Things were good, they were, that's what Starbuck tried to remind himself when the cycles went by and he'd try to bring up dates for a sealing ceremony. Rene was going to start showing soon, and well, the IFB would have a field day with that once they knew. Not that he and Rene were hiding anything exactly. They just hadn't shared Rene's pregnancy publicly with the whole fleet yet and especially the fact that it was his. Soon there'd be no hiding it though, and the Commander was right. The pressure would be to seal, and Rene had said yes. The IFB cornered him and Rene anytime they were away from the Galactica wanting to know all the details of their relationship. Starbuck kicked himself now for letting it slip they were engaged. But she had said yes, and they were going to seal soon, weren't they? Things were good now that Rene was getting help and back on shuttles.
Sure, there were those few times she'd disappeared with Jake, and didn't return until late reeking of smoke and alcohol, swearing she hadn't had a drop but they both knew better. Or the centaurs late she came back from a shuttle run or two, curiously at the same time Jake was nowhere to be found. "That was just a coincidence," he tried to reason with himself. Or all those times he'd come back from patrol to find Jake and Rene in their quarters alone. They were just friends. Rene was with Starbuck. It was their quarters she slept in each night.
But cycles had turned into sectons and few plans had been made. So far, she'd agreed to everything with a shrug and a "if that's what you want." Starbuck had asked Crius to tell his wife Lizbet to ask Rene what she wanted, to finally get the ball rolling and let the gals handle all the girly parts to it.
Starbuck was hoping that's what the message was about that he'd received from Rene telling him to meet her in the mess hall. It was curious as to why Rene would suggest the mess hall. Since the flight from Dilmun, most meals he shared with Rene happened in the old Council Chambers. The latest debate at the dinner table had been over what to rename their new domain. He wondered if that was what this meal in the mess hall might be about, or at the least a neutral territory to discuss matters that might not involve the family. Starbuck was surprised to see Boomer waiting for him at the door. He was even more puzzled by Boomer's greeting of "Good, you're here. We're waiting."
"What's this all about? Hey … Boomer, is this my bachelor party?!"
Boomer just shook his head. "No. Sorry to disappoint you." He ushered Starbuck into the room, guiding him to a table in a corner. Seated at the table were Rene, and much to Starbuck's chagrin, Jake beside her. He was getting an uneasy feeling about this little meeting, and wondering why it could not have been handled in the chambers. He was afraid it was about the bad news he knew would eventually come, that he and Rene were through and she was back with her old love. Starbuck tried to wrestle down his jealousy with a deep breath. He and Rene just last night had decided a few things about their sealing. She wouldn't do that and leave him the next day. But then again, they had many other details they couldn't agree on, like the date. He had several he liked, Rene had shot them all down for various reasons, none of the particularly convincing.
Boomer indicated a seat across from Rene for Starbuck. He sat taking out a fumarello to fiddle with. "Well, we seem to have a cozy little party going on here don't we?"
"He's here so you don't kill me," Rene said nodding her head to Jake.
"A body guard. Yeah, we, uh . . . we'd definitely have an interesting marriage if you feel you need Jake to protect you." It just slipped out. He sighed and added, "Alright, and why is Boomer here?"
Boomer answered for himself. "I'm here to make sure she tells you."
"Ahhh, so brave enough to take on Cylon base ships," Starbuck quipped, "but not to face me and just tell me how it is, is that it?" He looked to Rene but her pyramid face held no clues. Starbuck found he couldn't face her, not after all they had been through, how close he thought they had become, just for it to end like this. He looked to Jake instead. "You told Cassie yet?" Starbuck was pleased by the young man's shocked look.
"Well frack, you were right, Rene. I owe you five cubits. No Starbuck, I have not. You may not have been smart enough to not cheat on her, but Cassiopea can kill me about ten different ways, bring me back, and do it again. She's been pretty clear about that. This isn't about me and Rene."
Rene finally spoke up. "Starbuck, I'm not fracking Jake. That's not why we're here, but nice to know you think I would. You and Boomer, man oh man, no faith in me. And you want to know why I don't want to pick a sealing date?"
Starbuck grimaced. His jealousy was going to sink this sealing more than anything else that might be going on. He decided to cut through the felgercarb. "Alright, then what is this little meeting about?"
Rene reached under the table and brought out a small box. She slid it across the table. With her pyramid face in place she simply said, "For you."
He looked at her puzzled wondering why she needed Jake and Boomer here for her to give him a gift. He reached for the box, sliding it towards him like it might explode. He slowly opened the box and leaned back shocked. He was impressed by the ring inside. If he had to pick his own sealing ring, this would be it. A blue stone set in gold, a starburst within the stone. It had to have been more than a thousand cubits. He wanted to be elated as this was a well chosen ring. He hadn't even thought of wearing one, but it was perfect and did a lot to dial down his jealousy. The problem was he knew, luxuries like this were hard to come by in a fleet that could barely feed its people. Rene and the other Zakar pilots made the same wage he did. Those numerous cubits they had stolen from Dilmun had remained in the care of the Colonial service, her secret cut of it was long gone, spent on paint and gifts for the family and kids. She had come to the Galactica with the uniform on her back, ironically one the Galactica had provided her.
