Chapter 3:
It was odd, the way one's senses become numb, and all stimuli fades unnoticed into the background when one became accustomed to their fate. True, Avalon was undeniably gorgeous, but the countless centuries she had spent there had long dulled whatever charms it may have had.
As she stood there in the tower, with the salty breeze playing with her hair, and the roar of the ocean bellowing from below, it occurred to her, that for the first time in a long time, she was truly free. Free from the burdens of Kingship, free from the pact made with Gaia, free of all responsibilities of her former life.
She didn't quite know how to feel.
Even with the memories and emotional markers of the girl who came before, there were issues when it came to reconciliating the two. A small part of her even now felt guilty at the unexpected possession, but she justified it with the knowledge that if not for that Cersei would have been fated to die that day.
In a way, she did, but regardless, the stones were now cast, and the best thing she could do now as live her new life the best she could.
A faint sense of approval rang in the back of her mind.
Her family and servants were still under the assumption that the malady that had befell her had caused some form of temporary amnesia which was responsible for her uncharacteristic behaviours. In contrast to before, she knew she was perceived as being more quiet, solemn and somewhat eccentric, eschewing the fine corsets and dresses in favour of loose shirts and riding leathers. Whilst her prior life had given her the skills to maintain the decorum expected of nobility, she had had to remind herself more than once that she was no longer pretending to be a man, and that instead she was free to express her femininity- (something that ironically, she was quite bad at).
"My lady? Dinner has been served and Lord Tytos requests your presence."
She was shaken out of her musings by the summons of the demure serving lady. Another thing that was needed further reflection on. By all accounts, her martial experience and prowess should have meant that she would have been aware of the approach of another's presence, and yet for some reason she remained ignorant and was surprised. A warrior's mind she may have, but this new body paled in comparison. The dragon's core, that was the source of most of her strength, was not present, and for the first time in her life the most trivial of things, such as climbing the stairs to the tower ramparts would leave her feeling somewhat exhausted.
She had not yet had the time to evaluate her sword skills. It was abundantly clear that in this new world, women for the most part were not expected to fight, which wasn't very far away at all from the medieval Britain she once called home.
Idly the thought came that she could once again pretend to be a man and fight, which she mentally waved away with an exhale of amusement. For one thing, although despite being far from maturity this body was far more gifted, which would make binding an even more torturous process.
She no longer needed to fight.
There was no destiny to chase, no duty to fulfil, and no immediate threats or enemies to combat. She had been fighting, fighting for so long, and now that she was finally free, why should she dwell on the fight any longer? Could she not enjoy this for what it is? A new life, a new childhood, and an opportunity to grow unmasked as her own woman?
"Lead the way, I'll be right down."
Before the ill-fated Tarbeck-Reyne revolt, the dining hall of Casterly Rock would have been awash with serving serfs and nobles, bickering and feasting in decadent revelry, with all being exposed to the gluttony and weakness of their liege lord. Growing bold, many would use the opportunity to extract favours and settle arguments, almost always to the detriment of House Lannister. "Twisting the Lion's tail" they would call it.
After his brother's measures however, it was held that dinner was to be a closed affair, and for the Lord's court to be held during the day (under careful supervision). After all, if they couldn't change their father's ways, the next best thing was to limit exposure.
Dinner was generally a quiet affair, with all available Lannisters in attendance, superficially to reinforce family bonds. Still it was expected, even if Gerion had to hide his displeasure when Tytos brought his paramour with him.
Today however, he had to carefully hide his smile behind the goblet of wine. Whilst his father was well known for his gluttony (amongst other things), unexpectedly it was his dear niece that today was somehow taking advantage of the feast of roast boar, steamed fish and other victuals.
Jaime watched in shocked awe as his sister seemingly demolished plates upon plates. In contrast to Tytos's shoddy table manners that resulted in stained fingers and clothing, Cersei seemed the very picture of nobility, daintily picking apart the dishes with precision. No, it wasn't the table manners, but the sheer speed that Cersei put away the food, seemingly like magic.
"I see your appetite has recovered most splendidly, dear niece" he drawled out, tinged with amusement that grew as the girl blushed, seemingly broken out of her feasting.
