~Fun in the Artificial Sun~
"A picnic, Utsuho?"
"Mm-hmm!" Decked out in a wide, floppy hat and an adorable yellow pinafore, clutching her laden picnic basket to her chest, Utsuho was the very picture of an eager beaver. "We both have the afternoon off, so why not?"
"Why not indeed? I'm sure it would be very good fun." Satori neglected to mention that she hardly ever had any afternoons on; most of her time was spent snuggling with her pets, making sure they were doing their jobs properly and dipping into her sizeable manga collection. "Where are you going to have this picnic, though?"
"On the beach, right next to the Blazing Fires!" said Utsuho breezily.
Satori choked on her plum wine. "It-it's a more than fifty degrees down there! I'd never survive! Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere cooler?"
Utsuho's face fell. "You're not coming? I know a really nice patch of obsidian we could sit on. It's barely hot enough to melt chocolate, and there's a lovely breeze from the sulphur vents..."
"No, thanks!" Satori shuddered.
"All right, then, suit yourself. I'll bring you back some lava!" Utsuho slung the basket over her shoulder, spilling half its contents all over the floor. She apologised profusely and made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning up.
"Just go..." sighed Satori. "Wait, don't step on that-!"
"Aiyeeeee!" wailed Utsuho, slipping on an egg and cress sandwich. Her basket spun into the air, scattering food far and wide.
Fortunately, Satori and Koishi had plenty of pets willing to eat germ-laden food off the floor. The immune system of an animal-turned-youkai was truly something to behold, and the clean-up operation turned into an impromptu dance party when Koishi started using her soapy sponges as roller-skates.
"So, anyway," said Utsuho, absentmindedly brushing some rice out of her hair, "how about that picnic?"
Rin blinked. "We've had it, haven't we?"
"Nah, this was just cleaning. I do feel kind of full, though..." Utsuho gave her stomach a contemplative pat. "How about afternoon tea instead?"
"Next to the Blazing Fires?" said Rin.
Utsuho nodded.
"Great! I need to work on my tan," smiled Rin. "Lady Satori, are you-"
"Sorry. It'll be far too hot for me," Satori cut in. "And no, I'm not willing to dig into the communal ice cream supply unless you're going somewhere comfortable for everyone."
Rin pouted magnificently.
"Well, you'd be able to buy more ice-cream for yourself if you didn't waste your money on pogs from Kourindou," Satori pointed out.
Rin sighed.
Satori glared at her. "I don't believe in thoughtcrimes, but just for the record, I have an entirely healthy body. As for my parentage-"
"Um, m-moving swiftly on!" Utsuho stepped in between them and clamped a hand over Rin's mouth. "Hey, Koakuma, do you want to come?"
"Her name's Koishi!" said Satori sharply.
"That... That's what I said. Koi-thingy." Utsuho frowned. "Do you wanna come, Soga no Emishi?"
"It's KOishi..." sighed Satori.
"Apples," said Koishi dreamily. "Apple juice by the shores of the Tiber!"
Utsuho gave Satori a beseeching look.
"She's never mentioned the Tiber before, but I do believe that was a yes..." Satori sighed. "Take one punnet of ice-cream, then. I don't want her getting heatstroke."
With a wheelbarrow full of ice cream, sweetmeats, cake and plenty of drinks, Utsuho, Rin and Koishi set off at a leisurely pace for the ruins of Blazing Hell.
"Lovely day for it, isn't it?" said Rin.
"Yep. I am quite proud of that artificial sun," said Utsuho, looking directly at the radiant orb like an idiot.
"Well, I'm jealous of your nuclear fusion powers!"
The trio looked up in amazement to see Parsee, dangling by the neck from a half-mile-long rope.
"Parsee?!" cried Utsuho. "How'd you attach your rope to the ceiling?!"
"More to the point, what the heck are you doing?!" gasped Rin.
"I couldn't bear to see Kisume and Yamame having all the dangling fun, so I decided to join them," sniffed Parsee. "Now I'm jealous of all the people who don't have rope burns around their necks... Where are you two going, anyway?"
"For a picnic by the Blazing Fires!" declared Utsuho.
"And we were just on our way to invite you along!" said Rin quickly.
Parsee's face lit up. "Really?! Oh, you shouldn't have! Wait here a moment..." She struggled mightily against the rope until she plummeted onto the floor. "Owwww... Uh, who else have you invited?"
Rin and Utsuho looked at each other.
"Every time I close my eyes, I see the inside of my eyelids!" giggled Koishi.
"Right..." said Parsee patiently. "Well, I'm going to invite our other friends. They don't deserve to be left out."
"Aaaghh... So hot..." groaned Yuugi. She was slumped on top of a boulder beside the massive lake of fire, sweating enough to fill a small bucket every minute.
"Not hot enough to warm my ice-cold heart," said Kisume, her voice empty of emotion. She'd parked her bucket among some shards of obsidian, and was currently halfway through a rather messy pain au chocolat.
"Well, aren't you lucky? My insides are shrivelling up," whimpered Yamame. "Why would you bring us here, Parsee?! It's horrible!"
"I didn't want you to feel left out..." whispered Parsee. She was spreadeagled face-down on the picnic mat in nothing but her bloomers, bright red and drenched in sweat. "Gods, I... I'm so jealous of how well Okuu and Orin are handling the heat..."
Rin was on her fifth ball of mochi. "We've still got some ice cream left," she said, her voice muffled by sweet, sticky yumminess. "It's a bit runny, though... If you don't have the strength to stand up, I'll pour some into your mouth!"
"That might just save my life..." croaked Parsee, rolling onto her back.
Utsuho blushed and looked away.
"You're not missing much," said Parsee darkly. "I'll bet you have much bouncier-"
"APPLE JUICE BY THE BANKS OF THE TIBER!" screamed Utsuho, covering her ears.
Rin retrieved the mostly-empty punnet of ice cream, took a funnel from her pocket, and knelt beside Parsee. Slowly, carefully, she began to pour the lukewarm vanilla-flavoured treat into Parsee's mouth. And all over her face.
"Mmmphflglub! S-stop! Stop!" spluttered Parsee, batting the funnel aside. "Just.. Just give me the box."
Rin handed over the box. Parsee stood up and poured the ice cream on top of her head.
"Ahhh..." Parsee reveled in the coolness of it all.
"You selfish, inappropriate prat!" Yuugi punched Parsee in the face, sending her tumbling across the sweltering beach. She crashed into Yamame and grabbed hold of her, and the two of them rolled to a stop at Koishi's feet.
"Yay! Football time!" Koishi drew back her foot for a mighty kick. The last thought that passed through Parsee's head before the foot struck was how desperately she wished to be as strong and athletic as Koishi.
Utsuho's next picnic took place five weeks later. Satori insisted on taking charge of the food, location, invitations, supplies, plans in case of bad weather, travel insurance, activities, seating arrangements, spare clothes, emergency evacuation protocols and convincing Parsee to keep her clothes on. Utsuho was responsible for planning the games, which delighted her. Knowing that Satori valued her independence was a wonderful feeling.
In spite of Satori's best efforts, Yamame managed to tie Koishi up in the silk tennis net and send her rolling down into Kappa Valley. Kisume's bucket capsized during the rescue operation, almost drowning her, and Utsuho lost her concrete leg-warmer in the mud. She was inconsolable. Satori was later seen crying under a pub table in Former Hell.