First thing in the morning Starbuck had swung by the bridge, but the Commander had told him to stop worrying. He'd received daily updates and things were going well for Rene. Starbuck couldn't tell if Adama was lying, rarely could with that wily old man.
Starbuck went to tackle the paperwork waiting for him in the Blue Squadron duty office. He was interrupted at least once ever fifteen centons by someone from the family, all asking the same question, when was Rene coming back. He couldn't concentrate on the forms and reports before him. He knew he should have taken a viper and gone to get her. It had been three cycles, but four was too much.
Adama was about to contact the Zakar to see when his second in command would be returning, before he lost a Lieutenant on a mission to the Zakar. Colonel Gage and Lieutenant Rene returned to the Galactica together late that morning. Three days previously, she had left Adama's bridge as an angry, shocked and sullen woman. She returned as a different person all together. She was smiling, bouncing on the balls of her feet, unable to stand still, as if she had exciting news to tell. She was respectful as she asked if she could have until the next cycle to report for duty, she even said 'sir' without it sounding like a curse. She had turned to sprint down the corridors to find Starbuck when she had turned back to say something to Adama, but Colonel Gage cut her off.
"Sleep on it, Rene, two cycles, give it two cycles, and then if you want to do it, do it. But let everyone else catch up, okay? You've been through a lot, kiddo."
Adama watched her sigh, and then thank the man for the advice. Adama was about to ask the Colonel for an explanation, when Gage turned to Adama with more of a warning than reassuring news.
"She's going to resign from the service and you are going to let her. You'll receive several more resignations. My best advice is for you to grant them some leave, give them time to think on it. I don't think they actually will do it, but they need to know they can. They need to know they are free individuals."
Adama nodded, knowing that might be the right choice for many of them, but the fleet had been enjoying the comfort of having all those pilots for defense. He looked to his Colonel who waited for Adama's answer, and the Commander realized it was a defining moment for Gage. Adama chose his words carefully. "Of course, they're free to do as they please, but, I would hate to lose good Warriors. I hope they will choose to keep defending the fleet, but that is their choice to make. This is a fleet built on freewill. Shall we debrief because I don't think you brought back the right warrior."
Gage smiled, one of the first genuine ones Adama had seen. The smile made the commander realize how much worry the Colonel had been carrying. "How about a meal in my office?" Adama offered truly curious as to what had changed in those few short cycles.
The colonel did not even wait for the meal to be delivered. He seemed just as wound up as Rene. He detailed for Adama the success of the sessions without going into specific details. Just that Rene participated in the process, she opened up to the doctor, by the end Rene and the doctor had formed a close working relationship. She was scheduled for more sessions in the therapy rooms of the Galactica.
"She needs time of course, they all do, but as you've seen, they take their lead from her. If she will follow the process, the others may too. But, sir, you have a drug problem in your fleet. She found what she wanted quite easily and cheaply. You have a problem with your young people as they are lacking a purpose and choices in their future. You may want to speak to Lieutenant Rene and Lieutenant Jake as to what they have found on the civilian ships in your fleet."
Adama made a point to add that to his schedule in the coming cycles. He'd use the time he'd set aside for disciplining Starbuck if he had violated orders and headed to the Zakar.
Starbuck had given up on the paperwork when Jason had ditched classes to come by the duty office. The kid had worked himself up into a frenzy as Rene should have returned by now. The kid was convinced that since she was on the Zakar, she was going to return battered, and Jason felt he was man enough now to do something about it. He wanted Starbuck to take him right then over to the Zakar to kill Gage and if Starbuck wouldn't take him, he'd steal the cubits and hop a shuttle to go over himself.
Starbuck realized the kid was coming to him for some reassurance. The kid was one of the Rats, had he wanted to go to the Zakar, he would have gone by now. Starbuck talked the kid down, which wasn't easy to do as Starbuck wanted to do the same thing himself. He vowed they would go to the Zakar together if she didn't show up by dinnertime.
Starbuck had personally walked the kid back to class, talked with his instructor to make sure the absence was explained and excused, and headed back to the duty office to try to talk himself back down. He had just turned the corner, when he saw Rene coming out of the office. She smiled at the sight of him.
"Rene!" he'd shouted and she launched herself into his arms. The kiss she gave him was deep, full and passionate. He felt all the tension he didn't realize he'd been carrying leave him at her touch. It was not a short kiss, as Rene melded herself to him, her hands reaching under his jacket, pulling at the tunic, and Starbuck didn't stop her.
