When it was time to begin their plan, Remus shook his head and said he wanted nothing to do with it.
"Oh, Umbridge'll find a way to blame you anyway, what's the harm in committing the crime you're accused of?" Sirius asked him.
"The thing is, I'll know I'm innocent, and if that's the truth, the evidence shouldn't add up towards me," Remus said pointedly.
"It will," Sirius said simply.
"How do you know it will?"
"Because you're a Marauder."
"Good point, but I'm still not coming."
"At least tell us the spell."
"You should know this."
"Please, Moony?"
Remus sighed. "Alright, but I'm not doing anything else."
So James, Sirius, and Peter snuck down to the kitchens to enchant the food.
"You can't tell anyone about this, not even the headmaster," James told the house elves sternly. "If he asks, just say that the Marauders did it. Understood?"
The house elves nodded.
"Alright, well, go do… whatever you're supposed to be doing."
The house elves scuttled off and the boys began their work.
When dinner began, smirks were shared.
The first part of dinner went uneventfully. Sirius complained about homework, Peter ate multiple servings of the noodles, James gave quick glances at Lily, Lily ignored him, and Remus engaged in conversation.
During the second part of dinner, Remus made a knowledgeable comment that Sirius did not like. Then things got messy.
Sirius threw a piece of chicken across the table, striking Remus in the neck.
Remus blinked once. Twice. Then, he grabbed a flask of pumpkin juice and poured it over Sirius' head.
"My hair!" Sirius screeched. "Look what you've done to my hair! This means war!"
And that was how the food fight was staged and executed.
Soon enough, due to Sirius' poor aim, the Gryffindor Table was a warzone.
The Prewett Twins were using magic to launch various types of produce towards the far end of the table.
Marlene chucked a cabbage head at Alice, who squealed and retaliated with a fistful of potatoes.
And then the chaos spread.
Hufflepuff had joined the pandemonium. Zander could be seen using his plate as a shield, bravely deflecting a tomato.
The volume doubled as the screaming and shouting grew louder.
A few students tried to leave the hall, though most stayed curiously.
Things became more intense; Slytherin had joined in the fun.
When this happened, James and Sirius grinned. This was exactly what they needed.
Snape was slinking towards the door, ready to leave.
James and Sirius intercepted him, Sirius holding the dish with chicken, noodles, and cheese sauce.
"Come on, Snivellus, the fun hasn't even started," James said.
"This was your doing, wasn't it, Potter?" Snape snarled. "You and-"
Sirius smashed the dish into Snape's face. "I'll stop you there, Snivellus," he said.
Meanwhile, Ravenclaw was bombarding the other tables with rolls.
They flew through the air, arcing high above the turmoil.
The teachers watched this all, first in shock, then in confusion, and then they began to shout.
"Students!" Umbridge cried. "Put down the food or it will be detention!"
A few people stopped throwing food, but it mainly caused Umbridge to become a target.
Minutes later, Umbridge was covered in food, with an ear of corn sticking up from her head like a horn.
The other teachers covered their mouths to hide grins, or began to cough in an attempt to cover their laughter.
The intensity of the food fight continued to grow.
Then Minerva McGonagall gave a strangled yelp.
Everyone turned.
A lemon meringue pie had struck her in the back, covering her emerald green robes with whipped cream and flaking crust.
Behind her stood Dumbledore, arm outstretched and eyes twinkling behind his spectacles.
The Great Hall went silent.
McGonagall whirled around, grabbed some treacle tart, and threw it in Dumbledore's direction.
With the agility of a younger man, Dumbledore dodged the projectile.
"Albus!" McGonagall said angrily. "I'll get your for that!"
Once the students had gotten over the shock of McGonagall charging after Dumbledore, the food fight resumed.
There was not a person that wasn't covered with food when dinner at last ended.
James was covered in cauliflower, eggs, and rolls.
Sirius' hair was matted from the pumpkin juice, and he sported potatoes, chips, and taffy.
Remus was relatively unscathed, except for the chicken Sirius had thrown at him and a roll that a Ravenclaw had chucked.
Peter had a meatball stuck to his nose, a bit of fish on his elbow, and a large splotch of something across the back of his robes.
"You said this will stick for an hour?" Peter asked.
"Oh, yeah, we should mention that," Sirius said. He discreetly pulled his wand out from beneath his robes and muttered something under his breath. A small, blue jet of light shot up towards the starry ceiling, spelling out a message:
The food will (probably) fall off in the next hour. This night was brought to you courtesy of the Marauders.
"Courtesy of the Marauders. Do you have to put that on everything?" Remus asked, sighing.
"Well, of course," Sirius said, grinning, "They need a reputation."
"A reputation of chaos."
"Naturally," James said. "And talent."
They began to walk back to the Common Room, joining the trickle of students that were beginning to leave the Great Hall.
"Potter!"
James wheeled around.
Umbridge was livid. What you could see beneath the food that covered her face was purple with anger.
"Yes, Professor?" James asked.
"Detention," she snapped.
"Why?" He feigned a look of confusion.
"You started that- that- that havoc!" she shouted.
"I got hit before I started throwing anything at people," he said pointedly. "Why am I getting detention for that? If you gave detention to everyone who participated, you'd have to get practically the whole school in trouble."
She growled. "I know you're a Marauder- you, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. I will expose you!" Umbridge snarled.
"Look, Professor, to expose the innocent, you need loads of evidence. There's nothing against me. Now, I'm going to head back to my Common Room and try to peel all this food off." James turned and began to ascend the staircase, hurrying to catch up with the others.
"Detention?" Sirius asked when James caught up with them.
"Yeah, but I'm not going," James replied.
"Well, then, what about an after party?" Sirius suggested. "We can smuggle stuff out of the kitchens."
"No, we're already covered in food," Remus said.
"You have a roll and a piece of chicken on you, that's not covered," Peter pointed out.
"Still, I don't want to look like Umbridge did. Or experience McGonagall's wrath if she finds out we were behind it."
"Why would she bestow her wrath on you?" Peter asked.
"Did you see what she did to Dumbledore?"
"She wouldn't do anything to you," Sirius said. "You're with me, and she'll listen to me. She loves me, after all."
"She does not!" Remus argued, laughing a little.
"Of course she does! We kissed!"
"You kissed her and she yelled at you."
"She was surprised that I returned her affection."
"Sirius, you're delusional."
"No, I'm not!" Sirius complained, pretending to be offended.
The Marauders laughed as they made their way to Gryffindor Tower.