The room remained silent as the Commander and his staff exited. Jake finally sighed and looked to Rene. Starbuck wasn't sure what they communicated without words.
"Can we go?" Starbuck finally asked.
Dixon turned to him, putting Starbuck under his scrutiny, but he addressed Rene with his question. "How closely did it match to what you had drawn, Rene? How accurate were your dreams?"
Starbuck tensed. He didn't want to get into this now. He was tired and just wanted to go home, but if he was truly honest with himself, he never wanted to talk about the things Rene could do, the things she saw in her dreams, and the voices she heard. They had not spoken of Count Iblis and the jump she did to cheat the deal she had made. He wanted to believe it was because they were focused on their future together, on the family they were building. The truth was something he didn't want to admit even to himself, and definitely not to anyone else. He was a warrior who had survived the attack on Umbra as a child and succeeded in the Colonial foster system. He did it by being brave and not allowing fear to control him, but if he was honest with himself, Rene's prophetic dreams scared him more than any mortal enemy.
He tried to meet Dixon's eyes without wavering, but the man broke through his warrior mantle like a viper through a summer cloud, drilling deep into his core. The man didn't say a word, not to him anyway, finding all his answers like the deep scan the Cylons had used on his body.
Rene's voice was still emotionless and low as she answered, "Pretty close."
"Did you tell anyone about how you thought this all would end?"
Rene didn't answer while Dixon continued to scrutinize Starbuck.
"That we'd save them all and bring them home," Starbuck tossed out the answer like a triad ball wondering who would pick it up first and which goal they would aim for.
Dixon finally broke his probing to turn to Rene. "Omission of information is still a lie to many individuals. You may not remember how you met him or why you are with him, but you told me you trusted him. You didn't trust him with the ending?"
The knowledge jolted down his spine and he wondered briefly if the Cylons were in range utilizing their little switch of pain. It changed everything, didn't it? Should he even be going back to those quarters with Rene? Was he a complete stranger to her? He didn't look to his wife for the answers, turning to Jake.
The young man looked sorrowful, and worse, guilty of something as he inferred Starbuck's unspoken question. "She remembers enough and she didn't even tell me how it was supposed to end until we were already on Caprica. Her fever was high enough to have her confused so I assumed it was just her rambling. It's why I wanted us to go get a raider, to maybe change it somehow."
"But it did change didn't it?" Dixon asked Rene again. "It didn't end the way you thought it would, did it? Why is that do you think?"
"How was it supposed to end?" Starbuck couldn't help but ask, wishing to focus on Rene's visions rather than on her lack of memories. But he didn't ask her, he asked Jake who shrugged so Starbuck looked to Dixon.
"She told me that the children would die, but at least they would be free of the Cylons."
"No, n..not l…like that, close but," Rene added taking a deep breath before going forward, "We all would die. The b..base w..w..would explode and…" She squinted and took a calming breath. The stutter bothered her more than it did anyone else. "We would walk out with the kids and then we would die in the fires."
"But you didn't. Why do you think that is? You told me thus far your," Dixon paused briefly and Starbuck read the hesitation as a sign he was not fully convinced in Rene's abilities, "your visions are very accurate. So why is this one different?"
"No, I didn't say th..that. Sometimes they change if I…or someone…I was supposed to die after killing Dante. We were supposed to make it to a pl…planet and then…but it changed. Things haven't turned out exactly like I dream since I saw the fleet and…and I saw his eyes, but he…" she indicated Starbuck, "he changes things. I don't know why or how."
"You saw my eyes?" he latched onto the hope like a rope tossed to him as he was drowning in a troubled sea. "But you said you saw the Galactica sectars before we showed up, the fleet I mean. You saw me?" He looked at her hopefully, not caring that Dixon had gone back to analysing his reactions with a penetrating stare.
She nodded. "Even before I saw the fleet. I…" her hand trembled in his.
He stepped toward her brushing aside Dixon, pulling her from the bio bed into his arms. He had enough of the two being separated. He knew all he needed to know. This time she didn't flinch when he touched her, and if she was stiff at first, it faded quickly as he whispered in her ear, "See, we belong together. I can change things, just give me time." Her arms coming around him to hold on was the all the answer he needed. She didn't need to remember anything about him. The past didn't matter. He lived in the now, and they would work on the future.
But first, he wanted out of here. He wanted to forget their recent past of places that looked too much like a medical facility. A shiver shook him and he pulled away from his wife, turning to the counselor.
"Can we have this conversation later, or at least somewhere else?"