He was supposed to be helping the Gutter Snipes and all the rest from Dilmun to fit in. Robbery wasn't acceptable. He sighed and asked the hard question. "Rene? How did you afford this?"
"I didn't," she answered simply.
"Please don't tell me you stole it."
She continued to look at him with her pyramid face as she spoke. "You have to agree to listen. You have to agree to hear me out, alright?"
Starbuck sighed. He thought they had gotten past this, the negotiations that had been part of Rene's past. He shut the lid on the box and pushed it to the middle of the table. "I'm not going to like this talk, am I?"
Rene looked to Jake, and then to Boomer before she answered. "You're going to be mad, but…" She sucked in a breath and forged forward. "I probably deserve it and I hope you'll get over it. Just please, hear me out."
Starbuck leaned back in his chair crossing his arms. "Fine, deal. Is it about the ring or is there more?"
Rene sighed and seemed to ignore his question as she began. "So you know that thing I could do, the jumping? Well I still can." She paused as she knew he was smart enough to put the pieces together.
The box had a familiar design for a very prevalent chain jewelry store in the Colonies. He could hear their jingle in his head. "Every special date begins with a day: Day Jewellers." He uncrossed his arms and leaned across the table. She'd been right, he was mad. "You jumped back to Caprica for this?"
"Yes, no, just…." She looked to him and closed her eyes wincing. She just couldn't stand to see him angry. She didn't deal well with anger, not anymore, not with the mandatory therapy sessions where they wanted to dredge up all the things she had gone through with Dante, and even before. She felt like she had spent a lifetime trying not to deal with the wrath of other's anger. Starbuck hadn't hurt her yet, no if he got mad, he'd do worse. He'd walk away. She just wasn't sure she could go forward and risk losing him, but Boomer's words of "Tell him," ordered her forward.
She took a deep breath. "So, when Gage had me go over to the Zakar, well, one of the things we did other than talking was to see if…if I could still jump. We took out a couple of vipers and…"
It was as far as she got before Starbuck was up on his feet shouting.
"You flew?! He had you fly when he knows it could hurt the baby? At a time when we find out you're hurting yourself? What if it didn't work and you couldn't come back?" Boomer reached out a hand, dragging Starbuck down to his seat.
"There's more, Bucko."
"Are you fracking kidding me?!"
"You agreed to listen, so listen," Boomer said and nodded to Rene to continue. Starbuck slowly sat back down, more than a little concerned and more than a little mad.
"So it worked and …and I really meant for that to be it but, well, there are no decent sealing dresses and I ….I wanted to have one for you and I know there are shopping centers in the suburbs of Caprica City, away from most of the Cylon operations and the destruction. Cylons don't have a need for that sort of stuff, so…So at the end of one of my shuttle runs I borrowed a viper from the Shiva and…"
Starbuck leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to take a deep breath before he exploded. Rene stopped speaking at his gesture and she waited for him to open his eyes again, braced herself for the blast. He took five measured breaths before he looked at her again and laid his anger on the table as calmly as he could.
"You flew a viper, and went alone, is that right?"
Rene met his gaze for a moment before she looked down in guilt. "Yeah, but just that one time. I swear I took someone with me each time after that."
"EACH TIME AFTER THAT?!" Starbuck lost what little control he had of his temper. "How many fracking times have you done this, just gone 'shopping' like a fracking kid? Oh wait, that's where you got those toys, and the clothes and...I thought you'd just found some good connections on your shuttle runs around the fleet. But no, YOU are the connection, aren't you?"
She kept looking away, "I'm not selling anything, Starbuck. I'm not making a profit."
"OH and that makes it alright, is that it? You slip through an anomaly we know nothing about, in a viper you shouldn't be flying, and you go to enemy territory, risking your life and our child's and you think it's alright because you're not making a profit?" Starbuck got up again, only to find Boomer's hand dragging him back down again. "There's more? What in the son of Sagan were you thinking?"
"I…I found a dress, and….the Cylons were nowhere around and I swear to you, Starbuck, I have gone to all my doctor appointments and everything is fine."
"Oh great, so that makes this all okay, right? The Colonial Service can change its regulations on pregnant women flying, because you were willing to put it to the test! Dammit Rene, you are risking TWO lives for kid games and a stupid dress. I don't care what you wear to the ceremony as long as you are AT the ceremony!"
"You didn't seem to mind all the gifts," Rene replied, her anger peeking through as she finally looked at him. It was Starbuck looking away this time, too angry to look at her.
Boomers words cut off what could have been their first nasty fight. "Tell him!"
