A/N for 2018/12/26: Still with me? A joyous second day of Christmas with you - and happy reading!
~ Erin
"Edward," she whispered, as he set her down in her room.
"Yes?" he said, face still strained with worry.
"You need to change me."
He blinked, staring at her.
"No, Bella," he whispered back, horrified by the idea. "No"
"Then I can't do this," she choked out.
That slithering dread, the one that had taken up residence when she was missing, reappeared. He said nothing for a moment, trying to hold onto her with his eyes. Finally, he dared to ask, "What, exactly, do you mean by that?"
"I can't stay, attracting danger, being vulnerable, being your weak link."
"You are not a weak link, Bella. You're so much more than your human form." He shook his head. "You don't want this," he waved his hand at his chest, "this frozen half-life—"
"I don't need another man telling me what I need, what I want, what my life should be." She took a deliberate step back from him.
"I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your life, I'm just trying to make sure you have one."
She looked down, taking a breath, and then releasing it. "OK." It wasn't a sound that indicated agreement. Turning from him, she picked up the phone from its cradle, and fishing around on her desk, pulled out a small card—Pam's, he saw. Her back to him, she punched in the numbers, and Edward's stomach slid further down his midsection.
The call picked up on the first ring. "Hi Pam, it's Bella Swan. . . . yeah. Fine thanks. Yes. . . . I know. . . . sorry to have made everyone worry. I . . . yeah, I'll talk to Charlotte. . . . I was wondering if that placement in Port Angeles was still available . . . "
Edward moved to stand in front of Bella, hands on the desk, his face in front of hers, all its lines begging her to stop, to not leave.
She met his eyes, and something shifted there. "It's just . . . the job prospects aren't so great here. . . yes, but hardly a long-term thing. Maybe you could look? . . . just want to explore my options. . . . thank you. Yes. Talk to you soon."
She hung up.
"You are asking us to take your life away, Bella. Your life. We can't put it back if you change your mind."
"I won't change my mind."
"Your life, Bella. We're dead, you know this. We don't change—"
The layer that obscured her thoughts disappeared, and he could hear what the Dacian had told her.
"My life is already gone, Edward. I'm in your life, and if you think what happened yesterday won't happen again, you're deluding yourself. I'm dead, either because someone slips up when I get—I don't know, a papercut, or another of your kind finds me because they find you, or because they tell the Volturi."
She turned, and pulling out her bag, began stuffing things into it. "It's so obvious!" she yelled. "How can you not see this?"
What he could see was her preparing to leave him, and having just plucked her from danger again—found his living heart again, he couldn't have her leave, even if the cost was offering an ending that made him shudder in horror.
Alice's vision had remained unchanged. He'd seen it as they had searched, and feared it would be at the hands of the one who'd taken her. He hadn't made peace with the idea, but Alice had told him it was better than her being dead.
Or now, her leaving.
He pressed his hands gently to her arms, the gesture begging her to be still. His voice shook with feeling, as he spoke, "You're right. It is is not my choice, what you do with your life, and I won't stop you." He had to breathe deeply before saying the next words, "If you want to be like us. But I'd ask for time."
All her movement stopped, as she stared, stunned, at his face.
He could see the comprehension blossoming in her shifting features.
She hid her surprise quickly.
"Time for what?" she countered.
He sighed. The notion of it pained him. "To bring your human life to a close, for you to finish school. It would draw too much attention to do otherwise."
"But what about the Volturi?"
"Alice will see, if they'll be a problem, which is very unlikely. If they are, then the timeline will change, but," and he felt his face twist painfully. "I want you to live long enough, that you won't ever resent us for stealing your life. Because that's what this will be." He rested his forehead on hers, breathing in, sighing.
"You're trying to delay," Bella said, trying to pull away. His grip remained, gentle, but pleading.
"No," he whispered back. "Give me a few years, please."
"No."
"Please, Bella. You've already asked for something else, too, which I've said I will, but—"
She understood, and blushed, thoughts suddenly full of other things. "Will this change that?"
"No, but I don't want to rush you on any front."
"I'm not being rushed. Not if we're talking years."
"I do have a requirement, if you want it to be me, to change you, though."
Now she looked suspicious. "What?"
"I want you to marry me."
"WHAT?" she spat.
Now it was his turn to stop, surprised, and moderately alarmed. This was not the reaction he'd anticipated, despite the timing.
He didn't frown, but his eyebrows pinched together, and he watched the emotions swimming over her face. "Is marriage so scandalous to you?"
"No, just—" she fumbled for words, blushing intensely.
Now he grinned.
"Are you laughing at me?" Her face grew serious again.
