Starbuck was coming off patrol, a routine picket to make sure the fleet was safe from the enemy for now. It had been uneventful, which he counted as another sign of his luck. He still marveled that it had been this quadrant that was chosen by Rene when she did whatever it was she could do, flipping them back on their journey. She had somehow chosen a point that was on their journey towards the coordinates given them by the Ship of Lights. She had made a random choice . It was pure luck that it had paid out. There had been no enemy contact since their arrival. He counted that as a win.

He was a bit surprised as he landed to see Apollo waiting for him. Apollo had remained in command of the Zakar and Starbuck had seen little of him since. Apollo seemed to only make it to the Galactica lately for command briefings. Adama had not had one of his famous family dinners, at least not that Starbuck was aware, so he knew Apollo had only made it to the Galactica maybe two or three times. Starbuck thought maybe he was here to discuss his and Rene's sealing and maybe try to talk him out of it. Plans hadn't been set yet, but the Commander had been very clear the last time he spoke to Starbuck that it had better be soon or he'd be back in the barracks with Blue Squadron. That wasn't going to happen, but there hadn't been time to plan a sealing celebration.

He didn't expect the words that Apollo spoke.

"Hey, Starbuck, Rene missed duty and we don't know where to find her."

"And I would know? I just came off patrol. Ask her friends," Starbuck answered. For some reason Apollo's interference annoyed him. Rene was an adult, a warrior for Sagan's sake, just like they were. "I know we spend a lot of time together, but I'm not her keeper."

"Starbuck, we should talk once we find her. When she was last seen, she was very upset."

"Hey, I didn't do anything. Out on patrol, remember?" He threw his hands up defensively.

"I didn't mean she was upset with you, buddy." Apollo sighed, a slight smile playing on his lips. "Look, the matter is confidential, and for her to tell you, not me, but it was a meeting with Adama, Gage and I about things that happened on Dilmun. She hasn't been seen since. She missed duty and we have combed the Galactica. I even checked the celestial dome."

"Whoa, wait, why with Adama? In his office?" Apollo nodded and Starbuck shook his head. "I told you guys it was not a good idea to do meetings in the Commanders office. You know what happened to them with their commander. The room makes them skittish, and who can blame them."

"We had no choice. It was confidential and…I'm not a complete idiot, Starbuck. It couldn't be avoided and I'm worried about her. I do care about you and her. So can you give us a clue where to look?"

Starbuck shook his head knowing the first place he would have looked was the celestial dome. "She knows the schematics, Apollo, every crawl space, nook and cranny. That's her reading material for fun. Don't ask why, okay, because you wouldn't understand it. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be found." Starbuck cursed under his breath realizing the truth himself. "So how much trouble is she in?"

Apollo sighed. "Under the circumstances, none. We are just concerned about her. Gage is wearing a path on the bridge. Jake, Crius and Max are checking familiar haunts, and Jonas is combing the engine room. Lizbeth is with the kids and thinks she may show up there at some point. Any help you can give us would be great."

Starbuck shook his head again, "Seriously, if she doesn't want to be found, or if she thinks she's in trouble she could be anywhere. You sure she's on the Galactica at all?"

"We checked the vid cams. She didn't leave."

Starbuck nodded. "Alright, let me stow my stuff in my quarters, look there for some clues maybe, and I'll meet you in the OC. We'll start from there." Apollo nodded and Starbuck headed off to decon and then to the quarters he shared with Rene. He briefly noted that Apollo had not corrected Starbuck on the issue of it being his quarters, a point that had bothered Apollo from the moment Rene had acquired them. After the battle above Dilmun and as things had calmed down some, Apollo had made a point of straight out telling Starbuck he should not be joining Rene in those quarters. Starbuck had not agreed and for once, the Commander had ruled on his side. Maybe it was the baby on the way, maybe it was Adama giving his blessing on the idea of a sealing. Starbuck didn't care. He would have violated every curfew until they either let him be with Rene or he wound up in the brig.

