Lords it had felt good to walk out the door of the Life Center, even if it was without Rene. He wouldn't be without her long as he knew he needed to return as soon as possible, but it felt good to be walking the old familiar corridors. He had longed for their quarters on the Galactica ever since Avery had pointed the Cylon pulse rifle at him. Today they would finally make it back to their oasis; they just had one last task they had to attend to before Dr. Salik would release them both. While their quarters weren't far, they would be worlds away in Starbuck's mind.
It had been hard to watch the others being released one by one, and the Doctor wouldn't even consider discussing the topic of his or Rene's release. He had groused often that their quarters weren't that far from the Life Center if there was a problem, and it was already pretty much assumed that Jake would be moving into their quarters for a while. The Doc had already started training the young man as a Med Tech and he was more than a decent medic. He was more than competent to deal with any problems Rene might have, and Starbuck was fine, a little tired, still working on some fine motor skills, but he could hold a stick and flip a switch, he could fly a viper. He'd been fine since his third cycle in the Life Center. He hadn't wanted to leave without Rene, but it was damn hard watching Apollo walk out, then Max, and even Boomer. He'd found out that Jake had been cleared even before Apollo but had stayed until Boomer was released, only agreeing to go because Crius said the kids needed to see him. He was back that night when Starbuck awoke from a dream, curled up on a bio bed next him. He couldn't seem to shake the man even though Jake showed him nothing but contempt lately.
Starbuck hoped the last task they had to perform before their release would change Jake's attitude, or at least shift his anger somewhere else. If not, the two of them might actually come to blows soon. He'd been warned that happened often with Jake and while he wished he could have seen the scrawny kid drop Avery, he didn't want to be on the receiving end of a repeat performance. For some reason he thought Rene might not forgive him if he hurt Jake, and that's what it would probably take. He'd gotten the message clear when the tale was recounted of the fight in the hills of Caprica. Crius hadn't laughed like the others, shaking his head as he mumbled to Starbuck, "He doesn't fight fair. He fights to win no matter how he has to do it. You two are too much alike."
So it felt doubly good to be out of the Life Center. For the first time in a secton he was alone and at home, no more worries and hopefully soon no more tension among his family. He wanted to run to those quarters to retrieve a uniform for Rene and walk her back to join him, but he didn't feel up to running just yet. His back was still sore from where they had opened him up, and his head pounded on occasion from the bacterium they were still chasing out of his system, so he kept his gait slow despite the desire to sprint. He keyed the door and sighed in relief. The sight was glorious. Someone had cleaned things up for them, the bed made, the dishes done. He even found flowers on the table. A definite black market item, where they came from he had no idea, but they made the quarters smell wonderful and would be a nice surprise for Rene. He located the clothes and tossed them into a bag.
He took the long way back to the Life Center enjoying the walk. He was greeted often along the way by his friends, but also by many others in civilian clothing who were tending to the hydroponics that seemed to have multiplied in the corridors. He was confused as to how many civilians there were on the Galactica until he finally recognized one or two just as Wylie came up to him. They were Avery's men, trying to be useful, and now in his way.
"Good to see you! I would have come by the Life Center, but the Commander said we should give you some time to recover. I just wanted to thank you again and…"
Starbuck waved the man off. "We can talk later, I have to get back." He didn't halt his steps and Wylie started to keep pace for a few moments.
"Oh yeah, definitely. We'll talk later. I just want to thank you so much, and you need to meet my wife. We owe you so much."
Starbuck liked the guy, he did, and felt guilty for increasing his pace, but he had no intention of running into Avery today. Tomorrow he could deal with his new neighbors, but not today. He rounded the corner of the corridor, looking over his shoulder at Wylie, trying to not be completely rude, when he ran smack into what he thought was a bulkhead. The impact made him gasp as pain shot up his back.
"Frak," he cursed backing away, but the bulkhead reached out a hand to keep him from dropping to his knees. Starbuck recognized the voice as it grumbled that he should watch where he was going.
"Avery, are you fraking kidding me right now?" he said more to himself as he looked up into the face of his recent nemesis. The man dropped his hands from his arms and moved aside more swiftly than he thought the big clod could move.
"Sorry. I…uh…didn't mean to…Do you need some help?" Avery's apology seemed odd even to the man offering it.
"Just stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours," Starbuck said through gritted teeth to the floor as he bent over and waited for the wave of pain to subside.
"I was going to come by later, when you're settled back in your quarters, to thank you. My wife has made something for you and…" Avery looked uncomfortable as he spoke, looking beyond Starbuck to Wylie.
"We all want to thank you. You saved our kids. We owe you our lives," Wylie said, as another man approached echoing the same sentiment.