"No," he said, and hoping to show her exactly what he felt, and wanted with her, bent down and kissed her, not with the passion that flared in him, but with the softness he hoped to offer her. The resolute presence he would be.
It left her, as it always did, mildly stunned, and her pupils flickered in their focus before settling again.
"Marry me," he whispered.
"People our age don't get married, Edward."
"Yes, they do. They would have in my time."
Now she blushed again. "Things have changed a bit since then."
"Certainly," he acknowledged, the grin widening.
"Now, teenage marriage is the capstone of 'Look-at-me-I'm-knocked-up'."
He laughed. "No issue there."
"My parents didn't exactly have a good run at marriage young."
"That doesn't mean we won't."
"Yes, but—"
"Is that a yes?" he asked playfully, knowing it wasn't, letting his lips stamp sweet kisses along her neck. She made an incomprehensible sound in response to his touch. "You ask for eternity, but marriage—a simple ceremony, a piece of paper, this is the sticking point for you? What is it that frightens you about this?"
"I'm not frightened."
"Then marry me. Bella." He faced her again, taking her hands in his. "I will never leave you. I will never lose faith in us. And I want to declare to the world, in every possible human way, that we are one, and that its forces have no compulsion over us."
It was her that stepped up on her toes to reach his lips, small tears making a path down her cheeks.
No, he thought, no. There could be no sadness in this.
"When Alice showed me you'd been taken," he whispered, cheek pressed to hers. "I felt completely dislocated. Like someone hadn't just carved my heart out of me, but as if the world didn't make sense anymore. There were no boundaries, nothing. The idea of you being hurt, or gone. No. I couldn't. And to have you back," he breathed out, "I'm found with you. The world is righted. The sky is up. The sea is level. Everything is right—with you."
"Yes," she whispered, the tears not stopping.
He blinked.
"Yes, I'll marry you."
- 0 -
"We couldn't smell him," Edward said, watching her fumble with her piece of toast. She saved it, just, swiping a lick of peanut butter before it landed on her shirt. "He was very careful not to touch anything with you, either, so we couldn't track your scent."
"So how did you find me?" she mumbled through her mouthful.
"By chance. Jacob followed the scent of the pair we'd gone to hunt."
She swallowed, and he followed food as it slid, a constricted lump, down her throat. She understood how razor thin her rescue had been.
"Once he found them, he alerted the rest of the pack, and they us." He shook his head. "He was reckless, attacking on his own."
"He saved me, Edward. I don't think the—," she fumbled for the word.
"Dacian."
"I don't think he could have defended me from the two who attacked."
A familiar guilt gripped him. "No, I suppose not." He would give Jacob that small piece of credit.
"Jacob's OK?" She asked, the tremble in her voice telling him she was afraid to. "And the wolves?"
"Yes, they're all fine."
"Oh good," she sighed. Then she dropped her toast onto her plate. "Wait, do the Webers know I'm—"
"Yes, they all know you're home, that you're safe. The Webers, the police—"
Her gaze flicked up at him. "You mean Mark."
"Yes, I mean Mark. He's coming to see you today. To apologize."
"He is?"
"Absolutely." He felt his forehead wrinkle. "Rightly so, for terrifying you. He wanted to earn some favour by giving Jessica a dressing down in front of you."
"He—wait, he did?"
"But don't tell him that. He only thought it." Edward grinned a little, watching Bella absorb this information. His hand found hers, and he toyed with her fingers, wondering if she would wear his mother's ring.
"OK," she said. "I need to call Sally, tell her—"
"She knows your safe. Trust me, you don't need to do anything today, unless you absolutely want to."
"Except work."
His flinch was invisible to her. He wasn't sure she had a job to go back to. The Newtons had joined the daytime search party. Edward had heard enough of Mrs. Newton's thoughts to wonder if Bella's employment remained. The rumour wheel had spun viciously, thundering over all the other talk in town. Various versions of what had happened were littered in people's thoughts. Few of them offered kind characterizations of Bella. Jessica Stanley had seen to that. He didn't say anything, not wanting to raise unpleasant, and uncertain possibilities.
"I think the Newton's will understand if you miss work today."
"I already cost them their Sunday looking for me. No, I'll go in."
Edward wished Alice hadn't been so forthcoming about who had helped with the search. Every new name seemed to weigh Bella down with gratitude, and then obligation, at each person's gift of their time."
"You've barely slept, Bella. Or seen Mark, or really been checked by Carlisle."
"I'm fine—"
"Let's recap: You were so terrified that you ran into the woods in the middle of the night, where you were abducted, and held against your will. It was only after the man you love convinced you that he was going to kill you, that you were rescued. When you came home, you called your social worker at Six AM to discuss a new foster home placement."
