"Didn't think you'd come through with that favor." Sawyer murmured with half-lidded eyes, his head rolled over the back of the chair. The warm air was humid, the unrelenting sun backlighting his eyelids scarlet.
He saw Mary's smirk out of the corner of his eye. He avoided looking at directly at her, at her faded Unstoppables t-shirt, at her long bare legs below her cut-off shorts. And if he looked too long into her sharp hazel eyes he just knew he'd end up getting lost in them, so he watched the cotton candy clouds drift lazily across an impeccably blue sky instead.
"Did you think I'd forget?" She dragged the slim razor over his exposed throat.
"Sort of. I wasn't expecting anything, really." He replied. "This is nice."
Sunlight fragmented over the surface of the water held in the basin, perched on a stool next to his arm. Her fingers were cool, soothing deft strokes against his hot skin. Trails of water drops slipped down his neck, below his collar. He could imagine it was her touch, which sent a little embarrassing thrill up his spine. Yet despite the mild awkwardness, there was nowhere else he'd rather be. When her thumb gently pushed his chin to the side, he caught sight of that dimple on her cheek again.
He resisted the urge to fidget, letting his eyes drift back shut instead. She smelled like the sap from cracked cedar, gun grease and solvents, and lingering campfire smoke. The odd fist-sized root she'd brushed in the basin of water to create a thin lather had an astringent quality to it that felt pleasantly cleansing. He'd kept bear onion and yucca root fibers in his pack ever since his stint through New Vegas, though he'd restricted their usage for utilitarian purposes only, since soap in any form was a sparse commodity. Something so frivolous like a full clean shave treatment somewhat scandalized him, though he ultimately conceded while trying to hide his bashfulness about the whole thing.
The silence between them was surprisingly comfortable, however. Mary's feather touch on his skin lulled him into a gentle trance. The looming dread of his responsibilities vanished like fog in the sunshine. Basking just outside the farmhouse, blissfully unaware of anything else but Mary's presence was borderline intoxicating, pooling an urge for complacency that he could soak in. Her hand grazed his ear, her breath the softest caress against his skin. What if he could stay? Just for a little while longer.
"You were dreaming again last night."
Sawyer frowned. "Hm, sorry. Was it bad?"
Mary shook her head, dunking the foam off the slim blade into the basin and wiping it off on a towel. "No. I didn't have to wake you this time."
The bulbous cloud that had traveled a straight line across his vision shaped itself into a kind of long-necked teapot. He vaguely recalled the violent music of delicate ceramic shattering against the wall, over his Gran wailing his mother's name at the top of her raspy lungs with the mush-mouthed accent of someone on a Med-ex bender. Gran's shrill voice had gradually morphed into Mary's low and steady tenor, a soft voice that quietly soothed him back to something closer to a silent, dreamless sleep. He'd woken up with a headache and her fingers intertwined with his.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The teapot collided with what could have been a mirelurk queen if he squinted and used his imagination. Shifting in his chair, he tried to find something else in the distance to focus on. Fuck it. "Do you have any idea how terrifying old people can be?"
She blinked and her mouth opened in surprise, but her hands remained steady, thankfully removing the straight razor away from his cheek, waiting for him to continue.
"I had this friend when I was a kid in Quincy. One time I brought him over to play, because I knew my Gran would be passed out until dinner. " He flexed his jaw while his brain collected all the pieces together. "I remember her coming out from her room, and she was wearing the same clothes she'd had on for a couple weeks. I thought she was just hung over; her eyes were glazed and bloodshot like she wasn't really awake yet, so I asked her if she wanted some water. She didn't speak for a couple of minutes, like she didn't even know I was there. But she looked right at him," Sawyer's fists curled over the edge of the armrests, taking a shuddering breath. "And she said, 'Kid, I know what you put in your mama's drink when she was growin' your baby brother. Let that envy go, or you're gonna be a monster'."
A breath of wind sailed over his shoulders, chilling the streaks of water remaining on his skin which made him shiver and itch. "She was always saying and doing crazy stuff, so I personally didn't think anything of it. But my friend booked it out of there like my Gran was a Deathclaw in a scarf and bunny slippers."
