Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.
A/N: Finally, a Jess/Lit centered chapter. To everyone who had patiently waited for this - I hope you enjoy. Your reviews are the best motivation there is.
WARNING: THIS IS A VERY M CHAPTER for various reasons. Be warned.
To everyone who proceeds reading, I'd really like to know what you think. You know what to do.
'Twenty-six male with abdominal gunshot wound, suicide attempt. Code blue in 3rd,' Helen informed as she found Jess at the nurse's station. He left the charts he had been doing and followed her, taking his surgical cap from his pocket.
'You know the scoop?' Dr Spencer, one of the elder anesthesiologists, asked as Jess entered the OR a couple of minutes later.
Martin Spencer was in his mid fifties, divorced, and incredibly nosy. If there was a piece of gossip around St Morrison's he didn't know about, the thing probably never really happened.
Jess only gave him a look above his surgical mask and put on the second pair of sterile surgical gloves the scrub nurse had prepared for him.
'He went to the apartment of his ex-girlfriend and shot her in the head, then took their one-year old daughter and caught a cab, told the driver to drive to a gas station out of the city. As they neared the gas station, the guy took his gun out of his pocket and tried to talk the cab driver into taking the child to the police, told him he was committing suicide and didn't want to hurt the child. He pleaded with the taxi driver to take the baby but the driver got panicked and didn't.'
Jess stood, holding the scalpel in his right hand, his whole body going rigid.
'Doctor Spencer, are we ready to proceed?' Jess asked in a low voice that held a lot of warning.
Everyone who had worked with Dr Mariano knew that he wasn't into chit-chat over the surgical table, so most colleagues kept their mouth shut unless asked. Dr Jess Mariano was all business, very collected, very in control, keeping his distance when operating on a patient. He was efficient and professional. Most colleagues respected his ability to be in charge in critical situations and tried not to get in his way in the rest of the time.
'He got out of the taxi, shot the child in the head and then shot himself in the gut,' Dr Spencer continued, seemingly enjoying the cringe of Dr Mariano's otherwise unperturbed face.
Slowly, Jess tilted his head to the side, the look in his eyes dangerously blank.
'Are we ready to begin?' he asked Dr Spencer, his voice low and even.
Martin Spencer eyed Jess, his look roaming Jess' features in an almost amused fashion before giving him a slight nod.
'Sure, Dr Mariano. He's all yours.' Then, as if serving a long-awaited dessert, the anesthesiologist added. 'Both the mother and the child are dead.'
Jess didn't seem to listen anymore, his attention wholly occupied by the surgical field.
'Retractor,' Jess demanded. Then, with solemn precision, 'Cautery.'
'You okay, man?' Tristan entered the locker room and paused, eyeing Jess with silent concern.
Jess was leaning back against the wall, both of his hands in his pockets, his head resting back against the wall with his eyes closed.
'I heard you got a tough case,' Tristan said carefully. Then, as if making up his mind after studying Jess, he changed topic. 'Want a lift? I'm with the car.'
Jess hung his head back, thumping it back against the wall twice.
Tristan turned to give Jess another look, letting go of the back of his scrub shirt he had balled up to pull over his head. Instead of undressing, Tristan moved to stand beside Jess, resting back against the wall with his hands in his pockets, mirroring Jess' position.
They stood like that for a while, none of them rushing to end the silence. In a while Jess took in a deeper breath and let it out slowly.
'He'll live,' he said, something dark crossing his features.
Tristan studied the other man's profile. Jess' face was weary, his expression strained into his usual stoic calmness.
The whole cafeteria was buzzing with the news. Doctor Mariano had been called in 3rd to operate on 'the murderer'. He had saved the guy, doing the impossible to make sure the man would live, even as the man lost so much blood it got really bad and the rest of the staff had at some point given up on him, Dr Mariano had not once given up, leading the surgery to a successful end. There were comments referring to Jess as a med-bot, so ruthless and unemotional that even a spine-chilling murderer wasn't able to elicit a human emotion from him. Others were singing his praises, insisting that only a doctor who was fervently true to his Hippocratic oath could tend to a wounded patient and disregard said patient's backstory, going out of his way to save the life of a murderer. All in all, Jess was the talk of the day in St Morrison's, and Tristan could bet Mariano was less than eager to discuss the case.