Starbuck answered terser than he really meant. "You don't owe me anything. I just did my job. I have somewhere I have to be." Despite the pain that hadn't passed, he pulled himself up and moved around Avery.
"Later then, we'll talk later," Avery's voice sounded too much like a command, and Starbuck winced as he tried to wave back at the two men without turning, the move sparking more pain.
Starbuck found himself grumbling one of Crius's country phrases, "Later, like when fat porcines fly Cylon raiders." He'd be taking a different route back to his quarters. He paused for a moment before he entered the Life Center. If the Doctors knew he was hurting, he wouldn't be going back to his quarters anytime soon. He was thankful it took just a few deep breaths to get the pain under control before he went back into the Life Center.
While he couldn't tell sometimes what Rene remembered or not, she was still good at reading him. As he handed her the clothes, she gave him a look along with the hand sign asking what was wrong. He knew he should be reminding her to use her voice, but he was too excited to be going back home where they could be alone. He wasn't going to spoil it by nagging her.
"Just ready to get out of here. So, we have that talk with the Doc and the Commander and then we can go, alright?"
His words halted her attempts at getting dressed. "I don't…" but he didn't let her finish, instead reaching to help her get her feet into her boots.
"You're not in trouble, they owe you a medal. You could have gone about it better, maybe told the Commander sooner about what you were up to, asked nicely, but we did it. You did it. The kids are safe because of you, so you're not in trouble. You needed to quit the stims anyway, even you can admit that."
Rene didn't answer him as she pulled on her jacket, then looked around, making the hand sign for a weapon.
"Not going to need it where we're going. Neither do I. We are just having a conversation, then down the corridor, hang a left, and back into bed, only this time OUR bed, alone, with no med techs waking us up. You get to see the kids." He threw out the temptation which he knew would get her to agree to the meeting the Commander had insisted on.
"No ex-girlfr..friend," Rene tossed out her own enticement.
"Nope, just a couple of ex-boyfriends I can't seem to chase off." The comment actually earned him a smile, although he couldn't help to notice that she didn't offer a jibe back like she might have in the past. He was tempted to toss out another opener, see if she would join into some friendly banter, but the smile had fled her face as her features tensed. He looked over his shoulder to see that Dr. Dixon had arrived having been summoned for the meeting. Starbuck thought Rene liked the counselor, but obviously his inclusion in this conversation was a surprise to her.
Dixon was perceptive as he caught the shift in her mood. "Hello. Can you give us a moment Lieutenant Starbuck?"
He looked to Rene before he answered and she nodded her agreement slowly, her eyes remaining on Dixon. Starbuck was not totally clear why Rene seemed wary, and he didn't want to leave until he was sure she was okay. "I thought I was supposed to be here for this."
"We just need a word or two that doesn't concern you. I think the isolation ward would be a good place for us to talk, don't you Rene?" She didn't answer the doctor verbally, just nodding and turning to head into the room flashing Starbuck a sign that it was okay.
He appreciated that he had a view of their conversation, and while he couldn't read the doctor's lips since the man's back was to the window, he could judge some of what they were saying by Rene's answers. She relaxed a little as the two spoke, but she seemed to become warier as the conversation continued, until he noticed she looked to him, then back to the doctor shaking her head, and the doctor turned to look at him as well, before turning back to Rene. She then proceeded to shake her head no several times, short answers to what he felt were complicated questions as she grew tenser. He was about to enter the room, regardless of whether the two wanted him or not, when she locked eyes with him and flashed a sign again that it was okay. It didn't lessen his concern, but it did halt his steps.
He still wasn't sure himself how much Rene remembered from before the brain scan. In some ways he didn't want to know for fear that she remembered nothing and this was all an elaborate deception of hers. He knew that wasn't totally true. She trusted him and wasn't acting like he was a stranger. But she also wasn't the same as she was before they tumbled down that ridge into Cylon captivity. She didn't initiate conversations or touches with him. She didn't draw away from him, but he felt her flinch when he touched, saw the hesitation when she answered him. There were moments when he thought everything was fine, but other moments when she looked lost, or worse, looked to Jake in confusion for reassurance and clarification. She still asked about her brother a little too often, although once was more than enough to frighten him. The moment of her brother's death had bound them together. It didn't mean he wanted to relive one of the most painful moments of his life. He left her side when she asked about Ari, left it to Jake to answer. Crius had been partially right, Jake would be moving in with them for a while, at least when the kids were there, just to make sure she knew where she was and to be honest, who Starbuck was. He could live with Jake being there for now if it kept Rene calm and happy but he was looking forward to the two being alone, not just because he missed being intimate with his wife. He wanted an accurate assessment of just how much she remembered.
