Rene went down her mental checklist after her meetings with Starbuck and the Commander and then the IFB as she headed down the corridor to the Duty Office for Blue Squadron. She'd dealt with Jake and survived without a fight, check. Apologized to the Commander, that was a job half done. Tried to contact Chameleon and invite him over to the OC for the night, also half done. She'd sent the message, but the man hadn't been at his quarters, but she'd try again later. At least the attempt was made, and she could document that to show Starbuck she tried. He'd appreciate that, and while he would probably believe her, to complete this apology tour she knew some proof would help to smooth his ruffled fur and keep his bark to a low growl.

Starbuck's very few and carefully chosen words to her last night as well as his turning her down once they were finally alone made it perfectly clear, she'd gone too far last night. The irony was that the shooting could be excused, it's the aftermath that couldn't. She'd seen the look in Starbuck's eyes as she bid the Commander good night. She'd crossed a line that Starbuck couldn't forgive or forget. Adama wasn't Dante, she knew that, but her old Commander conditioned her for a certain response, and it was so very hard to override with logic. It felt like trying to repair a fried circuit board. Once things got to sparking, you just had to pull your hands away and let the current run its course. Only this time it had burnt out something in Starbuck's eyes, and she was afraid it had shorted out his heart.

She knew Adama wouldn't really hurt her. But some part of her couldn't forget what had happened before. It was hard to explain to anyone. She was beginning to think maybe the only ones who could understand were the other gals who'd experienced Dante. She sure couldn't explain it to Starbuck without telling him far more than she wanted him to know. She couldn't do that, but she could fix this. She could. She had to if she wanted to keep those sweet quarters and everything for the rest of the Rats and the kids.

It was more than that though. She wanted to keep Starbuck. He'd gotten in behind her defenses and she'd bite, kick and kill to keep him there. Her chest hurt just at the thought of him leaving and every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the Centurions dragging him from the room kicking and fighting. He'd saved her and she owed him.

So she went down the list again. "Let's see what else? Piss off the IFB and get them to finish up the sealing strategy sessions? Mission accomplished." That had been easier than she thought. They were done with her within a centaur having taken over control once they realized Rene was just going to shrug to all their questions. That was fine by her. She didn't care about the sealing itself, her part was easy, wear a pretty dress, be in love, walk down an aisle and kiss Starbuck. She didn't need any help with that.

She was more worried about the party and that wouldn't be complete until they figured out the music. She needed to get Jake alone for a few centaurs to work that out, but first things first. She needed to find Brody or Pallus and explain to them that the supply chain had been cut.

She'd rather talk to Pallus as Brody could get a little handsy when he was upset, but a quick trip by the red squadron duty office and a glance at the schedule told her what she already knew, he was on the Zakar this secton. She debated just sending a message, but that meant going through channels and that could earn both of them some attention. She wasn't going to face Brody alone, so she flipped a cubit and prayed to lady luck that Starbuck was still busy with the Commander and she could find Crius alone.

She got lucky and tracked him down without having to enter the duty office. He saw her wisdom and joined her as they confronted Brody. The goddess of fortune was really on her side today as they found him suited up for a patrol on the flight deck. He didn't have time to argue with her and she was able to dodge his grip with the help of Crius. The flight deck crew's presence helped to keep Brody from getting too loud and nasty, but it didn't stop him from shoving Crius aside and getting in her face, hissing that she'd better find what they needed or he was going to kill her.

On Dilmun, it would have been just another day where she was expected to take abuse and threats. But here on the Galactica, it was deplorable and jarring. Crius had spun Brody around and Rene thought the fight would be on, but Crius had let go, stepped back and spread his arms wide, simply indicating their location and those watching. Brody wasn't dumb, he caught the implication and stowed his anger. He'd stepped back shooting a glare at Crius before turning on her. "It's a big fleet. They can only reach so far. Find what we need or we will find you." He'd stalked off for his patrol.

Brody's parting words were a good reminder that thanks to Starbuck and his association with the Commander, while on the Galactica they were untouchable, but that didn't mean they were safe. Brody was right, it was a big fleet not to mention the Galactica was a big ship. They'd have to watch their backs and it was even more incentive to make things right with the Colonials.

"This isn't over," Crius had stated being more than obvious. "You have a plan how to take care of that?"

