"Hogwarts is," Mary paused one evening, letting Phoenix into her magic room. Phoenix sat on a tall wooden stool, knees knocking together excitedly as she soaked in the dark room. "Beautiful." Mary decided. "It's a grand old castle, hidden up north." She ran a finger across the spines of old, dusty books. "Ah ha! Here it is." She pulled a book out from the shelf, she turned and handed it to Phoenix.
"Hogwarts, A History?" she asked, looking up at Mary.
"It's a few versions old," Mary explained, transfiguring a stool for herself, "but I think this is the best place to start."
"I'm really going here?" Phoenix asked, looking at the castle on the cover. It was just as her mother described. Beautiful. It stood on the edge of a loch, and stretched high into the sky. Phoenix couldn't even begin to imagine all the magical, wonderful things students learned at Hogwarts.
"Well," Mary's eyes shifted around the room, "hopefully." She smiled tensely. She held Phoenix's hands and they opened the book together. "Hogwarts," Mary began, "was founded around the tenth century by four great wizards." She turned the page, showing off the known portraits of the founders. She pointed to them as she named them, "Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Godric Gryffindor." Mary went through the whole book, letting Phoenix take her time and soak up everything.
"That's why you have the lion!" Phoenix exclaimed halfway through the book, pointing at the lion flag Mary had hanging up.
Mary smiled fondly, "Yes. I was a Gryffindor." She looked back at the lion flag.
"I want to be a Gryffindor too," Phoenix whispered excitedly. Mary gave her a sad smile, but Phoenix just went back to the book not noticing Mary's shifty eyes.
After Phoenix had read the book, Mary began pulling out more books. "These," she dropped them off on the shelf next to Phoenix, "were all of my first year books." She looked at the pile, "Well, those that I kept anyways."
"What's this?" Phoenix asked, picking up a book, "History of Magic?" she asked.
"Oh Merlin," Mary groaned, "I hated that subject," she smiled, "It's taught by a ghost who sounds like a droning vacuum cleaner." Mary mimicked his voice to the best of her ability and Phoenix giggled. Surely being taught by a ghost was sometimes exciting.
Phoenix paused, "Ghost!?" She shouted.
"Yes," Mary nodded, "There are several ghosts who reside at the castle, some are even connected to the different houses."
"Really?" Phoenix asked, Mary nodded again, "What ghost does Gryffindor have?"
"His name is Nearly Headless Nick," Mary answered, "His death was botched by a horrible executioner. His head is just barely attached to his neck." Mary held her fingers close together and held them up to Phoenix's face so she could see the little space between them.
Phoenix skimmed through the books she was given, excitedly bouncing up and down on her stool, "Why would you ever leave magic behind?" she sighed dreamily, hugging a book to her chest.
Mary's smile dropped slowly, "Bad things were happening. I left to protect you."
"Bad things?" Phoenix asked, Mary started taking the books and putting them back up on the shelf, "Like what?" she held the book she had tighter to her, not wanting to part with it just yet.
"War." Mary's voice was hard, and Phoenix saw her shoulders tense up. "War happened."
"What war?" Phoenix asked cautiously. Mary's back was to her, stiff and straight.
"A man, no," Mary shook her head and turned to look at a crinkled photo in a frame, "a monstrous shell of a man," she corrected herself, "decided that only pure-blooded wizards and witches were worthy of learning magic." She gently grabbed the frame and Phoenix could see her watery eyes. "Anyone who wasn't pure in his eyes was killed, or worse."
Phoenix didn't speak for fear of not hearing the story. She clutched the book as if it were the only thing tethering her to the real world. She was finally learning why her mother disliked anything magic. It was worse than anything she'd ever imagined, and Phoenix could almost see the death before her.
"I lost," Mary ran a hand across the picture, "so many friends. So many loved ones." Phoenix said nothing. A single tear escaped Mary's eyes. She took a shuddering breath and suddenly placed the photograph back on the shelf. "I left all that behind to protect you." She looked over at Phoenix with a gentle smile.
