It had been the longest eighteen cycles of his life. Plus he knew he got lucky as the Engineer he'd worked with had put in a good word for him, cutting a few days from his punishment. When he came off patrol on that last day, he didn't even bother to go to the barracks to collect his things. He needed to see Rene, needed to see the kids. He really missed them all.
He'd caught them as they were all rushing off for the day to drop kids off at care centers, shuttle others to school and make it to their own trainings. He'd appreciated the cheer when he walked in the room, the kids dashing to hug him, the look of adoration on Rene's face as he dealt with the kids first. He wanted to hold Rene in his arms, but Jason had asked if Starbuck could go over something before class as he had a big test that day, and then there was this tall blond kid with Jason he didn't recognize.
The kid smiled, held out his hand. "I'm Cain, you know, like the commander. Mom says you met him, what was he like?"
"Yeah, he was something. Who's your mom?" Cain pointed over to Rene. "What, you mean Rene?" Starbuck looked to her as she waved at him.
"Isn't that what you're supposed to call your guardian? Mom?" The kid looked to Jason. "You don't call her Mom?"
"Naw, we just call her Rene, and Jake is just Jake. If anyone is dad, it's Starbuck."
"Then who's mom?" the kid asked Jason.
"I guess that's Starbuck too," Jason answered only half joking.
Starbuck wanted desperately to talk with Rene, but the boys had a serious school question, so he helped them with some math equation, barely catching Rene before she left. "Did I miss something important?"
"Nothing too important. Just trainings and the usual. I thought you had two more days?" she answered, shoving a protein bar in her mouth, and swallowing it with java.
"Off early for good behavior. So who's the kid?" Starbuck felt like he'd missed a yahren, not just a half a sectar.
"Oh, yeah," Rene answered around a mouthful of protein, "we found him on the Colonial Movers. Was AWOL from the orphan ship so, we took him in. We're waiting on the official papers to be approved, but it shouldn't be a problem."
"Wait, what? You were on the Colonial Movers ship? You adopted a kid while I was gone? With Jake?"
"No, just me. You can do that apparently, so cool the jealousy, hot shot. Cain wants to be a viper pilot and I can get him in the program if I'm his guardian, otherwise he has to wait two yahrens, and well, he will definitely get himself in trouble in those two yahrens if he doesn't get in now. I was going to speak to the Commander to talk to the council about that loophole. Apparently the orphan ship is pretty overloaded and the teenagers kind of get tossed into childcare duties, so they won't sponsor them for your little academy. You should get some sleep, you look tired."
He wanted to tell her she looked like hades because she did, but he didn't think that was the best way to return, with criticisms and nagging. It was pretty obvious by the large java mug in her hand she'd been chugging more stimulants than was good for her, but he'd wean her off those in a few cycles. Now that he was back, she'd finally get some sleep, he would see to it. He agreed with her that he should get some sleep himself, so he headed off to their quarters while she headed off for her day. He had all the time in the world with her now, as long as he could keep his fists to himself.
What he found in their quarters shocked him. The bed didn't look like it had been touched. It was made up, sheets tight, but the rest of the chambers were a disaster. Clothes were everywhere, dishes piled up, and more java mugs than he realized they owned. The walls were covered in paint and chalk. The floor was littered with more chalk, paint cans and brushes. One wall had a scene of an ocean on a sunny day with palm trees looking like they were waving in the wind. Another was of the woods, a path seeming to lead off, the sky fading to sunset. Another was a half-finished scene of a city street, but not one bustling with people, more like after the destruction perhaps, buildings half standing, windows broken and rubble in the streets. The one by the bed looked to be a night sky, painted impressionist style with swirls of color and burst of paint for stars. The wall by the door was painted with multiple doors looking like they were opening onto multiple scenes, a playground, a quiet neighborhood, a shopping mall, a classroom. None of those were finished either.
It chilled him as he muttered, "Frack me!"
He wasn't sure what to do about it. Was this normal, was this insanity? Most of the scenes were pleasant, some downright pretty, but the city was something out of a nightmare. Lords, he was suddenly tired. He started picking up at least the dishes, headed to the food prep area to find it was a disaster as well. This wasn't like the Rene he knew. He started washing up and putting away the dishes, more mugs than would fit in the cupboards. He had that cleaned up before he dared take a look in the turbowash. It was surprisingly clean except a few towels on the ground. The blood stains on one had him worried, but then he realized it was probably just paint.
