It had been so typically Starbuck, first the rejection by Cassiopeia, and within a cycle or two he'd found another that he had thrown himself at. He dove into the relationship headfirst ignoring each and every cautionary sign thinking he could just blast past them like they were lone cylon raiders and he had Cora to keep him on course. Added to the situation was the element of danger and plenty of moments for Starbuck to be reckless. He'd played the hero and it had seemed more than suspicious how helpless Rene would become at times, feeding into Starbuck's epic fantasies. Apollo had his doubts about Starbuck and his new found love. Lots of doubts.
He had hoped that once the fleet was away from the quadrant that things would continue in the usual Starbuck textbook fashion, that the relationship would cool as things usually did when his friend was involved. Apollo would be there in that moment to talk some sense into his buddy, convince him to move on and let the young pilot alone. But Apollo hadn't counted on the change in their course, nor in the fact that Starbuck felt responsible for the deaths that occurred on Dilmun. That was an added element that was also somewhat from the Starbuck manual. Despite the rumors and jokes, Starbuck hadn't gotten as far as he had in the Colonial Service by ignoring responsibilities. Sometimes it was scary how dedicated he could be to duty while denying it the whole time. His laser focus got the job done often in record time. Apollo was afraid that with Rene, Starbuck was tapping into that laser focus. Rene was his responsibility.
In a way, Apollo admired the dedication that Starbuck was showing to the woman who he thought was carrying his child. With some support and advice, Apollo knew from witnessing Starbuck with Boxey, he could be an excellent father. But Apollo also wondered how long it would be before the added responsibility would wear Starbuck down. Boxey had worn Apollo out, that was fact, and he'd met Boxey during what could be considered easy years for child rearing. When he had first met Serina, Boxey had adored Apollo, and the boy could walk, talk and essentially take care of himself. A baby was a different complication.
Apollo didn't want Starbuck to shirk that duty, but he also didn't want to see his friend commit to a girl just because of a sense of responsibility. A sealing should be about love, like the love Apollo and Serina had for each other. Apollo had his doubts that what Rene and Starbuck were feeling was love. Starbuck had so little experience with that emotion, and Rene had far too much experience in manipulation and deceit.
He'd intended to give it just a few sectons to wait for everything to calm down and the fleet to find its new sense of normal before he had that drink with Starbuck to voice his doubts. It was Apollo's duty as Starbuck's friend and best man to let him know he didn't have to do this. Still, the time he had intervened on Starbuck's behalf with his security check on Chameleon also came to mind. Starbuck had sworn that it was the end of their friendship, and Apollo had almost believed him. After losing his family as a child, Starbuck had leapt blindly into the possibility of finding a place that he belonged, people he could call his own. Was he doing that again? Was it really any of Apollo's business? On the other hand, sealing was serious.
But then Apollo began to have doubts about his own doubts. It wasn't just that his father seemed to be all for the relationship, even allowing Starbuck to break the regulations and cohabitate with Rene, but it was also seeing Starbuck making some changes in his own life as he encouraged the Dilmun Warriors to make changes in theirs. The ambrosia soaked gambler enveloped in fumarello smoke hadn't been seen in sectons. Reckless hotshot viper jock had suddenly become even tempered ever patient by the book officer. It wasn't the Starbuck he had known in the past, but the Starbuck many had wished he would become in time. It was a good change, but would it last? Cycles had turned into sectons, could sectons turn into yahrens? Was it a sign that the Lords were smiling on them when Starbuck stopped being, well, Starbuck and had listened to all the advice Apollo had given him over the yahrens? Or was this a new kind of evil? Be careful what you wish for kind of evil, because you just might get it. Apollo was conflicted on the matter to say the least.
Then there had been the fight and it appeared that Starbuck had not stopped being Starbuck after all. When Apollo had first heard the rumor, he immediately contacted his father for confirmation hoping that it was just fleet gossip. His father confirmed it was worse than Apollo had heard, having involved a superior officer and if not for the Dilmun's Captain Pallus agreeing to not move forward with charges, Starbuck could have been drummed out of the service. Finding out that Rene was at the heart of the fight confirmed Apollo's doubts about the relationship. Adama almost ordered Apollo to spend time with Starbuck.
