Posted 2019-01-06
Bella's face was a solid flush, her jaw working, as she struggled to put words to her uncomfortable thoughts.
Charlotte sat waiting patiently. She'd already murmured a quiet, "It's OK, some things are harder to talk about than others."
No shit.
"I don't want to think about him, when I'm with Edward."
The 'him' required no explanation.
"It's a perfectly normal, human reaction to compare experiences—"
"I don't want to compare those experiences. I don't want them to be comparable in anyway."
"I'm not suggesting they will be, Bella, but some of the elements will surely draw comparisons. Better to be prepared for that, ready for that, than to try to deny them."
Her stomach contracted, just thinking about this.
Charlotte shifted the topic slightly. "How is the 'small steps' program going?"
Another blush, hidden by the first one, made her cheeks warm again.
"OK."
"OK as in I don't want to talk about it, or you feel like you're making progress?"
Bella glanced up at Charlotte's soft form. For all her matronly appearance, the woman had sharp edges—no, that was unkind, she told herself. Sharp senses. A a pointed mind.
"We are—making progress."
"How are you feeling about that?"
Amazing.
"Uh, good."
She was trying hard not to remember the progress they'd made the night of the bonfire. They'd spoken earlier in the week about letting nature take more of its course . . . with limits.
"Clothing needs to stay on, and hands need to stay on top of it," Edward had said.
Bella had looked at him incredulously. "Er . . . exactly what do you see being different about what we're doing now, then? If clothes stay on? And hands over them?"
Edward hadn't answered with words, but instead, had slowly trailed his index finger from her cheek to her neck, between the two nubs of her clavicle, then down between her breasts. His cold touch left a line of fire in its place, and by the time he kissed her, her breathing was a series of irregular pants, her mind trying to keep up with the sensations his fingers were pulling from her hips.
"Good!" Charlotte said, startling Bella's reverie. "I try to avoid giving so much advice, but I will give you some now, because I feel it's important. When you do find yourself making comparisons—and I don't doubt that you will, I recommend you don't fight it. Let the thoughts happen. Affirm where you are in the present, and most importantly, don't hide what you're experiencing from Edward."
This last piece of advice made her head whip up. She felt like she'd swallowed her tongue. "That seems . . . cruel." She imagined what he'd seen in her memory, and what such words would draw in his mind.
"Being honest about what you're feeling is never cruel, Bella, though it can be hard to do."
Yes, it could.
She wanted to spare Edward reminders of the ugly things she'd experienced, but knew the way past what haunted her was through it, one way or another.
Charlotte's gaze found the clock on the wall behind Bella. "I'm mindful of the time. Before we close, I wanted to touch on the trial that's coming up this week. How're you feeling about that?"
"Fine. A little nervous."
"Nervous about what?"
"Forgetting something. Screwing up. Looking stupid. Having people think I'm not credible."
Charlotte scribbled something on her notepad. "Anything else?"
"Not really, no."
Charlotte's pencil paused in its noisy progress across the page. She folded her hands over each other. "So, would it be fair to say you're feeling some performance anxiety?"
Bella considered her many failed performances in multiple venues. "Yes."
Charlotte nodded, but her eyebrows were too tight together. "No other concerns?"
"No, but clearly you have some."
Her counsellor lifted her eyebrows in acknowledgement. "The gang you're testifying against is notorious. Surely you've seen some of the press coverage?"
"Yes."
Bella noticed that Charlotte didn't mention the threats some witnesses had received.
"I'm not worried about my safety, if that's what you're wondering about." Bella hoped Charlotte wouldn't want to press to hard on this point. With one of the Cullens nearby at all times, and Edward with her near constantly, she had no worries on that front at all.
Charlotte nodded slowly.
"The police have arranged protection," Bella mumbled weakly. It was true. Perhaps Charlotte would think her naive enough to believe in this protection.
"Of course," Charlotte said, smiling a little.
Bella let her insides relax a little.
This lien of dispensed with, Bella listened as Charlotte began talking about some of the other things the trial might entail. She paid attention, as best she could, but underneath it, was the very distracting feeling of hope that was building, as the trial date neared. It would bring this part of her life to close, and she wanted nothing more than to do just that.
- 0 -
"We'll meet back here for one, then, and go in together, alright?" Jason said, shifting his legal briefs to his other hand. He glanced at his watch again.
Edward and Bella nodded, hands linked, as Jason walked away.
"Let's go get you some lunch," Edward said, squeezing her fingers.
Bella, whose stomach was twisting with nerves, said, "Maybe later."
Edward brushed her cheek with his fingers. "Nothing bad is going to happen. And you still need to eat."
"I'd rather not risk losing my lunch on the stand, thanks." The anxiety she'd mentioned to Charlotte was in full force.
Edward sighed a little. "Fair enough, but let's get something in case you change your mind."
"Sure," she said absentmindedly. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom."
"OK. I'll wait for you in the lobby." He lifted his chin towards the area down the hall from the courtroom. There were a small stand that sold sandwiches and coffee.
She mentally wandered through the testimony they'd rehearsed with her lawyer, Jason, and then with the prosecutor. There had been some maneuvering from Jason that had made the charges against her be dropped. When she asked how, Jason had smiled and said, "legal stuff." Edward had quietly explained later, in tones that were anything but condescending, the finer legal machinations.
"Their case was very weak, Bella," he'd finally said. "They had a poor chance of prosecuting successfully, and your testimony against this gang is much more valuable. They see it has high risk to you, as well." Then he'd leaned closer. "Not that anyone would have a chance."
They'd spent the night in Edward's apartment, and would again tonight, driving home in the morning. She'd been anxious about being there again, and before they even got into the elevator, Edward had offered to take her somewhere else.
