Chapter Eighteen: Static
Rei must not have paid much for a whore like you. Nagisa toyed with his gold necklace as he absent-mindedly stared at his laptop. The office windows were all blank as a thick mist rolled over the city. Country bumpkin. Wannabe jezebel. He hadn't worn a skirt in the two weeks since the disastrous party - the conclusion of which Rei was entirely ignorant to - thanks to the eyes he could feel following him everywhere, making a spectacle of his every movement, gazes which he once imagined were admiring. Despite the screen of fog, he felt exposed to the world, like he was in a room in which he could only see his reflection, everybody outside able to look in...
A vibration indicating a text interrupted him from his melancholy. The screen announced that it was from his boyfriend, but he wasn't all too sure he wanted to answer. He felt cheap, vulnerable, worthless... and seeing all that his boyfriend had, all that he had been able to give with ease had lately sparked jealousy in his heart, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore. A night in his society illuminated the vast difference of worlds they lived in. Out of habit more than wanting to see what his beau said, he checked his phone.
From: Rei Ryuugazaki
Are we meeting for coffee?
From: Rei Ryuugazaki
I'm here. Where are you?
Nagisa sighed and prepared his things to leave. He slipped his wallet into his pocket, leaving behind his laptop and messenger bag, and let Rei know he was just running late (a lie - he barely wanted to go). He stepped out of the building onto the wet street, and reluctantly made his way over.
Nagisa was somewhat surprised that when he arrived, his boyfriend looked to be in a worse mood than he was at the moment. In his depressive state, he assumed it was his own fault.
"I'm sorry, Rei," he murmured as he slipped into the seat across from him. He didn't have the heart to lie to his face, but he did feel a little guilty. The attorney sent him a questioning glance.
"Whatever for?" he mused, folding his newspaper and setting it aside. He'd been reading it for once, instead of working on the daily crossword.
"You looked upset that I was late..." the blond prompted, wrapping his hands around his warm coffee.
"Oh, it's not that," he replied, waving it off and placing his head in his elbow. "It's this case I'm on, against Sophia Wiseman. It's not going well, and it doesn't help that - that Curley fellow is at the bench, constantly glaring at the witnesses while I'm trying to cross-examine." His face took on a haughty sneer that Nagisa had never before seen on the otherwise gentle man, and the mere mention of his name was enough to get the blond to recoil. Rei cocked a brow. "I wish you'd file a report," he sighed, the irritation in his gaze replaced with worry.
"We've been over this. No. It's definitely not worth it." Besides, he thought, his verbal 'sparring' with Kenton would come out, as well as the drink incident.
"It doesn't matter that nothing will come of it - it'll be attached to his file, and it'll follow him wherever he goes. You don't have to press charges."
"Rei, I don't want to argue about this today," he groaned. A lecture on law from his boyfriend was so not on the menu. Rei heaved a great sigh.
"Well, think about it," he insisted, refusing to give into the younger man's reluctance. The blond replied with a noncommittal hum, and the subject was dropped. They sat in silence for a while, sipping their coffee, before Rei cut in again. "Oh, I forgot to mention. Daiki and Satsuki are in town. They wanted to meet you."
"Isn't it early? You said that basketball season didn't end until March," he commented with a frown. If it was over this early, that didn't bode well for the star's career. The attorney sighed.
"My idiot brother has overexerted himself, it seems," he explained wryly. "He's injured, so he's been excused for the next couple of games to see a physical therapist here." Nagisa recognized the begrudging tone as his boyfriend simply being worried and not wanting to admit it, and despite himself, he grinned.
"Will he be all right?" he inquired, trying to look serious. An injury could signify the end of a career, after all.
"Oh, he'll be fine, he's just in a rotten mood. He hates routine - check-ups, practice, you name it," the older man replied with considerable exasperation. "If you can put up with his foul temper for a night, I thought you could come over for dinner after my trial tomorrow. Are you free?"
"That sounds great. My deadline is Wednesday, so I only work a half day."
"I'm in court until five, so you can some over at seven." He sipped at his coffee, clearly dreading the prospect of a trial. Having finished their usual round of complaints, Rei pulled out the daily crossword, and they spent some time filling in the blanks with one another, but thanks to the blond's tardiness, their time was fast used up. They both returned to work sooner than they would have liked, but perhaps feeling a bit better than when they'd first got there.
When he arrived at Elite's building and stepped onto his floor, he found a curious scene unfolding in his boss' office. Most all other employees had stopped to watch as well, from Hana and Michael from publishing, to the usually out-of-the-way tech gurus peeking out of their rooms. Nagisa cautiously took his seat beside Gou.
"What's going on?" he murmured to her, as an obscured masculine voice shouted from Ms. Amakata's office. The woman herself said nothing in reply, lips pressed in a thin line and arms folded. The blond couldn't place her look, but rather pegged it as significantly more than displeased - other than that, he couldn't say.
"I have no idea," Gou whispered back. "One minute, she was having Momo file reports, and the next he was out on his arse when that whirlwind of a man burst in."
"And that's final, Miho!" called the gruff man, his voice now clear as he opened the door to her glass office and stormed out of the building. Nagisa recognized him as one of the London executives from his time as a secretary, and curiosity stirred within him. He glanced back to the older woman standing in front of her office, face unchanged as whispers erupted around the office at the exec's dramatic exit. He saw her take a steadying breath.
"Are we a gossip magazine?" Her voice shattered the quiet. It was a question she'd often ask when spying her employees slacking off.
"No," the room chorused sheepishly, Nagisa's voice among everyone else's.
