When the boys returned to their dormitory, Remus was waiting for them. He now had a deep cut that ran jagged across his cheek, but grinned nonetheless when he saw them.

"I heard about what you guys did in D.A.D.A. That was brilliant!" Remus' smile suddenly dropped. "She made you use the quill, didn't she? Are you guys alright?"

"Minnie intervened. You should have been there, Remus! It was incredible. James said he forgot to do his homework, and asked me for help, but I couldn't, because Peter had stolen my eggs at breakfast because Lily had told him to," Sirius said excitedly.

"She played along, too," James told him happily. "There's still hope!"

"Anyway, Umbridge tried to kill James and give us detention, but-"

"Umbridge tried to kill you?" Remus yelped.

"She used Immobulus on him. Sirius thought he was dead," Peter explained.

"I'm trying to tell a story! So, Minnie told Umbridge that she would take us for detention, offered Umbridge a cough drop, and then we made another batch of biscuits," Sirius finished.

"They taste even better fresh out of the oven," Peter said, a wistful smile spreading upon his face.

"You made McGonagall biscuits for detention," Remus said, "right after James almost died."

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Okay. I'm not commenting on that."

"Please do comment."

"No-"

It was then that James noticed the cut. "You alright?" he asked, studying it. "It looks pretty deep. Did you see Madam Pomfrey?"

Remus' expression became guarded. "Yeah, I saw her. I'm fine."

"Bloody hell, Remus. What were you doing?" Sirius asked him.

"Oh. You know. Stuff."

"How did your stuff go?" Peter asked him.

"Stuffy."

There was a beat, then Sirius quietly chuckled and pointed to Remus. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present Remus Lupin, master of description!"

James and Peter laughed while Remus gave a small smile.

"Er, well, I'm going to bed," Remus said after a moment. "'Night."

The next morning, plans were brewing at the breakfast table.

"So we know the plan? Sirius, you distract her. Peter, you act as lookout. Remus, you help me set the trap in a logical way and make sure it doesn't blow up in our faces," James said, glancing at everyone in turn.

"You know, the logical thing to do would not be setting a trap in her office," Remus grumbled.

"It's completely logical," James told him with a wave of his hand.

"What do I do if I see her?" Peter asked nervously. "Do I, like, yell, or whistle, or-"

"Distract her loudly," Sirius said, "so then James and Remus will hear you and get out of there."

"Okay. Yeah, I can do that."

"Ready? Okay, let's go."

With concealed grins, the group set out to carry out their plan.

Sirius set off to find Umbridge while James, Remus, and Peter made their way to her office.

"Stay here," James told Peter as they made to turn into the corridor with the office.

Peter nodded, and James and Remus crept on.

When they neared the door, Remus used the unlocking charm.

"Alohomora," he whispered.

With a quiet, yet startling click, the door opened, hinges squeaking.

"Bloody hinges," James said, glancing around anxiously.

"Go!" Remus said, pushing him over the threshold and into the office.

It looked the same as it had looked when the boys had gone to their detentions: Wallpaper so pink it blinded you when you looked at it, a neatly tidied desk, pink rugs, and a collection of kitten china plates.

"This is going to stain her walls for weeks," James said gleefully. "She's going to have fun washing those dishes."

"Come on. Let's finish this before she comes back," Remus insisted. "You have everything?"

"Yes, I have everything, plus the cloak, because this is a long corridor. If she comes, we aren't going to be able to outrun her."

"Okay. Get it started."

James and Remus began to ready the trap.

Meanwhile, Sirius had found Umbridge.

"Hey! Professor! Can I talk to you?" he called.

Umbridge turned. "Yes?"

"Well," Sirius started, "I'm sorry about the other day."

"I'm glad, Mr. Black." Umbridge whirled around to leave.

"Wait! I'm not done apologizing and explaining! I didn't mean to interrupt the class! It was just, James was going to do his homework in the morning. I told him I help him and remind him, but then Peter stole my eggs! They were cooked so perfectly! They were beautiful! I was about to tell Remus that when Peter reached over and stole them! I was so busy grieving that I forgot about James' homework, and then he remembered in class! I didn't know that Lily had told Peter to do it, so I told him what I knew about the catastrophe of breakfast! And here we are. I'm really sorry about that. I'd also like to apologize for James. I would do the same for Peter and Lily, but they stole my eggs, so I won't do that."

"Thank you for the apology, Mr. Black, but I have to get ready for classes," Umbridge said, trying to excuse herself.

"But Professor! I have questions!"

"Later, Mr. Black." Despite his pleas, she made towards her office.

Sirius tore through the halls. He had to get there before Umbridge. He had to warn the others.

When Peter saw him, he asked, "Is she coming?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. She stopped listening to me. We've got to get James and Remus out of there before-"

James and Remus emerged from the office, closing the door.

"Is it finished?" Peter asked excitedly. "Is she going to fall for it?"

Remus nodded. "It should detonate when she opens the door."

Sirius started to say, "Brilliant, but we've gotta go, she'll be here any minute-"

The soft clicking of petal-pink heels reached their ears. Umbridge had arrived.

"Boys. What are you doing here?" Umbridge inquired sweetly.

"Oh. Uh. We were…. Walking," James said.

"You don't look like you were walking. Loitering, maybe?"

"No, no, sorry Professor Umbridge," Remus apologized. "We'll just... walk… somewhere else."

The group rushed out of the corridor.

They hadn't gone far when a door clicked open. Then Umbridge shrieked.

"Go, go, go," Remus urged them as they broke into a sprint.

Behind them, Umbridge let out a scream of rage.

"BOYS!"