"Adding it to my agenda," she answered, "right after making up with Starbuck and a public apology to the Commander."

"Make it a good one. I like sleeping with both eyes closed," he'd replied not referring to her apology.

She'd asked him to come with her to the mess hall to meet Starbuck. He agreed as they both understood that her days of roaming the corridors alone were over.

Making up with Starbuck had been an easier task than she thought. When she met him in the mess hall, he had a tray and smile waiting for her. Her time spent with the commander seemed to have appeased him. Her assertion that tonight would be enjoyable however earned her a suspicious look. She'd had to promise him over and over again that the music they would play wouldn't be anything like what he had experienced on the Eaglebash. She finally appealed to Crius who reassured Starbuck that the Rats knew how to throw a decent Colonial Warrior sing along. She laughed at Starbuck's raised eyebrows before shifting to outlining for him what was happening with the sealing ceremony. He had nodded along, agreeing to most of what had been decided.

"Not exactly a sedate affair though," he had commented, seeming surprised when both her and Crius laughed aloud.

"You're not a sedate guy," Crius explained for her.

"Well the trapeze artists and con…contortionists should be interesting. At least I got them to c..cancel the dancing b…bears and the cl…clowns," she joked, but Starbuck didn't appreciate the humor, nor the stutter that wouldn't go away.

"No, that's what they have me for," he groused.

Crius had clapped him on the back. "Just polish up the clusters. You just have to stand there and say 'I do.' The hard part comes after that when the baby is born. Lords help us if it's a girl, I pity any man that takes interest in her. Only thing worse would be if it's a boy. It will be a handful and has a lot to live up to."

They both laughed again as Starbuck went almost green at the idea of having to deal with a kid like himself.

It had been an enjoyable lunch and she kissed him goodbye at the duty office. He had lingered, reaching up to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand.

"You doing okay? You look tired."

She nodded, promising him that she was going to get in a nap before joining him in the OC later. He'd bought the lie, including believing that she was headed back to deal with the IFB. On her list she checked off making up with her husband. Mission accomplished.

Just one more unfinished task. She reached in her pocket, popping in her mouth the stim. One had been enough to get her through the morning. While just one hadn't given her the kick she usually liked, it was enough for now. She was saving the two for tonight.

She figured she was safe enough with Brody on patrol to take the short walk to find Jake. She tracked him down in the Life Center with the excuse that he was needed for something important. She humored the doctor and let him have a look at her. He'd frowned at the readings.

"I don't like your heart rate. You need food and rest, that's an order."

She gave him a sharp salute and a surly-free, "Yes sir, just ate sir."

The doctor looked at her funny when she pulled it off, but he was none the wiser of the two stims she'd already swallowed that morning. She'd pulled her, "Commander said I could borrow Jake to get things set up for the sealing. You and your staff are invited," to complete the distraction. She'd do what she had to so she could get Jake alone.

She finally was able to drag him from the Life Center, explaining on the walk down to the council chambers that they were putting on a performance that night in the OC. He cast her a wary look.

"I thought we were done playing Colonial games? Don't get me wrong, you know I like the audience, but I would rather get paid and play what I want to play," Jake said as she pulled him into the chambers that were empty this time of day.

She closed the door and locked it breathing a sigh of relief. "I screwed up last night. I need to fix it if we want to keep all this," she spread her hands wide, indicating more than just the luxurious rooms they'd been occupying.

"They're upset you shot me? That's hard to believe as I think my wingmate Giles is ready to if I show up late one more time, and then there's Salik who I piss off every centaur, and…"

She cut him off, "No, after I shot you. I…I k..k..kicked the C…commander out and acc…acc…frak!" She sucked in another breath, trying something Cassiopea had suggested in the life center, to sing the words in her head, "I reacted like he was going to hurt the kids. Basically accused Starbuck of it."

Jake shook his head, "Wow, you were on a roll last night. He wouldn't do that. I trust him with my kids."

She didn't miss the emphasis he put on the words, "So are you going to help me fix this or not?"

She picked up his guitar shoving it at him. He didn't protest as he sat down on the stairs leading up to the viewport and they began to share what had brought them together in the first place, the music.