"But," Phoenix chewed on her lip, "is that war over?" she asked.
"It's been over for a long time." Mary answered truthfully, "I've just been too scared to go back. And I've been gone so long, it'll be worse now if I go back." She admitted.
Phoenix slipped off the stool, she cautiously walked over to her mother, "Mom?" she stood at her side, Mary looked at her. Phoenix could tell she was fighting to stay in the present, "Will you go with me?" she held out her hand.
"Of course, my dear." Mary smiled. Then, as if suddenly out of her own trance, Mary clapped her hands, "Oh! I'm actually excited! You get to have your first wand, and you're much thinner than I was, I doubt my robes would fit you. You get to have fresh new robes fitted just for you!" Phoenix's worries melted away as Mary excitedly told her about all the wonderful things she would get before going to Hogwarts. "First years aren't allowed a broom, but that doesn't mean you can't have one and play with it at home," Mary continued, and Phoenix smiled.
Her mother had come a long way since moving to the snobbish suburbs of Surrey. She no longer looked paranoid at every stranger, and she wasn't close lipped about magic. Of course, with magic back in her life, Phoenix also realized how traumatized her mother was by what had happened to get her to leave magic in the first place.
"Oh!" Mary suddenly exclaimed, "it's rather hot in here." She fanned herself, "maybe we should go downstairs for some lemonade."
"Sorry!" Phoenix shouted, "Is that because of me?"
Mary paused at the door, she looked at Phoenix with shock, "It," she looked Phoenix over, "It might be. Your emotions control your special magic."
"My weather magic?" Phoenix repeated.
Mary nodded, "It never really clicked with me when you were little, but it was always raining when you cried." Phoenix blushed. Once Phoenix had taken a few breaths the heat in the magic room had gone down.
"How can I control it if my emotions control it?" Phoenix asked.
"Well," Mary ushered Phoenix out, not caring that she still clutched a book in her arms, "if it's your emotions I'm not sure how to control it." Mary admitted, "emotions are hard enough to control without weather being thrown into the mix." She ruffled Phoenix's blonde locks, "but you're always so smart and level-headed, I'm sure you'll be fine." Phoenix beamed with pride.
Phoenix was dying to tell Harry all about Hogwarts, but knew she wasn't allowed to. It was hard to hide her excitement when he was over at her house, though, and Harry was over quite a bit. Nearly every day after school, and definitely every day on the weekends, Harry was over at the Macdonald house. Phoenix learned that Harry had a notorious sweet tooth, once he started eating something sweet that was all he wanted for the rest of the day. Phoenix loved listening to Harry tell stories about his dreams or ideas in his head. He always went on and on about being a knight in his dreams.
Dudley no longer picked on Phoenix, not after the snow incident, but had returned his focus to Harry. Phoenix did everything she could think of to get back at Dudley. He snuck an ice cream bar in from the cafeteria? She melted it. Dudley slapped chalkboard erasers over Harry's head? Phoenix crushed up chalk and smeared it all over Dudley's desk and chair. Dudley chased Harry until he nearly collapsed from exhaustion on the playground? Phoenix grabbed a handful of woodchips and hid them in his backpack for him to get splinters from later.
She was always careful about not being caught, and then suddenly, it was the end of the school year. Phoenix didn't have to worry about Dudley, and she excitedly watched the skies everyday for an owl to bring her a letter.
"It won't come until at least June." Mary said one day, watering the many plants in the sunroom.
"Why can't it come sooner?" Phoenix whined, she watched little raindrops hit the window to the sitting room.
"Phoenix," Mary's voice warned, and Phoenix took a breath to clam herself. The light drizzle stopped, but the grey skies stayed. "That's just the way it is." Mary finally answered, "But I promise we will go as soon as we get your letter."
Phoenix groaned and dramatically pushed herself away from the window, "Where will we get all my school supplies?" she walked over to the sunroom.