He gathered up the clothes, put the uniforms in the recycler and wondered about the civilian clothes he found, more than a few outfits, some dresses, some not. They all smelled of smoke and if he didn't know better, he thought he smelled the musky scent of plant vapors on them, but if she was doing that, then maybe she would have gotten some sleep. He'd prefer that over the stims, at least it was somewhat natural. He set the civilian clothes aside in a pile before he turned to the bed. He didn't want to sleep there alone so he grabbed a blanket and settled on the couch, passing out in only a micron.
He woke to Rene's gentle kiss to his temple. "Morning sunshine," she smiled at him. Her pupils were wide in the dim light of their room. "There's a big party about to happen for you in the council chambers. You don't want to be late. Jake made your favorite. Don't want to know where he found the steaks. Ask too many questions and he may be on report, so best we hide the evidence in our stomachs."
"Oh? What's the occasion," he said groggily, rolling over and pulling Rene on top of him, hugging her tightly. "I'd rather party here."
"You're back, and no one's on report."
"Mmm, that's a good reason to party." He kissed her, liking the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye. "So what happened here? A party I don't know about."
"Yeah, sorry, meant to clean it up before you came back. You surprised me. I meant to surprise you. You like it?"
"I like the stars, and the beach, but…" he hesitated, not sure he wanted to rupture the good mood. "think we could paint over the city maybe?"
"Yeah, just couldn't get it out of my head, and well, it helped get it out."
"Okay, but does it need to stay?" he kissed her deeply to forestall her answer, and suddenly found he needed her, right then, right now.
They were late to the dinner they had put together in his honor in the chambers. Most were already eating, but they had saved plates for the two, and it was a nice normal evening with the kids and the homework and the games, then bed time and he loved it, every centon of it. He wrestled each of the kids into bed, even little Zac, the youngest of the group now at almost three sectars. Crius just kept muttering, "Missed ya man," every time Starbuck got close. It was while the younger pilots were finishing up their homework before Starbuck could finally ask Crius and Boomer how things had been. Boomer shrugged and said he'd been pretty busy with some of the overhaul over on the Zakar that Apollo had asked for his help with.
Crius glossed over the last sectons, claimed like the rest it had been uneventful. So Starbuck finally asked what he wanted to ask, how Jake and more importantly Rene had been. Crius didn't sugar coat it.
"Jake tries to leave the Galactica any time he can now, takes Rene and Nik with him sometimes. Rene hasn't slept. We knocked her out a few times, but if I had to add up her centaurs of sleep it might be maybe ten in the last two sectons."
"And the drugs? How much and where is it coming from?"
Boomer's eyebrow raised at that, letting Starbuck know he hadn't noticed it.
Crius slipped into his fake twang, "It's nothing but a thing. No worries, buddy."
"That's not an answer."
"Street Rats, Starbuck. You can't cage them too tight, they'll chew their way out. Or chew off a leg to get free."
"That's still not an answer. No one's on report, don't we want to keep it that way?"
Crius clapped him on the shoulder. "You're back. I'm pretty sure it won't be a problem anymore."
Starbuck wanted to lecture him, all of them really, that he couldn't be the only one that held them together to some higher standard expected of Colonial Warriors, but the fact he'd just come off report for having started a brawl made him at least partly aware of the hypocrisy of that lecture. He kept his opinion to himself this night. He didn't even ask Rene about it, just let her lead him back to their chambers, grateful to crawl under the covers with her with no clothes in the way.
The tears afterwards threw him though. She'd hadn't done that since before Dilmun and all she would say as he tried to soothe her is that she just missed him. He held her close, stroking her hair until she finally fell asleep, murmuring how much he missed her and he was never going anywhere.
The light in their chambers woke him in the middle of the night. She was up painting over the city scene, mumbling to herself under her breath, "it doesn't' work like that. You can't go back. It doesn't go away. I can't change time. There's no one to rescue."
His calling out to her made her jump. He got up from the bed, came to her as she tried to apologize. "Rene, it's okay. You didn't have to do it tonight."
"You didn't like it so…"
"Shhh….you okay?"
"Yeah, just, too much java, I can't sleep so I thought," she shrugged towards the wall.