It was Boomer's voice of shock that finally broke the kiss, as he came out of the duty office and called out, "Oh Lords, you two have a room, use it!"
Rene had laughed at the comment, beaming up at Starbuck. He hadn't seen a smile so big on her face since before Dilmun when they shared that private room on the Rising Star. The shift in her left him feeling unbalanced. He'd expected to be getting back a sad and broken woman. This was nothing like what the books said would happen. "You okay?" he asked, truly concerned.
She smiled, but crinkled her nose at him before she said softly, "No. I never will be, I think. But there are still some things I'm good at and sometimes life is pretty fantastic."
His brow furrowed at the answer. "I'm confused."
"So am I, but it went good. It did. It wasn't fun and frack it hurt a lot, but, yeah, I'm okay, better than okay I think. I…I need to find Jake and see the kids, but we can talk when you are off duty. Just you and me." He didn't like hearing that the next person she had to find was Jake, but based on the drunken conversation he and Jake had, it made sense she'd need to reassure him that she was back and she was fine.
Rene saw the look that crossed his face, interpreted it quickly as she leaned in again giving him another passionate kiss before pulling back and whispering, "I have missed you so much."
He couldn't resist her smile. "Go, find Jake and the kids. I'll meet you in the council chambers when I'm done here. I won't be long, okay?"
"Yes sir, fly boy," she answered with a flirty smile before she quickly pulled away and sped off for the training rooms.
Starbuck had raced through the paper work, and decided since he was in charge he could excuse himself from duty early, went and gathered the teenagers from their classes with the news of Rene's return. The council chambers were lively once again with the voices of laughter. Kalea clung to Rene and Kiff followed her around the room, actually asking for the first time in sectons to be picked up like a baby. Starbuck was going to have a hard time this night getting Rene to himself, but he didn't mind. He was reveling just like the kids and her friends in the glow of a happy Rene.
He thought he knew her, but this was someone he hadn't met before except in small flashes here and there. Lords, he loved it and he could sit at the head of the table and watch this for the rest of his life. He wondered for a moment what medications, prescribed or otherwise, she might be on, but he dismissed that notion. Gage was by the book since he had joined the fleet. Maybe it was the effects of the prescribed medications, and if it was, Starbuck might ask for some for himself.
He helped Rene get the kids to sleep, not an easy task as they wanted to join Rene in their chambers. Starbuck didn't mind, thought that was what was needed, but Rene insisted they sleep with the other kids this night. She'd had to lay down with Kalea tricking the toddler into thinking Rene would be sleeping with all of them that night. The trick backfired as Rene did fall asleep there, but Starbuck was selfish. He desperately wanted to know what had happened, so he woke her as gently as he could. She still startled, she always did when being woken, but she didn't wake the kids. They disappeared to their quarters.
His questions went unanswered. As soon as the door closed, Rene was undressing him, virtually ignoring his words as she unbuckled his pants and dropped to her knees. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to do this, but instead found his hands in her hair and his body on a different mission than his curious mind. The clothes had been tossed, the boots flying and he found he was as frantic as Rene in their bed.
Once she finally slowed down, seemed to be sated, he'd smiled to her and she had burst into tears. The shift left him almost queasy as if from a hard G force dive.
"Whoa, oh pretty lady, what's wrong, shhh, what's wrong?"
Through hitching sobs, she was able to finally get out, "You keeping asking if I want to seal with you, but you never talk about it after that. You haven't said a thing. I don't know if you still want me."
Starbuck almost laughed out loud in his relief. "Are you kidding me right now? I've just been waiting for you to be okay and to want to get sealed. I thought you weren't ready and, I didn't want to push you for a date. I was going to make it official at the dinner, but…"
"Starbuck, I'm never going to be okay. If you're waiting for that, then you should be with someone else. You should run far away and never come back and…"
"Shh, I'm only going to do that if you make me, then I swear to you, pretty lady, I am not going far. I'll be right back to bother you. You are the one I want."
"I'm never going to be okay." Her voiced sounded more like the old realistic Rene.
"And I'm okay with that," he answered. "How is anyone ever going to be okay on the run from the Cylons after their worlds were destroyed? We just take what happiness we can find where we can find it. And you, Beautiful, make me happy."
She nodded, but didn't say more trying to put the smile back on her face.
"So, a date? You want me to set a date?"
Her smile cracked as tears begin to flow again. "Yes," she whispered softly.