"Diagon Alley," Mary answered truthfully, "It's where most wizards do their school shopping."
"Why?" Phoenix jumped up into one of the suspended chairs.
"Because it has all the shops that sell all your school supplies." Mary answered.
"Where is Diagon Alley?" Phoenix began to swing slightly. She couldn't believe how open her mother had become with magic. Things Mary used to do the muggle way were now done in half the time with magic.
"London." Mary replied, she sat down in the second chair and let the water pail continue to water plants. "What are you most excited about?"
"Learning!" Phoenix answered immediately, "I want to be as good as you!"
Mary seemed lost in thought, which didn't seem to bother Phoenix. Every day was another day closer to Phoenix finding out the truth of her heritage. Were the Malfoy's still looking for Phoenix? Or had they given up hope? "What does it matter?" Mary thought, rubbing her sore head, "Phoenix's name was taken down at birth for Hogwarts. It can't be changed. I can't keep hiding her forever." Hours passed with Mary going back and forth with herself about telling Phoenix the truth. "I'll just tell her, like ripping off a band aid." She thought. Just as Mary resolved to simply blurt out the truth Phoenix spoke up.
"Mom?" Phoenix inquired. Mary hummed in response letting Phoenix know she was listening, if she'd attempted to speak just then she would have blown everything. Her heart was pounding like a trapped beast in her heart, her body felt sticky and sweaty, yet cold at the same time. "What's pure-blood?" Mary shifted and looked at her. Phoenix kept looking at the darkening sky.
Mary settled back in her seat, "How do I even begin to answer that without giving her prejudice?" Mary thought, "I am pure-blood myself, but I've already told her that it was fanatic pure-bloods who started the war." She sighed, "Best let my tongue do the talking, and my mind can sit back and deal with the consequences later." She thought. "Pure-blood in the eyes of wizards means you have only magical relatives. No muggle relatives, no non-magical children. Your magic is considered pure." In one breath she managed to sputter out whatever came to mind, there was no filter to her words. 'Pure' was probably not the word she should have used and Mary cringed at her own word choice.
"A magic person can have a kid with no magic?" Phoenix asked, she looked over at Mary. Her bright eyes were sparkling with a special kind of magic that Mary had grown to love. The sparkle of curiosity. Every child she taught had it, and it had become a magical substitute on days when Mary wished for her old life.
"They're called Squibs, and yes." Mary nodded, "muggles can even have magical children."
"Really?" Phoenix grabbed the shell of her chair to keep from bouncing with excitement. "Was my dad a muggle?"
"No." Mary answered shortly. She'd always avoided the topic of Phoenix's father. What was she supposed to do? Tell her that her father was a known killer who fought to kill all her friends? Should she have just made something up about a random man? But then that meant remembering what she'd told Phoenix incase she ever asked about him again.
"What was dad like?" Phoenix asked, peeking out of her chair at Mary.
"Why the sudden interest?" Mary asked, leaning forward to look at Phoenix. "I've told you before that he's gone. There's no family left. Just you and me." She rambled on. "Why now?" Mary thought, "I'd just gotten the courage to tell her and now," she looked at Phoenix, "I can't do this."
"But," Phoenix argued, "if he wasn't a muggle, was he a squib? Or a pure-blood? Or was he the son of muggle parents, but actually magical?" Mary turned to look at the floor.
"I have to do something." Mary thought, "I could lie and make up a person, or tell her the truth about her father. But then I'd probably just end up telling her the truth about everything." Mary buried her hands in her hair, resting her elbows on her knees, "Or I could do something else." She toyed with the idea for a moment.
Mary suddenly straightened, "your father had fair brown hair." She stared gloomily at the sky, "and bright green eyes. He was," Mary held herself in a hug, "compassionate, intelligent, brave,"
"Was he a Gryffindor?" Phoenix asked quietly.