"What more is there to tell?" Starbuck cut off Rene's attempt to answer. "She doesn't give a frack about her own life or that of our child. She is just a stupid kid who…"
Rene's soft words halted his rant. "There are survivors on Caprica."
"…only thinks about herself…and…wait…What did you say?" Starbuck asked, holding up a hand to halt Boomer from speaking.
It was Jake that continued. "There are people on Caprica. We spotted them the third or fourth time. We left a message for them and they replied."
"Wait? How? Where? Back up, start over. How many times have you done this?" Starbuck looked between Jake and Rene. He felt himself flush in jealousy as the two shared a look. The communication the two had without saying words had begun to unnerve him sectars before, the hand signals and looks. He'd watched for a few sectons, then put a stop to it, or so he thought. He now knew why it had gone on so long. He'd been right to be suspicious.
Rene looked to Jake before she answered. "A dozen times, no more, I swear. I went to just get a dress, any dress, and go. It was just going to be the one time, but I didn't feel I was alone in that shopping center. When I came back the second time, there was the word 'Hello' written in the dirt where I landed the first time. The third time I took Jake and we left a note in return. We've been corresponding with messages in bottles. We met them the tenth time, and the last two jumps have been just to arrange things, but…" She paused, expecting Starbuck to interrupt her. The look on his face was getting steelier by the micron. "I would have to explain to the Commander why I needed a couple of shuttles and a squadron of vipers and where all the people came from."
Rene decided she liked Starbuck's angry outbursts over this steely gaze he was levelling at her, his eyes as cold as stone. He looked just a little too much like Dante sitting there with his arms crossed.
Starbuck nodded slowly before speaking. "I thought you said just one time on your own. Now it's two? You want to tell me the truth Rene?" Rene looked away and he had his answer. "So, you go tell the Commander. Big deal. He'll probably give you a medal for rescuing more from Caprica. But that's not the problem, is it Rene?" He watched her wince at her words. "No, that's not the problem. The problem is telling me. Am I right?"
"Starbuck," she said softly, but he wasn't done.
"The problem is telling me that you at four sectars pregnant have been jumping with your ex-boyfriend, Jake, back to Cylon controlled Caprica in a viper you shouldn't be flying through a wormhole no one knows anything about to pick up black market goods. And why might that be the problem, Rene?!" His voice rose to a shout by the end of the sentence and Rene closed her eyes flinching.
"WHY IS THAT THE PROBLEM?!" Starbuck watched her freeze and it angered him even more. "Because you know I'm right when I tell you it was stupid, and selfish and let's be honest here, slightly suicidal. You don't want to seal with me, fine, then break up with me. You don't end your life over it! And if you don't care about yourself, think about the baby. Don't make me the bad guy here because I fracking care about you!" He didn't wait for a reply, getting up and going to stalk out of the hall. Boomer reached for his arm again, but Starbuck yanked it from his grasp. "I can't believe you let her do this! How many times did you go along?"
"Look buddy, it's not like that. I joined them for at least four of those trips. It is quiet there and.."
"Sagan's sake, Boomer…" Somehow Boomer having a hand in all this was more betrayal than he could handle just now. He whipped back around to Rene. "So you trust him, but not me, is that it? FINE, you three have this all figured out. Good luck on the mission."
Starbuck stalked out of the mess hall, so angry he slammed at the corridor wall on his way. Once in the corridor he didn't know what to do. He knew he would need to calm down at some point to talk this out with Rene, but dammit right now he wanted to slap some sense into her skull. Some rational part of his mind got his boots moving away from her so he didn't act on any of those impulses. He knew it would be disastrous. He'd read enough of the manuals recommended to him by Cassiopeia on how to deal with the trauma Rene was dealing with to know that hitting her would just shut her down, maybe for good. Not that he'd consider it in a rational frame of mind, he just wasn't made that way. But right now, he was feeling anything but rational. Too many already wondered if he had forced her into this relationship.
Frack, he hated those people, but he also hated that some part of him recognized shades of that in his relationship with Rene. She hadn't wanted to set a sealing date. She hadn't even wanted to discuss the ceremony at all until recently, just saying it could be whatever Starbuck wanted. She deferred to him just a little too much for comfort lately, and now he was left wondering why. Was it to cover up the lie she had told him about her absences for shuttle runs, which now he knew were covert Caprica shopping sprees, or was it because she felt she had to be with him and had to please him or he would become angry?
And if she lied about those duties, what else was she lying about so Starbuck wouldn't be mad. The rational part of his mind knew that his anger was just feeding into all of this. It would just continue this cycle of deception and deference, but for sagan's sake, he was mad. Not for the reasons she thought he was, but because he did love her. He wanted her safe and sound and his.
"Why the frack couldn't you have just waited the few more sectars until the baby was born?"
He yelled it to the corridor and knew from the strange looks he got from those who rounded a corner that he would have to do something to get this out before he talked with Rene again. He headed for the one place he knew he could vent some anger and it would be perfectly alright, the triad court.