"Then stop that yammering and get back to work! Our deadline is tomorrow!" The tension dissipated at routine reply, and everyone scurried to look busy. The young columnist decided that if she was up to her usual strict banter with the office, then she was fine. No disaster could amount from one little displeased executive. The exchange was soon forgotten, not only by him, but by the rest of the office with the hustle of the approaching deadline. The remainder of the day flew by as he polished his article, and by the end of his workday, he realized he'd be late in seeing his father if he didn't dash out of the building and onto the next bus to the hospital.
Nagisa hadn't been to visit Ken since Christmas, though his sister had kept him company as she settled into her London life. It was a text from Emi that had prompted him to meet her at St. Lucy's and enjoy an evening together - and the idea coming from that workaholic was certainly rare. Guiltily, he realized he'd been slacking and the only reason why she hadn't said anything so far was because she'd been just that way for seven years. Still, it wasn't any excuse on his part. He arrived a little past the scheduled time of five, finding a tense Emi standing in front of the hospital in the cold. So much for relaxing together.
"Finally," she muttered as he sheepishly hopped off the bus. "How've you been?" she asked as they hopped out of the biting chill.
"All right," he lied, trying to keep the stress of New Year's Eve off of his face. Thankfully, the brunette woman looked too distracted herself to notice his feelings. "How about you?"
"Me? Oh, I've been okay... The spa kit's coming in handy," she informed him with a sigh. They exchanged half-hearted smiles as they collected visitor's passes and approached their father's room. "Did Dad tell you why he asked us to come?" she suddenly asked in a hushed tone, just outside his room. The blond's heart gave a sharp drop at the serious look in her eye.
"No," he replied in a higher voice than normal. "Why?" She shook her head.
"He didn't say anything to me. He just asked if I could make you come tonight," the officer confessed. The siblings took a breath and entered the room, evident concern etched into their faces.
Their father wasn't in his wheelchair. Ken was lying in his bed, gently smiling at his children as they stepped into the room. The evening sun bounced off of decorations that had been forgotten since the holidays. Like Nagisa and Emi, dark circles and a faintly wrinkled brow were the only evidence of what was likely countless sleepless nights.
"I'm glad you could both make it," he told them, gesturing for them to sit. The blond's own apprehension spiked at the lifeless greeting. For once both siblings were quiet as they obeyed his orders. "Dr. Greene spoke with me today," he stated after they were settled, a smile still masking his features. "Emi, Nagisa... They've found a tumor in my spine." A cloud passed over the last light of the day. The blond blinked several times, the words rolling off of him like rain. "Now, they don't know if it's - if it's cancerous or not, but it needs to be removed, along with part of my vertebrae. This surgery is going to be different from the others... It's more expensive and higher risk," he confessed.
"Higher risk? What's that supposed to mean?" Before the writer knew what had happened, he was standing, the chair screeching out from behind him. His heart beat a mile a minute. It was like receiving the call all over again, 'Colonel Kenichi Hazuki has a life threatening injury...'.
"... I may not make it out," he stated simply after a moment, all efforts at cheerfulness dissipating from his face. "But without the surgery, there's a greater possibility that it could hemorrhage, and I will most certainly die." The colonel, looking older than he had ever looked before, leaned back against his pillows. "A funeral will be expensive," he mused with great detachment. "It's a cost you'll most likely be faced with sooner than later, which is why I leave the decision of a surgery up to you two. Look at me." Nagisa collapsed back in the chair, and Emi lifted her face out of her hands despairingly. "I cannot in good conscience choose this myself, knowing the cost of the outcome either way. I don't want to burden you."
"You should've known we'd say yes without you asking," Emi replied hoarsely. "We'll manage just fine."
"I have emergency savings for stuff like this, after all," Nagisa agreed, strengthened by his sister's resolve. His sister nodded in agreement.
"I didn't spend everything on my move, and my rent here is actually a little cheaper than before. How much should the cost be?" she pressed. "When do we need the money?" Kenichi frowned, wrinkles deep and pronounced.
"With our insurance... ₤4,760, by next Friday. Dr. Greene has already scheduled it, even though I told her I needed to discuss it first." The siblings flinched at the number - they were only a writer and a police officer, after all - but steadied their resolve.
"There's nothing to discuss," Emi insisted, her brother nodding rapidly along with her words. Too tired to fight any longer, his body sagged back.
"... That's all I needed to tell you," he said, his eyes dragged back to the window. Nagisa's throat constricted. "I'm tired now. You two go on, now." Their murmured goodbyes were unnaturally loud in the silence he left.
The pair aimlessly trudged through the streets, neither one quite wanting to say anything to one another. The blond's mind was empty, and in the rainy dark of the evening, all he could think was that it had been quite some time since he'd had a good run in this park - and how much he wanted to take off blindly into the night. The older woman had other plans. Too tired to continue, she fell onto a wet bench under a dim, golden light post. Nagisa sat beside her.
"I only have ₤1,340 after my move," she confessed. "I can use some of my savings, but leaving my fiance was... unexpected." The cold seeped into the blond's bones.
"I've got ₤1,052," he relayed after checking his account on his phone. His throat tightened. "I don't have much for emergencies, so that's including my checking account. I don't know about savings."
"That makes... ₤2,392," Emi said thoughtfully. "We're painfully short." The older woman bit her bottom lip, her dark curls hiding her expression. "Is this what it's been for you? This whole time?" she asked, her voice higher than he'd ever heard it before. "What do we do if it's cancer ?"
"We haven't included his pension yet," Nagisa tried, but even then he knew it was a weak shot. It'd barely helped before. "Do you... do you think Maki and Rika might help?" Having his eldest sister around had instilled a sense of hope in his family once again, however faint it flickered. "He's their dad too, after all..." Emi scoffed.