Mary nodded, "Yes, he was." Alarms were going off in her head, "I can't believe I just described Remus." She wanted to hit herself, but the lie was out there now, "And not like it was a huge lie." Mary tried to convince herself, "He did help me a lot for those few months." She looked at the moon, "not full. Good."
"How'd you meet?" Phoenix asked, that childlike curiosity sparkling in her eyes.
"Might as well continue with the lie." Mary thought. She thought back to the first time she'd officially met Remus. In their third year Marlene had practically skipped over to her and Lily in the Great Hall, she then proudly proclaimed herself the winner.
"Of what?" Lily had laughed. Mary's heart seized as she tried to remember Lily's laugh. Marlene had come to brag about being the first out of the three to have a boyfriend. For the rest of the week Remus and his friends sat with Marlene, Mary and Lily. Both groups of friends watched awkwardly, and with enough disgust to attract a troll as the two snogged nearly nonstop.
Mary laughed softly to herself, "What is it?" Phoenix asked.
Mary looked at her, realizing she'd been lost in thought, "I met him through a friend." She answered finally.
"Was it love at first sight?" Phoenix giggled.
Mary thought back to the first time she had seen Remus. First year charms class. He was sitting across the class with James and Peter. Mary shook her head, "No. I didn't know him." She shrugged when Phoenix's jaw dropped, "I knew his friends, though, and I didn't like them at first. So," she put a finger to her lip in thought, "I guess I disliked him by relation."
"Mom!" Phoenix shoved her with all the might an almost-eleven-year-old could muster. It wasn't much, just enough to push Mary's arm closer to her body. "But," Phoenix looked around, as if reading something only she could see, "how did you fall in love?"
The same alertness she'd had when overhearing Sirius and Remus came rushing back to her. "It began when two of my friends fell in love." She whispered without meaning to. Phoenix slipped out of her chair and sat at Mary's feet. She briefly thought of Phoenix's earlier years, when she'd sit at her feet and beg for magical bedtime stories. Mary blinked away tears she didn't realize she was holding back.
"Two of my friends fell in love," she repeated, "so we spent more time together. I became good friends with him, and knew his deepest secrets." Mary couldn't stop herself, "I relied on him for so much, and before I knew it I had feelings for him." Looking back, she couldn't believe how much she pushed her feelings aside, she even convinced herself they did all that they did as just friends. "I," Mary trailed off. "Never got to know for a fact if he felt the same." Mary finished in her head. She looked at Phoenix, "sometimes you remind me of him." She blurted out.
"Well, this is as good as time as any to end this conversation," Mary thought, "I can't go anymore forward without running the risk of her finding out everything." All the resolve she had earlier to tell Phoenix everything was gone.
"I do?" Phoenix frowned.
Mary stroked her hair, "Malfoy hair," a little voice whispered to her, she ignored it. "You're kind, you're selfless, and you're so brave." She smiled. She looked in Phoenix's eyes, "Malfoy eyes," and hated lying to her.
Phoenix was silent for a moment, "If you and dad were both Gryffindor's will I be a Gryffindor?"
"It's not guaranteed." Mary admitted. "Good, get her away from the topic of family." She thought.
"What happened to dad?" Phoenix asked and Mary felt all hope for a quiet evening shatter.
"He," She trailed off, "did nothing," the little voice in her head echoed, "you were the one who ran away. For all you know, he could be dead." That little voice had been growing louder and louder the past year, and she stamped it out quickly. "Something happened at the end of our war," she said carefully, "I had to get you to safety, but he had to stay behind."
Phoenix nodded quietly. She tilted her head way back to look at the stars, which were just starting to twinkle overhead, "Do you think he looked for us?" she asked.