In the state orphanage she and Jake had been lucky enough to both have been assigned a director who believed the children could sing for their supper, literally. In a way, he'd been a smart man, music did tame the savage beast. Before her mother had died, she had taught Rene the basics of piano and guitar. The director had given her a few more lessons. Jake's father, before becoming a blind drunk, had taught Jake guitar and drums. It was the coincidence of them both being able to play that had drawn them together. They spent many evenings hiding in a government office somewhere writing songs and playing with melodies. In school, they had met a few more friends that could play, and a band had formed. Looking back, they were pretty funny sounding when they started, but over time it had evolved into something more, something good. It got them through their childhood, helping them to forget that life sucked.

It still had the same magic now, helping them to forget the troubles they faced. They worked out a playlist for the night and moved on to the writing, experimenting with chords and melodies. The music flowed and they got lost in the connections it made. It made it easy to forget where they were, taking her back to Caprica when it was just her and Jake, and their only worries were about the next gig and where they were going to crash that night.

Soon Jake forgot the obstacles that were between them as he pushed aside his guitar leaning in to kiss her. He had never been able to stop himself; the music just took control of his body and guided his actions. 'Poor impulse control' the teachers said in school. As an adult, she just accepted that he was enthusiastic about the music they made and he had to express his appreciation.

His hand reached for her neck and pulled her in. She didn't resist at first. This was something so familiar, an echo of their past. Plus she knew this was something Jake needed to make him feel loved and wanted. She could give him this because unlike so many others in her life, he never took it farther than she wanted. She trusted him. This didn't happen often, not since reaching Dilmun and the mistakes Jake had made. The music helped her to forget what he had done, when he joined in with Pallus and the Colonial games of using and abusing until he figured out they were never going to let him be one of them.

She hadn't let him back in until after Keenan died. They had reached an agreement then, that even though there would be others, they still had something, some connection that neither of them wanted to sever. After the events of Caprica, she knew this was long overdue. He thought he had lost her, and he wouldn't believe she had survived until he could feel it with his own hands.

His hands reached for her pulling her in as he stroked her face. Jake's lips brushed hers, his breathing heavy as his eyes bore into hers. But behind him was the starfield and instead of a racing heart, the roar of the engines filled her ears. This wasn't the past, this was the Galactica. She reached for his neck squeezing.

"Not here, not now, not sure . . ." she whispered as she pushed him away. Starbuck in his Colonial Warrior code of honor wouldn't see it as just innocent kissing. With Starbuck now a part of the equation, it had to stop, at least on the Galactica. Maybe everywhere.

Jake pulled away, realizing where they were and what he was doing. "Sorry," he mumbled as he ran the back of hand over his mouth, trying to wipe away his own shame.

"It's okay," she said, wondering once again what words would help her husband understand, or if he ever could. And if he couldn't, could she and Jake stop? She wanted Starbuck. She needed to put an end to this, but it had gone on so long.

Jake pulled the guitar back into his lap, beginning to strum again. "What are you going to do when he finds out the baby is not his." He kept his focus on the fingering of his chords rather than on her.

"It's his." She picked up her guitar and began to match his music. "I want it to be his."

"You have that confirmed yet? Because I know you were with Gage a secton before the Galactica showed up."

"That's none of your business," she said re-establishing the boundaries to this alliance.

"Yeah, I know, but Dante's in the mix too, then there's Agenor and Pallus and then," he sighed, "me."

"It's not Agenor's."

"You sure about that? Confirmed?" He peeked at her from under his hair that was getting long.

She sighed. "No, not confirmed. But it's too small to be Agenors. I was careful with Dante. As for the others," she strummed her guitar, finding a counter melody to play off his, "this kid could come out dark as Boomer and Starbuck's going to call it his own. So it's his. I want it to be Starbuck's."

Jake didn't argue as he finally met her eyes. "Okay, he's top of the list and that puts me second."

She nodded, accepting the terms. It was more than an agreement to drop the subject. It was an agreement to their continued alliance, that while Starbuck was part of this now, Jake could still be counted on to play the role of partner when needed.

For a few moments more they played, finishing off the song before she spoke again. "I want you there when I deliver. I have a bad feeling about this one. I had a dream. I'm not on the Galactica when it comes."

Jake didn't question how she knew these things. He'd seen too much with her. He'd been there from the beginning of the jumping, when it was a haphazard attempt made out of desperation.

