She had seen this place before in her dreams, only it was different there. Looking down on the encampment now, it was almost serene compared the scenes that awoke her screaming most nights. In her nightmares, it was explosions and flames, the drone of centurions and the children burning as cylons swarmed. She had assumed it was just her mind twisting her old memories to torture her, but now she knew the truth. It was real and she had to keep it from happening. The itch in her brain planted by the cylons told her to run away, but the fire in her heart was pushing her to race down that ridge and grab as many kids as she could. The two impulses were warring inside her when Starbuck called her name.
She wanted to do what Starbuck asked, to stay on this ridge, provide cover for only a short time, then head for the hills, but she couldn't. He had to know she couldn't leave him. There were too many horrific ways this could play out and she was lost in those scenarios when Starbuck suddenly reached for her. He was built for speed, that had not been a joke she uttered to flatter him. He could move fast when he wanted to and just as quickly as he had grabbed her, he also let go. Maybe it was because even he knew what he asked of her was impossible.
Only once had she left someone behind. She should have insisted when Dante left her on the Galactica that her brother stay with her as well. Jake could look out for himself, always had, but Ari couldn't. She knew that even before the destruction. At the orphanage she had to tell him how to deal with the other kids, when to lie, when to bluff, when to fight, when to back down. Ari was just too slow to react, and far too trusting. She should have remembered that back on the Galactica the last time she spoke with him. She should have insisted he stay with her, or at the very least reminded him to watch himself. Instead she had made the mistake of letting Dante take him away. Now he was gone.
There was no way she was making that mistake again, not with Starbuck. While she knew her gold clusters hero could take care of himself, all of them if need be, her dreams had been bleak. Some people were going to die and that cocky flyboy believed he could defeat the odds and save them all. She was going to do whatever she could to protect him, or at the very least, be there so he didn't die alone. He deserved that much for all he had done for her and the rest of the rats.
Some part of her also knew she couldn't stay on the Galactica if he didn't come back. His legend was even bigger than his ego and without him, there would be no room for her. Those were the thoughts occupying her mind when Starbuck abruptly let go and walked away. She watched his retreating back shaking her head at his sudden confession. He had a name in mind for his child and while she thought it was a terrible idea, she vowed she would have that argument with him later, in the OC, while his child was soundly sleeping in their quarters, snug and safe. She wanted to have that argument every natal day for his kid.
Those were the thoughts Starbuck would want her to have, positive thoughts that they were going to make it out of this alive and back to the fleet. But she knew the odds. Hades, he knew the odds better than she did. It was why he wanted her to run.
She watched his descent down the ridge and wanted to call out to him, but it was too risky. She took a calming breath, letting the fear wash away. "He has to know I can't leave him," she reassured herself.
As if he could read her mind, he looked over his shoulder up to her. From this distance, he looked stern, as if issuing her one more order to go. She could hear his words, "Dammit Rene," and worried that he wouldn't get a chance to say the phrase to her again. He turned away ignoring her concerns. It wasn't long before he disappeared into the night. The radio on Boomer's belt hissed as Starbuck's voice murmured, "good hunting".
It was the code Boomer seemed to be waiting for. "Let's go. We have a ride to catch. Avery you're with me. We'll try to keep them distracted for you, Jake."
Jake didn't answer him, instead turning to Rene, a couple of hypos in his hand. "There's two doses in each. If you don't find a viper, I will look for you at the original coordinates." His voice caught as he tried to say something else.
Rene reached for the back of his neck pulling him in close as she whispered, "I'm not leaving. Not until this is all done and then I'm leaving with you. Besides, someone needs to open the gates and get those kids. My dreams are clear. I can sneak in like a rat. Try to wait for me."
Jake jerked back in her hand and she held on, pulling him to her, in the process cracking their foreheads together. She winced at the pain that intensified as his voice rose much too high for how close they were to the enemy, "Starbuck is right! Once you take out those guards, you need to go!"
She closed her eyes to the throbbing in her head as she raised her own voice, "I've left behind too many. I'm not leaving. I can provide cover and get to the kids and…"
She felt Jake's hand come up and grip the back of her own neck hard. "We need you safe. None of us are getting out of here without you!"
Boomer pulled Jake back separating them, "Keep it down! We have a job to do, so does Rene. Follow orders or we don't have a ride and everyone dies!" Boomer kept hold of Jake's jacket, dragging him a few steps.