But that could wait until later, for now they had one more task to get through. Commander Adama had been given the tox screenings for all of the Copper Squadron. Even Starbuck had to submit to one, although his came back with better readings than the others. Doctor Salik had insisted on a meeting about the issue before Rene could be released from his care. Regardless of whether she remembered it or not, she'd been addicted to some nasty stuff in the past, a little more tame recently, but addicted to it none the less. Since none of what she had been taking for the last four sectars was prescribed, nor would it be with her pregnant, she had violated regulations. In a normal situation she'd be stripped and moduled. The Commander had declined Starbuck's request for a legal representative for this meeting, which was within a warrior's rights per the regulations.
"It won't be a disciplinary meeting," Adama had reassured him. "You will be there, as will be her friend Jake and I think her therapist as well. Dr. Dixon says to think of it as an intervention of sorts." Starbuck had grimaced at the idea, but the Commander had him when he asked, "You want her to be safe and your child born healthy don't you?"
He did, and if this is what it took, then this is what it took.
Jake entered the Life Center distracting him from the meeting in the isolation ward. The young man threw Starbuck a grumpy glare before muttering to him, "Do me a favor and don't rat us out, alright?"
Starbuck kept his jibe to himself that they were after all rats, isn't that how they earned the name, selling others out? But he was going to be living with Jake for at least a few days. He would try to get along for Rene's sake.
Dixon came out of the ward, his face unreadable.
"Remind me never to play pyramid with that guy," Starbuck said to Jake.
"I think we are ready if you could tell Salik to summon the Commander," Dixon issued the request like an order. Adama claimed he was civilian, but he sure sounded like an officer.
As if already summoned, the Commander accompanied by Colonel Gage entered the center. Starbuck didn't hesitate to voice his one objection, "Sir, I don't think it is a good idea to have Gage involved." But the Commander smiled at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"I told you I disagreed with you, at least for this meeting. We shall see about the next one, and hope there doesn't need to be a next one, agreed?"
He nodded his head looking back to his wife sitting alone. "Fine. Okay. Let's get this over with so I can go home."
The Isolation ward felt even smaller once everyone was arranged around the room. Rene remained sitting on the edge of the bio bed she had inhabited for the last secton pushed sideways against a wall. She looked more like herself in the uniform Starbuck had retrieved for her, but the tunic was tight across her stomach. It was an encouraging sight, letting him know she had put on some weight that was needed. That was the first order once they were released, eat and then get to bed, "to rest, nothing more." The doctor had been a little too clear in his orders.
Starbuck took a seat next to Rene on the bio bed he'd recently vacated as it too was pushed against a wall. It didn't escape Starbuck's notice that Jake took up a position across from Rene, pulling up a stool so he could keep an eye on her back so to speak, letting Starbuck hold the position by her side. He didn't think this was a situation that required Jake to defend her, but he didn't want the young man by her side. That was Starbuck's place now.
Dr. Dixon entered the small room and pulled up a stool making a point of pulling it farther into the room, but he ended up sitting closer to Starbuck than to Rene. Starbuck had not had many interactions with Rene's counselor, mostly because the man had told him point blank that Starbuck could make an appointment if he wanted to talk about his problems with his relationship since Dixon had not been assigned by the military to the Lieutenant. That would mean Starbuck would pay office rates that were as high as a socialator's. Dixon had made his point clear, he was there to help Rene and her relationship to her husband was a secondary matter. It made the counselor's choice of seats more than a little interesting, and left Starbuck wondering what was the man's motive? Did he think Starbuck was the problem? It was true that Starbuck knew more than most of the others in the room about just what Rene and Jake had been ingesting, but that wasn't that much more information since he hadn't even known about the shopping sprees at one of Caprica's finest malls. He thought Dixon might know even more than he did about Rene's issues, or did he? Did Rene lie to her counselor? Starbuck wouldn't put it past her.
It didn't surprise him when Colonel Gage seated himself near Jake, while Dr. Salik and the Commander flanked the door to the ward. The battle lines had been drawn, the exit blocked and he felt a momentary panic before reminding himself that this was not a disciplinary meeting, not an attack. Dixon and the Commander had insisted that it remain a conversation, nothing more, but it didn't feel like a friendly chat amongst friends.
Starbuck looked to his wife, startled by her body language. She wasn't pulled up straight and at attention, nor was she laid back and loose mocking the proceedings. She appeared to be at ease, until you looked at her face devoid of emotion. But it wasn't just that, it was the stillness of her limbs that alarmed him. Much like himself, she was a twitchy individual, a foot tapper, finger drummer, some part of her always in motion. She was one of the few in his life who had not commented on his own fidgeting tendencies. Her lack of motion let him know she was waiting for something, expecting the worst. Even her eyes seemed to be still as she slowly tracked the others coming into the ward.