"I also said I'd marry you. Should I call that into question, too?" She arched an eyebrow at him.
"No," he smiled back. "But you might take the day off. Sleep. Talk to Charlotte. Absorb what's happened to you. Be kind to yourself."
She took another bite of toast, smiling coyly. He watched her hand tremble as she chewed. "Maybe."
Edward heard the distant, but distinct sound of a car shuffling off the main road, and to the long gravel driveway.
"I think Mark is on his way here now, actually," he said softly, ear cocked, still listening.
The tremble in her hand grew.
"He just wants to talk to you Bella. To apologize. Trust me. He knows how much he screwed up."
Carlisle and Esme appeared now.
"You're tired," Esme said, putting a gentle hand on Bella's back.
Bella nodded through a yawn, but accepted Esme's hug.
A surge of happiness bubbled up in Edward. He knew that the family had welcomed Bella, but to see it lived in these small gestures was a deep joy.
There was a thunk as the car door was shut, and then the soft gritting of feed over gravel. The sharp rap at the door made Bella jump.
"He's just come to apologize," Edward murmured softly to Bella.
"Yes, just—a little jumpy."
Of course she was. Edward struggled to keep his resentment of Mark, and his poor choices in check. The man was generally competent at his job, but he'd had the worst luck with Bella, and his sense of obligation hadn't helped any.
Esme and Carlisle greeted Mark at the door.
Bella stood beside Edward, her hand pressed into his. He could feel it wobbling there.
"Hi Bella," Mark said.
"Hi," she said in return, voice suddenly rough with nerves.
"I wanted to come and check on you, make sure you're OK."
"I'm fine, thank you."
Mark's thoughts became immediately suspicious, hearing the way she spoke, but he made himself veer away from such speculation. He reminded himself that it had been his suspicions that caused so much trouble already.
Good, Edward thought. At least he was learning.
"I wanted to apologize, for frightening you to the other night."
"OK," Bella said, voice still tremulous.
"I knew Jessica was drunk, and I wanted to scare the crap out of her, for what she'd done. I never meant to frighten you. I'm sorry, I just didn't think—"
"No, you didn't," Edward couldn't help but agree.
Mark flicked his gaze towards Edward, considering saying something sharp in return, but decided against it. "I'm not sure if you know, but your Dad trained me, Bella, and I owe him a lot. When he died—" He glanced at her, assessing the response his words were creating.
Bella only nodded. Edward knew, from the tremor that his own hand stilled in hers, that this affected her far more than she wanted to show.
"I wanted to repay him, by helping you, and I've—well, clearly I haven't done well on that front. I'm sorry."
Bella nodded.
"Please understand, that I only mean well."
"Thank you," Bella said, "but I'd prefer if our paths didn't have reason to cross. No offense."
"None taken. I do, however, need to talk to your foster parents for a bit."
Bella looked up sharply at him. "Why?"
Now Edward interrupted. "A trial date's been set. We just heard yesterday."
"OK, and?"
"You're testifying against a criminal organization. He just needs to talk about the safety precautions that will be put in place."
She nodded. Edward could see the questions brewing in the pinch of her brow. If she wasn't asking them, it was because she didn't want to in front of Mark.
Mark had sense enough to tell her first. "I'll be explaining this to Carlisle and Esme too, but just so you hear it from me, your identity will be concealed, and you'll testify from behind a screen, using a voice modulator."
"I don't want that."
Mark's eyes widened. He spoke slowly. "I'll need to speak with your guardians about that."
Bella's jaw clenched. "Sure."
Mark nodded, and walked towards the kitchen, where Carlisle and Esme had retreated.
"You don't want anonymity?" Edward asked.
"Why will I need it?" she shot back. "With you around? With me . . . different."
Edward's jaw clenched at the thought of this, but said nothing, not wanting to argue when they'd already made so many agreements in such a short period of time.
"Would it hurt to have that anonymity? Because it protects Sally, too."
The transformation in her face told him she hadn't considered this. "Of course. I hadn't—" she sighed. "I didn't think about that."
"Be kind, remember? To yourself?" He said softly. "Maybe head back to bed?"
She chuckled. "So eager to get me back to bed?"
"If salacious innuendo is what it takes to get you there, then yes."
Her laugh was throaty. Her face loosened, smile wide, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Sure."
"Good," he said, sweeping her up into his arms, and jogging to the stairs.
He was rewarded with a delightfully high-pitched, "Edward!" as she fought to hold on. In the background of his mind, he could hear Mark's speculative disapproval, as he imagined what they were off to do. Edward's smile stretched wide in response. How little the man knew of love. Edward would count himself happy to watch the woman he adored slide into a state he could only envy, wondering at the secrets her dreams held.
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.