A/N for 2018-11-30: This chapter is an ugly one, and if you don't want to read, in the second part, about Bella's encounter with / assault by David, then skip it. If you only want a PG summary of this, I've posted one at the very bottom of the page.

~ Erin

"I know," Alice said softly, when Bella began to explain.

Bella blew out a breath, still keeping vigil at the window. She liked Alice, but her prescience was unnerving.

"How much did you see?" she asked.

"I didn't," Alice answered.

Bella looked back at her. "Then, how—?"

"We hear everything, Bella." Her voice was soft.

Of course. She felt stupid, having let this slip from her mind.

They heard everything.

And they were politely pretending they hadn't.

This was a small price for being with Edward.

Privacy.

He was worth it, she decided. Again.

"Oh good," Alice said, sighing a little, like she was relieved.

Bella turned back to look at her.

"I like having you here," Alice said quietly. "Being part of our family, but I know it's difficult."

"I won't say it isn't a bit awkward, but," she swallowed, trying to say the words. They stuck, but just for a moment. "I love him."

Alice exhaled. It sounded like she wanted to say more. Bella caught her small smile, and nod.

"Do you want to call your counsellor?"

Bella glanced at the clock. "At three in the morning?"

"I hear it's what they do. Counsel."

Bella laughed. It made her sound lighter than she felt. "Kinda not business hours."

There was a soft creak from the bed, as Alice sat on it. Bella wondered if the making of this small noise was for her benefit. Probably.

"Did he frighten you?"

Bella didn't want to turn away from the window. Its coolness, pressed against her cheek, reminded her of Edward's touch. "No."

Alice said nothing.

Without turning, Bella said, "It reminded me of something I'd rather not think about"

"I see."

"Do you?"

"No, not that way, no, but I can imagine."

Bella nodded.

"Being with him helps you, though, normally."

The smile was almost automatic. The nod was emphatic.

"You're going to be OK, Bella."

"You seem certain of that," Bella mumbled. She wasn't feeling it so much herself.

"The future is the product of choices."

Bella shrugged. As if being well was as simple as a choice.

"You don't strike me as someone who wants to keep struggling."

A tense laugh bubbled up from Bella. "No. I'm trying, Alice."

"Yes. So are we."

A lump obscured throat. She had to nod a few more times before she could speak. "Thank you"

"You don't have to thank your family, Bella. You just get to count on them."

- 0 -

Edward was a canvas, brushed wet with the reach of dancing trees. Dark smears ran across the breadth of his shirt, reminding him of Bella's tears. Choking in an angry thing that would've been a sob, if it could be, Edward redoubled his speed.

Her mind had opened to him—like a dahlia unfurling itself to the sun. It wasn't like any other he'd ever encountered.

It was like catching a bomb. Her thoughts were a violent condensation of memory.

He'd already been so caught up in the joy of being with her, that letting his body react physically had almost pushed him completely beyond control. He'd known precisely how easy it would be to shred the flimsy cloth barriers between them, and then fantasized about what it would feel like, her flesh clothing his.

But one monster had escaped with the other. If her thoughts hadn't become audible to him, he didn't doubt she'd be dead right now.

Dead.

His hand caught a tree and the wood splintered. He kept running.

Put more distance between her and himself.

Yes, he thought. More from her, and less to the man who hurt her.

He could deal with David.

He made himself stop, bending over and moaning at the restraint.

He couldn't. She hadn't asked him, and much as he wanted at least to sate his vengeance, he wouldn't risk hurting her.

The forest floor absorbed his fisted frustration.

Her incendiary memories were struggling to escape from where he'd locked them away, and now he let them explode, her experience from months ago assaulting him.

David, as he'd presented himself, had been shown into the small, locked room, where Bella had been waiting. Been kept.

"She good?" Mac had asked.

"Looks it," the man had replied, gaze sliding up, then down Bella's nervous body.

She sat on the bed, hands clenched in her lap. Mac's promised 'calm' from the drug had descended in an eerie cloud of fuzziness. She felt half numb, an emotional tundra, barely able to absorb what was happening. The drug left her roaring up to frantic awareness, then sliding back into dumb acceptance.

The man had worn a rumpled grey suit. His shoes were neatly polished, but the soles showed signs of wear. Not new. A working man. In his hands, he had two glasses, which he'd set down on the small table. From his coat pocket, he'd plucked a small bottle of something dark and amber. He'd set this on the table too.

"Want a drink?" he'd asked, uncapping the bottle, and pouring its contents into the two tumblers.

"I don't drink," Bella had tried, clearing her throat.

He had looked at her sharply, then let a sly grin slide over his face as he chuckled. "Sure you do. Here," and he'd held out a glass.

She hadn't moved, hands still tightly clasped together.

The memory of her terror made Edward's stomach convulse.