"It's going to be okay," he tried to reassure her, but her eyes wouldn't meet his, staying focused on the Commander. The room was quiet until Adama began the meeting.
"Rene, we have some concerns based on your health and your past. Plus, I believe I made a promise that when you returned you would be on report. I am pulling your flight status for shuttles and you will be assigned to the flight deck for now, but," Adama paused as his shoulders sagged. "While I cannot openly commend your mission or give you the medal that you deserve for rescuing more than a hundred men, women and children, I can choose to not put you on report."
Rene nodded her head and seemed to be holding her breath. Despite the Commander's words, she looked like she was waiting for the punishment to be handed down. Starbuck had tried to tell her that she wasn't in trouble, she had done a good thing going to Caprica. But in the secton they had spent in recovery, he had mentioned often that the way she went about it was wrong. Had she just been upfront and honest from the beginning, this would be a different type of meeting. But he was beginning to realize that just wasn't her style. Maybe facing some consequences might help her to see deceit and deception were making things harder on herself. He had learned that lesson himself, much in the same way, but from Commander's not as understanding nor forgiving as Adama.
As the Commander squared his shoulders again, Starbuck decided this meeting was beginning to feel too much like an ambush. It was obvious that he wasn't the only one whose internal klaxons were ringing. Jake was clenching and unclenching his fists, while Rene tried to hold position. This was not going well. Rene already didn't trust anyone in command, and who could blame her after what she had been through with Dante. Her lack of expression and her eyes sliding off to a point in the distance, not meeting anyone's gaze, was a stark reminder that her training under Dante was old school military. Starbuck had a drill sergeant that was by the book too. The tough as laser bolls man made it clear, your emotions were of no consequence. You were told to never make eye contact as you were not worthy. You were never to show your anger, you hadn't earned that emotion. He beat any idea of rebellion out of you. Any excitement? He stamped it down. You learned to take slow measured breaths around the Sergeant and keep your eyes blank. Rene was imitating that behavior a bit too well.
Adama seemed to take note of the atmosphere of the room, giving a small sigh before he forged forward. "The doctor has some concerns about your health and your past behaviors that I cannot ignore. Things will change or there will be a change in your status. I will not tolerate you endangering your life, or others with your behavior."
"Yes sir," Rene uttered softly, keeping her eyes focused on a point in the distance. "It won't be a problem, sir."
Dr. Salik crossed his arms, casting a stern glare upon Rene. "I will be running a tox screen on you every secton. More often if I think there is a need. The rest of Copper Squadron as well." Salik looked to Jake briefly, and Jake's eyes shifted to a point somewhere far across the room. Salik shook his head and focused back on Rene. "It had better come back clean, every time, or I'll see you locked up on the brig until that child is born. Do I make myself clear?"
Rene slowly looked to the doctor at the pronouncement, her face devoid of emotion. "Yes sir," her words sounded tired and sad, as her eyes slid back to focus on some far off location.
A tense silence filled the room, beginning to become oppressively uncomfortable. Adama attempted to deflate the pressure as he spoke softly. "I have faith in you that you will not need to be tested more often. This is not a punishment and will not be noted on your records as long as you pass your screenings."
Starbuck thanked the lords that he had the commander that he did. Adama could be strong as steel, immovable at times, but he also had a soft core. He had listened and understood what Starbuck had told him about the training and the treatment the Rats had received under their Commander. Being on report was a far harsher sentence than anyone on the Galactica could truly imagine.
"I believe that this incident will pass and you will not be on report," Adama added again, but Rene just nodded not giving her attention to those in the room, keeping her gaze focused on some point outside of the Life Center. Her lack of a response was troubling, but the Commander caught it as well as he coaxed her to reply. "Do you understand? It is for your own protection and that of your unborn child. You will be invited to group therapy sessions for substance abuse that I hope you will join willingly."
Adama tried to cast Rene a smile, but if she saw it she gave no indication. She nodded again slowly before her eyes slid over to the doctor. She opened her mouth to speak, shut it, and then tried again, her words coming out slow. "I'm clean now thanks to you."
Any other time Starbuck might have thought her tone held an edge of accusation, but the words were delivered without any inflection in her voice.
"And we're going to see you stay that way. You've been clean before. You go right back to it, don't you?" the doctor answered angrily.
"Yes sir." She nearly whispered the words.
"Is that it?" the doctor barked loudly. "Is that all you have to say for yourself? You damaged your body and almost ended your life, not to mention the harm you may have done to your unborn child, and that is all you have to say?"
Listlessly her eyes slid from the point in the distance to meet Salik's. "I'm not sure what you want from me sir." Her voice sounded weary.