"Barely. You know how they are with Nathan," she countered, and his hope was snuffed. Briefly, he thought of his boyfriend, but he realized it was futile. Rei was not his family. He didn't want to be rendered dependent on the attorney. He was an adult, too. He was a man.
"We'll make it work," he insisted in a burst of emotional strength. Nagisa wasn't in the habit of comforting his sister, but he refused to fall victim to despair, and nor could she. She took a long, shuddering breath as she held back her tears.
"You're right. We have to make it work. Let's take a break - go home for tonight, take a look at what we've each got, and such... We can start planning tomorrow." The blond nodded, all other responsibilities forgotten. The siblings wrapped each other up in a tight hug, and a moment later they parted, forcibly leaving behind any weakness of the heart in the dark of the night.
Nagisa's following half-day at work passed in a blur without incident that he noticed. As soon as he handed off his article to Momo, he left for home. He had work to do before dinner at Rei's, from paying rent to brainstorming topics for tomorrow's pitch meeting. Everything passed monotonously. He left a message for his landlord about a new contract for Haruka. He wrote a few half-hearted ideas for the meeting. He transferred money from his savings account to his checking account. He told Emi. No amount of chores could lift the weight from his mind, could free him from his distraction - all that echoed in his heart was "what if it's too late?" .
So busy were his thoughts, Nagisa didn't notice that seven had come and gone when his phone rung. Exhausted, he picked it up.
"Hello?" he sighed into the receiver.
"Nagisa? Where are you? It's 7:15," came the voice of his boyfriend. Nagisa froze.
"Oh my God," he groaned, tangling a hand in his messy straw hair. "I totally forgot. Are they pissed?"
"No," Rei replied irritably from the other end. His siblings may have been forgiving, but it seemed the attorney wasn't nearly so gracious. "How long will it take you to get here?"
"I'll be there in like, 20 minutes. I'm still dressed from work, so I just need to catch the bus," he said sheepishly, tossing his keys and his wallet into the pocket of his coat and dashing out of the house. After a quick goodbye, he hung up and shoved his phone in with everything else. Once on the red double-decker, he took a deep breath to calm himself, upset at having pissed off his boyfriend, only to be interrupted by another call.
"Ugh, what does he want now?" he murmured, snatching up his phone and answering it. "I'm sorry, I'm on my way, dear, I've only just caught the bus," he said automatically.
"What?" came the distinctly feminine voice from the other end. It was Emi, not the attorney.
"Sorry, I thought you were Rei," he apologized. He forgot his promise to work money out together tonight. "Did something happen?"
"I called Maki and told her what was going on." Her voice lacked energy, and resounded with defeat. The younger man swallowed as his throat grew tight. "She couldn't make any promises, but she said she'd talk to Rika. They'll visit him at the least, in case it's -" She cut herself off, but Nagisa didn't want to hear the rest anyways. In case it's cancer. In case it's the end.
"I transferred money from my savings to my checking account," the blond supplied in the silence. "And I get paid after this next issue is released on Friday."
"Yeah. Okay. We're gonna be fine. I'll talk to you later." Emi hung up just as the bus neared Nagisa's stop and he hurriedly rung the bell. A cheerful dinner with his boyfriend was the last thing he wanted right now, but it was way too late to cancel, and there was definitely no salvaging his impression on Rei's entire family. First his parents found him naked and covered in chocolate on his couch, now his siblings would see him bare-faced after work, wrapped in a blanket of misery, and late to boot.
Nagisa hustled through the chill of the night and dashed up the stairs of the high-class apartment complex, but he honestly didn't care much how late he was at this point - he just wanted this whole spectacle to be over and done with. When he got to Rei's door, he'd scant even knocked before he came face to face with the exasperated lawyer.
"You never change, do you?" he sighed with some affection, but the blond didn't want to listen to jokes at his expense. Having little else to say, he shrugged and replied, "No, I guess not." If his words at all surprised his boyfriend, he didn't see - the writer fast turned around to discard his coat and trot into the living room, the older man trailing behind him.
There was a tall man lounging on the couch that was no doubt Rei's brother, Daiki. They shared the same coloring that favored their mother, Amira, but the brother's hair was choppier with a very 'Devil-may-care' look about it. Though they must have been close to the same height, it was clear that the elder brother was much more muscular, thanks to his career as a basketball player. Upon seeing the blond, he lazily pushed himself up and offered his hand to Nagisa. He wore a crooked grin.
"You must be the famous punisher, huh?" he joked, referring to their long-ago conversation on the phone. Remembering Rei's birthday made the blond color. He took the proffered hand and was met with an astoundingly strong grip.
"You must be Daiki, then. I'm Nagisa," he replied, ignoring the humorous jab. From the kitchen came a beautiful woman with dyed pink hair pulled into a messy ponytail and a glass of wine in her hand.
"Is this Rei's boy, then?" she asked pleasantly, but the blond couldn't open his mouth for shock. He'd been expecting a Satsuki Ryuugazaki, but he'd overlooked a small fact. Three years ago, the basketball star married international supermodel Satsuki Momoi. It was the only reason he'd even recognized the name 'Ryuugazaki Daiki' when Rei brought it up on their first date.
For a moment, all the blond could do was gawk at the beautiful woman. All of his negative feelings were immediately blasted out of his thoughts as his mind tried to comprehend that Satsuki Momoi, a woman who had been on the cover of Elite and about every other fashion publication known to man, was Rei's in-law.
"I take it you're familiar with fashion, then," she commented wryly, her cheeks turning a shade to match her hair. The blond, realizing his rudeness, physically shook his head to clear it.