His mind was whirling with speculations as to what had happened. Decon took too long as he began to worry himself. Rene had kept her nose clean since the events on Dilmun. To others she appeared to be fitting in well, performing her duties and making friends. He realized maybe he alone knew how fragile she was right now. The nightmares plagued her every night. She woke screaming, not knowing where she was, crying that the Cylons had captured them, or the ship was being destroyed. He'd been able to soothe her back to sleep each time, but not a night had gone by without at least one, sometimes two such awakenings. He hoped in time they would pass, but until then, he made sure he was there each night. If it went on much longer, he'd be having her ask for some sleep aids, but he didn't know what she could take with the baby and all. He didn't want to go down that road yet since he had just made sure she wasn't downing the stims anymore. He knew she was chugging the java and sneaking a drink now and then, but he also knew they could only deal with one addiction at a time.

He realized Rene worried constantly about the Galactica breaking down, especially life support. She complained the air wasn't right nearly every day. She had emergency breathers, enough to last a few days in their quarters, along with food and water. He had no idea where she had found all that, or why she needed it. But he knew she was scared, and he let her do what she needed to feel safe.

He had seen signs of progress, at least as far as their love life went. She laughed a bit easier with him, was accompanying him to the OC and playing cards with him and the other pilots. She wasn't exactly hiding in their quarters, but she did seem to breathe a sigh of relief each night when he announced it was time to turn in for sleep period. Behind closed doors, she relaxed, was open and loving, and he counted that as a victory.

But if she was missing, that was not a step forward. On the long walk back to their quarters he analyzed the signs he'd seen, matched them up with the information Cassie had given him on dealing with abuse, trauma and stress. Other than the nightmares, she was doing alright, so he figured it had to be whatever the meeting was about, and apparently, the only way to find that out was to find her.

He entered their quarters and found the room dim. Rene had disliked the harsh glare of the artificial lighting, and removed half of the illuminators. He didn't mind as it made the place kind of cozy. Maybe it was the lack of lighting that had kept her hidden, but it wasn't until he was coming back out of the turboflush after changing that he jumped nearly out of his skin, for there she was, curled up in the corner, her eyes large and shining in the dim light.

"Frack! You scared the pogees out of me! You do know half the Galactica is looking for you, right?" He stepped towards her, but once he got closer he paused. He'd seen this sort of thing before, back in the orphanage, the kid curled up in the corner, back to the wall, near fetal position. It usually indicated that some older kid had beaten or abused the one in the corner. It was the position a kid took to protect themselves. Starbuck took a breath and slowed himself down. "Rene, what's wrong?"

She just shook her head and lowered it back down to bury it in the arms that were hugging her knees. Starbuck winced. He should have known that something was coming. He had wanted to think that things were going great, that Rene was settling in and finding that the safety and security of the fleet made up for all the things she had lost, but Starbuck was not that naïve. He couldn't even begin to imagine what losing a brother might be like. The loss of Zac had been enough to depress him for sectons just at the mention of his name.

He had moved slowly with Rene, letting her take the lead. He now wondered if maybe that had been a mistake. She needed more than just a lover to hold her at night when she woke screaming.

He took a step towards her and kneeled down, hoping she would lift her head to look at him again. "I'm just going to let everyone know I found you, and then I think we will have dinner in tonight. Is that okay with you?"

His heart caught in his throat when she gave a small nod. She wasn't totally lost to him yet. He headed towards the comm near the door, signaled the bridge to find Apollo in the OC and let him know to call off the search. What had Starbuck perplexed is why they hadn't checked their quarters, but as he spoke to the bridge, he noticed where Rene had placed herself, in a spot not easily seen from the door. She was a master at camouflage, choosing a position low to the ground, out of the line of sight. He'd been in the room a full fifteen centons before he'd even seen her.

He made sure to lock the door and set the comm for private. Whatever had happened, Rene didn't want anyone else to help her deal with it. If she had, she would have found them. Instead she had come here to what had become their private sanctuary. He knew he shouldn't be smiling, shouldn't be feeling as good about this as he did, but this was a sign she was starting to trust him.

He cautiously approached her as if she were a wounded felix with claws and teeth. He didn't let her fool him with her silence. For once he realized that his days in the orphanage might actually have prepared him for something. He kneeled down in front of her, reached out and touched her arm lightly.

"Hey there, pretty lady, what's wrong?"

She didn't respond at first, but when she did she shook her head slightly. He reached gently to stroke her hair, then her face, gently guiding her to look up at him. She met his eyes and he saw she had been crying, the tears dried in streaks upon her face. The sight of it alarmed him. It was not something she did, and it had him moving to sit down beside her, his back against the wall. He gently reached to pull her into his arms. She didn't resist and began to cry anew once in his arms.