"This sounds like you thought she was a monster."
He opened his mouth for a second, then shook his head. "Sort of, a little bit. Why?"
"Because from what you've told me, it sounds like she wasn't really there for you," Mary said tonelessly, making small scrapes underneath his jawline. As content as he had been just a moment before, he suddenly longed for the comforting weight of a flask in his breast pocket. "And when she was around, nothing made sense. Remember when you told me you felt like you were always being watched when you were at home? Is that because you were afraid of what she might do to you if you did something wrong?"
"I don't know," Sawyer admitted, suddenly feeling foolish for bringing the whole thing up. "It was kind of a dream of a memory. Things were a little different. It felt like there was someone else there, someone different standing just out of sight. Do you know what I mean? How you just know there's someone behind you, until you look and there's nothing there. Like ... like if you're playing hide and seek, and there's that last person you just can't find, but you can still kind of hear them breathe and making the floors creak?"
Mary wiped the foam off of the blade on a towel. "Like a boogeyman?"
Sawyer scoffed. "Yeah. Probably. There was also this huge mural on the wall of a mirelurk wearing a curly blonde wig and a pink tutu. Pretty sure that has never existed, ever. What do you think it means?"
"Hmm," She frowned, quirking her mouth to the side as she cleaned the razor again. "Maybe you should stop eating the brahmin cheese right before going to bed."
"Thanks doc. I'll keep that in mind."
She tilted her head back and around, scanning his face in satisfaction. "Almost done."
"Oh, okay."He tried not to let the disappointment show. Mary wiped away the remnants of foam from his face with the damp, sun-drenched towel. His skin felt almost numb, lighter and cleaner than it had in months. He stroked the bare skin around his mouth and jaw, feeling as though he'd shed a layer of himself he didn't know was bothering him. Mary prodded politely. "How is it?"
"Different, like I feel a little more like a human being again."
Mary hummed and scooped his chin, pivoting his face to inspect for any missed spots, showing off the dimple in her cheek in a satisfaction. In a brief moment of clarity he realized she'd been a little nervous too. It was too much to resist poking with a stick. "So, do you like what you see?"
She actually blushed and let go cheekily, but held his gaze. "Yes, I do. Is there something on your mind, Sawyer?"
He grinned. "Just curious."
"Oh?" Her mouth broke into a seductive smile, somehow making him feel exposed. She leaned in close until her lips nearly touched his ear, speaking so softly. "Then why are you breathing so fast?"
A thrill raced up his chest, and his whole body was angled to just push up and touch her. It was a bad idea, really bad. But his willpower crumbled when she pulled back and her eyes flickered down to his lips and then back to his eyes with a reflective longing, and then he was leaning up from the chair before he could stop himself.
"Mary," Connie's low stern voice caused them both to jackrabbit up, nearly sending Sawyer tumbling over backward in his chair. He cleared his throat loudly so no one would notice his embarrassment.
Mary stoically endured her mother's frigid gaze almost a little too calmly. Connie's lip curled, the reproach plaintively obvious. "Go help your dad with the inventory."
She nodded curtly, casually dumping out the bowl of sun-warmed water and pretending not to notice the bits of foam that splattered on Connie's boots. The look her mother gave her as she plucked the duffle bag of shaving supplies and strode past could have flash frozen a waterfall.
Once her daughter was out of earshot, Connie turned that frigid gaze to Sawyer. He stood, ignoring how hot his face felt and his clammy hands dangling limply at his sides. It'd probably be certain doom to break eye contact from the mama bear now.
Connie's arms were folded against her ribs, her weight on her back leg, like she expected him to run and was prepared to chase after him. "Sawyer, I appreciate you lending my family your time and labor but it's time to revisit your intentions here."
He was expecting this. He deserved less. He hated himself for letting it get this far. "Blake has assured me a place to stay until the next caravan arrives, hopefully with news from Quincy."
"And if there's no news from Quincy? Or bad news?"
