All I started with was the line "If I had something left of my mother's…" for Killian, and somehow when I went to write something further with it, it became a whole rumination on 4x16 and Emma's rift with her parents in the aftermath. However, Killian "I hope it's my job to protect your heart" Jones managed to make it work, and I'm really kinda fond of how it all turned out.
I still don't own them and sadly never will, but I'd still love to hear what you think!
"Only Memories"
He sighs, dipping his head to avoid her searching gaze, needing to steady himself and firm his resolve before Emma stares right into him in that particular way she has. There is no telling the good it does a reformed brigand like him to have the woman he loves turn to him when she is unsure, seek his advice when she needs answers, but – while he knows his opinion on the matter at hand – he wants to be sure his answer is best for her and not simply what he feels for himself, colored by over two centuries of pain and loss.
"Emma…love…" he looks up at her from under his lashes, chancing the tiniest of playful smiles and the debonair arch of a dark brow. "It would seem to me that you should treasure the item, keep it close to you, no matter the current discord between yourself and your parents. Clearly the piece means a great deal to the Lady Snow for her to have kept it all this time, hoping for a chance to pass it on to you…"
He trails off when Emma's lovely, bright gaze clouds darkly and she shakes her head in frustration. Biting her lip, Emma is clearly battling within herself for a moment before she speaks harshly. Only an attentive ear like Killian's would hear the ragged anguish and disillusioned uncertainty in her voice behind what masquerades as simple anger. "How can I? It feels like I'd be saying everything's okay again…and it's not! They lied to me, Killian, when I was so sure they never would. It feels like she only gave it to me to get back in my good graces. Some pretty keepsake doesn't change the fact that they did something horrible and then covered it up so they could go on pretending they are these perfect heroes. They sentenced someone else to a horrible life of darkness with no way out, to be sure I would be good! I can't just forget that!"
Her eyes practically burn him as she stares back, demanding honesty but also assurance and help. Reaching out a hand to cup her soft cheek, Killian cannot help marveling at the blazing warrior his Swan is. Regardless of her time and place in the modern world, wearing skintight jeans and a sheriff's badge as they patrol the streets of Storybrooke in her yellow monstrosity, she is every bit the Savior Princess she was born to be, a shining hero he would truly follow to the end of the earth. No magic – either curse or charm or blessing – could make her into the woman he sees before him. Emma is good, and her heart is true, all on her own, despite any other machinations by well-meaning parents or sorcerers and apprentices, dragons or Fate itself. Emma would still be Emma – will always be Emma – just as she is, and he believes that with every fiber of his being.
Looking back down to the delicate bracelet clutched in Emma's fist, he sighs, realizing he must give her his full reasoning, give her all of it and admit his weakness, if he intends to help her see she does not want to face the same separation and loss he lives with every day. For a moment, his mind's eye conjures unruly dark hair, black as a raven's wing and much like his own, along with slate grey eyes crinkling in laughter, so reminiscent of the long-dead brother he adored that it makes his breath catch in his throat. There was once a lilting female voice singing sea shanties in place of lullabies on a barren, windswept coast, a woman who gave her best traits to two valorous sons and who loved them both with all her heart. Holding what he has of her tightly as his reason, Killian faces the golden beauty before him, more determined than ever to forge on, to ensure that Emma does not have to hold her loved ones only in memory.
Wetting his lips, Killian tries again, voice low and soothing. "No, it is too much to forget, but…I do believe you must forgive them, Lass." His presses on before she can open her mouth to answer, needing to get the words out now that he has begun. "Aye, Darling, your parents made a costly mistake, but do you not think they have tortured themselves over it ever since? As long as they have been themselves again, they have lived with the guilt and hated the fact that you would think less of them, be disappointed in them, and angry with them. They must have so often feared what is happening right now…losing you once more."
This time Emma doesn't even move to interrupt him, simply gazes back into his eyes, blinking away tears and sniffling quietly.
Her pirate attempts to add a brief touch of levity to his words, but his chest tightens painfully at the memory of that year he spent without her, knowing that she didn't even remember him, and his voice is choked when he adds, "It's a devastating prospect, Emma…losing you."
She shakes her head at him, the Lost Girl still inside her wanting to scoff in disbelief at his ardent words, but unable to doubt his sincerity.
"Come, Lass," her pirate whispers, leaning over to brush just the faintest touch of his lips to her cheek. "She's your mother. If I'm being completely honest, I do not wish to see you come to know as I do what it is to lose that bond. If I had even one thing left of my mother's…"
Emma's throat narrows sharply at the wash of raw emotion flashing through his depthless blue eyes. Killian has never spoken of his mother to her before, and she knows it must cost him to bring her up now, and therefore, just how much it matters to him that she understand. Her mother is still here, and no matter what her mother and father did in the past, it was done out of love for her, from a desire to protect her. She sighs, knowing it won't be easy to overcome, and that she won't be able to look at her parents quite the same way she did before. But will she give them up, bar them from her life in anger, when they've admitted their remorse and want so badly to make it right? That will hurt those she loves more – and punish herself as well.
Smiling sadly at the man beside her, she presses her hand against his chest, right over his heart, taking comfort in its steady beat under her palm. She hates that he knows the pain of being alone all too well, knows intimately the orphan mindset she may never quite shake. "You have do an eye for the real treasure, don't you, Captain?" she whispers, leaning close enough to practically breathe her words over his lips.
"Pirate," he reminds her, the storm in his eyes passing over as one of love for her takes its place.
Emma knows she needs to speak to Snow and Charming, start working through the past that has come between them, but for now she will take comfort in and listen to the needs of this man who has always made it his first concern to protect and mend her heart.