The next week, a large number of Defense Against the Dark Arts essays were turned in. More than half of them were graded as fails. The teachers had no explanation.
"Now, most of you have been failing Defense Against the Dark Arts," McGonagall said to her transfiguration class the day after. She gave a stern glance to Sirius, James, and Peter. Sirius winked.
McGonagall did not wink back.
"I'd like to ask that you please pay attention," she continued, "It is not unusual that a few select students don't do well, but half the class? That doesn't happen very often. The headmaster has been informed of your failing grades and has a solution.
Unless you want to have extra help- in other words, if you want to be tutored by Professor Umbridge, you'll need to hire your grades."
There were a few shared glances around the room.
"Well? Page twenty. Please read the first section. You have ten minutes, then we'll discuss."
In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Umbridge had a new approach. "Because you haven't been doing well," Umbridge purred, "I'll be lecturing you rather than having you read the books every day. Books away."
With a few sideways glances, the class put away their books.
"Bloody toad," Sirius muttered.
"She was going to change her approach at some point," Remus quietly pointed out.
"I'm not going to remember a thing from this lecture!" James hissed, "Why do we have to do this?"
"It's school, James, come on," Remus said.
"Defensive spells can be useful in many situations," Umbridge started.
"What are we going to do now?" Zander had come over to the Gryffindor table during lunch. "With Umbridge's lectures-"
"We're working on it. For now, pass- but just barely. That way you don't have to be tutored by her," Remus said quietly. "We'll find another way to get her out. I'll tell you when we have an idea."
"Alright," Zander said, then scurried back to the Hufflepuff table.
"Pass? Then she's doing her job!" Sirius said hotly, "She won't be fired if we pass-"
"Yeah, but she's a perfectionist," Remus said, "so she won't stand for less than that. Until we have a better plan, that's what we got."
"We need to talk to Lily. Tonight in the common room," Peter said. "Maybe she'll have an idea."
Remus grimaced. "I won't be able to make it. I've got… stuff… that I've got to do. But you guys can talk with her."
"We can wait-"
"No, you guys need to keep the rebellion going," Remus said, "I…." He trailed off.
Behind him stood Professor McGonagall.
"Oh, hey, Minnie! How's it going?" Sirius asked.
"I believe you have some explaining to do," McGonagall said. "After lessons, I'd like to talk to you, in my office."
"Look, Professor, you gave me detention," James started.
"Detention is tomorrow, then," McGonagall told him. She briskly walked away, leaving the boys to their lunches.
"That's going to go well," James commented.
That afternoon, they knocked on McGonagall's office door. She quickly opened it and let them inside.
Her mahogany desk sat in the farthest corner, next to which a small pillow sat. On the desk there a neat stack of papers and plate of biscuits. A large window let in plenty of light.
"Have a biscuit," she instructed them.
"Anything for you, Minnie," Sirius said, nervously grinning. He grabbed a biscuit.
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Lupin. Have a biscuit."
"They're really good," Sirius said between mouthfuls.
James, Peter, and Remus reluctantly grabbed biscuits.
"Would any of you care to explain what you were discussing at lunch?" McGonagall asked them, raising an eyebrow.
"No," James said quickly.
"No," Peter agreed.
"Yum," Sirius said, helping himself to another biscuit. "Are these lemon?"
"Yes, Mr. Black. Did you even hear what I just said?" McGonagall sighed when he didn't reply. "Mr. Lupin?"
"Er, Professor Umbridge… She's not the greatest teacher," Remus started.
"She came from the Ministry," McGonagall said, as though that explained everything.
"They let her in?" he asked in surprise. "If that's their standards, I could be Minister of Magic," he added darkly.
"You're going to be Minister even if they have high standards," James pointed out, "You have some of the best grades in our year."
Remus bit his tongue and looked down.
"Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall insisted, "The discussion."
Remus blinked. "Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry. All Umbridge has us do in class in read the textbook, which, by the way is really bad quality. I've seen at least ten different grammar problems in it. She hasn't taught us anything. We were bored out of our minds until we- most of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, actually- swapped books."
"Swapped books?"
"We used a switching charm to switch the books. The cover is the Defensive Magical Theory, but the inside is the pages of another book," James explained reluctantly.
"It was Sirius's idea," Peter said.
"It was worth it, these are great," Sirius said, grabbing at another biscuit.
"Mr. Black, I'd like you to stop eating all my biscuits," McGonagall said. She appeared to be hiding a grin behind her pursed lips.
"Umbridge's classes are bloody messes, and since she isn't doing her job, we want to get her fired. Then maybe we'll get someone who will," Remus finished.
"Well," McGonagall paused, "Hypothetically, it's a very good plan."
"She's lecturing us now, and it's not any better," Pete interrupted. "The plan won't work anymore."
"I think you should talk to Ms. Evans. She might have an idea. Hypothetically, of course," McGonagall said, a twinkle in her eye.
"Completely hypothetical," James agreed.
"And, hypothetically, where would I find the recipe for these biscuits?" Sirius inquired.
McGonagall sighed again. "The hypothetical answer would be in the kitchens. The house elves have it."
"Got it."
"Now. You all have places to be. Mr. Potter, detention tomorrow, don't forget."
With a rare smile, McGonagall led them to the door.
"Thanks, Professor," Remus said.
"Hypothetically," Sirius added.