"I'll be on my way. There are important loose ends I need to take care of." Sawyer said tersely. "I've taken enough of your hospitality, and the last thing I want is to overstay my welcome."
"I'd like for that to be the case."
"I promise it will be."
Connie nodded, but still looked unsatisfied. He waited for the other shoe to drop, idly thinking he'd rather go toe to toe with Gristle again than Mrs. Abernathy in a foul mood. At least with a raider he had the option to swing back.
"You'll have to forgive my insensitivity to your situation, but my family is my whole world and I won't stand for strangers filling my girl's head with heroic ideas of running away. I know my daughter. She'll sweet talk you into taking her with you on your adventures until something better comes along, and then you'll be the thing she's trying to get away from. I'm drawing a line in the sand right now before that happens."
A knot formed in his stomach but he held his chin up. He didn't even realize that the option was even on the table. If he could take Mary with him... he bit his tongue. However...
"With all due respect, Mrs. Abernathy, but I didn't fight my way across thousands of miles of murderers and mutated wildlife, along with the soul-crushing emptiness that comes with it, searching for the woman that raised me – who could be dead, for all I know – to have you call the blood and ghosts I've left behind an adventure." He took a step forward, palms open on either side of him to soften the tight line of tension in his shoulders. "Mary is a grown adult and makes her own decisions. If it's time for her to leave the nest, that's her prerogative. I can't afford a liability when I've come so far and I'm so close. If you wake up one day and can't find her, I promise you it won't be because of me."
Connie's expression morphed into one of cold threat, if not outright disgust, bridging the last couple steps between them to bare gritted teeth into his face. "Then do her a favor and don't string her along. I want better for my kids than whatever you'll do. Have I made myself clear?"
His left pinky twitched in a desperate attempt to keep his hands idle. " Yes, ma'am. Understood."
"Good." She strode off without further delay as if their conversation was another simple chore to cross off. Sawyer exhaled the breath he'd been holding, feeling sorry for whatever task was next on Connie's to-do list.
Just as she turned the corner, something moved out of the corner of his eye. Squinting, he looked out on the craggy gray hills. His skin prickled as though a cold breeze had struck him. There, under the shade of the blackened desiccated copse of trees, came the unique sensation of being watched engulfing him. The longer he stared, the more he felt like that dingy grayish shadow of a man standing just behind the tree was staring right back at him. He blinked from the strain. The figure began to creep through the trees, away from the farm.
His heart skipped into overdrive, but he was unable to move. Raiders? Dread coalesced like heavy ice in his chest. They weren't ready for a fight, not by a mile. Sawyer had hoped the merchant caravan Blake had promised would provide a windfall before a confrontation. Not that he personally had anything of value to barter with, but the small army any merchant worth his salt usually employs would be enough to deter an assault. A couple of well-trained mercs could easily outgun a dozen strung-out, poorly regulated raiders.
He stalked out towards the trees, searching the crevices and irregular rock formations for … something. An inconspicuously prevailing shadow that'd been following him for miles. A manifestation of his neurosis, perhaps, fueling his obsession with coming home. Home? No, not yet. He hadn't planned that far. He didn't have a home yet to arrive at.
A snap of dry wood to the right. Sawyer whipped his head to the sound, following at a careful pace over logs and debris. A man in faded gray clothes, the brim of a hat hiding his face, there and gone behind the trunk of blanched cedar. When Sawyer blinked there were spots of shadow that remained on his retinas that were slow to disappear.
Words formed in his throat that never made it out of his mouth. His heart thudded in his ears with every step, his breathing becoming a mantra. He could almost hear his old friend's ghosts calling to him. Where're you goin', bud?
I know what I saw, he told himself, rounding the tree where the figure had disappeared behind, finding nothing but twigs. "He was just here..."
"Who was?"
Sawyer shrieked, jumping nearly a foot in the air and windmilling his arms. Lucy frowned at him from just a few feet away, looking him up and down, thoroughly unimpressed. He snarled despairingly, "What is with you ladies and sneaking up on people?"
She had the grace to look indignant. "I wasn't sneaking."