Apollo knew he should tell his friend that the sealing was a very bad idea, but then there was Boxey and his opinion to consider. Boxey enjoyed spending time with Rene and the other kids. Apollo noticed that Rene was quite good with the teens and preteens, keeping them on the straight and narrow. The Sewer Rat kids did well in school and were involved in fleet activities. Plus, over the yahrens he'd found that his son was a good judge of character. Boxey liked the Caprica Refugees and enjoyed spending time with the other kids rescued during destruction. Now with Apollo commanding the Zakar, Boxey was spending a lot of time with Athena so he could attend school on the Galactica and the Sewer Rat kids had become his playmates. Surprisingly, Boxey had much in common with them. Since the colonies, there had been few children on the Galactica, most adopted like Boxey after the destruction. Accommodations for the children had been military oriented, their classrooms troop training rooms. Their playground was the same recreational spaces the warriors used. The children had spent a lot of time around adults and not much time with those of their own age.
The Dilmun warriors had changed that almost immediately. Maybe it was due to the fact that the Caprica refugees were still kids themselves, but the Dilmun warriors had insisted that some divisions between troops and children was needed. They had created spaces for the children to be together as just children. First, they had taken over the Council of Twelve chambers and rooms normally reserved for the sires and siresses while on board. The families created child care centers and nurseries. Gym and Rejuvenation Center times had been instituted for Adults only and Kids only. Then they had taken over a storage bay and converted it to a play place, complete with play equipment created by utilizing old crates, bins and barrels put together as a type of obstacle course.
Constructing the playground had been part of Starbuck's community service, and Apollo's first glimpse into watching Starbuck interact with all the Caprica refugees. In true Starbuck fashion, the creation of the play space despite supposedly being part of his punishment for having punched a security guard, had become an event. Invitations had been delivered and a party planned upon its completion. Boxey had insisted on being included, sold it as an opportunity to spend time together as father and son, and then invited Adama and Sheba to assure Apollo would be there even though Apollo had a busy schedule refitting the Zakar and managing her crew. Apollo had no choice but to attend, rescheduling all his briefings and duties for the day, a monumental task.
On the day of the construction, Apollo had shown up late with a very peeved Boxey and an annoyed Sheba making excuses for him. Adama had come dressed in a mechanic's coveralls, looking yahrens younger as he helped Starbuck instruct the children. Starbuck had organized the older kids to help, showed them how to use simple tools, and directed the construction with Rene at his side. Starbuck had shown to be more adept than Apollo not only with the tools but also with the kids. Apollo couldn't help but to feel a slight pang of jealousy as Adama lavished Starbuck with his fatherly attention, beaming with pride.
Apollo had found himself a bit isolated, perhaps from not being totally present, his mind still going over duty rosters and reports as he absently went about the task assigned him, double checking fittings and screws for rough edges that needed sanding down. Midway through the day, Apollo had found himself away from the others, checking some of the fittings inside the maze of tunnels they were creating, when he rounded a corner and came upon Starbuck and Rene locked in a kiss. Apollo's first reaction was to command that the two of them cool it with all the kids around, but then he realized it wasn't that kind of a kiss. It was sweet and simple, plus short as the two broke apart laughing, and went back to work on securing the fitting in front of them.
Apollo had backed away from them gasping from the stab of grief he suddenly felt at the loss of Serina. While yes, things were good with Sheba, she was not Serina. His wife had been a spontaneously joyful woman and an excellent mother. She would have enjoyed this day and Apollo went searching for Boxey and Sheba, determined to enjoy the day himself. Apollo knew that Starbuck had those same spontaneously joyful qualities and would probably make a good father. Apollo began to wonder if Starbuck's relationship with Rene might be one of a fatherly type of role. Their age difference would certainly indicate that type of attraction.