"I can't sleep either. You want some help?" He picked up a brush and some plain gray paint. They painted in the low light, Rene humming an old pop tune from Caprica as they worked. It was morning and time for the daily routines by the time they were done. He tried to convince her that maybe they should swing by the Life Center, they both could use some sleep aids and maybe he could be there for a checkup on the baby. She brushed it off, said she had a test, and headed off for the day.
Starbuck meant to swing by the Life Center himself, but the Commander summoned him to talk about his community service project. He still had that to plan and all the paperwork that had piled up waiting for him back with Blue Squadron. That evening, Rene got a few more centaurs of sleep with him. She was a bit twitchy, but her eyes were clear and pupils normal, so he didn't nag her about the stims. The next day he found time to drag Rene by the Life Center for that checkup, and felt his heart leap at the sound of the little heartbeat inside her. The sound even made Dr. Salik crack a smile as he pronounced everything looked great. Starbuck even was able to hint to Salik that maybe she had a bit too much java, but Salik said her blood pressure was good, the baby was good, nothing to worry about.
Life settled back into a comforting routine and Starbuck began to plan his sealing announcement. Nothing would go wrong this time, or so he thought. Rene's nightmares were a bit better with him back. There was no screaming in the middle of the night anyway. Starbuck had cleaned and searched their quarters finding no trace of any stims or alcohol. If she was stashing them anywhere, it wasn't here. He searched the Council chambers too, turned up a lot of ambrosia and the makings from their homemade kitchen scraps still, but everyone swore Rene hadn't touched a drop.
Things seemed to be getting better. Rene seemed calmer, or at least less emotional and she spent less time with Jake as Crius was right, the man disappeared every chance he got to roam the fleet. Starbuck assumed he had a new girlfriend, that is until Cassiopeia showed up one night for dinner in the chambers. It hadn't been as awkward as Starbuck thought it would be and he counted that as a plus as well.
Added to the good news was that the pilots were acing their exams, the kids were doing well in school, little Leia was starting to crawl, and Cain seemed to be keeping Jason on the straight and narrow, so he was a good addition. Days were good.
But Rene still mumbled to herself constantly when she thought no one was around. She complained of the smell of the air, and she woke often in the night. She claimed it wasn't nightmares, but he could tell she was lying to him. Instead of painting the walls, she had taken to drawing on the floor late at night, and he knew what they were, scenes from Caprica.
The worst was one night when he woke to her drawing frantically, talking to herself. When he touched her, she seemed to wake up, as if she had been drawing in her sleep. The scene before him was another destruction tableau, this one including cylons that were dragging children, a pile of bodies on fire. He immediately got up and got a towel to wipe away the chalk drawing. She let him guide her back to the bed, when he curled up around her holding her tight, whispering that she was safe here. They'd spotted no cylons and everything was good.
She finally spoke, soft and low, her tone so neutral, almost rational. "I think it will go away if you tell me where Earth is."
His breath caught and he felt his heart ache. "I can't do that Rene. You know why, right?"
She sighed. "They won't tell me either."
Starbuck's blood ran cold at her words. "Who's they?" he asked softly, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"The Commander, Boomer, they won't tell me. I think I need to know."
Starbuck sighed. "No, Rene. I can't risk you going without me. I need you here. We all need you here."
She just softly answered with a resigned, "Okay," before she drifted back to sleep in his arms.
The next day she seemed fine, did what she had to do, had a smile on her face, helped with the kids, and flashed a thousand hand signs to Jake all about Caprica. But with Starbuck, short answers to his questions, a soft word here and there. Nothing more other than to keep telling him she was okay. He felt the distance like a physical barrier between them. He hoped with time and once they were sealed, it would be better. He tried extra hard to show her that life was better here. Each smile was worth more than a hundred cubits.
But Pallus still led the trainings for the Copper squadron, and Rene was coming back later and later each day. A guy named Brody made a point of buying a drink for her one night in the OC, and he overheard Jake talking about some other guy named Ander who kept trying to sit at their table in the mess hall for midday meal. And then there was Jake, who anytime Starbuck wasn't looking found a way to touch Rene, always soft, always sweet, a sweep of her hair from her shoulders, a touch of her hand, a squeeze to her shoulder. And way too many nights that Starbuck woke up and she wouldn't be there in their bed.