"C'mere," David had said, putting the glass down, jerking his head towards the chair. There had been only one, and he'd claimed it. "Name's David."

Still, she hadn't moved.

"Come here," he growled. It was a demand.

She'd stood, and approached him. He'd opened his arms, making his expectation clear: to sit in his lap.

She had, gingerly. Like a nervous cat.

David's hand had claimed her hip, steadying her.

The sounds coming from Edward's throat stopped abruptly as he realized how much noise he was making. He hadn't even checked to see how far from civilization he was. He moved onwards, scenting carefully, steeling himself against the continued passage Bella's memories made through is mind.

David had chuckled. "They weren't kidding. You really are fresh."

Bella said nothing in response, focusing instead on breathing.

"Swish and gargle first," David had said, putting the small glass in her hand.

"Pardon?"

"Gargle, you know?" He'd tilted his head back and imitated with his dry throat. "Tastier than mouthwash."

She'd almost choked on the drink, its fire burning down her throat.

He'd patted her back, laughing again. "You were honest. Not a drinker."

When she'd recovered, his hand had slid lower, now kneading the flesh below her hip.

"You nervous?" David had breathed out boozily.

She'd been so afraid, she couldn't speak. Edward knew she'd kept the phrase, 'just flesh' running through her mind, trying to assure herself that it was just that: two bodies meeting, a transaction in skin. And other things.

A very intimate one.

She'd closed her eyes and nodded.

"OK," David had said. "Here, get down for a sec."

He'd pulled his belt off, tossing it the short distance to the bed. Then he hooked his jacket over one of the short posts.

At this point, Bella had taken stock of David. His hair was sandy, skin with a hint of olive to it. He had no accent, but the one of the region, and her best guess as to age was early to mid thirties.

Not quite old enough to be her father.

When he'd sat back down, he'd unzipped his fly.

She'd turned her face away, blushing.

David had laughed openly. "Nothing frightening sweetheart. C'mon, over here." His hand gestured to the floor in front of him.

She'd almost gagged on the notion itself.

Edward actually did.

When David had pushed her away after her body rejected what he'd attempted, his face registered multiple shades of displeasure.

"On the bed," David had said quietly. Too quietly.

Just flesh, she'd told herself. Just flesh.

The man laughed at her inexperience, as she sat down on the mattress edge.

"I didn't mean to sit. Take that off," he said, standing, brushing a finger down the side of her shirt. When she went to turn away, he said, "No. In front of me."

So she had, looking down at the floor, trying not to flush with shame—and anger.

Then he pointed to the skirt. "And that."

She'd stood clad in the underclothing Patty had pointed to. The underwear and bra were artfully strung suggestions. The stockings that gave up at her thighs remained the most substantial clothing on her.

Edward tried to will his mind to speed beyond this. It stubbornly refused.

David had came close then, hands brushing over her torso and then her hips. His fingers had curled into the top of her panties, beginning to slide them down. "Take them off."

She'd finished the motion he'd begun, setting the small pile of clothes aside on the chair.

"Hands and knees," David had muttered, shuffling off his trousers and underwear.

"What?" she'd asked, not understanding. She'd expected something else.

"Get on your hands and knees."

With her back to him, she'd waited, arms shaky.

The first waves of the alcohol had sloshed up against the drug they'd given, leaving her woozy and uncertain.

Then she'd felt his hand between her legs, and jerked forward.

David had let out a slow, bubbling laugh. "It's easier if you relax."

Edward let a bitter smile form at her reaction to this. It was just a thought, but it was her, deep and true: She'd fought the urge to stick her foot back and kick him where it would hurt most acutely. She hadn't. She knew her actions would only boomerang painfully back to her.

Here, or on a boat to God knows where, had been Mac's words.

Here, she'd decided, was definitely better. At least he had a condom on.

Then something that hadn't been a finger, or a hand, pressed between her thighs, and her body twitched way from him again.

Edward closed his eyes, wanting to stop seeing, knowing this was futile, pressing his hands further into the ground. How could he have been so stupid? Letting his body react that way?

David had huffed out a breath, then picked up his belt.

Bella had gasped, terrified of what he was going to do with it. As she tried to move away, he'd shoved his hand into her back. "Down!" he'd barked.

She had, trembling.

He'd slipped the belt around her chest, just below the line of her bra, and tightened it. The shrinking circumference had stolen her air, edges cutting into her flesh. He'd set the heavy buckle into her back. His hand pulled on the tail of its length, keeping her in place against him.

Then she'd felt him find the space he'd paid for. Her eyes had watered as her face contorted, but she'd remained silent.

The pain had been a surprise. She'd expected it to be uncomfortable, or sting, but not that. She twitched when he moved again.

"It's OK to cry," David had said, his hand circling at her back. Like he'd wanted to soothe her.