"No," she'd said, "it would be a waste of money."
He'd stopped the shaking of her head by lifting her chin with his finger. "Your comfort, or peace of mind, is something I long for. It is never a waste."
She'd made a flippant comment to hide her discomfort. "Just put a tiara on me and call me princess."
"I just might," he'd said, "if you'd let me."
Then he'd kissed her as they stepped into the elevator, and she hadn't really cared about where they were, or when they'd last been there.
With all these thoughts swirling in her mind, Bella was a bit distracted when she left the bathroom, stopping to use the water fountain. As she bent over to get a drink, she smoothed down the tailored knee-length skirt, part of the ensemble Alice had assured her would look appropriately professional for a court appearance. The water pressure at the fountain was low, and it took awhile to get enough to adequately wet her throat.
"Nice view," a voice drawled from behind her.
A voice she recognized.
She stood slowly, giving herself a moment to try to slow her breathing. There was nothing she could do about her frantically beating heart.
Then she turned.
David stood there, the same grey suit she remembered adorned by a prominent police badge clipped to his breast pocket. "You in trouble sweetheart?" he asked. "Or trying to pick up customers in more interesting locales?" His grin was a leer that dredged up the memory of their last meeting.
She shivered.
He was leaning against one of the building columns, and now stood, flicking something off his jacket. He didn't even make eye contact when he said, "I'm free for a good time if you are."
Her instant rage was so strong that it felt like it held a shape. Mentally, she flung it outwards, hoping that Edward heard her thoughts clearly.
"I'm not in trouble, no," she said, feeling her face pale with rage.
"You sure? You look scared."
"No," she said, holding her ground, hands stiff and flat at her sides.
"Well good," he said, coming closer. She felt his fingers flick her hair off her shoulder. "I like the good girl look on you."
Behind him, Edward appeared, his face sharp with determination. To her great surprise, he didn't rip David to pieces, but instead, looked around the empty hall, and nodded grimly at her.
He'd heard her thoughts.
"Good," she whispered to David, stepping closer. "Because there was something I wanted to do last time, that I didn't get to."
"Really?" he asked eagerly.
"Yeah," she whispered, as he moved in closer to her, body at ease.
She slid her hands up his forearms, like she meant to caress them, but gripping tightly at the elbows, and as hard as she could, brought her knee hard into his groin.
Edward was there almost instantly, Bella pulled behind him.. She wondered if she was deluding herself, in thinking that was a flicker of pride she'd seen on his face
David was bent over, groaning into the floor. She could have stood there watching it forever, but he began to stand up far too soon for her liking. His face was dusky with rage. "You bitch! You are so going to regret that!"
"I don't think so," Edward growled.
"She just assaulted a police officer idiot. She's up to her eyeballs in trouble!" He wasn't looking at Edward yet.
"Is this the man that raped you, Bella?" Edward asked her calmly.
Of course it was. Why was he asking?
Then she understood. "Yes."
"Rape?" David laughed. It gratified her to see him holding himself as he did, like the sound hurt him. Like she had hurt him.
Good.
"She's seventeen," Edward said. "And was coerced. That makes you a rapist. So go ahead, call it in. I can't wait."
Now David looked at them both, and his face paled.
"Of course, I'd be delighted to call in this 'assault' for you," Edward said. Then he leaned in, and in a voice that made Bella shiver, hissed through what she knew were bared teeth, "Or you can run. And I'll find you later." Then he grinned with such menace, Bella actually gasped.
David ran. It was the most gratifying, near drunken stumble down the courthouse hallway Bella had ever hoped to see.
When she put her hand on Edward's shoulder, he spun around to face her. His visage transformed immediately, and his hand was at her cheek, "Are you alright?"
"Me? I'm fine. I'm . . . " She felt exultant. "Amazing."
His eyebrows pinched together, gaze sweeping up and down her body.
"Don't. Really, I'm so happy right now. He ran away, scared. And I finally got to knee him."
"I meant what I said to him, Bella."
Her stomach fell. She trapped his face with her hands. "No. He's not worth you doing something you'll regret."
The expression on Edward's face told her he disagreed.
"Promise me you won't do anything, unless you talk to me," she said.
He almost groaned, hand running through his hair.
"Promise," she said again. "I can file a complaint now. I have his name and badge number."
"The chances are so slim that way Bella—"
"I know, but this is my choice, and I choose for you not to do something you'll regret." She placed her hand, still chilled from the shock of what had happened, to his cheek.
"I wouldn't regret it for a very long time," he mumbled, but she could feel his anger waning.
"Together. We'll find a way together."
Their foreheads came together, and she breathed out her next words, "Promise me, please."
He sighed. "I promise."
- 0 -
As far she could tell, she didn't screw up on the stand. Both Edward and Jason assured her that her testimony was as they'd rehearsed.
"You actually looked more collected—calmer than I expected," Jason said. "You do some deep breathing or something before hand?"
"Something like that," she mumbled.
Edward's face held its impassive mask, but there was a twitch when Jason turned his back briefly.
After making their farewells to the lawyer for the day, Edward turned to Bella. "I'm proud of you. I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier."
She blinked. "You are?"
"Of course. On both counts."
"I've been waiting for your lecture on staying safe . . . er, before I testified, I mean."
"Do you really think I would have stood by and let that happen, if I didn't think it was safe?"
"I knew it was well out of your comfort zone."
"How?"
"You get that look on your face. You get a wrinkle, right here." Her finger brushed between his eyebrows.
Capturing her finger, he pressed it to his lips. "Here's to having fewer wrinkles, then."
"Fewer wrinkles," she agreed.
DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.