He was drowning, in over his head and Rene seemed insistent of dragging them both into deeper waters rather than helping him find the shore. He couldn't trust her, and he didn't trust himself right now either. Once she had dropped to her knees, she had left him breathless and he had wanted to tell her to stop, to listen, to…to do what he didn't know, but at least to stop with the ambrosia because he wasn't sure if he could. The sealing and the dreams, mixed in with dealing with the family and the tingling trauma of Caprica in his aching back and numb hands, he was done, or at least that's what the voice of the IL was saying in his head.

Then Rene had silenced the sounds of the centurions. For a few blissful moments, he'd felt pleasure rather than the nagging pain that had been pulling at his nerves. He wanted to give in, to drown in those waters with Rene. At least they would go down together.

But the seductive smile and the coy words made him shiver. This wasn't the Rene that he called his own. He'd seen this woman a few times before, manipulative and deceitful. He wondered if this was the Rene those from the Zakar encountered. It made him shudder to think she had to be that person with him now. Why now? Thus far it had always been for his benefit. He had to believe it was this time as the voice of the IL was washed away by his own rushing blood in his ears.

Then there were the words, the vow that she was still there, somewhere, and the soft smile. That was his Rene, but it was just a glimpse before she morphed back to someone else. It was like he was seeing double after a hard hit on the triad court.

"Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" He put on his pyramid face, but threw a smile on his lips so she knew he was half joking, only he wasn't kidding.

He could only blink as she read him like a data pad, cocking her head at him before replying, "I'm holding her hostage until after this three-ring sealing. You can have her back on the honeymoon."

The truth of her words took his breath away. He felt like for the first time in sectons he was seeing her real face. It reminded him of the demon face he had seen when Apollo shot Count Iblis. It too closely resembled the face he saw in that small room with a ravaged body on the floor, a blaster in her hand and a choice to make.

"You don't have to do this," he said wanting to hold her close, but also afraid to.

She dropped the façade, looking up to him with those deep blue eyes. Her voice was low, almost a whisper. "Yeah I do, but it's okay, I can do this. I'm tougher than you think I am. It's not just for you. I'll make this good, you'll see."

He had to close his eyes at the intensity of her gaze and the harsh words. He had vowed she would never have to say those words again, but he didn't know how to come to her rescue this time. Adama wanted this sealing and some part of him did too. Not the spectacle of it, but the public commitment, for others to know that he was capable and worthy of the happy ending. He couldn't bring himself to put a stop to it.

After Rene had left the Commander's office, Adama had been persuasive in his argument for this public event and his desire to see Starbuck and the other warriors receive the fleet's gratitude. But it was more than that. It was a merging of families and an encouragement for others to move on with their lives. They needed to build upon their numbers and increase their population.

"If we are to survive, there needs to be more of us. We will win the fight with the Cylon empire by doing what we do best, being human."

The words resonated with him better than the harsh realism of Dante's world building agenda, but he couldn't deny their close cold reality. Their numbers were too few and the odds were better if there were more of them.

"If the fleet sees that you, one of our most decorated warriors, has his vision focused on a more productive future, it will encourage others to follow in your stead," he had elaborated. They truly had to be desperate for Adama to suggest others follow his example. Usually he was used as a paragon of what not to do.

He nearly flinched as Rene's hand touched his face pulling him out of his reverie.

"Starbuck? It's okay. I'm okay. It's just a sealing and we've already done the hard part, right?"

He opened up his eyes, relieved to see the smile he recognized. He took a measured breath before speaking. She could be tough, so could he.

"No more ambrosia. You have to keep that promise. And when this sealing is done," he paused, not sure if he could ask for what he wanted.

"I'm listening," she kissed him softly before repeating the words.

"I think we need off the Galactica, out of the spotlight, just you and me and the kids."

She nodded, but he could see the change in her eyes, the slow rise of her fortress walls. "I need in," he thought to himself but couldn't put a voice to the words.