Tristan's look moved towards Jess' closed fists, up towards his chest that moved with short controlled breaths. The guy was practically oozing frustration. Tristan suspected that his friend could use some sweating over the gym floor but knew better than to make unsolicited suggestions.
He'll live. That's what Jess had said. Tristan regarded Jess silently and asked himself if Mariano was a vengeful person. A small smirk lifted the ends of Tristan's mouth, remembering the beginning of their infamous bromance. Hell yeah. Jess Mariano was a vengeful bastard. A just one, but a bastard nonetheless.
The man who had put a bullet into his own child and her mother would live. This man would live to wake up day after day, the memory of what he did haunting him, getting him back to that moment where he pleaded with a taxi driver to take his one-year-old daughter to the police instead of leaving her with him because he felt what he was capable of doing. This man would live to burn in a hell of his own, because a hotshot ruthless surgeon went out of his way to make sure he would live to pay for what he did.
She stood behind him, looking over his shoulder.
'You didn't have to. I could wash them later.'
Jess shrugged, taking the soaked plate from the sink and then circling it with the scourer.
'I don't mind.'
Her hands snaked around his torso, palms pressing against his pecs and abdomen, feeling the warmth of his skin.
Jess held his breath, his hands rinsing the plate in the sink pausing under the running water.
'Tell me about your day.' Rory said in a low, hypnotic voice.
'Huh?' he asked, distracted.
She slipped a hand under his tee and both of them let out a slow sigh at the sensation of her palm against his abs.
'You've been quietly brooding,' Rory said, pressing her lips against his nape, inhaling. Her fingertips slipped an inch under the belt of his jeans. The the short hairs on Jess' nape rose. 'Tell me what's on your mind,' she mumbled against his skin, feeling his whole chest deflate as he let out a long breath.
Jess stopped the running water and left the plate in the sink, turning to face her.
'Right now,' he murmured, his eyes clouded with desire as he lifted both hands to cradle her face, moving a stray hair behind her ear. 'I think we both can feel what's on my mind.'
His voice was deep and Rory felt his breath caress her face as he slid a hand down her side, pressing her flush against his body, letting her feel all the ways in which he reacted to her.
'You've been distracted,' Rory pressed her lips to the cotton of his tee covering his pecs. He was so warm, his skin emitting health, strength and heat. She had missed that.
She felt him exhale above her head, his breath fanning her hair. She looked up to find him pinching the bridge of his nose.
'I'm sorry last weekend was so... low-key,' he finished somberly, as if failing to find a better word.
Lorelai had come to babysit last weekend, taking Allie for long walks and spending as much time outside as possible, making a bunch of not-so-subtle hints about calling before coming back, in case she might 'interrupt something'. Rory had been secretly hoping there would be indeed something to interrupt, but both she and Jess had been so sleep-deprived and exhausted, they spent almost the whole weekend sleeping in. She didn't want to impose on him, so she didn't insinuate she was in fact disappointed with his lack of desire for funny business. In all truthfulness, he didn't look like he was into anything fun-related these days. He was always stoically calm, quietly contemplating. Rory was surprised to see he had noticed her disappointment, she thought she had covered it so well. But he had always been very attentive. She couldn't hide a thing from him if she tried.
'Please ignore my mom's innuendos,' Rory looked down shaking her head, smiling. 'She thinks she's funny, she means no harm.'
He moved a hand to stroke her cheek with the back of his knuckles.
'It's been a while,' he said quietly, his voice soft and apologetic.
Rory caught his hand and turned his palm towards her cheek, kissing the inside of his wrist.
'Talk to me, Jess,' she said with a small pleading smile, her eyes searching his.
