"Okay, what do we have so far?"
McGonagall had left them an hour ago and in her absence they had began plotting.
James glanced down at the list they had started. "A lot."
"Well, read it," Sirius insisted.
"Ashwinder," James started, but was cut off.
"Ashwinders," Remus interrupted. "We have to do more than one."
"Ashwinders," James began again, "Peeves, armor, illusion magic, blackmail-"
"Blackmail?" Lily yelped. "That's illegal!"
"Who cares?" Sirius asked.
"Blackmail, April Fools, hair and clothes dye-"
"Oh, that's going to be great," Peter said, grinning. "All of her clothes will be blue and red and green and stuff. No pink at all."
"Can I finish without interruptions?" James asked.
"No," Sirius said.
James groaned. "Voice changing spells, language spells, and-"
"Wait, language spells?" Lily asked. "Those are fifth year-"
"And locking her in a room with bludgers," he finished forcefully.
"Sounds good," Sirius decided. "What first?"
"Well, we can't do the ashwinders until after the Easter Holidays because James has to get the floo powder, and the illusions, language, and voice changing spells will take time to figure out. That leaves us with Peeves, armor, blackmail, bludgers, and the dye," Remus said.
"Peeves," Lily said.
"I dunno, the dye sounded really fun," Peter said.
Lily shrugged. "Yeah, but Peeves can cause lots of different types of trouble, and that'll give us time to plan the other things," she reasoned.
"Okay, I'll talk with Peeves while you guys are at dinner tomorrow," Remus said. "But someone should come with just in case."
"I'll go," Sirius volunteered.
"What about the list?" Lily inquired.
"What do you mean?" James said.
"Who's keeping the list?" she asked.
"Who's the least likely to lose it?" Remus asked, glancing at the group.
"You or Evans, we all know Sirius and I would lose it within five minutes and Peter would get it covered in food," James said.
"Hey!" Peter protested.
"I'll keep it," Lily said.
"Brilliant," James said, passing her the list.
"Alright, let's go, I don't want to miss dinner," Peter said.
"Hence why Peter isn't keeping it," Sirius said solemnly.
"I just like to eat! Why does that have to do with who keeps it?" complained Peter.
The next night, James and Peter went to dinner, Lily had scurried up to Gryffindor Tower to hide the list, and Sirius and Remus were trying to find Peeves.
Fortunately, Peeves wasn't that hard to find.
He was bouncing around the Trophy Room, attempting to unscrew the brass chandelier.
"It unscrews the other way," Remus told him, startling the poltergeist.
Peeves turned.
He was of medium height, not tall nor short. His pointed hat sat crooked upon his head and his boots were on the wrong feet.
"Shouldn't you be at dinner?" Peeves asked mockingly in a singsong voice. "Students where they shouldn't be? Perhaps you ickle firsties-"
"We're in second year," Sirius corrected artlessly.
"-ickle secondies," Peeves amended, "are lost?"
"No, we were looking for you," Remus said.
"Looking for me?" Peeves flipped upside down. "And who would be looking for me?"
Sirius began to reply. "Us, obvio-"
"Remus Lupin and Sirius Black," Remus interrupted. "We need a favor that you might be up to."
"Loony, Loopy Lupin and Barking, Boasting Black need a favor?"
"I'm not mad. That's a bloody lie from Snivellus," Sirius said, not bothering to keep his voice down.
Remus was unfazed. "Yes."
"Sorry to disappoint, but I don't do favors." Peeves turned his attention back to the chandelier. "Now which way do I unscrew it?"
"We'll tell you if you help us," Remus assured him.
"Will you?"
"Yes, in fact, we'll tell you that and something else," Remus said confidently.
"Like what?" Sirius muttered.
"The passage," Remus replied.
"I found that!" Sirius protested. "You can't just-"
"And what is this favor?" Peeves interrupted.
"We need you to cause some chaos," Remus said. "Specifically for Dolores Umbridge."
Peeves grinned. "I'll be right on it. And the chandelier?"
"It unscrews to the left."
"This 'something else'?"
"Behind the one eyed witch statue is a secret passageway that leads to the cellar of Honeydukes in Hogsmeade."
Peeves cackled. "Well, ickle secondies, I have some chaos to cause."
Sirius and Remus left the Trophy Room and were only halfway down the corridor when a loud bang sounded from within the room.
"He unscrewed it the right way," Remus noted.
"Yeah," Sirius said, "Soon he'll be smashing the statue in front of the passage. Why'd you have to tell him where it was?"
"Because that was the best way to make sure he wouldn't try unscrewing the chandelier himself, and anyway, you need a wand to get into the passage. He won't be able to use it," Remus explained when they were far enough away from the room.
"Well," Sirius decided, "that was a smart move."
"Thanks."
"It was also more proof that you're a public menace," Sirius concluded.
"Are you ever going to let that go?"
"No."
The next day, Peeves followed Umbridge around all day, blowing raspberries or giving life advice.
Umbridge didn't seem to know what to make of it at first.
"You really should start working out," Peeves told her during breakfast. "Otherwise you look like a toad, Pinky."
After that, Umbridge became quite sharp with him.
James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily could hardly contain their laughter in Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Sirius had to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing and James was "coughing" for most of the lesson. Peter shook because of silent giggles. Remus and Lily had a number of shared glances and mischievous grins.
Umbridge was too preoccupied to notice the unusual connection between Lily and the Marauders, as were most of the students. At lunch, however, McGonagall was very aware of the unusual connection.
Sirius knew this and winked when she passed by them at the Gryffindor table.
McGonagall shook her head, but not before winking back.
"Yes!" Sirius roared, attracting the confused stares of many people, including James, Remus, and Peter.
"What was that for?" Remus asked.
"Minnie winked back!"
"If anything good comes of Umbridge," James said, "it'll be that."