"Sure, no problem. Where are you? Caprica?"

"I don't know. It was just one dream. It's not a planet, or if it is, it's indoors. The room looks made from leftover materials, salvaged. If I had to guess, I thought it looked like the Eaglebash."

"Why would you be there if you are close to delivering. Salik is going to want you here," Jake said.

"I don't know. Like I said, it was just once. But after Caprica, I don't think I can do this in the Life Center. Too many bad memories."

"I will see what I can do with Salik. We can tone down the sterility of the place, make it more homey. Or in your quarters, but some medical equipment is going to be needed."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Nothing on a ship is ever homey. I need to fly soon or I am going to implode."

"No cutting," Jake said sternly.

"I promised Starbuck. I'm okay. He has found a way to make it better."

Jake didn't ask for details, so she didn't give him any, another clear boundary line. They played for another centaur, working out what songs would work best that evening, and finishing up one she wrote for the Commander, an apology of sorts in the lyrics, or more of an explanation of why it was hard for her to be around him. Her chrono chimed, and Jake looked up from the datapad.

"This looks good. I think we got it," He leaned towards her, a hand reaching for her as he guided her face for a kiss. "Thanks. I know, I need to…" he shrugged as he searched her eyes, "find someone else to play music with I guess." His thumb stroked her face.

"What about Cassie?" Rene fished.

Jake shook his head, "She's too sweet. I can't ask her to carry all this baggage. Nope, gotta find me some damaged goods who's not shocked by my dents and scrapes. Or I could just wait for you. From what I'm told, he'll cheat on you eventually."

"Takes a cheater to know a cheater," Rene said, crossing the line into dangerous territory. "And you never asked. He did."

"Yeah, about that," Jake drawled as he searched her eyes before kissing her and moving away. "I should go. I'm on Starbuck's good side right now. Thanks for that."

He picked up his guitar and headed for the door, unlocking the chambers. She let him go as she sat enjoying the peace and quiet while looking at the stars out of the viewport. She reached her hand into the pocket fingering the two stims there. She'd wait and take one after getting the kids, and the other, later if she could. It wasn't enough to give her the hard kick that she loved. Maybe she'd go grab a few more from her quarters. It was just for tonight, then she'd throw out the rest.

"Who are you kidding? Not yourself. You can't keep doing this. It's not good for you."

She closed her eyes as she heard the voice, wishing to the Lords he was really there and it wasn't what she thought it was, her mind just playing tricks on her.

"Go away," she whispered.

"You can't get rid of me that easy, Sis." The voice was a breath in her ear, raising the hairs on her neck. She opened her eyes in surprise, but no one was there.

"You aren't real," she said out loud and jumped when a different voice answered her.

"Really? Then what am I?" Crius asked placing a hand on her shoulders. "What are you doing here? Thought you were getting some rest. We have a date in the OC tonight."

"About that," she drawled smiling up at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd visit the kids. I have to take Neri's favorite doll to her and Zac is going to need more bottles. I didn't think I'd find you here."

She looked up to Crius, a sudden memory popping to the surface of one of the first nights on the Zakar, the same hand to the shoulder and a different kind of offer. She was glad she hadn't turned him down then. He'd turned out to be more than a friend.

"Had to work out some things with Jake," she said watching the disapproval crease his brow.

"Alone? That such a good idea?"

"Crius," she chastised, "you know better than that."

"Uh huh," he said, "I know a lot of things I shouldn't know. Starbuck's a friend. Don't put me in a hard spot." He squeezed her shoulder. "Come on, join me."

She took the hand up, it was Crius after all. He'd seen it all and still chose to be their friend, even now when he could ditch them, move up in the ranks and move away. She walked beside him down the corridor, an equal with one of the few who knew what she could do. He was more than a friend now.

Before they reached the child care center, Rene spoke, "I wanted to ask you something." Crius gave her a sideways glance, an eyebrow raised. She didn't give him a chance to make some sarcastic comment, "Want to walk me down the aisle?"

His steps faltered. She'd taken him by surprise. "Wow, uh…Starbuck already asked me to be up there with him and Apollo and Boomer."

Her heart gave a hard thump, and a pain shot through her chest. She bit down on the emotions, biting her tongue in the process, the sweet taste of blood and the sour taste of copper filling her mouth. He'd chosen his side. She was happy for him, she was. He'd finally come home to the Colonial service he'd originally joined. But it wasn't her side.