"I don't know." Mary whispered honestly, looking up at the stars as well. "God, I hope Remus didn't put himself through that," she thought, closing her eyes. Admitting she loved him, albeit-later than appropriate-felt good. She could physically feel a weight being lifted from her chest, although a much heavier weight took its place. She ran away from the only person left in the world who could have helped her in the past ten years. She had left and didn't leave so much as a note, not even a goodbye. Now she had to figure out how to take care of Phoenix on her own. Both in raising her, and dealing with her true heritage. Mary took a breath, "everything would have to wait for another day," she told herself. "Just another day," she told herself, just as she had been for the past ten years.
Summer flew by, and 'another day' turned into 'another day' and 'another day'. Suddenly, Mary was woken by Phoenix screaming. She grabbed her wand and raced to Phoenix's room. "Phoenix!" she called, the girl wasn't in her room. "Phoenix?!" she raced downstairs, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
"It came!" Phoenix screamed. Mary turned at the bottom of the stairs and saw Phoenix standing in the middle of the hall holding a letter above her head in triumph. Phoenix looked like a deer in a pair of headlights. Mary must have looked frazzled and furious because Phoenix sheepishly hid the letter behind her back. "I'm sorry!" she said. Mary tried to calm her breathing, but with Phoenix's euphoria a heat wave passed over all of England and Mary ended up coughing at the warm dry air in her lungs. "Sorry." Phoenix sheepishly apologized again.
"Let me see your letter," Mary shrugged off her night robe in the heat. She held her hand out patiently for Phoenix to give her the letter. Once it was in her hands she quickly opened it, her hands shaking. This was it. If Phoenix saw the last name in the letter she would start to question everything. "Please, Dumbledore, let me hold onto her just a little longer." She thought, looking over the letter without actually absorbing anything.
Dear Ms. Malfoy,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
Mary glanced at Phoenix who was looking at her eagerly, "What's it say?" she asked.
"It's just formal stuff for me to look over." Mary lied, tapping the paper with her wand, the ink disappeared, even if Phoenix somehow got ahold of it she wouldn't be able to read it without a wand and spell to undo what she'd done. "This," she held up the list enclosed, "is what you should be excited about." She grinned, playing into Phoenix's excitement.
Phoenix jumped and grabbed the list from her, her eyes quickly moving across the page, "First years will require three sets of plain work robes, black. One plain, pointed, black hat." She went down the list, "when can we go?" she asked, bouncing eagerly.
"We can go after breakfast." Mary walked past Phoenix into the kitchen, "Merlin, don't let the Malfoy's be there."
"Why can't we go now?" Phoenix snapped, Mary could hear her stomp her foot and she whipped around to see Phoenix cross her arms.
"Excuse me, young lady?" Mary asked. Phoenix had never protested or thrown a fit before, it was uncharacteristic of her. "Is her twin somehow influencing this?" She wondered. "He shouldn't be. They're not bonded." Mary reassured herself.
Phoenix's eyes widened, "I'm sorry! I don't know why I did that!"
"Your twin." The little voice in Mary's head repeated, "This is what Dumbledore was warning you about. As twins they would have easily been able to influence each other. However, they don't have a bond. Apparently, her twin has strong emotions too." Mary tried to mask her horrified expression, but Phoenix saw and she continued to apologize the rest of the morning.
After a quick, quiet breakfast, the two girls got ready to leave and stepped outside. "Oh my," Mary held Phoenix close to her as the Dursley's quickly ushered Harry and Dudley into their minivan. "I wonder why they're mad today?" Mary asked no one in particular as the doors to the van slammed shut. The two attempted to wave to Harry as the van pulled out of the driveway, but Mary quickly put Phoenix's hand down when she saw how angry Vernon Dursley was.
"You know," Phoenix held onto Mary's arm tightly, "I think maybe we should stay home today." She looked up at Mary.
"I thought you wanted to go right away?" Mary asked.
"Yeah but," Phoenix looked after Harry, Mary could feel the two ends of the rope being pulled in Phoenix's mind, "Something tells me we should stay home."
"Well we're already dressed up," Mary said, "how about we go to London for the day?" It took some convincing on Mary's half, but Phoenix eventually relented, making Mary promise they would return before supper.