"She is…she is going to do something crazy!" Jake protested as he shook off Boomer's grip.
"We are all doing something crazy today. If we don't do our part, everyone will just wind up dead. Come on!" Boomer cast her a knowing look. "Whatever you are planning, try to remember Starbuck will kill himself trying to get back to you. You need to be here for him to find you."
She shook her head emphatically. "If this goes right, we'll meet in the transport. Starbuck is not going to have time to make it back up this ridge. He wants me to head into the hills but you said it yourself, you need me to get out of here. I'm safer with you and Jake. I'll take those guards out and then head for you."
He didn't look pleased, but he thought for only a micron before he nodded his head in understanding. "Don't do anything too crazy, Rene. Take out those guard towers, then straight to the transport. I will try to get word to Starbuck once he gets things going."
It was a Boomer seal of approval. "Yes, sir."
Jake cursed, reaching for Boomer's hands on his jacket as he hissed, "She's not in her right mind. Neither are you!"
"Of course we aren't, or we wouldn't be here! We would be back on the Galactica telling her it is stupid to come here." Boomer gripped Jake's jacket tighter as he pulled him closer. "You are the one who kept coming here. Own up to the consequences of your actions for once! Be responsible. Get to that transport and get us out of here."
The words shattered the wall of Jake's anger. As the glare fell from his eyes, the sadness of guilt took its place. He nearly crumpled in Boomer's hand before he pulled his surly attitude back up to shield himself. He nodded once, then twice, not trusting his voice. He fixed his eyes on hers, and she knew he understood. She didn't need the hand signs he flashed her to know that he would wait for her, and he didn't need hers, just a nod to say she understood. She couldn't leave Starbuck and Jake couldn't leave her. The bond was a steel cable, wrapped so tight around them it could crack their ribs and choke them, but it wouldn't break.
Avery interrupted the silent tension, "Why are we waiting? My men are doing their job. Let's go!" He headed off down the ridge in the opposite direction of Starbuck's route. Boomer followed without issuing her any further commands. He kept hold of Jake's jacket for a few steps as if to ensure he followed. As they crept down the ridge and disappeared around a bend in the hillside, unlike Starbuck, Jake did not look back.
There was now nothing to do but wait. Before a battle was worse than the actual conflict, as the wait distorted her senses and her mind would wander to dangerous territory with no back up. Time always seemed to drag out while her nerves jangled. To make matters worse, Wyatt dealt with the wait by becoming chatty. She hated when other warriors did that. Crius was one of the worst, telling stupid stories intermingled with advice and instructions while they waited to launch. She often shut off her com so she could collect herself and focus as her own heart beating far too loudly in her ears.
Here in the dark with the enemy within earshot, nervous chatter was more than an irritation. Her head ached, her body ached, and she could lay her head down right here in the dirt and sleep for another day or two. Wyatt was suddenly full of questions about the fleet. She gestured for Wyatt to be silent as she crept back to the top of the ridge to gain a view of the encampment. The base below was as they had seen before, quiet except for the clomping of centurions and the drone. She searched the area below her for any sign of Starbuck, but he was lost in the black.
Instead of shutting up, Wyatt crept closer so he could whisper in her ear. "I think I have a longer range with the rifle. I'll take the first shots once the tin cans get moving towards the distraction. I'm a good shot. I took down a buck just a month ago from half kilometron last sectar, a six point. We ate good for a while, but we haven't seen any since. So, you really don't lack for food in the fleet?"
His voice in her ear buzzed like a bee and she tried to shake it out as she whispered, "No, sometimes, I don't know. I haven't been there long."
"What? You said you're from the fleet. Where are you from?"
She heard his question, but she was trying to remember where the oculars had wound up. Did Starbuck have them? Why didn't they leave them with her? Did they even have some after Avery's men went through the packs? She didn't have a pack and its absence was a mistake that she should have corrected.
The lights that were on down below were enough to make it hard to see beyond the fences. She tried to locate all the guards, tracking the red eyes in the darkness. There were at least six within range, but she lost them when they turned away, and another red eye would appear. She wondered if they had misjudged the numbers. They couldn't afford that kind of error.
Wyatt pulled at her to get her attention. "Where have you been for the last three yahrens?"
