Posted 10 Feb 2019

"What are they doing?" Beckett asked the female spy in the seat next to her.

The guys were in the back of the SUV. Some of the guys. Castle, his father, and Casey had left in another vehicle for their various assignments. This SUV included the rescue team, Sarah, Chuck, Hartley/Volkoff, and herself. Chuck and Hartley were in the back.

Beckett still wasn't sure about this plan, but she was much happier going into the lion's den with a team instead of having Castle in there by himself, with no backup. Jackson Hunt's plan was crazy. She wondered how a father could risk his son like that. Castle's experience with bombs consisted of ripping out all of the wires. Castle near a bomb wasn't a plan. It was hoping they got lucky.

While this plan might be more likely to work, with Chuck singing and Hartley melting down, this plan just might be crazier for completely different reasons.

"I think it's from…" Sarah hesitated, "Star… Wars."

"Yes, it's The Imperial March from The Empire Strikes Back, the second one, or episode five if you want to count that way." That wasn't Beckett's question. The singing wasn't that out of tune, but the music itself was unexpected.

"That's Star Wars, right? Not Star Trek?"

"Yes." Beckett wondered how this woman be married to such an obvious nerd as Chuck but not know The Empire Strikes Back?

"Good. I was thinking Indiana Jones for a second."

"That's a series and a character, not a movie. John Williams did both scores."

"He did? Huh. He didn't do Star Trek too, did he? Because that didn't sound the same as the others."

"No, a bunch of different composers did the Star Trek movies." Time to get back on course. "What are those two doing?"

"Getting into character. Chuck and Morgan did it once. It helped Morgan a lot on a mission in which he played an Italian arms dealer. He had to start thinking evil so he could act evil."

"Chuck sings like this before rescue operations?"

"Oh no. Chuck does this growling thing when he pretends to be evil. Or he drinks cheap chardonnay when he's hacking. This routine is for Hartley."

Chuck stopped singing as Hartley broke in, "This isn't working Charles. I had nightmares about Darth Vader for three weeks after seeing that movie."

"Have you seen Jedi yet?"

"No, what's that?"

"It's the third in the trilogy."

"They made another one. The horror!"

"Actually, Lucas went the cute route with Ewoks. They're like these adorable walking teddy bears that are really good at guerrilla tactics."

"Sounds terrifying."

"No, no, no. They're good guys." Chuck sighed. "The music isn't working. We need to try something else."

Everyone was quiet as Beckett wondered if it was too late to get back to Hunt's plan. Maybe it could work if she went in with Castle, not that she knew much about bombs.

She quietly asked Sarah, so the guys couldn't hear, "Does Chuck still have the Intersect?"

Sarah evenly responded, "The Intersect was removed from Chuck twice: once by his mom and once by a rogue member of the CIA who is now dead." Kate noted that wasn't exactly an answer to her question.

In the back, "I know!" Chuck growled a bit and cleared his throat. His next words came out grainy. "My name is Alexei Volkoff."

"What? I thought I was Alexei Volkoff."

"You were. Repeat after me. My name is Alexei Volkoff."

Hartley tried—very poorly. It came out kind of weak.

"With more gusto. My name is Alexei Volkoff," Chuck gruffly said.

Hartley tried again with marginally more enthusiasm, but it still was on the pathetic end of the spectrum.

"Do it from your throat. My name is Alexei Volkoff."

Hartley started three times, trying to get the throat sound right. The last try sounded like he had a cold, which was still better than the previous attempts.

"Put more hostility into it. My name is Alexei Volkoff."

Hartley fell back into his genteel English accent. "Charles, I don't think repeating that name is doing anything."

"When you were Volkoff, you were the world's most evil weapons dealer. You were a villain, sir. Your name struck fear in the hearts of even the toughest of swine. And that name was… Alexei Volkoff. You say it like you mean it! I'm quoting you as Volkoff, now. 'My name… is… Alexei Volkoff. World's biggest bad-ass. Killer of men, conqueror of nations!'"

"I know, I know. You told me I was a mean, dictatorial, conniving, manipulative, amoral, limey with relatively good teeth. I was a monster." He didn't sound like a monster.

"Let's do it together. My name is Alexei Volkoff." Hartley joined in. "My name is Alexei Volkoff. My name is Alexei Volkoff."

"Maybe you should be Volkoff," Hartley suggested.

"It won't work. They'd never buy it. I don't look like him. You look like him. You were him. You just need to channel your inner anger. What makes you angry?"

"My daughter Vivian's boyfriends. She's become kind of… how do I put this delicately… promiscuous. She has two regulars and a rotating door for other random men she picks up. I have to put Lawrence of Arabia on the tele. The sweeping music drowns out their noise. I really should get my own place, but I missed so much of her life I feel I shouldn't leave her alone no matter how much she resents me. She became evil even without the Intersect, because she fell in with the wrong crowd. What kind of father would I be if I didn't keep an eye out for her?"

Ok, that was too much information for Beckett, but Lawrence of Arabia? Really?

Sarah whispered, "Trust me, you don't want to know." Kate must have expressed her horror out loud. "It's one of those things I was happy I forgot, until now."

Not hearing the front seat commentary Chuck said, "Imagine you are going to see one of Vivian's regulars."

Hartley growled. For a moment, Beckett wondered if Casey was in the car.

"That's good. Now hold on to that feeling. You are going to stop him from… from…"

"Vi-o-lat-ing my daughter."

"That's it. Hold on to that. Now add a Russian accent. Yes, I know you don't have a Russian accent. Neither did Volkoff. That's why he Anglicized the name. Just make your best attempt at a fake Russian accent, and speak from that angry place, using your throat."

"My Name Is A-LEX-EI WOL-KOFFFF."

Even the soft hum of the SUV engine seemed distant after that introduction. With the chill still running down her spine, Beckett realized this plan might actually work.

In his normal voice, Hartley said, "How was that, Charles? I think I might have frightened myself a wee bit with that one."

Then again, maybe not.

A/N: Unlike "Chuck & Sarah vs Their Next Adventure," this story does not have songs for each chapter. This chapter has a song. The song is obvious.