The two spent the day in London, Mary let Phoenix decide everything, relishing in the thought that this could be the last peaceful day for some time. Phoenix would learn who she was at the sorting ceremony. "After I drop her off at King's Cross I'll have to leave. Surely I won't just get away with raising the kidnapped Malfoy." Mary smiled at Phoenix as she dragged her from store to store, "Even if I attempted to lie they could just use veritaserum on me, and then Dumbledore would be in trouble. Where would I even go?" Mary was lost in thought for a while before she noticed that Phoenix wasn't by her side.
"Phoenix?" she called, turning in a circle on the spot. She couldn't see the little girl between the clothing racks. "Nixy?" she called again, people were looking at her. For the second time that day, every horrible scenario ran through Mary's head. "Phoenix!" Mary began to run through the store, "Phoenix?!" Mary's body felt like collapsing. How could she lose her daughter? "She was just here!" her mind screamed.
"Mom?" Mary turned, Phoenix was shaking her hands off, "what's wrong?"
"Phoenix," Mary ran over and got on her knees, looking Phoenix over, "Dumbledore be damned. Phoenix is my daughter." She thought. Mary grabbed Phoenix's shoulders, "where'd you go?"
"The bathroom?" Phoenix tilted her head in confusion, "they didn't have towels or dryers." She shook her hands again. Cold drops hit Mary's bare arms.
Mary's shoulders relaxed. "I'm sorry." She shook her head, "I wasn't paying attention when you walked off. I didn't know where you were." She stood up and offered Phoenix her hand, "ready to go home?" Phoenix nodded, "still have that feeling from earlier?" Mary asked as they started out of the store.
"Yeah," Phoenix nodded, suddenly somber. Once back to the safety of their home, Phoenix immediately went to the backyard.
"Phoenix?" Mary followed her, flicking her wand so the kitchen would start on supper. Phoenix was in the backyard looking at the fence on the Dursley's side. "What are you doing, dear?" Mary asked.
"I just," Phoenix frowned, "have a bad feeling."
Phoenix woke early the next morning, today for sure they would go to Diagon Alley. She would get her supplies and be one step closer to becoming a witch! When Phoenix stumbled downstairs sleepily she didn't notice the screeching outside. "Shoo!" she heard a man shout, "go away!"
Phoenix blinked wearily and shuffled to the front window, she could see Vernon Dursley next door trying to shoo a parliament of owls off his car. Phoenix giggled and started to turn away when her mind whispered, "why would owls be next door? When did they get back?" Phoenix recalled Vernon shoving his family in their car yesterday. Petunia and Dudley screamed and ran for the door with their arms over their heads. Harry wasn't with them.
Phoenix pressed herself to the glass of the front window, trying hard to see something, anything that would answer her question. Why would owls be at the Dursley's? "Unless Harry really is a wizard!" Phoenix whispered excitedly. Upstairs, Phoenix could hear her mother moving around, she quickly pushed herself away from the window and went to the bottom of the stairs.
"You're up early again," Mary yawned and waddled downstairs, "want to go to Diagon Alley today?" she asked walking by.
"Can we go when Harry goes?" Phoenix asked, Mary stopped and looked at her, "There's a parliament of owls on Mr. Dursley's car. I think they're trying to get Harry a letter." As Phoenix talked, Mary walked to the front window confirming for herself what Phoenix had said. Phoenix followed her, "why wouldn't they want him to get his letter? Don't they know if they refuse the letter they'll just keep sending more? That's what you said anyways. But, Harry isn't even with them right now. I only saw Mrs. Dursley and Dudley." Phoenix rambled on. She couldn't believe her luck. Her mother was teaching her magic and now her best friend was going to Hogwarts with her.
"Those aren't school owls." Mary whispered, watching as Vernon gave up shooing the owls and grumbled as he got in his car. "Someone is just pestering them."