Dixon nodded, seeming to understand. "We can continue this tomorrow. I'll be meeting with both of you. Seems you got your wish Lt. Starbuck. You are now a patient of mine courtesy of the Colonial Service."
Starbuck didn't like the touch of evil in the grin on the counselor's face. He suppressed a heavy sigh. This should have been a good day, but he'd been dealt one blow after another. The only good thing so far had been Rene's arms around him. He'd just wanted to know about what the Counselor had learned from Rene, not wind up in a session himself. He didn't need to be psychoanalyzed, but he would voice that objection with the commander. Right now, he just wanted to get home, so it was easier just to agree. "Fine, great, what time tomorrow? My schedule might be booked."
"Make time. Or better yet, call me when you wake. Let me know how you slept because I hear you're not doing much of that." Dixon didn't wait for a reply as he came to his feet. "Number one priority is to get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow," he said in farewell as he patted Rene on the shoulder and left the room.
Rene seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as she laid her head on his chest and tightened her arms around him. He gave his own sigh as he let the weight of the world fall away. She knew him or else she would have pulled away once everyone left the room, not snuggled in closer. He held her allowing himself to finally recognize that they had made it. They had survived Caprica and the Life Center. It was finally time to go home.
He lifted his head and looked to see that Jake was still there, patiently waiting on the two. The young man had dropped his surly attitude in fact there was even a glimmer of a wistful smile and touch of compassion in his eyes. Crius had been right, it was a package deal, Jake and Rene, but that didn't mean that Starbuck couldn't set some boundaries in order to make this work.
"Ready to go home, brother?" he decided to follow the border that Jake had set.
"Whenever you are G C," he answered.
"G C?" he enjoyed the giggle that Rene gave into his chest.
"Gold Cl..clusters," she clarified smiling up at him.
"That's right and don't you forget it." It was meant as a joke, but the implication of his choice in words reminded him that that he needed to go slow, give Rene time to let her body, but more importantly her mind to recover. "Let's go, and I suggest we take the long way home. Avery and his men are working in the corridors."
"Yeah, he's different here," Jake shrugged, "Not sure I trust him, but despite all his bark I think his wife has him on a short leash."
"That's where you come in. I don't want to deal with him today. He gets close, you have my permission to drop him again. Lords, I'm sorry I missed out on that. Come on, let's get out of here." He reached for Rene's hand and deeply enjoyed waving good-bye to Giselle and Dr. Paye. He liked the two well enough, liked them even better as fellow drinking pals in the OC more than he enjoyed being under their care.
Jake took the lead and ran interference. They didn't take the long way like he wanted, but Jake did speak to Wylie, who spread the word. The men remained at their tasks, not approaching Starbuck and Rene, but each one gave a soft, "Thank you," as they passed. The walk began to feel like a funeral procession as Rene gripped his hand hard, and Starbuck offered each man a shrug and some platitudes. "It's okay. Just did my job."
When they reached their quarters, they found several plates of baked goods waiting for them outside their door.
"You've been out of the Life Center for a few days. Have they been like this with you?" Starbuck asked Jake as he helped to pick up the plates before keying the door. Rene seemed dazed and he just wanted to get her inside.
"Yeah," Jake answered, and didn't elaborate.
He wanted to ask more, at the very least make sure that Jake wasn't taking advantage of the situation, but he was more concerned with Rene who had entered their chambers and then stopped, turning slowly to look at the paintings on the walls as if she didn't remember putting them there. She came full circle and gazed at him with confusion.
"You okay?" He almost dropped the plates in his hands but managed to get them to the table before turning to his wife, who had turned away to stare at the starry multi-colored sky she had painted by their bed. He reached out to touch her gently, not wanting to startle her, and eased his arms around her. "I like that one the best."
She relaxed into his arms. "It's missing the tall grass that was around us. Can you hear it?"
"Hear what?" Then he thought he could, the wind that rustled the dry grass and trees that protected them as they had made love outdoors under that night sky. It was the last peaceful moment before walking into a Cylon base. He thought he could see the clouds in the painting move like they had that night as the light faded.
Jake's voice broke the spell. "You ready for the kids?"
Starbuck wasn't sure what to answer, but after only a moment's hesitation, Rene said, "Not yet. Give us a centaur alone. I want to take a real turbo." Her voice sounded stronger than it had since Caprica.
"You sure?" he whispered in her ear, feeling her nod, both knowing he wasn't asking about the turbo, but about being alone. He looked back to Jake who seemed to be waiting for Starbuck's approval. He gave the young man a nod and was surprised when Jake didn't question the dismissal.
"A centaur. I will be in the council chambers if you need me."