Edward toyed with offering such comfort while he dismembered the man.

She'd been too drugged to really fight, so when a flare of range had made her try to move a leg to kick at him, David had just chuckled, the belt and his hand exerting all the leverage he needed.

When he'd finished, David had stayed there for a bit, making appreciative sounds. "Go," he'd finally grunted. "Clean yourself up."

Bella hadn't looked, but had smelled her own blood, slippery at her thighs, and now Edward did too.

It was the perfect, and most violating innoculation against the wanting of her blood.

He would never harm her that way. Ever. That monster was obliterated.

It was the one good thing that had come from this horrific memory.

Bella had stood, legs shaking with anger and fear, and walked to the bathroom in as dignified a manner as she could. The belt tail flapped impotently at her back.

David had used the bathroom next, coming out and chuckling again at her sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to shrink into nothing.

"Pick your side of the bed," David had said, pulling off his shirt. "What's your name?"

"Birdy," she'd said, voice monotone

"I'm planning on sleeping. Birdy. You can too."

It wouldn't be hard, Bella had realized, between the drugs, and the alcohol, and everything else the day had presented.

So she'd laid down carefully, sliding under the sheets. They'd smelled clean. She'd hoped they were.

"Comfy?"

She'd nodded—the most tentative of movements.

"Good."

Then he'd pulled out a set of handcuffs from his jacket, and she'd frozen in fear.

Edward audibly gasped.

"Oh no, nothing like that," David had chuckled, the metal ring dangling from his hand.. "Just want to make sure you can't kill me in my sleep."

Then he'd grabbed her right wrist, and clicked the cuff on in a way that told her he knew how to do so professionally.

He's a cop, Bella had thought.

Her breathing had morphed into a distressed panic.

He's a cop.

Edward remembered Mark's own confused, and distressed memories of arresting Bella, and he understood now, with a mortifying clarity, why she'd slipped into a near coma when she'd been taken into custody.

David had not been immune to Bella's reaction. "Maybe just the one then," he'd said, clicking the other end of the cuff onto the bed frame.

"Just making sure I can sleep. 'K?"

She'd known his words were only spoken to assuage his own feelings.

"Sure," she'd managed.

She'd been certain he'd have both her hands in them if she'd said anything else.

David had turned out the lights, coming back to bed, and smacking the pillows around, shuffling them into various positions. She'd waited, her back to him, and then felt his hand slide over her torso, coming to rest on her chest. He'd patted around, and then fumbled at her back, releasing the belt.

She hadn't said thank you. She hadn't wanted him to imagine any other acts or constraints she'd have to show her pleasure at being released from.

Sleep, or something like it, had taken awareness from her.

She'd told Edward that sleep wasn't so easy. That it didn't feel safe. Now he understood why.

At some point in the darkness, she'd woken to David making less than careful use of what he'd purchased. This time, her hand had remained pinned above her, tingling painfully. She'd been so startled, and frightened by what she was feeling that the air came out as a choked sob. Just the once, though, because David's hand had clutched at her throat.

"No," he'd growled. "I'm bein' nice to you sweetheart."

His grip had tightened at her silence.

"Tell me it feels good." Another order. Then his fingers had released a little.

She'd sucked in all the air she could between his thrusts.

"It feels good," she made herself say through her shrunken throat.

"Fucking right it does."

His rutting had continued on, hands squeezing in other places.

This time, his finishing had left him collapsed over her, his sweat dripping onto her.

She'd wanted to kick, scratch or bite him.

Don't worry, Edward thought. I'll do far worse.

When David had finally unlocked the handcuff, he'd shoved at her roughly with his elbow. "Go."

When she hadn't moved immediately, he'd repeated himself. "Get out. I'm done with you."

But as she'd reached the door, his voice had caught her. "But see you tonight, sweetheart."

The volley of memory ended there, and Edward made himself stand, taking in air. His control was fully restored, and he turned himself, and began running towards the centre of his world: to Bella.

.

.

.

PG SUMMARY of Part 2: At the end of the previous chapter, Edward allows himself to become physically aroused with Bella. Instead of reassuring her though, Bella recalls what happened with David, and has to move away from Edward, angry with herself. Edward hears her memories in this moment. Unbeknownst to Bella, his control has completely disappeared, and he is on the verge of giving in to his blood, and sexual lust. Her horrific memory stops him, and he flees in that moment. Putting as much distance between himself, and Bella as he can, he finally stops to let the memory play out in his mind. In it, he smells Bella's blood, the context so horrifying that he is completely inoculated against any blood-lust for her. He describes that 'monster' as being 'obliterated.' While tempted to go after David, he stops himself, not knowing what Bella wants, and not wanting to risk hurting her. Finally, after being gone almost an hour, he turns and heads for home.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.