For the rest of the day and the party afterwards, he watched Starbuck interact with the kids and with Rene. Much like the division the Dilmun warriors had instituted between adults and children, there was a difference in the way Starbuck dealt with the kids compared to Rene and her friends. He treated Rene as an equal. He didn't see her as a kid, or maybe it was more accurate to say that Starbuck saw himself as a kid. He was having the childhood he'd been cheated of after the attack on Umbra. Or at least he was trying to create a childhood for those who had also been cheated out of one. But Starbuck was no kid, and in time he'd realize that and perhaps move on, back to his adult habits.
Apollo vowed to have that important discussion with Starbuck sooner rather than later, before things went farther than they should and the sealing date was set. If Starbuck was trying to have a childhood, at least some yahrens as a young adult, should marriage be a part of that plan?
Apollo set up a get together in the OC one evening to have that talk, added it to his schedule and made sure that Starbuck was off the duty roster for the night. When Apollo commed Starbuck to confirm the time, Starbuck had invited Apollo and Boxey to dinner before they had that drink. Boxey could stay the night, a sleep over, while some of the adults hit the OC.
Apollo thought he knew Starbuck, he had seen the man at his worst and thought he had seen him at his best. A simple dinner made him realize he hadn't known the man at all. For one, he could cook as it was Starbuck's night to make the meal. A meal with the family looked to be anything but a simple affair. There were over 20 kids to feed, plus adults. It was a chaotic mess with crying babies, fussy toddlers, and surly preteens. Starbuck handled it all with ease. He stirred a pot with one hand while bouncing a baby with the other. He shooed out kids who were sneaking in to steal bites and to whine about when it would be ready. He had help, Rene at his side, his shadow as many were calling her. She seemed to read his mind, knowing what he wanted when he wanted it, what help was needed. The two talked without speaking, smiling and touching often. Once the meal was declared done, and the younger kids had been served, the adults dished up next, and the ravenous teens and preteens attacked what was left.
Rene and Starbuck seemed to be in their own little world, Starbuck sitting at the head of the table, Rene by his side. Starbuck expertly ate with one hand while feeding a bottle to Ari's daughter with the other. Rene had her two kids beside her, laughing and teasing her kids, while also joking with Starbuck. Apollo was stunned into silence. Starbuck looked in his element, as if made for this as much as he was made for the cockpit of a viper.
Boomer was at the table beside Apollo, and part way through the meal had leaned over to Apollo. "Takes some getting used to, doesn't it? We think he's changed, but I think this is what he was before we knew him. Like a piscon to water, this is his old pond."
When it came time later in the evening for that drink, Apollo felt foolish for what he was about to say to his friend. Starbuck had declared to those at the dinner table that it was a guy's night out, and most of the male Dilmun pilots joined them, except for Jake and Nik. Apollo had reserved a table just for him, Starbuck and Boomer. They had easily fallen into the banter of old times, and as Starbuck pulled out a fumarello, Apollo knew they were on familiar territory. He waited for the ambrosia to be half gone, the smoke to have clouded the air, and the cards to come out before he broached the subject. He knew his words sounded forced and rehearsed, but he had to follow his mission parameters.
"So Starbuck, have you given this sealing some serious thought because I think…"
"It probably won't happen," Starbuck cut him off, leaning back taking a drag on the fumarello in his hand.
Boomer merely raised an eyebrow at the two of them and stayed silent.
"Why's that buddy?" Apollo was truly shocked. Was he that predictable, more importantly, was Starbuck?
Starbuck blew out the smoke and thought for a moment. "She's just doing it to make me happy, or more accurate to say she's making your father happy." He took another drag and looked pointedly at Apollo, as if waiting for the next scripted line.
"I don't understand, I thought…" He trailed off, not sure what the next line was supposed to be, before he began again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
Starbuck gave a small knowing smile. "Do what, not get sealed?"
"No, I mean, for Sagan's sake, I don't know what I mean. Is this what you want or not? What do you want, Starbuck?"