Concerned at the tone in her voice and how this was going, Starbuck started to speak up, but Salik cut him off.
"We want you to admit you have a problem and to solve it!"
Rene nodded slowly again making the effort to pull her eyes away from a point in the distance to meet the doctor's. "I have a problem." Her voice sounded hollow and false to Starbuck's ears.
"Damn right you do and it will be a problem until you fix it! And if you don't, I will!"
Rene blinked long and deliberate before she shifted her eyes to Dixon. Her voice was still flat as she addressed him. "I think you need to explain to them."
Dixon nodded, turning to the commander and the doctor. The counselor spoke even and low as he added his opinion to the conversation. "She is not being sarcastic Dr. Salik. We have an agreement about our sessions. She is allowed to have the emotions she wants to have, not the ones you want her to have."
The words seemed to offend the doctor as he uncrossed his arms and pointed to her. "She can have any damn feelings she wants as long as she stays clean. I expect her to own up to what she has done, the risks she has taken not just with her life, but with others. She was using up until forty-eight centaurs before she was in my care. That means she was on a mission in charge of saving lives while endangering all of them! Were you aware of that Lieutenant Starbuck?"
Starbuck stiffened as he was dragged into the conversation. He was unsure as to how he should answer. He didn't want to betray Rene, but it had been a kick in the gut at the time to realize that on top of whatever they had picked up in that lake and with Boomer near death plus the enemy hunting them, Rene was coming down off of her drug of choice. He thought she had run out other than the over the counter stims he found. Those shouldn't have shown up on a tox screen, she'd been off those for more than a couple of days. But somewhere in the midst of the hades of Caprica she had found more. He looked to Rene, wanting some sign of what to say but she wasn't giving him any clues with her eyes focused on the outer bulkhead of the Galactica about seven compartments away.
He looked to Jake. He was the one who had to have found what she needed. He seemed nearly as wary as Rene, but his eyes at least gave an answer. It wasn't the right one, that Starbuck should keep his mouth shut, but it at least was some hint as to how he should play this hand. He jumped as Salik barked in impatience, "Well, were you?"
Starbuck found himself looking to Dixon as the man held up his hands to halt the Doctor's words. "We have another agreement I think we should all abide by. You get as much time as you need to answer the question, but…" he held up a finger to the doctor to stop his protest before Dixon looked to him, "We agree to be as honest as we can."
The doctor grumbled, "New age psycho-babble philosophy. It won't solve this problem."
Dixon ignored the doctor's comments as he spoke to Starbuck, "Did you know she was ingesting stimulants?"
Starbuck reached out to touch his wife's hand. Her eyes slid back into the room and over to meet his. He saw a small flash of anger, but then it passed as she gave a slight nod, agreement to the rules of the exchange, and Starbuck realized the commander had a point. This was to make sure everyone stayed safe and healthy. He turned to the doctor.
"Yeah, I did, and it seemed a better solution to make sure she didn't go through withdrawal while we were on the run."
"Of all the stupid, asinine, mong sucking…" The doctor muttered to himself, before turning back to Rene. "You realize your deciding to get high could have killed them all!"
Starbuck saw the crack in her walls the direct hit had scored as the doctor played upon the guilt she had been expressing often in the Life Center. She looked down at the floor mumbling a "yes sir."
"No, you don't get off that easy. You don't get to just mumble 'yes sir' and think you are off the hook!"
Rene nodded, but she fixed her eyes on Dixon who nodded back to her before speaking, "Dr. Salik, in all due respect, she's hearing what you are saying. She just feels she doesn't have a voice." He turned back to Rene. "But you do, don't you? You told me something important that they may need to know."
She kept her gaze focused on the floor. It took everything Starbuck had to watch Rene there with her walls up, the barriers so thick he knew it would be a long time before she'd let anyone into that fortress. She nodded apathetically, but she did flinch as the doctor began to say something. Dixon held up his hand to silence the man.
"Are you going to listen to her Dr. Salik or is this just a lecture she needs to endure, the rest of us here only to witness her disgrace?"
"Are you mocking this? You of all people should know…"
Dixon cut him off again, his voice still even and calm, however it did rise in volume. "It is a serious question. Are you going to listen to her or is this a lecture she just needs to endure?"
It was the Commander that took a step away from the door, placing a hand on the doctor's arm to silence him. "We are listening."
Dixon nodded, imitating Rene's subtle nod. "Good. Rene, you had something to say that I think is important to this conversation."
She looked around the room, seeming to evaluate everyone before she fixed her gaze on Salik. She took a deep breath, held it for a micron before she spoke, her voice still devoid of emotion. "It's not like I get up and decide that today I'm going to get high."