"Hey, shhhh, it's going to be okay." He found himself responding in the gentle platitudes despite having no idea what had her so upset. He waited for the wave of tears to subside before he asked, "What happened? I know you had a meeting with Adama and Apollo."

She shook her head, and he stroked her hair as he replied, "Look beautiful, I have done so much wrong that there isn't a datapad built that can hold my file. They only keep me in the service because it would ruin society to release me. Believe me, you aren't going to shock me with anything you've done wrong."

The words earned him a bitter chuckle that twisted into a sob. "Shhh, I mean it. You can tell me. No judgements, I promise. You can't have done anything worse than I have. Trust me, I've done a lot. And whatever it is, we can fix it, I promise."

Her soft voice answered him as she pulled away a little. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Starbuck admonished himself for having assumed Rene was at fault. "Then what is it?"

She shook her head a bit more emphatically and pulled away from his embrace. He debated holding on tight, but he knew that might make her draw away more, so he let her pull back and tried to retain some contact as she turned into the corner of the wall.

"Rene, I can't help if you don't tell me," he said softly, stroking her arm.

She gave a shuddering sigh before she answered, "I don't want you to know. You shouldn't know, but I don't know who I can tell. You won't look at me the same. It is my fault and he's trying to take the blame, but it is my fault." It was like a dam breaking, starting with a trickle the words turned into a flood. "He was always embarrassed and no one else really knew. I didn't want them to think what the commander…Adama did think and now Apollo knows and now even Crius and the others know. Jake knows, but I don't want anyone else to know. And if you know, you'll be mad and it wasn't like that. He didn't make me, it's not his fault. It's my fault. I thought it would help, but now they make it sound like…and it wasn't like that…it is my fault.…not his…."

"Whoa, slow down, let me catch up." Starbuck reached out and rubbed her arm. "I won't get mad. Is this from Dilmun?"

She nodded her head before taking a shuddering breath. He gently put his hand under her chin, slowly guided her away from the corner to look at him. He then motioned for her to take another deep breath, taking one himself to have her follow, a deep breath in and out, then another as he waited for her to calm.

"Better?" he asked as he pulled her away from the corner and back into his arms, but he held her with her leaning back into his chest, his arms wrapped around her protectively. It worked in the middle of the night with the nightmares, literally watching her back, providing almost a physical armor of protection. He couldn't see into her eyes, and he had found that sometimes that made it easier for her to talk, to tell him what the dreams were about. He tried the same move now, gently coaxing. "So what is your fault? I promise, it won't leave this room. I won't be mad."

He felt her shudder again and tense as she braced herself and began. "Gage told them about him and me. He told Adama and Apollo. Oh god, your best friend knows." She tried to turn away, but he held on tight.

"He's my friend. He's heard and seen worse from me. So what about you and Gage?" Starbuck didn't want to piece it together. His jealous nature had already gotten him in trouble a few times with Rene. It was hard for him to take how close Jake and Rene were. He felt Rene flinch in his arms.

"On Dilmun, not while on the Zakar, but on Dilmun, it had been a long bad day and he…he looked so alone and…it didn't happen often. And it was never his idea, always mine. He thought of me as a kid and I didn't want people thinking I was just doing it to use him to get things. I…" He felt her suck in another breath as she shook. Her voice cracked as she replied, "Starbuck, I can count on one hand those who have touched me with love, and you are one of them. I thought he was too and …and Keenan, but now I have to wonder. Was he just abusing me too? I mean if he had to tell the Commander, and the regulations say that's what it is, then is it?"

Starbuck didn't know how to answer her. He was shocked to hear that her and Gage had been together. Max had hinted at rumors, but Rene had flat out denied them. But Starbuck knew there was much about the Zakar and Dilmun that no one was talking about. The rules in her world had been vastly different, but it wasn't the first time he'd heard of someone who outranked another starting a relationship. What made this one different is he just couldn't picture Gage breaking that protocol. He had pieced together on his own that Gage was one of the few with some morality in Dante's fleet.

"I don't know, beautiful. The man I know, I don't think he would have done that. But," he strengthened his hold upon her just a little, in hopes that it would be reassuring, and to keep her with him as he crept up on the truth, "the regulations are pretty clear. Even if you offered, he should respect the rank and turn you down."