"Alright, but only if you promise to smile again. How about in five sectons? It will be before the big triad tourney and it gives everyone enough time to change the duty rosters and I should be up for some leave and we can try to take something like a honeymoon. Is that good for you?"
She sighed in contentment, "Yes, although it will be hard to find a dress that fits," and then showed him she wasn't quite sated enough.
They didn't talk that night about the therapy session on the Zakar. It would come out in bits and pieces over the next several nights, and only if he asked, so he stopped asking. She said she wasn't ready to share, especially with man she was planning on sealing with, all the things done to her body by Dante and several other men before him. The Doctor had been right and she'd briefly told Starbuck about her father, the foster father after, and the teacher at her school. But she kept the details to a minimum and wouldn't talk about Dante, the Zakar or the planet.
"I need you to help me forget," she had told him a few nights later after another very long and intense conversation they had without words under the covers of their bed. He was not minding the attention, but he knew she might be avoiding talking to him. He didn't know what to do about that.
He would learn a lot more later, that Rene had developed a whole range of coping skills and manipulation techniques over the years. Jake had been right, she knew how to work him.
Starbuck would hear later how her arrival the day she returned from the Zakar had broken up whatever instruction was going on, her friends elated at her return, but also at her elevated mood. It was Crius who would tell Starbuck later, much later, that Lizbet had told him that Rene had turned to Jake and simply stated, "It still works." The words had Jake shouting a cheer of "Frack, yes!" No one understood then what she had been talking about which is why Crius had told Starbuck, looking for some clarification. Starbuck had no idea, other than the sly hand signal conversations began again in earnest, and stopped every time he came in the room.
Rene's visits with the doctor didn't stop her nightmares. She had stopped drawing on the floor, instead splurging for paper, any kind she could get, where she drew over and over again scenes of Caprica. He'd tried to talk to the Doctor about it, but Dixon would not tell him anything about the sessions he was having with Rene claiming client confidentiality.
When he asked Gage about what the sessions had been like on the Zakar, The Colonel had been even worse. His cryptic answers such as, "She's not who you think she is," and "Only a few people know what she is capable of," left Starbuck with more questions than answers. Starbuck finally asked Jake what all the conversations were about, especially because they stopped when he walked into the room. Whatever bond the two had made over the kitchen scraps still in their night of swapping stories seemed to have gone the way of the alcohol, down the drain. Jake stonewalled him with the "Ask Rene," answer to all his questions.
He found he couldn't ask Rene. She was a different person in so many ways. She was still Rene with her quirks, but she was just better and much happier. He liked the change and the effect it had on everyone. She laughed often and he loved the sound of it. She teased him, and flirted, and he enjoyed being playful with her. He adored that she saved her smiles for him. He still wanted to know what brought on the nightmares and the night time drawing, but each time he asked about it, or about the Zakar, or Dilmun or the sessions she was having with Dixon, her mood would darken and she would shut him out. It was physically painful to watch her mood change.
Against the voices in his own head screaming for answers, he tried to put his concerns aside. He let his conscience and his jealous demons fight it out in corner of his mind. It was somewhat easy to do as Rene distracted him with the conversations that didn't need words, just passion, and lips, and hands.
Starbuck tried to not let it bother him that Rene seemed to disappear from the Galactica each time he had an evening patrol. He tried to remember that she needed time with her friends, to be young and having a good time. He made sure that he and Rene, along with Crius and Lizbet, had a normal evening on the Rising Star, minus a brawl, and they actually had time to hit the chancery. He made sure the family had good seats for the triad games, and he handled the IFB for Rene, telling her just to smile, hang on his arm and it would all be okay.
He tried to be fine with the sly conversations she had with Jake, and not to be jealous all the times he came back from patrol and found Jake in their quarters, or the times he found Rene and Jake had disappeared into the civilian fleet, visiting clubs and parties that Starbuck was never invited to. He tried, but when Jake stopped dating Cassiopeia, or anyone else for that matter, and Rene started avoiding any questions about where she and Jake went, what they were up to and why she often came back from her shuttle runs centaurs later, Starbuck couldn't quiet the jealousy. He began to press the point that a sealing should be happening, that they should decide on some details, like exactly when, not just a vague four or five sectons from now, or where. Rene teased, flirted, and laughed, but never answered a question. They had gotten as far as choosing the Rising Star for the location and Adama to officiate. But a date had not been set. After that first night, back from the Zakar, Rene never brought it up and Starbuck began to wonder if she ever would.