"Yet that happens, far more than it should," Salik interrupted.
Dixon ignored the doctor as he spoke again. "So why do you decide to get high? Does it just happen?"
She shook her head, her eyes fixing again on a point in the distance. "No. Something happens to me and I get high to forget it happened."
"But that's in the past. It's not happening here," Starbuck replied, looking to Dixon. Starbuck understood the deeper meaning to her vague words. Dixon was supposed to be helping with all that had happened in the past, helping her move beyond it. Starbuck started to speak again, but then he froze as she looked to him, her eyes finally meeting his as she gave a slight shake of her head no.
"What? It's still happening?" He tried to comprehend what she was saying, but she nodded then looked away down to the floor. "What?! When? Who? Why didn't you tell me?!" He rose to his feet, but Dixon waved him back. The Counselor was right, approaching Rene now would just cause her to close up even more. He turned to Jake instead, knowing her friend would know everything. Starbuck's hands clenched in frustration. He was her husband. He should know these things. "What happened?" he demanded, but Jake looked away, focusing on the floor at his feet. Starbuck looked between the two of them. "One of you fracking say something!"
Dixon held up his hand, this time halting Starbuck from taking a step forward. It was Adama's voice that kept him from pushing past the counselor to shake Rene.
"If abuse is happening here on the Galactica, it needs to be dealt with, not just for your benefit, but the benefit of others. You are required by the Colonial code to protect your fellow warriors. And it will be dealt with, harshly if necessary."
The room remained silent for a few more microns before Dixon spoke to Rene soft and low. "You are going to have to start sharing what you have told me with others if you want to remain in the Colonial Service. Or you could resign as a warrior, that is an option."
Starbuck felt relieved when she looked to him instead of Jake or Dixon as she said adamantly, "That's not an option."
"Why not?" Dixon asked calmly. "It might be the best for you and you can still remain on the Galactica as Starbuck's wife. So why do you have to stay in?"
Rene looked around the room, to the commander, the doctor, to Jake and then back to Starbuck before focusing on Dixon who nodded encouragingly.
"Because of my plans for the future."
"Our plans or your plans?" Starbuck didn't miss the choice in her words. He knew she rarely misspoke, not in these situations anyways.
She looked to him for a moment, then looked away guiltily before speaking. "It's my fault. What happened is my fault so there wasn't a point in telling anyone. I caused it, I dealt with it and then," she shrugged her shoulders, "and then I dealt with it and the drugs helped."
Dixon spoke quickly before anyone else could. "Let's follow that hare down the hole shall we? What is your fault?"
Rene finally looked like she was actually in the room as she shook her head, opening her mouth to speak and shutting it. For the first time Starbuck realized how silent Jake had been for this whole conversation as he finally spoke.
"We lived because of her. We would have all died, but she got us out of the sewers and…it was her fault."
"You have a fraked up way of showing your gratitude!" Starbuck shouted at Jake, but Dixon called to him to calm down.
"Lieutenant, we are at the core of the problem. She has accepted responsibility for all those lives, so she would go to extreme lengths to save them and to take all the blame when she is unable to. She has also taken responsibility for you whether you know it or not."
"What are you saying? It's my fault? I've been trying to get her to quit and I don't blame her for anything. I'm a big boy, responsible for my own actions. I don't need saving."
Rene's shook her head back and forth several times. "The fight. You wer…were on r..r..report and cou…could have been kicked out…of the…Col..co….the..ser…vice. Your dreams…r..ruined." Rene's voice finally held some inflection, her voice rising in pitch, the stutter having returned. "P..pallus doesn't fight fair."
Starbuck shook his head remembering back to the shuttle on their way back from the Rising Star after the brawl he'd started, Rene bypassing him so that Captain Pallus and her could talk without being overheard. "Frak, I knew it! It is my fault. I started the fight and you worked out a deal with Pallus, didn't you, so he wouldn't press charges? Frak I knew it and you…" he flung his ire at Jake even though the man had little to do with the brawl on the Rising Star. "This is more than that isn't it? That's why you made up that story for the Commander. You know what happened." Jake met his glare, but shook his head no. Starbuck shifted his anger to Dixon because he suddenly didn't want to think about the things Rene may have offered up to mitigate the charges against him. "You know what happened."
It wasn't a question. He grasped that the man knew the whole story and then some. Dixon's face would win every hand he played at the Rising Star's pyramind tables. Starbuck gave up getting an answer from the man, turning to Rene. "What did you agree to?" He cursed as Rene drew further away, "Frak it, please…" he took a breath to keep calm, "please just fraking tell me?"
She shook her head, "It's not what you think." But she remained silent, not elaborating.
