Mary had just gotten the energy to get through the day back after Marlene's death when an unrecognizable owl swooped into her open living room window. Startled, as no one had been using owls due to interception problems, Mary had nearly blown the poor owl to bits. Phoenix laughed at Mary's sudden wand movement. When she clapped Mary's wand flew out of her hands to the other side of the room.
"Not." Mary stood up, "funny, Phoenix." She reached into a jar on the mantle and pulled out a few owl treats. The frightened owl dropped the letter and then took off, only taking what it could quickly grab from Mary as it left. "Sorry." She called after the owl. After glancing around outside, Mary decided to close the windows. It was a shame, for it would most likely be the last good day for the year. The leaves on the trees were starting to change colors, and the air was beginning to feel crisp.
When Mary turned around she saw Phoenix floating the letter just out of reach. "Seriously, child?" Mary asked, climbing precariously on the coffee table to retrieve the letter from midair. "Again," she stepped down and waved the letter in Phoenix's face, "not funny."
Phoenix only giggle and Mary smiled. The letter had no address on it, it wasn't sealed with any kind of insignia, and it felt as if it were just an empty envelope. Mary frowned and retrieved her wand from the other side of the room. Hesitant, Mary poked it with her wand, "reveal yourself." The tip of her wand began to glow, but nothing happened. Mary looked at Phoenix who had been mesmerized by her wand, "Guess that means it's safe." She shrugged at the little girl.
Mary tore the envelope open, a simple, small bit of parchment sat inside. "F and G gone on a trip. D personally escorted by him, numbers dwindling. Stay safe. Fawkes." Mary's hands began to shake. Three dead. Marlene had just been killed two weeks ago, and now three more were gone. Fabian, Gideon, and Dorcas. Poor Dorcas, none of them had listened to her when she said she felt You-Know-Who snooping around.
"Three more." Mary whispered. She threw the letter in the fireplace. The days got darker and colder, tensions outside were so thick, Mary was afraid she'd coke on it if she dared go outside. Remus, and Sirius often came over to help with Phoenix. Sometimes one or both of them would spend the night, which Mary didn't mind.
Being alone in her grandparents large, empty house only caused her mind to wander. Some nights she woke silently, calmly, her ears playing tricks on her. She could still hear the screams of Marlene's family. Other nights she would bolt upright, screaming and brandishing her wand, the flash of the killing curse burned onto her eyes. Sometimes someone would hear her. Remus or Sirius would come and comfort her. When she was alone she would pass by lost in memories until the first light of day breeched her window. Only when the sun began to twinkle in would Mary come to her senses.
On the first of October, Mary was pleasantly surprised by Alice and Frank showing up to her house in the middle of the day. "We thought about sending an owl," Alice hugged Mary tightly, "but didn't want it to be intercepted after Dumbledore's last coded message."
"I understand." Mary smiled tightly. She noticed the little butterball in Frank's arms and leaned over to be eye level, "you must be Neville." She ruffled the little boy's hair. He had Alice's messy dark hair, but his father's warm eyes.
"We haven't had much time to be with Neville, what with work." Frank explained, "and you've been cooped up here with Phoenix, so we figured we'd set up a playdate."
"How sweet of you," Mary smiled, unsure of how she was supposed to respond to the idea. "Sure, of course." She stood aside and looked at Phoenix who had somehow teleported her favorite stuffed owl from her crib upstairs to her arms. Frank went and sat Neville next to Phoenix, pulling toy after toy out of the care bag they'd brought.
"How've you been since Dumbledore's last letter?" Alice asked, sitting in one of the chairs.
"Fine." Mary admitted, "Remus and Sirius have been very helpful with Phoenix since I still don't have the hang of this 'mommy' thing down."
"Believe me," Alice sighed with a dreamy smile, "Neville is my own child and I still don't have the hang of this 'mommy' thing." Alice repeated with a grin. "But it is so rewarding, and seeing them grow up so fast," she looked content, "there's nothing better."
"That's nice of Remus and Sirius to help out." Frank smiled, "I wish my mom would stop helping out."
Mary glanced at Alice who was holding back snickers, "Why's that?" she cautiously asked.
"She won't stop trying to force magic out of him." Frank motioned to Neville, "I keep telling her he'll show us when he's ready."