Crius read her silence. "But if you need me, sure, I can explain it to Starbuck."

"No, it's okay," she said, meaning it. "I can find someone else."

"I assumed you'd be asking Jason," Crius reasoned.

She nodded to his logic, letting the subject drop as they entered the child care center and the kids greeted them. Crius's choosing a side didn't mean he wasn't still part of the family, made obvious by how her kids mobbed him and he found time to play with them right along with his own. He'd still be there if she needed him, second on the list with Lizbet.

He was right, she should probably ask Jason, but she just wasn't sure she wanted the teen in the spotlight. She'd spent a lifetime trying to stay in the shadows, head down avoiding notice. She could take the bullseye on her chest as long as it was a distraction to protect those she loved.

No, she'd ask someone else. Maybe Nik? No, he wouldn't want that harsh glare of the public eye. If only Gage hadn't told the Commander about what they'd had together. He could take the weapons lock she was walking into, maybe deflect the blow. Maybe she could still ask him and see what happened? She shook her head at the realization that her messy relationships muddied the waters that she was trying to keep placid and clear.

She made an excuse to head down to her quarters to get ready for the evening. Once the door was closed she locked it, took a deep breath slowing her pulse before heading for the chiller and the bottle of ambrosia, pouring a small amount and swallowing the two stims. She closed her eyes and waited for the buzz to rise in her head and block out all the thoughts and voices. Only this time, the sound had changed to a whir, like the sound of an IL rolling across the floor, the low whine of the instruments they used, the burn of the wires up her veins.

She cursed as she panicked, "Frak…frak…I'm on the Galactica, in the fleet. I'm safe." she chanted the phrase twice, opening her eyes and looking around for something, anything to make the sound go away. The answer was before her, a knife on the counter left over from breakfast. She reached for it, pushing up her left sleeve, choosing a spot free of a tattoo, slicing slow and shallow, watching the blood well up as the sensation of pain kicked in. This was real, and here and now, and her heart thumped hard, filling her ears with the pounding.

"There it is," she thought, "Mission accomplished."

"Rene?"

The voice made her jump and she hastily pulled her sleeve down, set the knife on the counter, and pulled up her smile. "Uh, in here," she answered as Starbuck poked his head in.

He frowned when he saw the bottle, looking away shaking his head. "Rene, you need to think about the baby. I can't leave you alone, can I?"

"I know. I know. It was just a sip, I promise." She cursed to herself as she saw the look of disappointment cloud Starbuck's features. "I'm sorry. It was a long day and…"

Starbuck sighed, leaning against the door frame his arms crossed. He nodded looking away before fixing her with a gaze. "I know. All your days are long. So, what do you want me to do here? I'm not your father or your commander or your keeper. You want me to lock you in the brig, is that it?"

She let her shoulders drop as she added back to her to do list "make up with Starbuck."

"No, just …" she hesitated before nodding again and changing her tactics. She took slow steps across the small room towards him, then put a sly seductive smile on her face. "So don't leave me alone. Give me something else to take my mind off my troubles." She reached out a hand to his chest, placing it over his heart for a moment before trailing it down to meet her other hand that was reaching for his belt buckle.

"Rene," he started to scold her, but she dropped to her knees and did what she could to make sure he couldn't form words, just moans and sighs. He had pulled at her shoulders at first calling her name to get her to rise to her feet and deal with him, but his attempts were feeble and his hands in her hair were more insistent. She felt the fight leave him as he gave in to her way of thinking, in the end dropping to his own knees to take her in his arms, kissing her deeply.

Eventually he pulled away, his hands to her face as he shook his head at her in submission. She cocked a smile at him.

"Mission accomplished?"

He sighed, but it held the sound of contentment rather than frustration. "I'm not leaving you alone anymore."

"Good," she said with a soft smile. "Where you go, I go." She echoed the words of their vows watching the magic that they held go to work as he kissed her again. Her heart gave a leap as she felt the satisfaction of a job well done. Slowly she pulled away, scanning his face, seeing that he wasn't angry anymore.

"To do list almost complete," she said aloud. "Just one more task. We are needed in the OC. I have an apology to make."