"New agreement," Starbuck tossed out like a punch, "You don't get to guess what I'm thinking because you tend to get it wrong. I get to think what I want to think until you clear it up. Now start talking!" He could understand Doctor Salik's frustration as Rene gave him the same soft, "Yes sir," as her eyes slid away to somewhere other than his own. He wanted to shake her, but he knew that wasn't going to get him what he wanted.
"Rene?" Dixon prompted her, but she remained silent.
Starbuck slumped back cursing quietly, "Dammit Rene, do you even remember?"
She nodded her head frowning before replying. "Like I said, it's not what you think. We agreed to n…not tell c..c..command of what happened before and I agreed to…" she winced, "to get him what he needs for free. Not what you think," she added quickly as Starbuck straightened in anger. "Some d..d..drugs, where to find some girls. That's it. And to keep my mouth shut."
"So his dealer and his procurer?" Starbuck asked and she nodded. "That's it? You didn't sleep with him or..." Her angry glare had him putting up his hands in surrender. "Had to ask. So just drugs and others for him to sleep with? You tossed other people to that boray?"
She nodded, still glaring at him. He shook his head looking away, not in dismay at what she had done for him, or even in disgust with himself that he got into the fight that made her think she needed to rescue him. No, it was so much more.
He believed none of her story. She didn't always think things through sometimes putting others in peril, but she would never purposefully put anyone in harm's way. She didn't give Pallus other girls. Herself maybe, but not others. No, this was the Rat's stupid twisted code at work. Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof, shift the blame. They were on that fourth level, shifting and refocusing the problem elsewhere. She didn't have to admit her part in the problem, her tox screen did that for her. They had the proof, she couldn't deny it, so now she was trying to shift the blame. The question was, would he take that fall for her? He'd do just about anything for her, but this?
He looked away from Rene to find Dixon staring at him intently, trying to read him as the man nodded slightly. Well at least someone else wasn't buying this pile of mong. He wanted to be angry with Rene, but at the moment he was tired and just wanted to get out the Life Center and back to their quarters. That might mean he'd have to play their games, so for the moment he'd play, just not the way they thought he would.
Starbuck turned to Jake. "So what's your excuse?"
Jake's reply let him know that sometime here in the Life Center while under constant supervision these two had already worked out their con, or maybe it was an old one they dusted off for this occasion.
"Dante had us all on something. Can't quit that cold you know. I've cut back, but this isn't what I wanted. My plan went south when you showed up." Jake gestured to indicate the Galactica, but Starbuck suspected Jake meant him specifically, and was pretty sure all the others in the room thought the same thing.
"You had your chance. You fraked it up on your own according to the rumors." Starbuck tossed the blame back on Jake, before shifting to Rene. "Who else was involved in this? Just Captain Pallus, or are there more I need to watch out for because you're cutting off their supply?"
Rene sighed, but Gage's voice joined the conversation. "Pallus has a few close friends that were…complicit in his activities in the past. Brody and Mars, as well as Agenor and Belus"
Salik grumbled, "So there's more officers I need to test, is that it?"
It was Rene's turn to wince, and Jake came to her rescue, "If you do then he knows we talked. It will get bad for us."
"Lieutenant, what do you mean?" Adama added the rank to remind everyone in the room that if this issue went deeper, Command needed to be involved. "If Warriors are being used and abused like they have been in the past, it needs to end here and now."
Jake shifted his gaze from Rene to the Commander. "You can't be everywhere sir, and most of them outrank us. They even outrank Starbuck. Maybe if they didn't, with all due respect sir, things might be different."
Starbuck wondered at what game Jake was playing now as the young man angled for Starbuck's promotion.
"If I find evidence of drug abuse, then there may be some demotions," the commander answered. Starbuck would have chuckled had this not been such a serious moment. Adama was no dummy. He saw the deception being used on him. "And, you are going to be watched closely, for your protection."
The Commander's words seemed to end the conversation, at least as far as Rene and Jake were concerned, but Starbuck was far from done. He just wasn't sure how much he wanted to discuss this in front of everyone in the room, but one issue had to be resolved before they could go forward.
"Sir," he addressed Adama, "Colonel Gage should not be involved in this issue. He's too close to the Copper Squadron."
Adama fixed him with a deep gaze before he replied, "I understand. He will no longer be in their chain of command, just as you are not. But as you acknowledge, he is involved and will remain so. Everyone's definition of family has been changed by your example Lieutenant. This is a family matter."
He considered that. It was true, Gage had been playing dad to the rats long before Starbuck. The problem was that Gage had been more than that and less, trying to be their friend and an occasional lover. His position in the family had been undefined, and it was time it was made clear. The pained expression on Gage's face reminded Starbuck that it might be a conversation for just he and Gage behind closed doors.