"Yes - sorry - I was just caught off-guard. Rei didn't say anything about you being, well... a model." He silently cursed his boyfriend for not having mentioned anything. He should have known that this would be too much for the poor columnist without any prior warning. Satsuki grinned sympathetically.
"I've actually taken a break from modelling since getting married," she confessed. The writer nodded thoughtfully. It was true that she'd been out of the public eye for quite some time, though it hadn't done much to diminish her fame.
"Oh, I see," he mused. He offered his hand. "Well, it's wonderful to meet you. I'm Nagisa," he pressed on with a friendly smile.
"Satsuki," she replied simply. "Well, dinner is ready, so why don't we all sit down?" The blond perked up.
"Do you cook? Rei and I are awful, so we could use some guidance," he admitted, following her into the dining room with the siblings right behind them. Daiki barked out a laugh.
"God, are you trying to get her to poison us?" he replied, to which his wife rolled her eyes. "Nobody in this damn family can cook, I swear. 'Cept Mom." The blond verified this himself upon seeing the meal - burnt curry (Daiki's dish, apparently), steamed broccoli (Rei's contribution), and some brown thing he couldn't quite make out (Satsuki's). He was comforted by the presence of a good Pinot Noir and several wine glasses. It seemed that wine loving was also a family trait. As they sat down and began passing the dishes around, the woman saw fit to dig back at her husband.
"You see, even if I can't cook, I can at least claim to have good taste," she commented as she took a scoop of his curry. "Daiki burns it on purpose." The model handed the curry across the table to Nagisa, who then proceeded to take a smaller scoop than he otherwise might have.
"Shut up, it's best that way. All that stuff that sticks to the bottom of the pan gives it flavor," he insisted. "Besides, it reminds me of your cooking, which is why I love it." Nagisa snickered at the backhanded compliment while Satsuki tried to look more offended than she actually was.
"Nagisa enrolled us in a cooking course," Rei informed them. "At least we know we need help," he pointed out as he used a set of tongs to pick up one of the brown things.
"Oh, those are croquettes by the way," Daiki drawled. "She packs them in my lunch all the time, even though I beg her not to."
"Honestly, can you be civil for one meal?" Satsuki cried over her husband's joking. "What an impression you must be making on poor Nagisa!"
"I think you're worried more about your impression than mine," he countered, a handsome, lopsided grin spread across his face.
"Honestly, you are such a child," she scolded. "I hope you don't the wrong idea about us, Nagisa," she sighed, turning toward the blond. "I'm not his mother, no matter how much he acts like a twelve-year-old."
"Actually, I think you two get along really well," he replied graciously, unable to hide his amusement. Despite their harsh words, their body language showed that they were in fact very fond of one another. With each cutting remark, the basketball player would softly touch Satsuki somewhere - squeeze her hand, run his fingers through her ponytail, or rest his arm around her shoulders. And without fail, she would lean softly into it while her mouth said something quite harsh.
"That's the first time I've heard someone make that assessment," Rei quipped from his side, one brow cocked over the rim of his glasses. He took a sip of wine. Nagisa shrugged.
"If you can tell me our relationship isn't the least bit similar, I'll take it back," he declared loftily, knowing that the attorney couldn't deny it. The blond took his own glass of wine and steadily drained it, the alcohol winding its way into his tense muscles as he let the stress of his finances, his deadline, and his father slip away. Silence lapsed between the two couples as they contentedly began their meal. Satsuki was the first to break it, shifting her attention away from her grabby husband to the youngest man at the table.
"So, how involved are you with the fashion world?" she inquired with some measure of caution. Nagisa quirked a brow - why would a seasoned model such as herself be nervous around a nobody like him...?
"I write an accessories column for Elite, but I only just started writing. I was an assistant for the London editor before that." He poured himself more wine and pursed his lips. "I actually haven't ever worked with anyone else," he mused half to himself as he swirled the burgundy drink around the glass. "I've been with them since university."
"You're twenty-five, aren't you? So you're worked with them about... three years?" Her voice didn't drop its edge and Daiki didn't comment. The blond grew curious at the mounting tension.
"And a half," he added, glancing between the couple. "Forgive my asking, but is there a particular reason you're asking...?" At the sudden question, Rei choked on a croquette, his brother ground his teeth, and Satsuki's face lost all of the lovely color the warmth of wine lent to her complexion. The writer himself flinched at the sudden change in atmosphere. "Uh, why don't you forget I asked that?" he covered, for once fully understand the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'.
"It's not a big deal..." Satsuki replied apologetically. "The fashion industry just took its toll, you see. As a model, I maintained a certain image that came with a certain weight, and I was preparing for my wedding... The combined stress got to me, so I didn't renew my contract. The fashion world was too judgmental for me," she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. Daiki shrugged and Rei gave a succinct nod to demonstrate his agreement.
The columnist felt isolated in the family that only a scant few minutes earlier was perfectly welcoming. He wanted to protest, Is that all you think I do? Judge people until they hate themselves?! He wanted to defend himself. But more than that, he wanted Rei to say something on his behalf. As it was, his boyfriend didn't open his mouth, and the blond managed a little, "oh" in response. He stuffed a burnt croquette into his mouth. Thankfully, they were quick to change the conversation back to dinner, the cold weather, and what a lovely wine Rei had picked. Nagisa busied himself with stuffing his face.
The rest of the meal passed pleasantly enough, with the blond recovered enough to contribute here and there to the conversation, which was mostly driven by the married couple's banter. Rei hardly spoke, but looked the most comfortable the younger man had ever seen him in the few months they'd been together.