As the door shut behind him, Starbuck gave a sigh letting himself relax, revelling in the feeling of Rene's sigh matching his own. They stood that way looking at the painting on the wall for several centons before he finally whispered, "Welcome home."
Rene swallowed hard at his words and he felt her draw away, but he held on tight. "What's wrong?"
She turned in his arms laying her head on his chest as she mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"Hey, none of that. It wasn't your fault. It's Avery that should be apologizing or that blue caped robot, but not you. I followed you of my own free will, and I would follow you again even if it meant walking back into captivity."
She shuddered briefly in his arms and it was his turn to apologize, "Sorry, didn't mean to bring up the Cylons."
"No, it's not that. I…I don't remember painting it or…us in that bed with that painting….or..."
He appreciated the admission of truth, but he cut her off, not wanting to know much more. "Well lucky for me then that you don't remember what a bad bet it was marrying me. And I get to woo you all over again, only better now that I know what I'm doing.
Her laughter bordered too closely to a sob. "Hey, it's okay." He tightened his arms around her, leaning down to place a kiss upon her brow. "The doctors said it would come back and until then I'll take it slow. Just tell me when it is too much, okay? Just know you can trust me and it's alright if you don't remember, in fact I kind of envy you. I wish I didn't remember being in the care of the Cylons."
"I remember most of Caprica," she said softly, "I remember being under that sky with you and…and ..and what they did." She trembled in his arms and he pulled her even closer.
"How about we try to forget that, okay? You remember being with me under the sky of Caprica and you're here with me now. That's all that matters." Her eyes looked up to him and he wanted to wipe away the traces of fear that made them stormy gray. He reached up to lightly stroke her face, pushing her hair behind her ears before leaning down to softly kiss her. She met his lips without hesitation, but he kept the kiss brief and light, pulling back so he could bring her back into his chest. He stood there rocking her, finding himself humming for a moment. "This is nice. This is all I need, to forget the past and just be with you." Through his tunic he felt a light touch tap his stomach, but her hands were around him touching his back. He pulled back in surprise. "Was that the baby?"
She nodded up at him smiling and he couldn't resist leaning down to kiss her again. He had missed this and missed so much more. "Go slow," he reminded himself. "We should get you that turbo, and I bet the kids are going nuts not seeing you for over a secton. Then you and I should rest like we were told before we deal with dinner, alright? Then that's it, back here, tucked into bed. That's the mission parameters for today."
"Yes sir," she said before she leaned up on tiptoes to give him a kiss. He melted into it before remembering that Doctor Salik had been very clear on what they should not be doing in that bed just yet. But soon. He hung on to the hope of soon.
He drew himself away from the kiss. It had made him feel good enough to forget doctor's orders. He could do anything, but they probably shouldn't push themselves on the first day, so he led her off to the turbo. They both were still covered in tape and stitches with a few bruises fading to strange colors of purple and yellow. Most of the scrapes and scratches he knew they had picked up on their flight from the Cylons and should have healed by now. The huge purple bruise covering his ribs he'd received when he ejected from the viper was a good reminder that their bodies were weakened by the radium poisoning. He thought about giving Rene some privacy, but the bruises reminded him that maybe it was best he stayed. They ended up helping each other bathe. Rene's hands were gentle on his sore ribs. They dressed again, only in softer civilian clothes, leaving their boots by the door. He wouldn't need them for a few more days. Salik thought he was fine for light duty, but Paye had overridden the senior doctor pointing out that his grip still wasn't as strong as it should be. Starbuck kept to himself the tingling and numbness that he powered through for the tests. Now trying to dress, he couldn't manage the buttons and ties. Rene helped, and between the two of them they managed to get it done, laughing at the absurdity of it.
He made Rene take a seat on their sofa as he got them something warm and soothing to drink. He was coming into the room when he heard the door being keyed without even a knock or a chime. He'd need to have a word with Jake about that, but he couldn't be mad as the kids came rushing in, including Lara, Jason and the new kid, Cain. Kalea had become steadier on her feet, but Kiff still beat her across the room, calling out "Mama Rene!" as he launched into her arms. Jake set Leia down and the baby quickly crawled towards Starbuck.
"When did that happen?" he asked somewhat shocked. They hadn't been gone that long. It was Cain that replied.
"Well look at that. First time, I swear."