"Alright, where do we go from here?" Starbuck made a point of reaching his hand to hold Rene's as he addressed the doctor. It was Adama that answered him.
"I am giving you 24 centaurs to talk amongst your family and…," Adama dramatically cleared his throat, "clean up your quarters."
It was a generous gesture, giving them a chance to get rid of any evidence other than their tox screens. Starbuck looked to Rene, but she shook her head no. Their quarters wouldn't need the cleaning. If there was evidence, it wouldn't be found there. Again, he was left wondering where they had stashed it all. Even with his wild imagination, he couldn't figure it out.
"And tomorrow, I have a request to discuss with you and Rene from the IFB."
Starbuck groaned, "This day just keeps getting better. The answer is no, we're already sealed. They can't film what's already happened."
"Son, you haven't even heard their idea. You may find the proposition quite lucrative."
Starbuck shook his head knowing the last thing he and Rene needed was the IFB involved in their lives, no matter the reason. They could offer him the whole payroll for all the squadrons and the answer would be no. He had already taken enough ribbing and grief for his short "Warrior of the Centaur" segment. Lords he wished he had never agreed to that, and the adulation over his triad games had been fun at first, and then had become exhausting every time he tried to do anything around the fleet away from the Galactica. His celebrity status came at a cost, one he wasn't willing to have Rene help pay right now.
"We can discuss it in the future," Adama conceded. "You are on light duty for now. Rene will be released for duty when the doctor feels there is no threat to her health or the baby's, and even then, it will be light duty until the child arrives." Adama addressed Rene directly, "I'm sure you can understand why I will not be trusting you at the controls of any space worthy vehicle until your child is born. I would like for you to discuss with me, Dr. Wilker and Peryton your abilities, but," Adama held up his own hand, "that can wait until you are in better health. So, until then, rest. It will be some time before Starbuck also sees the pilot seat of a viper. And one more thing," he focused his look of disappointment on Jake and then Rene, "You will be answering any questions I have about your extracurricular activities for my investigation into this matter, understood?"
The two mumbled, "Yes sir."
"That goes for you too Lt. Starbuck."
He resisted the urge to remind the Commander that he was clean in this matter, but he had known that Rene was consuming more stimulants than she should, and that Jake's hydroponics project contained more than vegetables and herbs for cooking. "Yes sir."
"I also expect if there are any problems with your recovery, you will come to me or to Dr. Salik, understood?"
"You don't need to worry," Starbuck answered, "I will see that she follows the doctors' orders."
Jake chimed in, "And I'll see that Starbuck does as well."
Dr. Salik quipped, "And I will see that you all follow mine."
Dixon turned to Adama. "So you have an established chain of command in place. Does that alleviate your fears?"
"No." Adama didn't restrain his reply earning the attention of everyone in the room. Rene's hand gripped his hard, not the two squeezes that was their unspoken code. The Commander's simple no had taken Rene by surprise. Starbuck tried to squeeze back to reassure her, but her grip was too tight.
"These two Warriors were able to get away with more than they should right under our noses. I know you are bound by rules about patient confidentiality, but if I am correct, you are required to report to the authorities if one of your patients is endangering themselves or others. I would say that ingesting illegal substances would certainly qualify for such notifications, but knowledge of unauthorized flights into enemy territory definitely crosses the line. I would like to believe that like myself you were unaware, but I suspect that assumption is incorrect. I will overlook it this time. I realize Rene can be quite persuasive. She was able to convince Colonel Gage to allow the risks as well, but in the future, you will share that information with me when it concerns my warriors and my family, is that understood Dr. Dixon?"
Dixon was slow to reply, his eyes narrowing as if he were examining the Commander before he said, "Understood."
As Rene eased up her grip on his hand, Starbuck didn't need the Counselor to tell him the answer to the Commander's supposition. Dixon had known, and he too had allowed Rene to continue her actions. They all had in one way or another, a fact made clear as Adama's gaze travelled around the room, sparing no one, before focusing upon Rene.
"You were astute enough to achieve your goal and accomplish your mission despite the setbacks. You were lucky. I suggest you don't push that luck. Your delay in returning has made us all realize, we need you. I do not say this lightly. I am asking that you respect that fact and to not be so callous with your own life."
Starbuck felt Rene's hand tremble and it was his turn to tighten his hold upon her as she uttered softly, "Yes sir."
"Good. Now go home. Your family is waiting. We will talk more tomorrow."
"And stay clean," Dr. Salik added not waiting for a reply as he left the room. The Commander and Colonel Gage followed him, leaving Starbuck, Rene and Jake with Dr. Dixon. Starbuck waited for the doctor to get up to leave, but he remained.