Wine contributed to the eventual presence of uproarious laughter that the poor brunet did his damndest to quiet so that his neighbors wouldn't be bothered - they had a baby, after all. Daiki called him a killjoy, and it didn't take long after that for the other couple to decide to go to their own condo uptown.
"Oh, before we leave let me give you my number," she said just before they turned to the door. A little surprised, the blond offered up his phone. "Text me and we'll brunch sometime. I don't have many friends in England, after all, so we might as well get to know each other better," Satsuki insisted with a dazzling smile. Nagisa responded in kind.
"Sure, I'd love to," he enthused, keen on spending time with the influential woman. Even if she didn't much want to talk about her abruptly-ended career, the blond was sure she'd have good insights on his articles. "It was wonderful to meet you both," he finished, holding a hand out to receive Daiki's unbelievable grip again. Satsuki ignored his outstretched hand and pulled him into a quick hug.
"You too, dear!" she replied liberally. Her husband rolled his eyes, and the blushing blond had the sense to guess she might be tipsy. Nagisa patted her on the back, and the whirlwind couple was gone in a matter of minutes.
With the silence they left in their wake came the thoughts they had originally pushed away. The blond's mind wandered to his own sisters - not only Emi, but the older twins - and their degrees of willingness to do something as simple as save their father. With a bit of regret, he wished he'd kept in better contact with Maki and Rika, if only to hold more sway over their decisions. He sighed deeply, and followed the sound of rushing water back to the kitchen.
Suddenly more tired than he'd felt in a long time, the blond collapsed into a stool at the counter, propping his head up on his hand and watching his boyfriend's back as he finished loading the dishes into the dishwasher. A few minutes passed before his boyfriend spoke.
"So, I've been thinking lately," Rei began reflectively, "isn't it about time we moved in together?" Nagisa snapped out of his stupor.
"What?" he responded dumbly. His heart thumped in his chest painfully. The gentle chink of ceramic on metal sounded as the older man finished his chores.
"We should move in together," he rephrased, closing the door and turning to face his younger beau. He leaned back on the countertop.
"Why?" the writer asked, numbness having taken over his brain. After hearing of his father's impending surgery, dealing with his deadline, and meeting one of the world's most famous models, he was entirely unable to absorb any meaning of his boyfriend's unexpected proposition. The attorney huffed irritably and shoved his glasses up his nose.
"I know I've told you before that I like to know where I'm headed in a relationship," he stated brusquely. "And it's about time we make that next step. You enjoyed your stay here during the holidays, after all."
"Well, yeah," Nagisa conceded half-heartedly, "but the holidays are completely different from living together permanently." He shrugged, signalling the end of the conversation, but was miffed when the brunet didn't let it go.
"But you've met my family, and you liked them," he added indignantly. "The way things are headed, we're clearly invested in this relationship in the long term."
"Yeah." He couldn't stop his brows from crinkling with displeasure. "But I like the way things are now. I don't want to change us."
"Well, I do," Rei snapped in a tone that was just too harsh for the poor blond's emotional well-being.
"It's not all about what you want, Rei," he replied coolly, his shoulders tensing. The older man's lips were set in a grim line, but in his blue eyes there was a fire the blond didn't like in the least. "Besides," he continued well before he could even think of stopping himself, "why would I want to live like this?" He gestured to the grandeur of the apartment, but referred in part to the parties, entertaining his siblings and his parents, and God only knew what else he'd be forced into if they were that serious.
"Live like what?" the attorney interrogated in a raised voice. "It's a lot neater than that pigsty you're living in." Nagisa didn't honor the remark itself with a reply.
"Why do you have to turn every little thing into an argument?" he shouted back. "Every little thing from the crossword puzzles to asking for and refusing my advice, and now this? Why can't you just give it a rest!"
"Why do you always have to go and change the subject whenever we talk about something serious?" Rei countered. "'The crossword puzzles, refusing my advice'," he mimicked, causing the blond's face to grow hot and crimson. He sunk his teeth into his lips.
"You only ever argue with me, not for me, anyways! Like - like when you didn't tell your ex who I was! Or just now, when you sat there nodding with your siblings about what an awful job I have, sitting there and telling people they're ugly and worthless!"
"Oh, what does that have to do with anything? If you don't have the maturity to ignore something like that, then you need to grow up, Nagisa!" The attorney's impassioned voice had reached hollering levels, and his face shone with the exertion of the argument. The blond stood rapidly, nails digging into the marble countertop and the stool clattering noisily behind him.
"Jesus, is it your bloody job to criticize me? You never shut the hell up, always thinking you're right about everything just because you're some damned intellectual born with a silver fuckin' spoon in your mouth! What did you want me around for, anyways?! So you could shower me with gifts? So you could feel better about being bad at sex? I'm not you're fuckin' whore!" The attorney's face went frigid cold and a physical jolt went through his body.
"Is that what you think this has all been about?" he asked, astonishment crawling over his features. If Nagisa weren't half as angry as he was, he might have noticed that actual hurt resounded through the brunet's speech. As it was, he was furious and no amount of reality could soothe him.
"Isn't it just! Now, get this through your thick-ass skull, Rei Ryuugazaki: I do not want to live with you, this is not my home, so just accept it and stop trying already!" The attorney's face grew irreversibly calm, so startlingly so that the writer saw fit to quiet himself, though his heart beat a million miles a minute.
"Get out." Nagisa recoiled a minute at the coldness, the informality of the speech - if Rei really loved him, wouldn't he be just as angry? The blond wanted to get a reciprocal rise out of the man, but he'd completely shut down any responsiveness.
"What?" he managed once again - it was the only thing he could think to say that would require a response.