"It's going to be okay, you'll see," she said as if she could hear his thoughts. "Give me the chance to make it good, okay? But first things first, I need to get to the OC. I owe the Commander an apology."

He wanted to say she didn't, but that wasn't the truth. Before he could agree, she pulled away turning to the food prep counter, reaching for the ambrosia bottle, grabbing a mug, just one, and pouring most of the bottle into it. She waited for him to get his uniform in order before she handed him the cup and the bottle.

"You look like you need a drink."

He didn't argue with her. He drank knowing this was her way of apologizing for her sneaking a drink, but also was a way of getting rid of the temptation. He could oblige. He drained the mug and poured the rest of the bottle into the glass, handing it to her. "Last drink until we celebrate the naming of our child, I mean it."

She nodded, but just took a small drink before handing the mug back to him. He knew he should just pour it down the drain, but it was a damn good bottle, aged and expensive. He didn't want to waste it, so he drank the rest, feeling it warming him and beginning to go to his head.

He set the mug and the bottle down. "I'm not leaving you alone. I'm serious."

"I'm not arguing with you," she answered.

He shook his head, looking up at the ceiling for some sort of guidance. He wasn't sure how many more of her lies he could stomach.

"Rene," he said, but had no words to follow up with, at a loss.

She held up her hands in surrender. "I'll follow orders. I do know how to do that. I get it. I pushed the line and went too far, just please, give me the chance to make this better. I can do that too. You'll see. The sealing will be what you want. I owe you that and I owe the Commander an apology."

He sighed again heavily as a voice inside his head told him it was all lies. He'd have to trust her because the alternative left him alone and back in the barracks.

"Alright, I'm trusting you.

She smiled at him, and he felt his head go beneath the waves, the rush of water filling his ears. It was the same mischievous grin she had given him sectares ago when he was on the floor of the Blue Squadron bunkroom that fateful night when she first kissed him. It was like a riptide pulling him in. She leaned up and kissed him, the taste of ambrosia still strong.

"It's going to be fun. I promise."

This time, with the glow of the ambrosia filling him, he believed her. Life was too short not to.

He let her take his hand and lead him from their quarters down the two levels to the OC. The club was already filling up, but as Starbuck looked around, he noted it was mostly warriors from the Zakar and Dilmun, those whom Rene and the Rats had pointed out as decent warriors. It didn't mean they were friends, but it did mean they didn't willingly join in the abuses of power and privilege. Starbuck had met many of them, but only in passing, and for the first time the OC didn't feel as familiar as before.

He welcomed the wave from Boomer as he had saved them their usual table with a few open chairs. "Apollo's coming." Boomer pointed to the two chairs he was saving.

"Really? For sure?" He felt a little lighter with the information.

Rene squeezed his hand drawing his attention as she reached into the inside pocket of her jacket pulling out a fresh fumarello and handing it to him. "I invited your father, but I'm not sure if he got the message."

"You did?" He looked at her surprised. She had barely spoken to Chameleon the secton they were in the Life Center, and had said even less to the man once they were back home.

She nodded, but she looked away distracted by Jake tuning a mandolin that hit a sour note. "Gotta go. Show time."

He let her walk away as he took his seat by Boomer, waving to Max who was at the bar asking in the Rat's sign language if Starbuck wanted a drink.

"So, what should I be expecting here," Boomer asked when Max joined them, dragging one of the few free chairs to the table along with the three mugs of ambrosia.

"A good time." Max grinned. "They did this a lot in our club on Dilmun.

"That's not reassuring," Starbuck added, "I know what kind of raunchy fun Dante's people liked. That won't be allowed here, ever."

"Naw, ya got it all wrong, at least that part of it. Besides, Rene and Jake don't play those kind of games, not willingly. She set this up, her idea. She knows what she's doing, you'll see."