He figured Cain was lying, but he didn't care as he picked up his adopted daughter who clung to him, patting his face as if to make sure he was real. He couldn't hold her long, she was heavier than he remembered. Jake left him a place on the sofa, making a point of taking a seat in one of the chairs by the table. Jason seemed just as eager as Kiff to hang onto Rene and the sofa was crowded but Starbuck didn't mind the jostling as the kids wiggled and fought over getting hugs and kisses. Jake rescued them, reminding the kids to go slow, "Gentle. They're healing." Kalea had managed Starbuck's whole name and he kind of wished she had stuck to the sweet soft syllables of her nickname for him of "Stah".
They were a family again even if it didn't quite fit the Colonial standard definition of what a family should be. He watched a real smile actually play across Jake's face as Rene tried to hold on to all of them at once, reaching out a hand to grasp Starbuck's for a moment as he brought the newest member Cain into the mix of it, asking him questions about how things had been when they were gone.
Jason filled in answers for the kid who had suddenly gone shy, but Starbuck completely understood how the kid felt. It was overwhelming to have been alone for so many yahrens, and then suddenly find yourself a part of something big and wonderful that you couldn't really control. Sometimes it still left him breathless, wondering how he got so lucky and how soon it might be that he'd lose them again. In the case of Cain, they were about to lose him in a way as he announced that they had decided when the next class of cadets would be starting training.
"So, in about five sectons. I mean, I'll still be here on the Galactica but..." he'd adopted the rat's shrug.
"You can still live with us though, right?" Jake asked Starbuck, but he shook his head no.
"They are trying to run it like a real academy. He'll be confined to the barracks for a while." He knew he should be worried by the sneaky look Rene cast Jake that clearly said they could work around that rule, but the expression was so much like the old Rene that he found himself laughing at the two of them. Fresh out of the Life Center from a botched mission and they were already plotting to undermine the young man's training.
As the chatter continued and little Kalea climbed up onto his lap and snuggled in, Starbuck found himself dozing off. He hated to confirm the assessment, but Dixon had been right, he'd not been sleeping well. He also didn't want to admit that the kids were wearing him out. "I'm just finally relaxed," he decided.
He didn't have the heart to kick them out so they could get some rest before dinner, but then Rene looked at Cain confused. She flashed a sign at Jake asking why the kid was there. Jake gave her the same sign he'd been giving her when she became disoriented, one that meant "Hold and stay quiet". It was what had been working so far in getting Rene to stop asking questions, but Starbuck knew they were never going to know when she lost track or how bad it really was if they just shut her down each time.
"Okay kids, nap time," Jake announced. It led to Kiff proclaiming loudly he was almost four and he had outgrown naps. It took a bit to convince him that Rene was the one who needed the nap, but once the concept was grasped, Kiff insisted on tucking her in, taking her hand and leading her to the bed, and even telling her a story, albeit one that made little sense. Starbuck watched the scene from his place on the couch, Kalea asleep in his arms as if she too could finally relax. Jake employed Jason and Cain to get the little ones while he told Kiff it was time to go. Starbuck wanted to intervene when the young boy dissolved into howls of protest, but Jake overrode his objections, picking up the child now all arms and legs. "Get some sleep. There will be guests at dinner."
"Guests? Don't tell me, Avery and his people?" Starbuck sighed, but Jake shook his head no.
"Not Avery. Apollo's bringing a date and seems the Commander's been taking your place. He's bringing Peryton, with Bojay and Athena. Oh, and your dad wanted to be there too."
It took Starbuck a moment to grasp the words. "My dad," he wondered aloud, "right, Chameleon." He hadn't been alone with the old con artist since he told Starbuck the truth, but then again, Starbuck hadn't been alone with anyone since the cell on Caprica. His shudder surprised him as the sudden vision of those white walls closing in filled his mind.
"He doesn't have to be there. I can tell him not to come," Jake was quick to offer.
"No, it's okay, just…just something else," he answered looking back to Rene who was already dozing off in their bed.
"I'll be back in a centon. You shouldn't be alone for a while," Jake said instinctively understanding what the problem might be.
"We're okay." He tried to reassure the young man, wanting it to be true.
"No, you're not, not yet." Jake answered as Kiff began to struggle again and begged to stay. Jake was able to get the kid from the room and Starbuck walked over to the bed.
He stared down at the vision he had prayed for, Rene back in their quarters and in their bed, safe and sound. "If only it could stay that way," he mumbled. He debated if he should crawl in with her, or if it would be better for her if he slept on the sofa, but his body did the talking as he climbed under the covers and pulled her into his arms. She sighed in her sleep and nestled into his arms. He tried to let it chase away the images that loomed at the edges of his mind. He was still awake when Jake returned. He had brought with him one of his acoustic guitars, he had quite a collection now, and began strumming songs.
Jake was still practicing when Starbuck woke with a start.