"I'm seriously considering putting a bell on you, just to make sure."
"I'd like to see you try." She sneered, crossing her armed in a huff. She wore a set of baggy overalls over her flannel, likely another hand-me-down from her older sister. "Besides, where I'm standing it looks a lot like you're the one who's sneaking around. What were you even looking for?"
Sawyer threw an angry glance behind him. Through the trees he could make out a steel warehouse nearly a half mile down an incline. One side was crammed with shipping trucks in a fenced off parking lot, just past a dry creek bed. "Nothing, I guess."
A rude snort made him look back in time to catch Lucy rolling her eyes. "I know well-meaning bullshit when I hear it. You're worried about the ferals, aren't you?"
Sawyer blinked slowly. "Ferals?"
She pointed to the distant warehouse. "That's what you were looking at, right? That place is radioactive, it draws them all in. They're far enough away to not bother us, but once in a while one will wander over for some crazy reason. It's never really been a problem, though."
Was that what he saw? A decayed frontiersman, lurking in the trees? Doubt sunk in the back of his mind like a splinter. If a feral ghoul was floating through the trees, then where had it gone?
"What's wrong?" Lucy inspected him from the side.
He knew what he saw. "Has anyone gone over there?"
She shrugged. "Daddy says it's not worth the ammo it'd take to clear the place out, since more ferals will eventually move in. A few months ago we heard some shots fired coming from that direction, but it was over pretty quick. I'd rather not think too much about what might have happened."
A lightbulb turned on above Sawyer's head. "You don't say..."
"Anyway..." She dragged out the last syllable as she fished out his rolled up scarecrow hat out of a deep pocket that hung next to her knee. She presented it to him by slapping the shape back into it. A soft brown leather cord that wasn't there before now dangled underneath, joined at the center by a simple adjustable knot. The cap-sized tear on the brim was patched over with a small square of faded red flannel. "I finished it. See?"
He beamed as he accepted it, feeling a surge of the warm and fuzzies. "Thank you."
She punched his shoulder. "Aw, don't mention it. But if you wanted to get me something for my birthday, that would also be pretty neat."
He nodded, gesturing for her to follow him back to the farmhouse. "Nice, very subtle. When's your birthday?"
She giggled, planting fists on her hips proudly. "I'll be eighteen next month! Daddy said he'll take me to Diamond City, but with all the crap from the raiders lately I kind of doubt it'll actually happen."
"A lot can happen in a month. Who knows, maybe you'll still get to see the bright lights and you can buy your first swatter."
"Have you ever been?"
"Nah, I grew up in Quincy. Back then the trade was good enough that we didn't ever really need to go that far into Boston. That, and my Gran wasn't in the best shape to go traveling."
"Hmm, sounds like you were kind of sheltered too."
He recoiled, but before he could pick that statement apart Lucy was already making a beeline to the snoozing cat on the back porch. Sneaky and perceptive, he'd have to remember that the ladies of the Abernathy house.
"I'll make sure to bring you a souvenir then, straight from the ol' Great Green Goblin." She called over her shoulder. "You like noodles?"
He shrugged. "If I'm still here, sure. I'd love some."
She blew the bangs from her eyes with a smug expression. "Even if you aren't, you'll wind up back here at some point. Or maybe you won't, and then my sister'll get mopey and decide to go hunting for you."
He must have looked as dumbfounded as he felt because she tossed her head back and cackled. "Oh, cute! You thought you were being all coy. Just a couple' a crazy kids in love, up to no good." She shook her head and wagged a stern finger at him. "Just bring her back before ten, not a minute later. And keep your hands to yourself if you know what's good for ya."
"You know what? I hope you get socks for your birthday." He turned on his heel and stormed away, suddenly glad he never grew up with siblings.
Okay, I know it's been way too long since an update. I was straight up homeless for a while and had priorities, m'kay? Also, I don't have a beta so any and all mistakes are my own. Thanks for reading anyway!
Shoutout to Mikoto, TeddieSage and all the guests for leaving reviews. Sorry for leaving you guys in the dark for so long, cause you guys rock.