"You've made yourself heard, loud and clear. This isn't your home. It's mine. So get out." When the blond couldn't form any hurtful words, any biting statement, Rei roared, "Now! " The echoing sound sent Nagisa scampering towards the door, snatching his coat from the rack as he went. The only last offense he could deliver was a powerful slam of his front door.
Blood coursing through his body and hands grabbing fistfuls of coat fabric, he angrily marched off through Hyde Park, cursing his boyfriend's very name with each heavy step. Once he had the sense to feel cold, he gave up on his pointless march through the gardens and hailed a cab home.
Nagisa didn't much feel like working on his proposal for tomorrow's meeting - he rather felt like kicking and screaming, in fact - but he needed to rely on his job now more than ever. His task served to distract him from his fury, at least temporarily, as he channeled the last of his energy away into his job that Rei apparently felt such derision toward, and the more he thought of that the more irritated he became again. In the end, he went to bed in as much as a foul mood as he'd arrived in.
He greeted the following morning with a perspective worlds away from the one he'd left Rei with. Oh, just what had he done? His pale fingers tangled themselves in his yellow locks as he released a groan almost loud enough to shake the house.
"Jesus Christ," he heard Haruka grunt from the other side of the door. Oops. He tiptoed out of the room, intending to hop in and out of the shower before he really pissed the American off, but as the door squeaked open he was met face-to-face with said man down the hallway.
"Sorry," he said quickly, cheeks pale under the Siamese-blue glare. "I just, um... had a nightmare." Only a half-lie, he told himself. Although yesterday had been real life, it was the stuff of hellishness.
"Whatever," Haruka replied, waving him off as he slipped into the kitchen. Nagisa took it to mean forgiveness and showered quickly before getting dressed. He was none like his usual sparkly self, instead in a simple grey ensemble punctuated by his most precious treasure - his gold necklace. He tried not to remember that it was his boyfriend who'd gotten it cleaned and insured.
The blond was greeted by the sight of a proper breakfast for once in his life. Regardless of whether or not Haruka had believed his lie, he'd clearly detected that there was something wrong in his friend's usual demeanor. A plate of eggs, toast, and sausages accompanied a fresh pot of steaming tea. The American leaned back into a chair, still in his sweats and tank top. Nagisa joined him with a soft grin.
"Thanks for cooking, Haru," he said sincerely as he wrapped his cold fingers around the mug.
"Don't call me that," he protested, a faint touch of red on his cheeks. His hands reached over to ruffle Nagisa's damp locks. "Do good at your meeting today."
"I'll do my best," he promised as they switched their attention to the food. The silence that followed was more for Haruka's benefit than his own - as much as he wanted to pour out his sorrows to his friend, he held back. The court date that Makoto had set was rapidly approaching, and though Haruka's role as a witness wouldn't be needed until a few days in, the American had promised to be there every step of the way. More increasingly, Haru had been away from the house (despite still needing the contract from the landlord to be an official resident). Nagisa suspected that he'd sought comfort from a certain Spanish lawyer, but the notable absence of hickeys this time around made the blond wonder where his friend had been last night. The writer himself had been late coming home. Usually Haru was early if he wasn't spending the night elsewhere.
All of this was Nagisa's speculation of course. The only evidence he had that his friend and the attorney were even together were spying them ice skating and noticing bruises here and there on Haru's neck. It was hardly anything definitive. And it certainly wasn't his business.
The blond sighed; there wasn't any point in thinking about Haru's relationship when he had his own to worry about. And more importantly, his job. He scarfed down the remainder of his breakfast, tossed the plates carelessly in the sink, and called out a "bye, Haru!" over his shoulder, followed by the customary "don't call me that".
Morning meetings tended to start earlier, and as such he didn't have time to stop by and get coffee. Not that it mattered - he intended to treat today as normally as he possibly could, and that meant he'd stop by at lunchtime, watch his awkward attorney trip over himself with apologies, and be done with it.
All of his energy focused on normalcy and routine, Nagisa didn't notice anything out of the ordinary when he reached Elite's building and took his place at the meeting table beside Gou and Hana, with an empty space reserved for Momo (presumably printing Ms. Amakata's new agenda).
"Hey," Gou greeted him as he sat down. Hana cocked her head at the subdued palette of Nagisa's wardrobe, but didn't comment. "How did meeting Rei's family go?" the redhead inquired curiously.
"Oh my God, you'll never guess who Rei's sister-in-law is," he jumped in immediately, choosing the first topic that would steer clear of the hair-raising row he and his boyfriend had.
"Who?!" came a voice that was much too excited to belong to either woman. He glanced over his shoulder where he saw Momo take his seat beside them, not a single document in hand. His exclamation had garnered the attention of Michael from publishing. A pair of women - probably from another department - listened in politely to Nagisa's tale, as they had nothing better to do in the meantime.
"Okay, so I told you Rei's brother played basketball, right?" he recounted, addressing mostly his friends. Not even Hana could stop herself from leaning in curiously. "Well, his brother is married to a model, of course, being an athlete and all." His audience nodded, as it was expected. "So it turns out, she's not just any model. Satsuki Momoi is Rei's sister-in-law." The proclamation was met with the gasps of his friends.
"Oh my God," Gou exclaimed, "you actually got to meet her? I'm so jealous!" The blond gave a gloating smile. Hana's face was similarly painted with envy.
"It's been my lifelong dream to photograph her," she commented wistfully. "Nobody does her justice." He opened his mouth, prepared to gossip about the woman's early-retirement (or semi-hiatus? He wasn't sure), but was interrupted by a commanding female voice.
"No more chit-chat! This meeting should have begun ages ago." The entire crowd of employees looked to the front of the conference room, faces ranging from curiosity to outright disbelief. The speaker was not Ms. Amakata.