"Phoenix has already shown a lot of magic prowess." Mary said, before realizing she sounded like a bragging mother, "just small things," she quickly added, "floating things, and such." She slumped a little further in her chair.
Sitting on the floor together, Neville attempted to take Phoenix's toy owl. Phoenix smartly smacked his hand away, Neville looked at her with shock and his eyes began to water. Quickly, Phoenix turned and shoved a different toy that Frank had brought at the other boy.
"I never know what's good behavior and what isn't." Mary said, leaning forward with her chin in her hands, "how am I supposed to discipline her?"
"It's a trial and error thing." Alice admitted, "sometimes you don't think a behavior is bad until they've done it a few times."
"Like Neville throwing his food at my mother." Frank laughed, "funny the first ten times, not so much after that."
"Yeah." Alice admitted with a nod, watching the children with great interest, "it's still funny sometimes." She admitted.
"It is." Frank looked at Mary with a nod.
Mary laughed, "well somedays," Mary trailed off, "when it hits me that Marlene is gone," her voice got quieter, Alice and Frank both looked at her gloomily, "it's nice to see Phoenix put up a fuss against Remus and Sirius." Mary realized she was looking off into the distance and apologized before leaning back in her chair and smiling at Frank and Alice.
"If you ever need help," Frank began.
"Help from actual parents," Alice added.
Frank nodded in agreement, "We're just an owl away." He smiled.
Mary smiled back, Frank and Alice had been a few years ahead of Mary and the others, but they were still close. Alice and Marlene having both played on the Quidditch team for Gryffindor meant spending many trips to Hogsmeade together when the team would go out to celebrate or have a pre-game party. To Mary, Frank and Alice were the ultimate couple. Powerful, smart, cute, and with the most adorable baby to boot. They were everything, Mary realized, she eventually wished she could have.
They spent the day chatting away as if there were no war going on outside, as if it were just a regular playdate between regular children. And all too soon, Mary realized Alice and Frank had to go. She would be left alone in her big house, with a child that wasn't hers, and a war sitting on her shoulders. Mary took a moment to close her eyes, she couldn't imagine the stress Lily and James were going through to keep Harry safe. Neville and Phoenix ended up getting along so well they actually pouted at being separated. It took Frank distracting Neville with tickles for the Longbottom's to leave.
Mary smiled and waved at them from inside her house, watching as they apparated away. Suddenly, she was very aware of how lonely she was. Marlene had gotten into the habit of visiting everyday since Phoenix was given to her. Then, once she'd been killed, Sirius and Remus had taken to visiting her at least for a little bit each day. Mary suspected it was because neither could cook all that well, and she provided them with at least one meal.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Mary asked herself for what seemed like the millionth time since taking in Phoenix.
October passed with more sad news. Edgar Bones was killed the day of the next Order meeting, which ended up cancelled due to the full moon. Alice and Frank sent a picture of Neville dressed up as a dementor, "we got his costume early. We're going to try to make friends with the muggles nearby on Halloween in order to place protective charms on them." Alice wrote. Lily and James also sent a letter to Sirius which showed Harry whizzing around on a broom.
"I gave it to him." Sirius proudly beamed at Remus and Mary. "His first broom." Sirius bragged.
"Prepping him to be in Quidditch already?" Remus grinned.
"You can never start too early!" Sirius proudly declared, "Harry will become the best Quidditch player the world has ever seen!" Remus and Mary laughed as Sirius attempted to defend himself.
Autumn turned the trees the color of embers, wind started biting, and the days went straight from morning to night. On Halloween night Mary was curled up in a chair by the fire, Phoenix on her lap pretending to read the book Mary held in front of them. Sirius laid on the floor, tired from playing with Phoenix during the day. He had a baby toy laid on his chest. Remus was laying on the couch, his feet crossed, and one hand behind his head. In his free hand he propped open a book, and was tiredly reading the same page over and over again.
Mary quietly read her book aloud to Phoenix who was soaking up every word on the page, despite the fact she couldn't understand any of it. It wasn't until just after midnight that the room was disturbed.
Sirius suddenly sat up, "I forgot I was going to see James and Lily today!" He looked around sleepily, "I'll be back tomorrow," he stood up. "Good night, brat, and bigger brat." Sirius ruffled Phoenix's hair and Mary's hair. "I'll see you at the pad," Sirius shook Remus's elbow. "Good night!"