Starbuck shared a suspicious look with Boomer, but his friend shrugged. "She invited the Commander." The words seemed to end the debate, so he sat back trying to suspend his judgement. He'd enjoyed what he experienced when he joined the Rats on the Eaglebash, but the music they played was louder and harsher than traditional Caprican music. Tonight, she had promised tunes that everyone would like. He trusted Jake, the kid knew every Fabulon Four song, even some he hadn't remembered.

Starbuck gave a nod to Jolly who was up there with the Rats. Tonight was his audition to be the bass player they were looking for. He actually looked nervous, surveying the crowd that was beginning to grow while also trying to pay attention to a data pad Jake kept tapping before giving Jolly a thumbs up. Jolly shook his head, and Jake spoke to Rene who nodded before taking her stool with a guitar in her arms. She fingered a cord and strummed, beginning a tune that captured the club's attention.

"Good evening. We girls are going to get started while the boys keep fussing with things. Some of you may know this one, feel free to sing along." She began a tune, a classic Caprican ballad that was a favorite of pilots, but it was Lizbet that did the singing, her voice high and sweet as she sang about blue skies and the openness of space that couldn't be taken from you. Rene did what she did on the Eaglebash, played with her head down, eyes closed while Lizbet had the metaphorical spotlight. Once done, Rene checked with Jake again, who waved her on. The Commander and Apollo hadn't arrived yet and Rene looked at the empty chairs before looking at Crius who nodded.

Much to Starbuck's surprise, Crius began a whistling tune that Rene joined in with the guitar. He belted out the words to a drinking song that was a favorite of the bars around the Academy, about how in Hades they'd all be in good company. Several in the crowd joined in, including Boomer and Max and once the song ended, Max leaned over to him. "See, I told ya. She knows her audience."

He had to admit Max was right, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Rene cast him a glance, a question in her eyes looking for the approval. He gave her a small salute that broadened her smile. She nodded to Jake who finally looked ready to play and the two launched into an upbeat tune in the traditional Caprican style, but before they got to the words, both abruptly stopped strumming as Jake called out, "Commander on deck." Everyone in the room rose to their feet, the warriors from Dilmun snapping a salute.

Adama held up his hands, demurring, "Sit, please sit, I am here as just another pilot this evening." He took his seat by Starbuck, as Apollo took the other, clapping him on the back.

"Feeling better?" Apollo asked, concern tinging his features.

"Been a rough couple of days," Boomer answered for him as earlier in the day Crius had filled Boomer in on the family dinner Max and he had missed while on patrol.

"Oh? How so?"

Starbuck didn't get a chance to answer as the upbeat tune Jake began erupted into loud voices around the OC, a song about a rose tattoo received while drunk to prove your love, carried until death. The warriors from Dilmun seemed very familiar with the song, singing the chorus loudly and with gusto. Max belted the words out, elbowing Boomer to join in.

Jake took over and several of the songs were old Fabulon Four that everyone knew and could sing along to, which seemed to be the real purpose of the evening. Starbuck found himself joining in, several of the songs reminding him of better times. He didn't think he had a good singing voice, but that didn't seem to bother anyone, and even the Commander joined in for a few.

It wasn't just the old memories and being with his old friends that began to put him in a much better mood, but also the fact that Rene's eyes when she looked up were only on him. Her grin grew with each song. She looked good up there. Maybe it was also the few drinks he had gone through. Whatever it was, he didn't care. He was surrounded by good friends, safe on the Galactica and the panic of waking up alone in a cold cell with wires sticking out of him was becoming a distant memory.

In a lull between songs, Apollo asked again how Starbuck was doing. "You're healing okay? Sleeping alright?"

He tried to shrug it off, but his buddy had never accepted shrugs for answers.

"Do you need to talk? We could go somewhere else," Apollo suggested, and Starbuck was half tempted to take him up on it. He hadn't had a chance to speak with his friend alone since they were in the Life Center, but he didn't want to miss anything. It wasn't often he got to see this side of Rene, a young gal happily enjoying herself.

