ungrounded apprehension.

She offered her hand, reaching for his that hung idly by his side. She looped her point and middle finger around his. He made a step closer so that they were standing side by side.

'Thank you,' she uttered.

'For what?' Jess asked, perplexed.

For waiting. For giving me the chance to get there. I don't know if I will... But I'm glad we're giving this a chance.

She looked up at him, the thought that he was not the only one whose life changed because of this relationship. She had been thinking about the way he'd changed under her influence. How he'd become known to smile, and laugh, and be happy. But she had changed too. Because she was considering the possibility that maybe - just maybe - becoming a mother was something meant for her. She knew she'd never get here on her own. And she had him to thank for that.

'For giving me reasons to try this. For being patient with me as I do.'

His fingers closed around hers, the warmth of his palm spreading to her through where they were linked. And for a moment, neither of them was alone in this.

It was after breakfast the next morning when Rory found him at the porch and nodded towards the dining room where Paris was trying to talk Josh into eating a tangerine for dessert instead of an energy bar he'd sneaked from Lorelai's special stash supply.

'You're still mad at her', Rory noted. It wasn't a question but a plain observation.

The frown across Jess' brows deepened.

'You know, if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have had the bravery to go through with this,' Rory said.

Jess' look was silently surprised. And doubtful.

'You don't believe it?' She rose an eyebrow, looking incredulous, almost amused.

'Jess, thanks to Paris I know about the ups and downs of parenthood. They tell you it's gonna be hard, but no one ever really tells about what it feels like to be a wreck of a parent. And she has never been dishonest about it. She let me see that even good parents have shitty days. She showed me a realistic picture of what my life may be in a year or two. And now I know that it's okay to have doubts. Everyone has them. Good parents just don't let doubt rule their choices but it's not because of lack of times of self-questioning.'

Rory studied his face and gave a small shake to her head.

'She's only ever been herself, going through this before my eyes and being honest about it. Honesty is such a powerful weapon, have you thought about this? I know you may have had different expectations about her role in this, but I believe that in time you'll see her for what she is. I'm not pressing you to forgive her... Just be easy on her until you do? She's been our rock in times of need. It's a hard job to do, even for a wonderwoman like Paris.'

Jess' look was focused somewhere around her knees and his jaw was set stubbornly. Rory let out a sympathetic smile.

'When you were a total ass towards me, after the shooting,' she said softly, patiently, 'what did she tell you?'

Jess made a face.

'I'll tell you what she told me. She never once judged you. She understood because she recognized the love behind your choices, even though they were hurtful to me.'

Love is uncompromising, Paris had told him. I just came to tell you that I know what you're doing and why you're doing it.

'What she told me,' Rory continued, 'that she would stand behind my choice even if I decided not to be a mother - that took extreme bravery. No one else put it like her, no one else granted me the freedom to do it and still be understood. It made me feel like I had a choice, like it was okay to feel the way I felt.'

Jess' brows were set in a deep frown, his brown eyes vivid with emotion.

'I...' his voice came out deep and hoarse. He paused to wet his lips. 'I asked her for help because you needed her. And it felt like my world was about to end and was holding onto this thin thread. And there she came, cutting it and then stomping all over it, almost by mistake. It's almost random how she bulldozers through people's lives, consequences be damned.'

Rory's eyes were full of patient scolding. Jess wet his lips again.

'I have never been so scared in my life,' he uttered and it made Rory's smile wobble.

'I'm so sorry I scared you,' Rory said on an exhale, reaching out to pull him into her arms and hugging him close. 'I know it won't be easy, but we're in this together, okay?'

'Okay.'

His arms closed around her and they breathed into each other for a long moment.

'You can relax now, Jess,' Rory said against his shoulder.

'I'm afraid if I get distracted, I might miss something and everything will fall apart,' he whispered hoarsely in her hair.

'No it won't,' Rory said with some newfound determination. 'It will feel like it will, but it won't. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'Just hold on to me, we're gonna figure this out.'

'Okay.'

'I love you.'

'God, I love you.'

TBC