The woman before them had her black hair tied tightly back in a bun and a severe look in her perfectly cold eyes. She wore a red ruffled blouse and a tight black pencil skirt that would certainly be hard to walk in. Who does she think she is? Nagisa wondered to himself - starting the meeting without their editor - the nerve!
"My name is Brooke Westwood," she continued, "and I am the new editor of this department." A chorus of exclamations followed, which she promptly ignored. The editor cast a critical gaze over her employees. It may have been Nagisa's reeling mind, but he thought she looked at him a bit longer than the others. "And I can certainly see why sales have been tanking."
"What happened to Ms. Amakata?" the blond piped up before he could censor himself. A new employer hardly counted as the normalcy he needed at the moment.
"She was transferred to where she'll be of more use," the editor replied, not mincing any words. "Now -"
"Where to? Why?" the young writer pressed, abject shock echoing in his tone. The others around him nodded in agreement.
"Enough questions!" she ordered, snapping him back into the present moment. "Now, we have exactly one hour and one hour only for this meeting, and I can tell I'm going to need all of it if you expect the next issue to reach my expectations!"
The entirety of their meeting was the tensest time in Nagisa's life as it carried on in its authoritarian style. First, Ms. Westwood took no less than ten minutes to demonstrate just how far out of favor their magazine had fallen in her eyes, and pointed out the exact causes of such dramatic decreases in sales: the increasingly "soft" attitude the magazine had toward all people. What was worse, she actually used examples from recent articles to highlight exactly where they'd gone wrong, according to both the Tokyo and London executives. The next fifty minutes were the specifics. First, she pulled up Gou's advent calendar featuring a plus-sized model in midriff-baring formalwear, and then she criticized Hana's lack of "proper" photoshopping, pointing out the thickness in the arms, and the fold of skin in the neck. Both women stiffened at her words. The publishing department got a smack on the wrist for their placement of advertisements. Media coordinators were scolded for not selling more advertising space in the pages. And finally came Nagisa's turn.
"'Affordable' is not your job," she stated simply, preparing herself to move on immediately as if he were a waste of her precious time.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked as she turned to address the next person. He thought he saw her eyebrow twitch for a moment.
"I mean that your job is not to find the cheapest old thing available and slap it together with half-decent advice. If this magazine wants to sell, you need to find better accessories - more expensive accessories," she explained without an ounce of patience in her tone. Her severe look invited further discussion as a challenge, and Nagisa chose his next words very carefully.
"With all due respect, ma'am," he replied tentatively, "won't the accessibility of the magazine help to increase sales, rather than hurt? I-it's absolutely true that sales have been decreasing," he submitted with a stutter at her glare, "but the rate at which sales are decreasing has been getting smaller since Ms. Amakata took charge of the depart..." His voice trailed off as the sharp obsidian of her eye cut through his words. He couldn't bring himself to finish the word.
"My office, after the meeting." A collective shudder passed through the room, and without further comment from anyone, the editor finished her effective castration of the magazine's policies under their former boss.
After dismissing everyone, she gestured for Nagisa to follow her to her office without so much as looking at him. He was surprised right off the bat that he hadn't noticed anything different about it upon entering the floor. The normally glass-walled room was paved with dark curtains, leaving everyone unable to look in, while their editor could still see them from the other side.
Ms. Westwood did not invite him to sit as she fell gracefully back unto her chair. She tilted her chin up, eyes sweeping over his borderline-feminine outfit, and a disdainful look masked her features. The writer straightened himself.
"That attitude is exactly the reason why Amakata was fired," she stated without glamour. "If you don't change it immediately, you're next. Remember that," she threatened. A chill dripped down his spine as he recalled his father's wistfully smiling face, and he knew he needed this job now more than ever before. Nagisa shrunk back as the force of her words sunk into his bones. Fear slipped its way into his blood, tears pricked at his eyes, and his form instinctively made itself as small as possible. "I have an assignment for you. You know Satsuki Momoi?" she demanded, crossing her legs and shifting her gaze to her computer screen.
"Um, yes," he replied with a few nods for emphasis.
"She'll be on the cover for the next issue," the editor replied matter-of-factly.
"Um, but she doesn't have an agency right now," he supplied, only to be interrupted by a derisive sigh.
"Have you not figured out what I'm asking? She will be on the cover, it's your job to recruit her, and it'd better be for a cheaper price since she doesn't have an agency to go through. One less hoop to jump. You have one week. Now get out. I'm busy." Like a kicked dog the young man scampered out of her office, hurrying to his desk (unfortunately in her direct line of sight), and immediately texted Satsuki, hoping to Hell that his boyfriend hadn't mentioned their fight to his family.
To: Satsuki Momoi
hey! it's nagisa. i was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch tomorrow? i wanna talk to you about something.
Not as formal as he could've been about it, but to be honest he didn't care. His friends watched him curiously for a moment, no doubt wondering about how his "meeting" went, but were overall too occupied with their own jobs to worry about his. He hadn't been fired; that much was clear to them. Once he had finished, he tucked his phone away and pulled out his laptop, fast to delete all of his previous ideas and revamping his drafts. A sneaking suspicion had formed in his mind - if Nagisa didn't have something exactly tailored to Brooke Westwood's tastes, he would be on the fast track to gone.
While the columnist was certainly working hard to meet the expectations of the new editor, he was not so absorbed as to realize when his lunch break started. Eager to escape her red manicured clutches, he shot out the door as soon as the clock struck twelve thirty. He was eager to recount the horrifying morning to his boyfriend over coffee, and perhaps seek a bit of comfort, as little deserved as it was at the moment. The only problem was that Rei never came.