"Good night!" Mary and Remus called. Phoenix reached out with both hands and made a sound that sounded like 'bye!'. Sirius disappeared outside and started up his motorcycle, having bought it in order to stop apparating and attracting attention to himself every time he went to the muggle town. At least, that was his justification, Mary suspected it was more of his way of rebelling. Against what she had no idea, but it wasn't like Sirius to make a smart, thought through decision.
"I can't believe the time." Remus sat up and stretched, "I think I'll be headed home tonight." He relaxed with a sigh.
Mary looked at the clock, "Wow, it is rather late." Two years ago, she would have easily stayed up past three in the morning, but now with the war and a child she had trouble staying up until ten. "Sorry for keeping you." She stood up with Phoenix in her arms.
"It's fine." Remus smiled sleepily at her, "I enjoy being here with you and Phoenix," He swallowed, "and Sirius, but I live with him, so does that even matter?" he mostly rambled to himself.
Mary laughed lightly. She looked at Remus, his green eyes looked tired and unfocused. "I hope the war ends soon." She blurted out. Her entire body felt light and warm from sitting by the fire. "I'm so tired of being scared and lonely."
"I'm here." Remus pointed out. Mary looked up at him, "I'll always be here." He stood up and stepped over to her. Mary felt like she was watching the scene from outside. Her house was lit softly by the fire, her and Remus were close together, with Phoenix held carefully between them. Remus said something so quietly she could barely hear him. Then, as if a fog was lifted from her mind, Remus placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was so soft, and so quick, Mary wasn't sure they'd even made contact. Remus stepped back and took a breath, "I'll," he trailed off, "be back tomorrow." And he was gone before Mary could protest or ask otherwise.
"Did that," she watched him leave and apparate away, "just happen?" she looked down at Phoenix who had gone to sleep. "Oh, you're no help." She mumbled taking Phoenix up to her room.
Mary laid down, content with the world, and ready for anything, except for the news she would receive a few hours later.
It started with the tapping and screeching from her window. Mary flinched away from the sound, turning over in bed to curl up tighter under her blankets. She wanted to pretend last night had been a wonderful dream, and stay curled up under the warmth and safety of her blankets.
The sounds grew louder and angrier. "Alright," she grumbled, throwing the covers off herself. An angry owl was scratching at her window, "I shouldn't pay you for that," she said opening the window. The owl apparently didn't care for payment as it dropped its letter and paper and took off. Mary yawned and snatched the letter and paper from the floor. She opened the letter as she walked down to the kitchen, her heart stopping when she read its contents.
She should have been celebrating. She should have been in the streets cheering with everyone. She should have been crying with joy. Instead, Mary was hunched over in her kitchen, crying over a picture that had been taken just two months ago. She'd absentmindedly wandered downstairs as she read through Dumbledore's vague letter and had dropped her favorite mug when she opened up the newspaper he had sent.
"You-Know-Who is dead!" The newspaper sat discarded on the floor. Everyone was celebrating across Europe, for evil seemed to finally be defeated. What many of them didn't know was how many people had died to get to the victory.
"I'm so sorry." Mary stroked the picture in her hands, "I'm so sorry," she kept saying. The faces of Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Edgar Bones, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, and Lily and James Potter stared back at her. So many of her friends and loved ones were gone. The sky was gray and Phoenix was upstairs crying in her crib. Mary didn't bother going to her, she was too numb.
Mary just kept apologizing to the smiling faces of her friends, tears splattering onto their immortalized faces. Each time she felt like she could move, she would look back at their faces and break down in another set of wails. It wasn't until Mary became aware of the rain outside that she moved. She glanced at the clock, noting that she'd been crying for a solid four hours.
Staggering to her feet, Mary braced herself on furniture, walls, anything she could in order to make her way to the stairs. She looked up the stairs, the climb had grown to be tedious in the last few months, the fifteen steps turning into a hike. Mary took a breath, her entire body was numb, she wanted to lay down and let dust settle on her still body. Shoving off from the wall, Mary began her climb to the crying child that needed her attention. It felt like an eternity before she reached the top, Mary doubled over as she took the last step. Every movement felt like fire, her body screamed at her to give up, but she pressed on.