She turned to give him her full attention, "Another fleet, then we joined the Galactica. Would you focus or else give me the rifle?"
"Another fleet? Wait a centon. You said there weren't that many of you. You said…" Even in the dark she could see the man's wounded expression of betrayal and distrust. Wyatt pulled away and shifted the rifle to point at her. "Where are my kids?"
She winced. "They are safe. They are in the fleet, I swear."
Wyatt shook his head as he turned away finally deciding to be quiet. Rene cursed herself out. She had let Wyatt unnerve her making her give up the truth far too glibly. It was another mistake and she had made so many of them on this mission of hers. They were beginning to add up, a balance sheet that she would have to answer to. Mistakes were costly. It was a harsh lesson she had learned and not just from the Cylons. It didn't help that right now she just wanted to give up, to call this whole thing off and do as Starbuck asked and run into the hills. But of all the painful lessons Commander Dante had taught her, to never give up was the clearest and the harshest lesson.
Her mind went back to the day Dante engraved that lesson in her mind early in her flight training. She had been in the simulator and had made a mistake, overcorrected again and it was obvious to her that she was going to lose the simulation. She had given up, slamming the stick aside in frustration as the simulated raiders took her out. As she heaved a sigh and waited for Pallus to lecture her on what she had done wrong, Dante shocked her by reaching into the simulator, grabbing at the lapels of her jacket and physically hauling her out. She had been confused. It had not been her first mistake in the simulators that day, nor had it been a big one. She had simply overcorrected, an easy and common thing to do according to the instructor. Dante forced her down to her knees, ordering her to spread her right hand out on the floor. His boot heel smashed down onto her hand as he bellowed in rage, "You do not treat my vipers that way!"
Her mind had clouded not just with the sudden and vicious blow, but in confusion as to what transgression she had really committed. Dante had hit her before, but never with such rage and she had always known what error she had made to earn the discipline. It was just a simulation.
She was slow with her "Yes sir," when he screamed at her, "Do you understand?" She didn't and his boot came down again, brutally grinding into her hand.
It wasn't the blow that hurt the most. It was Dante turning to Crius, ordering him to explain to her what she had done wrong. She knew her mistake, where she had missed her shot. But this was more than a missed shot. Adding to the agony was that Crius agreed with Dante on this point. The realization was more painful that the stomp of Dante's boot. She trusted Crius and the rats had learned that the man was giving up the precious few centaurs of down time the Colonial pilots received to help them learn to fly. The man was barely sleeping. Crius was one of the good guys and they listened to him.
Crius had been gentle as he got her out of the room and down to the duty office where he helped to wrap her hand. "You can't give up in the cockpit. You can't just call it quits like that."
She defended herself, still not comprehending why Crius would ever take Dante's side. "I made a mistake. It was over. I didn't see the point in playing it out. It's just a simulation. It's not like it's real."
He had drug out his country drawl, speaking to her like she was slow, "About that, you're supposed to at least pretend it is real, because all too soon it will be. And you're going to make mistakes. We all do. It's a battle. Lots of mistakes are made. The difference is how you deal with them. If you just give up like that you'll do more than die. You'll take others with you. We never give up. You fight it out. You can't keep giving up like you have been your whole life."
As her hand throbbed, Cruis's words throbbed in her head. She hadn't given up. She had survived the destruction and made it, hadn't she? But she knew in her heart of hearts, it had been luck that had saved them. They had given up a thousand times. And what about before the destruction? Was that the difference between the Academy Colonials and the rats? The Colonials had never given up. Crius had left wondering at what point in her life had she, Jake and Nik surrendered their lives? Was it when they became wards of the state? Was it when the teachers quit on them? Or was it when they ended up in trouble with the authorities?
Now yahrens later she was left wondering again. She knew Starbuck had been through many of the same experiences as her and the rest of the rats, but he'd made it to the Academy, graduated, excelled as viper pilot, survived the destruction, earned the gold clusters and here he was still fighting. Even when the odds were stacked against them, he was out there in the dark figuring out a way to steal victory from defeat.
In the darkness her face burned with the same embarrassment she had felt as Crius lectured her. He'd been right, the other pilots never gave up. Even in the simulators, they fought until they couldn't anymore. But Starbuck knew her well. He knew she would give up.
