Stupidity

Harry stared at the people who had materialized into the Hall to take him away from 4, Privet Drive for the final time.

"Let me get this straight. Including me, there will be fourteen people flying through the skies tonight, seven of them impersonating me?"

"Yes," growled Moody. "Now that you have shown a modicum of intelligence and understood the plan, move your arse and get on with it!"

"No."

"What?" asked several people in unison.

"No. I am not doing this."

There was a moment of silence before Hermione decided to reason with Harry in her most caring – that is to say, condescending and patronising manner. "Harry, I understand that you don't like the fact that we will be targets, but we have to do this. This is no time to be noble!"

Harry stared at the bushy-haired girl, who haunted his dreams, unlike the redheaded girl who was supposed to, in open shock. Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age, the lone espouser of logic in the logic-fearing magical world was going in with this stupid plan. It was an epiphany for him. Hermione was becoming progressively stupid since she came of age in the magical world. The whole of their sixth year was a testament to that fact. "I bloody well am not going to be an adult wizard, ever!" he decided.

Pointing his wand at her, he demanded, "Prove that you are Hermione Jean Granger!"

"This isn't the time for it Harry!" she cried in response.

"Tell me something that only she and I would know. She cut herself off at a word when we were attempting to protect the Philosopher's Stone from the Dark Wanker in our first year. What did you say before that?"

With an extremely irritated and exasperated sigh, Hermione complied, if only to get things moving. "Me?" she parroted. "Books! Cleverness! There are more important things – friendship and bravery and –"

"OK. Stop. You are her. You also said just five minutes before you said that, that wizards had not an ounce of logic. Right now, you are all being so absolutely stupid, that I am wondering how you are all still alive."

The rescue party grumbled. They had not come here to get a dressing down from this uppity whelp.

"Who has that polyjuice?"

"I do," answered Mad-Eye irritably.

"Good. Give me enough for three people for one hour."

"What for?"

"Well, you are going to follow my plan. This one will get us all killed." He turned to Moony and Hermione. "You two come over to my side. Good. Now the rest of you, divide yourselves into pairs and triplets and start making yourself scarce before the three of us leave."

"What is your plan cub?" Remus was reasonably sure that Harry did have something good up his sleeve.

Harry reached into his jeans pocket and retrieved three test tubes. Each contained three different sets of hairs. Turning to Hermione, he assumed his Uncle's voice. "Can you believe the gall of those freaks, Pet? Dressing the little shit up as our Dudders and whisking him away under protection! As if our nice little gentleman could be anything like that little freak!" he spat.

Remus couldn't help it. Oh, this was pure James and Lily combined! He burst out laughing.

Harry resumed his normal voice and winked at his honorary Uncle. "Honestly, Hermione!" he chastised. "You really fell in with this lot?"

She at least had the good grace to look abashed.

Looking at Mad-Eye, he commanded. "You will all spread out, disillusion yourselves, and silently take out all the Death Eaters you can find in a one kilometre radius. Take them by surprise. I know you won't kill them. Just transfigure them into rats after you stun them, and hand them over at the local body office. You will get the money that rat-catchers get. Meanwhile, I am going to ring up two taxis. The first will be the decoy. Kingsley, you will ensure that that taxi remains safe. Meanwhile Petunia, Vernon and Dudley will take the next taxi and drive away, muttering about stupid freaks that dared use their garbs. We will go a distance of five kilometres, before we apparate to the Burrow."

Kingsley now joined Remus as he started laughing as well. Dumbledore was right. As long as the Potter boy was around, they had some hope in this war.

"Well? What are you doing standing here? Get cracking, you bunch of sissies!" Harry shot out. Barring the two senior Aurors and Remus and Hermione, the other nine members of the rescue party scrambled to leave.

"Do you understand how much we will have to change our logistics due to this unexpected change, Potter?"

"Do you understand that this plan might have been leaked to the Death Eaters and they might be lying around to ambush us, Mad-Eye? Are you an imposter again? Where's your paranoia when it is needed?" Mad-Eye grunted and stalked off. The kid was right.