He let out a deep sigh, his thumb tracing her lower lip.
'Sometimes I wake up and check if you and Allie are still breathing,' he admitted so quietly she had to strain her ears even though they were inches apart. His voice was low and sombre and his eyes reminded her of strong dark coffee.
'Why?' she asked, her voice careful not to press.
He smiled a small sour smile.
'I worry,' he confessed with the same self-deprecating smile, shrugging a shoulder.
Rory lifted a palm to cup his cheek and he leaned into her gesture for a moment before shaking his head once, as if opposing to some argument into his own inner debate. He was always having these. Rory's brows furrowed, her palm remaining against his cheek.
'About us?' Rory asked. 'Are you worried about me and Allie?'
Jess Mariano was big on protecting what he loved. It was no secret he would move heaven and earth to keep the ones he loved safe. He was known to jump in the way of a flying bullet to save her life. He had almost killed himself while trying to protect her from his blind bitter self. Jeez. If anyone would do anything in his power to keep her and their little daughter safe, it was him. So it was no surprise he would worry about the mother of his child and his daughter. They were his whole world.
'We're fine,' she said softly, her thumb caressing the angle of his jaw. 'In all honesty, we're much more than fine.'
Jess' eyes were troubled and his nostrils flared, a shiver running through his body.
'I've brought an innocent child into a world that is cruel, imperfect, unfair and will crush many of her dreams.'
A world where fathers killed their children because something possessed them to. A world where no matter what you did, you had no control over the consequences.
Rory tilted her head to the side, studying him. She wanted to reassure him, but she wasn't sure what brought that worry into him in the first place. Jess was always trying to be the stable, responsible one. He was one hell of a quiet sufferer, stoically meeting anything life threw at him.
'Jess,' she wetted her lips, 'you and I will teach our daughter to be strong and brave,' Rory told him. 'We will teach her to take care of herself, to have dreams of her own and to recollect herself when some of those dreams get crushed.'
She smiled a bittersweet smile as she saw how his guard started to fall, the stoic worry giving way to honest vulnerability.
'We're a family, Jess. We'll meet anything this cruel and unfair world has to offer and we'll withstand it as a family. You and me and our friends, we will serve as leverage for any harm this world may try to do to our little daughter as she grows. And she'll grow up - she'll grow up to be able to take care of herself, and in doing so, she'll teach you and me so many lessons on how to be strong and brave, she'll be so amazing, she'll take our breath away. Just give her time and she'll be all the leverage you ever need.'
Jess let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
'Allie is the luckiest kid to have you as her father,' Rory said calmly, slowly.
Jess squeezed his eyes shut, a raw emotion passing through him.
'I'm the luckiest woman to have you as my husband-to-be,' she smiled, going on.
The corners of Jess' mouth moved up and he rested his forehead against hers with a soft sigh.
They stood like that, breathing slowly, letting the air around them shift as relief settled in.
Her hands moved up to take hold of his head and she pressed herself flush against him, stepping up on her toes. Her fingers slowly caressed his nape and her voice was a seductive whisper fanning his lips.
'Tell me what you want, Jess,' she said in a thick, low voice, surprising both of them. 'Look at me and tell me what you want.'
Jess' eyes opened, his breath coming out short.
'You,' he exhaled, his voice strangled.
'Say it louder,' Rory murmured.
Jess swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried to maintain control over his body's fast waking reaction.
'You,' he said in a gravelly voice that held so much hidden power it made Rory shiver. 'I want you.'
She took a breath, feeling braver, her own desire stirring, making her whole body buzz.
'How do you want me?' she asked against his lips. She felt him lean into her but she pulled an inch back, not letting him close the distance and engage her lips into a kiss. She let a small smile creep up her lips as he let out a quiet groan at her teasing.
'How do you want me, Jess?' she asked again, her voice calm and steady.
She could feel him swallow, could feel his whole body coil up.