"Ahh, that's the first time you got the words right. Good job, buddy." Starbuck took a long drag on his fumarello and seemed to size Apollo up. "I want her and I want to get sealed, as soon as we can, but while it might be what I want, and your father wants, I'm not sure if it's what should happen. She needs time, they all do. I want to make sure that I'm the only one in her bed and in her head when we seal. Not quite sure of that right now."
"You think she's cheating on you?" Apollo blurted it out, not sure if he was in the same universe as before. First was the fact that Starbuck was agreeing with him, and second, Starbuck didn't worry about others cheating on him, he worried about getting caught when he cheated on others.
Starbuck smiled, the same grin he used playing cards as the players fell into the trap he had laid to increase the pot when he knew he would be winning the hand.
"No, not exactly, but yeah, sort of."
Then the smile disappeared and a very serious Starbuck was before him, leaning back towards the table. "I don't think she's cheating on me, but I do think I'm dealing with a bunch of other people in her head. We don't know all that happened on that planet or on the Zakar. We have only scratched the surface of what Dante has done. No one is discussing at all what the others did with Dante's encouragement and permission. 'Guy's night out' had a far different type of entertainment than what we might think. The Caprica refugees, as we're calling the sewer rats, have stories to tell. They hint at shackles and beatings, rapes and…" Starbuck stopped speaking. Apollo watched Starbuck's face darken as his anger flared. "I want to kill a few people and thinking that might not be the best way to begin our marriage, me in the brig for murder."
"No, buddy, not a good idea." Apollo suddenly felt like he was drowning. His duties as Commander of a battle cruiser felt like they had just increased a thousandfold. "Do you think it's still going on?"
Starbuck sighed, trying to push down his emotions to deal with this logically. "I don't know. I want to say no, but we haven't dealt with any of it. Denial is not an answer. We can't just go forward and not deal with the past, and I know," Starbuck held his hand to stop his friend from speaking, "I know this is not like me, alright? I know I have everyone pretty confused. More than a few have told me I'm not acting like myself. Maybe because I realize that my old way of doing things might look a little too much like how Dante tried to do things. The sadist was out for his own pleasure, and he let others do pretty much what they wanted, to take what they wanted. A lot went on that no one may know about. Rene dealt with a lot and has a lot to process. Her head is pretty messed up right now."
Starbuck paused and met Apollo's gaze, "And to answer your question, what I want is to make up for what happened to them, to all of them. I'm not sure how to do that other than to give them time to recover and realize it won't happen to them again."
"If it is still going on, we need to put a stop to it," Apollo stated firmly.
Starbuck only nodded.
"We need to make sure it doesn't happen. We need to …" Apollo paused and reached in his jacket for a data pad to take notes. "We need to start inquiries and begin prosecutions. Tribunals and investigations need to be opened, witness statement's taken and…" Starbuck reached out taking the pad from Apollo's hands.
"No one is ready for that. Not sure we should be dredging up the past to punish anyone. I think even the abusers were abused somewhat. I don't think some wanted to do what they did. I do think Dante was behind a lot of it and he's dead, so we can't put him on trial, can we? No, I think we should move forward to the future, but keep our eyes peeled to make sure the past doesn't happen again. They need time in a good command structure, in a good and moral fleet, and that means…" Starbuck looked at his fumarello and his drink. He ground out the smoke, then pushed aside his drink. "That means, we all need to be more moral, no matter how unnatural it might feel." Starbuck tried to make it sound like a joke, but despite the smile on his lips, his eyes were dangerously serious.
Apollo nodded, but Starbuck continued. "It's not about what I want. It's about what needs to happen. So to answer your question, yes, I really want to get sealed. It is reckless and stupid and it will probably crash and burn in epic proportions because it is what I do. Don't die from shock, but I am taking your advice because I need to be smarter, not just for me, but for her. So we are not getting sealed, not yet anyway."
Apollo felt his breath catch as he suddenly realized this wasn't what he had really wanted. Yes, he offered Starbuck advice all the time, but for once he wasn't sure if his buddy should have listened to him.