In ones and twos and threes, the Order members filled out of 4, Privet Drive, and spread around as instructed. Sure enough, within the next fifteen minutes, two taxis drove down the way, the first one stopping a little way off, and the second driving around Magnolia Crescent and then returning to 4, Privet Drive. Mad-Eye watched as all the Weasleys were whisked away by William, before returning with his bride-to-be to join him on the patrol.

Inside the House, Harry drank the Polyjuice Potion and morphed into his Uncle, while Remus impersonated Dudley and Hermione became Petunia.

"Cub? These clothes won't fit me."

"Upstairs cupboard in my room. I snuck in two sets of clothes for each of us."

"You had planned this," Hermione-Petunia accused with narrowed eyes.

"Guilty as charged, Pet," Harry-Vernon grinned.

Twenty minutes later, the family traipsed onto the curb. "Did you lock the door, love?" 'Vernon' called, enjoying calling Hermione that.

"Of course I did, Vernon!" 'Petunia' snapped.

"Just checking, love," 'Vernon' replied in a placating manner, before impulsively kissing Hermione-Petunia, who squeaked.

"H-Vernon!" she admonished. "We are out on the street! Have a sense of propriety!"

'Dudley' snickered. Remus had known about this, as Harry had confided in him as soon as Hermione had left to change.

The family clambered into the taxi and soon reached the destination. They reached the Burrow without incident. As an aside, twenty one death eaters were put down by muggle authorities, excluding the still-a-spy, Severus Snape, who assumed them to be rats. Said spy, however, suffered his master's wrath.

A few days later, Hermione cornered Harry in Grimmauld Place. Remus and Dora, who had been brought in on the secret, were still sleeping in their room. Voldemort had attacked and Ron had stayed back to help, but the other four had to escape. Harry had cast the Fidelius Charm on the property anew and had made Hermione the secret-keeper. Remus had returned from the Burrow after three days with the news that Ron was so gravely injured in the attack that his chances of joining them on the mission Dumbledore had given them were non-existent. The werewolf was sure he had seen the cub grin discreetly.

"Harry, what was it that day before your birthday?"

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

"You kissed me."

"Yes." He didn't even attempt to proffer the 'Vernon kissed Petunia' argument.

"Why?"

"I wanted to. I have wanted to do so for the past year."

"But Ginny..."

"She was good fun - and we only kept that to a few kisses, and most certainly nothing more - when I was playing at being normal." He held up a hand to stem her protests as he reasoned, "We know how it is, in the year that is divisible by three, Voldemort himself doesn't do anything. In the third year, it was an innocent Sirius and the rat, and last year it was the other Death Eaters."

Hermione couldn't contest that claim.

"And after your birthday," Harry continued, "you became an adult witch and started behaving stupidly, as is normal. While you were pining after Ron, I of course couldn't kiss you. You could have slapped me silly. That night we were playing roles, so I took the risk."

"Are you saying that I am now stupid and you aren't?"

"I said you acted stupidly last year. I have vowed to never be an adult wizard in practice. I'd rather behave like a muggle on this hunt – a muggle who knows and can perform magic. We might even win."

Hermione huffed. "Why do you think that I won't still slap you?"

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. "You had plenty of time to do that. You haven't." He got up suddenly and gathered her to himself before staring her in the eyes. Giving her plenty of time to back off, he slowly brought her lips down to hers and kissed her deeply, his insides dancing the conga as he did something that he wanted to do ever since he broke up with Cho, really. Hermione froze for but a moment, before she kissed him back just as enthusiastically and passionately.

Finally they resurfaced when they were a bit short of breath, all thoughts of any of the redheads banished thoroughly from each mind.

"See?" Harry asked cheekily. "You still didn't even protest!"

"You were right," Hermione agreed, her lips puffy, hair askew and eyes shining. "Last year was the height of stupidity."