"But there was no one of his rank in our fleet. We didn't have civilians, Starbuck. We were it, all of us drafted. We didn't follow those regs."

Starbuck nodded. "I know. But he was a Strike Captain before Dante promoted him. He knew the regulations. I know things were different, but…" He felt her pull away a little and he held on tight and nestled softly into the hollow of her neck. "I'm just saying, beautiful, that maybe that's why now he thought he should tell someone. Things are not different now. Were you a Lieutenant and he was a Colonel? Or were you still a cadet? Or an Ensign. We don't even really like Captain's dating Lieutenants. The Commander turns a blind eye to it sometimes, but a technically it's against regulations."

"Then a lot of Captains need to be on report. That's not going to help anyone feel a part of the fleet to reprimand half the officers. And…and I don't want everyone knowing all that. I just want to be normal." Starbuck held her tight as her pleading led to more tears. He whispered soft shushing noises as he softly brushed his lips against her ear. He was pleased that it had the right affect and the tears slowed.

"Ah Pretty Lady, what is normal?" he whispered. "I think you and I missed out on normal a long time ago, and that's not such a bad thing. It led me to you." He felt her stiffen in his arms.

"I don't want you or anyone to know all the things, all the people I had to do." The crudeness of her words had him stifling the urge to wince.

"I can understand that, but I'm not judging. It was what you had to do, and in some way," he pulled her in a little tighter, "isn't that what happened with Gage? I mean, if you were here on the Galactica, would you have…" he hesitated trying to choose his words, "approached him? Would you have been looking to help him if he didn't offer some protection or some benefits?"

He felt her sigh and slump a bit in his arms. "It wasn't like that." But her words weren't as strong as they were before.

"No, it probably wasn't like that, but Rene, it was a fracked up situation. No one is blaming you for wanting a little protection from a monster. And I'm guessing Gage could give you that. You may not have meant to do that, but," he held on tight, leaned in again to whisper in her ear, "I'm guessing that's what you found with him, am I right?"

She nodded, but didn't speak.

"He's a good guy. Hades, if I had been there, I would have tried to be with him. And yeah, if I hadn't come along, and you had to meet that fracked up quota, he'd be the one to pick. Not just because he's a Colonel, but he could make sure no one hurt you again. I understand it, and others will too." He felt her nod again but still she didn't speak.

"Maybe," he hesitated. He wasn't sure if now was the right time, if any time would be the right time, but since the walls Rene had built were down, he forged forward into the felgercarb of her time since the Colonies. "Maybe it's time we talk about some of what happened?" He felt her take a shaky sigh and shake her head. "They say it helps, and maybe I can make the Commander and others understand."

He pushed no further as she began to cry again, the soft silent tears of a broken soul. He felt bad for having even asked. He just held her and brushed her neck and ear with his lips, murmuring that it was alright, that she was safe now. His legs had long gone dead when he felt her relax, the tears fading. Like a child after a trauma, she fell asleep in his arms. He had debated picking her up and moving her to the bed, but decided that leaving her where she felt safe might be best. He took the cover she had pulled off the bed and wrapped her up in it safe and warm, then he brought a pillow for her head. He whispered in her ear that he'd be back, and she had murmured an assent in her sleep.

He unlocked their quarters and headed down to the council chambers to check on dinner. He found the family assembled there. Jake had been watching the door for his entrance and jumped up from his seat before Starbuck had taken more than a few steps into the room.

"What happened?"

Starbuck couldn't resist taking a jab at Jake, well at all of them. They'd been a little too tight, a few too many inside jokes and unspoken communications. "I'm thinking you should ask Gage that one. He decided to begin talking about what was happening on your hades hole of a planet. Brought Rene into that conversation it seems." The angry look on Jake's face softened Starbuck's decision to blame this on all of them. Starbuck pulled Jake aside, pitched his voice lower. "Gage told the commander about him sleeping with Rene. She says you knew. She doesn't want the rest to know. I think it just ambushed her. Not what she expected today."

"Why the frack would he do that? He didn't make her." Jake's anger helped Starbuck to understand a bit how the warriors thought on Dilmun. They had a strange sense of what was consensual sex. If you agreed to not be held down and raped, agreed so it didn't hurt, they considered that consent. Starbuck winced and realized they'd be attending some more training here in the future on a topic that wasn't going to be fun for any of them.