Wyatt disrupted her thoughts, turning to point the saber of the rifle into her chest, "Are my kids safe? Is the fleet safe from the Cylons and are we…"
She cut him off in irritation, "It's hard to explain and now is not the time! When this is done, I will answer any question you have but we need to stay focused and…"
Off in the distance there was an explosion. For a brief moment it lit up the valley below and she cursed. Her focus had been on Wyatt and they had lost a precious opportunity to see things clearer. Another mistake that could cost them their lives.
A second explosion echoed off the hillsides, this time farther away near the mine entrance. It was followed by a mining vehicle bursting into flames. She looked away from the flames to the guards around the fences. The explosions had drawn their attention, but they hadn't moved to head in that direction as they had hoped. They maintained their position seeming to barely register the danger.
"Now Wyatt! Take out those guards. I'll get the ones around the fence." She shouted as she took aim, drawing a breath, chanting in her own head, "exhale and squeeze." The guards around the fences were so close to the kids. She couldn't afford the mistake of missing. Her first shot went too low, hitting the dirt in front of a centurion, drawing his attention to the ridge.
Wyatt's shot had been accurate as a guard in the nearest tower collapsed in a shower of sparks. The second guard's head came clear off, dropping to the ground and bouncing against a group of children.
"Focus, Rene!" she criticized herself as she took aim again. This time her shot was true, and one of the six centurions erupted in a spray of metal, dropping to its knees before falling over. In the distance there was another explosion. As she took aim at another tin head, she thought she saw a splash of yellow on a human form on the other side of the enclosure. She squeezed off several more shots, following the blasts as they took down another centurion. She traced the rifle's shots as Wyatt aimed and eliminated the guards on the far side of the fences. She saw the radio relay antennae in the distance come down. It was large enough that she felt the relay's impact with the ground but the sound didn't reach her. Wyatt's pulse rifle rapid firing next to her was deafening.
She took aim again, catching in the corner of her sights the fence opening, but the children weren't moving. They clustered in the middle. She could make out the terror on their faces and she wanted to scream at them to move. She gasped as she caught a glimpse of a man racing into the enclosure, pulling at the nearest kids to propel them away from the fences.
She pulled her gaze away and focused on the centurions as several turned their red eyes up to her position, their rifles taking aim at the ridgetop. "Oh no you don't," She thought as she squeezed the trigger again. Her weapon issued a weak blast that found its target, but the laser bolt merely reflected off the centurion's chest plate in a burst of orange light. She squeezed the trigger again. The weapon did not respond.
"Frak frak frak!" How many days had it been she briefly wondered? Her weapon had gone through some hard use with no ability to recharge. The extra charges were in the packs, but how many had they already gone through? She didn't have time to run the numbers. She was defenseless as two of the centurions began to fire.
Dirt was flying in the air as she turned to Wyatt, hoping he had more than the rifle on him. Her hands reached to search his waist for a holstered weapon when something wet and hot sprayed on her. She felt Wyatt slump to the ground. She looked up to him hoping to shake him awake only to find in her horror there was nothing above his shoulders. She shoved the bile down as she reached to yank the rifle from his hands. It felt reassuring in her tight grip. The radio attached to Wyatt's belt squawked, a human voice calling orders, but she couldn't make out the words. She didn't reach for the radio, afraid her gorge would rise again touching the body. She shifted the weapon pointing down the hillside, but she was blinded by a mist of dirt and rocks as another blast hit the ground in front of her. She hesitated. She needed to be precise and she couldn't see as another blast flung more dirt into the air. She didn't want to be responsible for the death of a child, or worse, Starbuck or Boomer who were somewhere down there.
More dirt was flying as blasts hit the hillside beside her. She was able to get the rifle in position aiming for the blasts of the centurions. She recoiled from the hail of dirt and rocks blinding her. She wasn't able to fire off a shot as she felt the ground below her give way. As she fell, she tried to hold on tight to the rifle as she willed her body to go limp. She tumbled unsure which way was up or down, feeling the heat of the blasts around her and the ricochet of rocks. She landed hard at the bottom. She saw an explosion of stars as her head collided with one of the centurions she had taken down. Her vision faded as she felt the pressure of something pouring onto her, pushing the air from her body as it trapped her arms. She tried to shake her head to get her vision back, but she couldn't move. She struggled to expand her chest to gain some air, but the weight of the earth engulfed her. She had no choice but to give up to the darkness as the dirt rained down engulfing her.