"Maybe later. Boomer's right, it's been hectic getting the sealing set up and…" he paused, not knowing how to put it into words how he was having a hard time trying to recover from Caprica and deal with everything else that seemed to be going on. He just shook his head and switched topics. "You know you're best man at the sealing, right?"

Apollo clapped him on the back again and he tried not to wince. "I was hoping to be asked. You and Boomer are pretty close lately, and then there's Crius walking around calling you brother, so I didn't want to assume."

The words took Starbuck aback. "Yeah, but, you and me, we've been friends for a while. Look, I've been thinking about that offer, transferring to the Zakar. What kind of quarters are we talking about?"

Apollo gave him a broad grin before delivering the not so great news, "Nothing like the Council chambers, but Captain's quarters, although things are a bit smaller on a battlecruiser compared to the Galactica. But there is room to work with and a squadron needing leadership. I was hoping you would do the same magic on the Zakar you have done here." Apollo waved a hand indicating the room filled with the warriors from Dilmun and from the Galactica, drinking together like true brothers in arms.

"I can't take all the credit for this." Starbuck gestured to the Rats on their makeshift stage. "I think the Zakar Warriors have figured out there's some benefit in us all getting along. Makes ya wonder if Dante hadn't been such a boray what they all might have been able to accomplish."

Apollo considered his words, was about to speak, but Jake had slowed the tempo and drawn the attention of the crowd.

"This one is for the Commander and all those people who say we don't play love songs." Jake flashed their table a smug look before he began strumming an old Monarch song, so ancient that many in the room including Starbuck weren't even born when it was first popular, but the words were familiar.

"You were always on my mind, you were always on my mind. Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died." Jake did the song justice, but had increased the tempo, making it more upbeat than the original, still sentimental, but less somber. The song however seemed to bring a tear to Adama's eyes, as he reached out a hand for Apollo's arm.

When the tune was over, Apollo leaned in to whisper to Starbuck, "Who told him to play that? Was it you?"

"Not me, why? Do I need to get them to stop?" He was confused as he thought the song was well received by the crowd and the Commander.

"No," Apollo said hastily, "No, it was perfect. That was my mother and father's song. I was just wondering how he would know that? Jake doesn't talk to my father, barely even speaks to me."

Apollo was right, and Starbuck looked to the band, watching as Jolly managed to keep the beat and knew most of the tunes. It had to be Jolly's idea, but then how would he know that? Before he could puzzle out the mystery, it was Rene that addressed the crowd.

"Hey, everyone having a good time?" The room erupted in cheers. She waited for it to die down before she spoke again. "We are gathered her together because I owe our Commander an apology. I have been behaving like myself so, yeah, that's not good."

The words earned her laughter, including from himself, and she waited for that to die down before speaking again. "So I owe him an apology, but this isn't really an apology, just an explanation. I didn't write it, but it fits so, um," Rene flushed and looked down for a moment before looking back up, squaring her shoulders and meeting Starbuck's eyes before sighing, "here we go."

As Rene sang, Starbuck was left wondering how many different personalities were there inside the young woman he had chosen to spend his life with. He certainly wasn't going to be bored, that was obvious, as there in front of everyone was someone he had only seen shadows of before, but rarely in the full light. Her voice was deeper than he'd expected, with an edge that echoed of yahrens of experience in smoky bars. Gone was the shy girl with her head down focused just on her guitar. She'd pulled her shoulders up, her back straight, no hint of her sullen slouch.

"I am just an aging drummer boy, and in the wars I used to play, and I've called a tune to many a torture session. Now they say I am a war criminal and I'm fading away. Father, please hear my confession."

It wasn't just that she was looking up, her chin raised, it was the fact that she was looking many dead in the eye, challenging them to not look away. Her gaze was as concentrated as the laser blasts she formed to make her rift.

Her voice rose in places, and in others lowered to an ominous whisper. "Hid behind walls that have made me alone. Striven for peace, which I never have known, and I can still hear his laughter, and I can still hear his song. The man's too big, the man's too strong."