Rory slid both of her hands from his nape down to his chest. Slowly, taking her time, she let her palms travel down his pecs to his toned abs, lingering for a moment before she slid them under his tee, feeling the soft hot skin there. Her thumbs pressed slow semicircles over his hips, then sunk lower, slipping under the belt of his jeans, exploring. As her thumbs slipped under the elastic band of his boxer briefs and brushed over the tip of his erection, Jess' breath hitched.
'Do you wish I'd rather stay away?' Rory mumbled against his ear, letting the tip of her tongue touch his earlobe before catching it between her lips, keeping it there for a moment before letting go. 'Do you wish I'd rather not touch you?' she prompted while making quick work of his belt, knowing fully well the answer.
'No,' Jess choked, his breath coming out in short gasps.
She could feel his hands grip onto her hips tighter as she pulled his boxer briefs down, freeing his erection.
'You sure?' she rubbed her nose along his jaw, lingering, while her palm moved to cup his raging hard-on, smirking as she felt him choke on a breath.
'Very sure,' he managed, his voice sounding like he had just crossed the Namib Desert.
'What do you want, Jess?' Rory didn't give up, moving back to nuzzle his neck as her palm pressed against him. She let a wet trail down his throat with the tip of her tongue. 'What do you wanna do to me?' she mumbled against his Adam's apple.
'Good Lord,' Jess hissed, his hands moving on their own accord to gather the skirt of her dress and bunch it up at her waist.
'What, Jess?' Rory moaned as he lifted her by the waist and perched her over the counter, moving to stand between her legs as he took the edge of her panties and moved them to the side, stopping at her entrance.
'Everything,' he breathed. 'I want everything with you.'
'Then what the hell are you waiting for?' Rory whispered, licking his lower lip.
And just like that, he slipped into her, both of them letting out a groan as he filled her up. Tingles broke out all over her skin and she took a sharp breath in.
'Are you okay?' he asked, his voice more hoarse than she'd ever heard him. His look was clouded over with desire as he sought her eyes, always making sure she was okay.
'What do you want, Jess?' Rory asked, her voice a breathy whimper, her own look flashing as she felt him twitch inside her. 'Let me feel what you want.'
He started to move and both of them groaned again.
'This is gonna be quick,' she heard him hiss as he created a frantic rhythm, eliciting loud gasps from her.
'Tell me,' he heard her over the thick lustful haze that fogged his mind.
'You,' he breathed, feeling his impending release. 'I want you.'
'You have me,' she said and right after that cried out, feeling her own release hit her full force. She took one of his hands and lifted it up, covering her mouth with his palm as she cried out at the new waves of pleasure. He thrust into her, their foreheads pressing against each other as she came apart all over the kitchen counter, muffling her cries with his palm. As the waves of her orgasm started to subside, she heard him let out a low curse and he pulled out of her, letting his warm release spurt over her belly and thighs as he shook with his own orgasm.
They stood motionless, breathing heavily with their foreheads resting against each other, letting reality slowly sink back in.
'We should've been doing this all the time,' she heard him say with a breathy chuckle.
Rory smirked too, trying to catch her own breath.
'You're telling me.'
Jess leaned in, catching her lips in a slow, sensual kiss, the first since he came back home from work today.
'I love you,' he whispered against her lips.
'I love you too, Mariano.'
They heard something shuffle through the baby monitor, and then Allie's voice as she fidgeted some more.
They shared a look, both of them grinning. Right at this moment, they had everything they could ever ask for.
Allie shuffled again, her voice sounding more impatient by the second.
'I'll go,' Jess smirked, pulling his boxer briefs and jeans up, buckling his belt as he left a kiss over Rory's lips before he headed for Allie's room.
'See,' Rory called after him, her voice light and happy, 'so young and already has the perfect timing. I told you she would rock.'
She heard him chuckle right before his voice sounded in a lower, deeper timbre, which she recognized as his Allie voice.
Life was often cruel and imperfect. But sometimes you got more than you ever bargained for, and in those times, it was all worth it.
TBC