Nagisa found himself alone on a rainy day in a coffee shop with little more than a crossword for company. At first he made nothing of it. While it was unusual for Rei to be late, it happened from time to time. He alternated between checking the time on his phone, sipping at his coffee, and eventually starting the crossword without him. Each time he switched, he became more anxious. Where was Rei anyways? Guilt at their fight nagged at Nagisa's conscience, but he didn't want to give in and actually apologize. It wasn't his fault. Instead, he settled for texting his boyfriend in an admittedly pleading manner.
To: Rei Ryuugazaki
where are yoooouuu? im boreddddd.
To: Rei Ryuugazaki
come on u arent still mad right?
To: Rei Ryuugazaki
ur coffee order is cold now :((((
To: Rei Ryuugazaki
Please?
Each typed word seemed to peel off of the screen and constrict itself around his throat, paved with what he didn't want to say. When he was forty-five minutes into his break, he finally gave up at goading his beau into a visit. Rei didn't even want to text him, let alone actually speak. Irritably, he turned his phone on 'do not disturb' and shoved it in his pocket. Two could play at that game, then! The blond had just started to collect his things when he was interrupted by a familiar voice behind him.
"Nagisa!" sounded the sweet Satsuki. He whirled around to find her poised perfectly behind him. She smiled kindly. "I wasn't sure it was you until you turned around. Want to sit with me for a bit? I just got your text."
"Oh, sure," he responded, his tone not without some surprise. She couldn't have possibly known where he was. Sensing the question, she gestured to her table and he joined her.
"Rei recommended this place to me and I figured I'd swing by. Running into you was a total coincidence!" He judged by her warm demeanor that Rei hadn't mentioned their fight. Reflecting on it, that made sense - he wasn't the type to try and get outsiders involved. In fact, Nagisa was the one to do that - Haruka, his father, his sister, his friends... If they hadn't all had their own distractions, he certainly would have leaked the information by now.
A light cough made the blond realize that the older woman was waiting for him to start the conversation. She prompted: "You needed to ask me something? Now's as good a time as any."
"Oh, yeah!" He colored briefly and sat up straighter - the gravity of the request was not lost on him, especially considering how short their acquaintance had been. "Um, I have a favor to ask - only if you're willing, of course..."
"What is it?" she inquired, leaning in. Her expressive eyes sparkled with curious beauty. For a moment, Nagisa was enthralled.
"Um, well," he started, "you know I work for Elite." She nodded briefly, and for a moment he wondered if he saw a flicker of hesitance in her demeanor. Shaking off the feeling that he was about to do something very wrong, he plowed on. "We need a cover model for our next issue and the editor wondered if I would ask you," the columnist blurted, and this time he certainly saw a flash of emotion waver across her perfect expression. Anger? Regret? Sadness? He couldn't place it, so brief it was. Satsuki had to look away to compose herself, and he was absolutely certain he'd committed a grave offense. Just as he was about to apologize, she spoke softly, quietly, in a voice that would not be heard by anyone save the blond over the wrinkled din of the music.
"You'd have found out eventually," she murmured as her words melted into the din. "I don't model anymore because I'm recovering from an eating disorder. As a model I - I had to lose weight, and while Daiki and I were still dating, I got pregnant, and we were so, so happy, and he proposed, and I didn't weigh enough and the baby -" She took a deep, shuddery breath, and the gentle sound of keys and music erased the silence. She didn't finish her sentence. He stayed quiet a few moments while the ex-model collected herself. "I thought he wouldn't want me after that, but he - he helped me get better, and we swore I would never go back. And we got married, and I never did." Her glassy eyes met his, and he understood every bit of the horror the couple had expressed at their dinner the night before. In his mind's eye, he saw his father lying in the hospital bed, the golden twilight catching the orange color of the pill bottles, and he understood her grief.
"Oh..." he whispered, swallowing the thick words. "I - I understand. I'm sorry," he apologized, not knowing what for - the question or the loss.
"You didn't know," she replied forgivingly. It only made him feel worse about the whole situation. While he was trying to think of something - anything - to say to remedy the situation, his phone buzzed in his pocket, ruining the entire gravity of the situation.
"Oh!" he gasped lightly, automatically believing it to be his boyfriend. Without much a thought of his current predicament, he checked the screen. At first, he was disappointed to see Gou's name flash across, but the feeling immediately twisted itself to apprehensive horror.
Gou 3 :
Where are you? editor is having a FIT
"Oh," he repeated, his tone now laced with worry. "I'm late in getting back to work..." he told Satsuki uncertainly. He didn't want to leave the woman on her own, after all.
"It's okay," she urged softly, "you don't have to worry about me. Your job is important." A confession that again made him feel worse about his accusations against his beau. And yet, against his wishes, Nagisa turned tail and ran out the door, as though trying to abandon his own melancholy and grief with the image of the lonely lit shop hid by the blur of the rain.
Once he was out of view, the blond slowed to a brisk walk, only to have his thoughts catch up as though he'd never left them behind. It was so stupid of him to push her boundaries when he'd already known she was done. Everyone had been right about him. He didn't want to get serious with Rei because he was a dumb whore, and dumb whores didn't recognize when they had someone perfect. The attorney probably thought that Nagisa had used him for money and sex in return for a pretend relationship, not the other way around. Had he? Was he just the blond's comeback story? He didn't know anymore. Before he realized it, he'd come to a complete stop in the middle of the sidewalk, his hot tears meeting the frigid drops of rain from above. This was all his fault, not Rei's. And in a stunning moment of clarity, the cold, hard truth dawned on him.
He and Rei were over.