The seriousness of the lyrics, and the storm that was raging in her eyes aged her more than a few yahrens, more like a decade or two. She sang with an intensity that he had not seen from her before. She was angry, evidenced by the way she attacked the guitar in the main chorus, not exactly strumming, but pounding out the music.

"I can still hear his laughter and I can still hear his song. The man's too big, the man's too strong."

The lyrics were punched full of emotion that left not only his table stunned, but most of the OC. The words mirrored what she was dealing with and he found it hard to believe that the woman who answered most of his probing questions with a shrug and a sigh chose here and now in a room full of people to be brutally and painfully honest.

Her lips curled into a snarl as she sang straight to the Commander, "Oh father, please help me for I have done wrong. The man's too big. The man's too strong."

She wasn't dodging the questions or crafting lies. She was facing down her past like a whole platoon of centurions and she was armed to the teeth. She was throwing the truth out like hand grenades, not giving a rat's astrum where they landed or the damage they might do.

When she finished, the crowd was stunned into silence and it wasn't until that quiet stretched for more than a milicenton or ten that she finally dropped her gaze. Then the applause came, hesitant at first as many were unsure if you should applaud such raw emotion. It grew quickly, but Rene did not look up at first, seeming to ignore the sound. Starbuck was too shocked to join in, still staring at this unknown person who looked like his wife, but didn't act like her.

When Rene finally looked up, her eyes were only on him, her gaze soft and somewhat sad. It took him a moment to realize she was seeking his approval. He didn't know if he should give it. He knew it was good for her to let out some of what was going on in her head, but this had been a frighteningly contained rage, focused like a laser. It left him wondering what she might do with that anger in the future. The song did explain well why she was probably never going to be comfortable around his Commander and he wondered briefly if he should push harder for her to resign from the service. He hadn't put words to that request yet knowing that asking to move to the Zakar was already pushing it, but it's not like she could fly anytime soon.

Her eyes remained locked on his, and he worried she was reading every thought he had. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe now was the time to start being more honest about what he wanted and what she needed. He nodded to her, giving her the approval she seemed to be seeking.

It was Apollo's voice that broke their connection. "Wow, I think I see what attracted you to her so quickly."

Starbuck found himself shrugging in embarrassment, mumbling, "Yeah, it was…had to be there I guess."

The band started up again before he could elaborate, another Caprican tune that everyone could sing. The crowed quickly shrugged off the somber mood, preferring to pick back up the feelings of comradery. Starbuck joined in, trying to let the music and the voices of his friends wash away the troubles of the day. The fifth ambrosia that came his way did the trick. He hadn't paid for a single one yet, and had no idea Rene still had that many cubits left, but he didn't feel like being chivalrous and turn them down, not this evening. He figured she owed him this time with the several he'd caught her sneaking, so he let her pay for the table. He allowed her to craft her own redemption, forgetting that she often crafted her own lies for cover.

The song Rene Sings is "The Man's Too Strong" by the Dire Straits

I am just an aging drummer boy
And in the wars I used to play
And I've called the tune to many a torture session
Now they say I am a war criminal
And I'm fading away
Father, please hear my confession

I have legalized robbery
And called it relief
I have run with the money
I have hid like a thief
Rewritten histories with armies and my crooks
Invented memories
I did burn all the books
And I can still hear his laughter
And I can still hear his song
The man's too big
The man's too strong

Well, I've tried to be meek
I have tried to be mild
But I spat like a woman
And I sulked like a child
Hid behind walls that have made me alone
Striven for peace
Which I never have known
And I can still hear his laughter
And I can still hear his song
The man's too big
The man's too strong

Well, the sun rose on the courtyard
And we all did hear him say
"You always was a Judas,
But I got you anyway.
You may have got your silver
But I swear upon my life
Your sister gave me diamonds
And I gave 'em to your wife."
Oh father, please help me
For I have done wrong
The man's too big
The man's too strong