Leaning against the doorway to Phoenix's room, Mary observed the little girl. Phoenix was upright in her crib, holding onto the edge and rocking back and forth. She didn't seem to be crying or screaming at anything in particular, it was as if her entire being knew how much pain Mary was in and was reacting to it. Rain was pouring down, like someone had taken the ocean and dropped it on the whole of Europe.
Mary didn't bother trying to soothe Phoenix, she was too exhausted from crying to do anything more than hold Phoenix and sit in the corner of the room. It was here that Remus found the two later in the evening. Both were exhausted from crying all day, looking as though Dementors had circled around them. "Mary?" Remus turned the lights on, "Have you been here all day?" he took Phoenix from Mary's arms. "Mary?" she didn't have the energy to talk to him, but she didn't fight him when he pulled her to her feet.
Remus helped Mary back down to the kitchen, "Have you eaten yet today?" He asked, "Has Phoenix?" Mary shook her head. She let him rummage around her kitchen, grabbing things to make a small meal.
While Remus was feeding Phoenix, Mary finally got the courage to use her voice, "Everything we did was useless."
Remus looked at her, "What do you mean?"
"Dumbledore kidnapping Phoenix, making the safehouses, all the safety procedures, everything." Mary mumbled, "Lily and James are still dead." She doubled over, covering her face with her hands, "Marlene is still dead! Edgar, Dorcas, Fabian, Gideon, everyone." She couldn't stop the hot tears that escaped her eyes, "everything we did to try and tip the war in our favor. It was for nothing."
"Add Peter to that list." Remus said quietly. Mary's head snapped up to look at him, Remus levitated two bowls of soup over to them, "Peter confronted Sirius on being Lily and James's secret keeper."
"No." Mary whispered. "Sirius would never,"
"I know." Remus said, neither touched the bowls. Remus sat across from Mary, pulling Phoenix's highchair over to the table so he could sit and feed her. "But think about it. Who else would Lily and James trust? And Sirius has been a little," Remus cringed, "off since Marlene was killed."
"But to betray Lily and James?" Mary asked quietly, "James was like his brother. He was Harry's Godfather for Merlin's sake."
"That's not all." Remus said, Mary chewed on her lip, watching and waiting for Remus to continue. "Peter confronted Sirius, and Sirius blew up Peter and twelve muggles." The air left Mary's lungs, she covered her mouth to keep herself from throwing up. "All that was left was a finger."
"Poor Peter." Mary whimpered, neither said a word. Peter had always been the awkward boy of their group of friends. But he was just as close to Lily and James as any of them. Thick as thieves with James, Sirius, and Remus. He was smart and devious in his own Gryffindor way. His sense of humor often being the reason everyone stayed up late in the common room. He was a master storyteller. Mary pressed her lips together. How could Sirius kill one of their best friends? Phoenix must have been able to sense the mood, for she didn't put up a fuss when Remus continued to feed her. "What happened to Sirius, then?"
"Auror's dragged him off. He's being sent straight to Azkaban." Remus admitted after a long silence. Mary's muscles seemed to stop work as she slumped down over the table.
"I can't believe it." She said, more tears fell freely from her eyes. Eventually, Mary sat up and ate the soup Remus had made, thanking him for all his help. Soon after, Remus carried Phoenix back up to her room. Mary followed, not wanting to be alone.
"You never had to help," Mary said, watching Remus put Phoenix in her crib. The little girl was exhausted, "she's not your responsibility."
"She's not yours either." Remus stood up and turned to look at her, "she was forced on you by Dumbledore."
"All for nothing, too." Mary crossed her arms, she wasn't sure if she'd ever forgive Dumbledore for doing such a horrible thing. Remus guided Mary to her room, "thank you, though, for helping out these past two months."
"Of course." Was all Remus said.
Mary felt bad for smiling, she waited until she heard Remus help himself to the room next to hers before she got in bed. He'd stayed over so often since he helped with Phoenix, he didn't even bother asking at this point. She tried to sleep, she really did. Before she could even think about what she was doing, Mary had packed up most of her things, Phoenix's things, and scooped Phoenix up into her arms.
She left no note, and told no one she was leaving, or where to. But, when Remus woke the next day it was to an empty house.