"He outranks her. He was Colonial, he knew the regulations. She was pretty far down the chain of command from him. It's not okay. So I'm thinking in order to avoid some problems here on the Galactica, he must have decided to clear his conscience."

Jake flashed Starbuck an angry look, clenched his fists before he finally asked, "She's alright?"

"I think so. She's asleep or I'd have you go talk to her. On second thought, it might just upset her more. I'd leave her be until morning." Starbuck put a hand on his shoulder, enjoying a little too much that he was the one telling Jake how to manage Rene. "I just came for some food. Figured she might be hungry when she wakes up. Can you let the others know? Tell them whatever lies you have made up about this alright, because she doesn't want them to know. I don't agree, I think they should know. But I guess that's Rene's decision, not mine."

Jake looked to him and then away almost embarrassed before he replied, "Yeah, got it." Jake turned and headed towards the others, letting them know that Gage had just upset her with telling the Commander about things Dante had done. Starbuck figured that was a lie fairly close to the truth. If not for Dante, he doubted Gage would have even allowed what had happened to occur even once, let alone a few more times. Dante had bent the rules first, Gage had just followed the direction set for him.

Starbuck murmured his agreement to the assessment, mumbled a few times that she was alright, just tired, upset, hungry. He could tell none of them were totally believing him, but they at least were agreeing that a night off might be what she needed. Starbuck was just heading for the door with two plates when Gage came in.

Starbuck noticed Gage scan the room, his eyes not lingering on anyone for too long before he chose instead to turn to Starbuck. "I need to talk to Rene, but," the man sighed and Starbuck was pleased to see he looked a little agitated himself. "I can't do it alone. I need a witness."

Starbuck shook his head. "She's asleep. You'll have to wait, and besides, you think that's such a good idea?"

"No, but I owe her an apology. I didn't mean to make her have to confess to the Commander. It's not how I thought it would turn out and . . ."

Starbuck cut him off. "You ambushed her. In the Commander's office. Doesn't matter what it was about. You of all people should know that wouldn't go well, so what were you trying to achieve there?"

Gage flushed, "What did she tell you?"

Starbuck tried to stifle the evil grin that began to spread on his face. "Most of it. I'll tell her you said you were sorry, but you might want to wait to talk to her. If she will talk to you. She's feeling a bit abused today." Starbuck let the double meaning hang between them.

Gage shut his eyes flinching before he gained his composure and looked to Starbuck, "It wasn't like that," Gage said defensively.

"Yeah, that's what she said, but I'm thinking if you had to tell the Commander about it, it probably was like that." Starbuck regretted the words as he watched Gage's face fall. The colonel was gone, and the lonely desperate man that Rene tried to comfort was before him. He could now understand why she had reached out. Gage was a caring man.

"Look," Starbuck tried to offer, "I know it probably wasn't like that. You two do need to talk, but not now. I'm thinking if nothing else, you betrayed her a little bit, and you know how she is with trust and loyalty. She doesn't trust many people, not even me yet. It had to have hurt to think she could trust you and then to find out she can't. Did you honestly think now was a good time to start talking about all that happened on Dilmun?"

The colonel's façade fell back into place, but Starbuck could still see the concern in his eyes. "Yes Starbuck. We can't just pretend it didn't happen. We can't just go forward and think we are all okay now, because we're not. Dante marked all of us and there's no hiding the scars. This won't get better if we try to deny it."

"Well, then we do have something we can agree on, but a little at a time, alright? No ambushes. Open and honest or this is going to get ugly. Hades, it already is. She's a mess and exhausted. I have to get back to her to make sure she doesn't really disappear."

Gage nodded and let him go. Starbuck looked over his shoulder to Jake and did his own communicating without words. Jake nodded and Starbuck left the council chambers to the sound of Jake asking, "What the frack, Gage!"

Starbuck entered their quarters, set the food down on the small table they shared, and came over and gently shook Rene. She didn't wake, so he picked her up and carried her to bed, enjoying the way she curled into him as he took her into his arms. He decided the food could wait. He wanted to feel her warmth, to know that maybe he had made everything better for once. As he crawled into their bed, she turned towards him, nestled herself on his chest and he sighed. They had a long ways to go, but things were better than before. It was nice to know where he stood with Rene, one step higher than he thought, perhaps number one on her list today.