"Ah- yes, the chefs have quite outdone themselves this time, the food is quite delicious!" reinforcing her statement, she put away another plate to the side, spotless in favour this time of a plump pigeon pie.
A shrill grating laughter rang out and Gerion ruthlessly supressed a wince at the unwelcome reminder of the presence of Lucinda Hill, his father's lowborn lover, who really had no right to be there.
"Be careful there girl, eating that much food is an unsightly sight indeed!"
Jaime flushed hotly and was just about to speak up at the disrespect and insult, but Gerion gestured for him to settle down. Cersei could be called many things, but toothless she was not, and he was eager to see how she would address this petty remark, especially after the incident.
Elegantly dabbing away the crumbs around her mouth with a cloth napkin, she shot a withering glare at the head of the table, where Lucinda and Tytos has between the two of them already put away close to three flagons of wine.
"You forget yourself, my "lady". It seems the very height of irony to me that whilst you gorge yourself on my family's food and wine, you seek to reproach me for eating and recovering my strength. Indeed, I must confess my confusion at your very presence, for I was under the impression that this was a family dinner, and one not for lowborn riff raff such as yourself."
This time, it was Lucinda that flushed, an ugly red that spread across her plump jowls like a rash.
"Listen here, I am a guest of your father, the lord of Ca-"
"You are a up jumped bed warmer who has forgotten their place. Besides, the halls of Casterly Rock are too good for you, who resembles a painted pig in a frock. On second thoughts, comparing you to a pig would be an insult to them!"
Gerion almost choked on his wine at this remark and besides him Jaime and Tyrion watched the ongoing verbal scuffle with ill-disguised glee.
"Tytos! Do something! Are you really going to let her speak to me this way?"
The aging Lion patriarch looked around with bulging eyes, and struggled to swallow as he tried to formulate a response.
"Now, now ladies, settle down, there is no reason to spoil this feast with such disquieting words. Cersei, I'm sure that Lucinda meant no offence and if you were to but apolo-"
"You're telling me to apologise? For what? For her breach of decorum? For her insulting not only me, but our family, and by extension you? Grandfather, you cannot be this wilfully blind!"
Tytos shifted uncomfortably on his cushioned seat, that all of a sudden seemed too small and hard. Looking around the table for support, he was disheartened to see nothing but hard faces. He hated conflict like this, but it seemed that this issue was not going away.
"I understand that tempers are running high, but Lucinda here has my full confidence and should be afforded all the respect due to her as my guest. Now I expect you to both apologise to each other, so that we can put this sorry business behind us. What say you?"
In a nasal pitch that dripped with insincerity, the corpulent woman apologised for any offence called, and Tytos nodded with satisfaction, before turning expectantly to Cersei.
"Well?"
Cersei rose smoothly. Her hands were pale and clenched, shaking.
"You speak of respect. Yet by not only tolerating her actions, but also by defending her, you disrespect not only yourself but our entire family. You allow her to tramp around our ancestral home, helping herself to grandmother's clothing and jewellery. You allow her to command our servants, like she is one of us. And now, you allow her to disrespect your family, and flaunt her perceived power! So no, grandfather, I will not apologise, because I have shown her all the respect she deserves! If anything, you have lost any respect I have left for you."
Her words echoed in the room that suddenly seemed too quiet. Enacting a mocking courtesy, Cersei quickly fled the room whilst everyone else was still shocked by the sudden outburst. As the doors closed with a deafening slam, a hubbub of activity and noise quickly rose to fill the silence, most prominent of the harridan screeching at a shaken Tytos.
"How dare that girl do this! Tytos you need to-"
"Enough." Gerion's voice rang true and hard across the table. Turning to his nephews, he beckoned them close.
"Go to your sister. Such an outburst, whilst not totally unexpected was most out of character for her, and I fear that even now she has not fully recovered. Yes, that includes you Tyrion. I know you have just cause to dislike her, but can you not say that ever since her accident she has not once given you cause to distress? She's a strong girl but I fear she is in a most vexed state and needs comforting."
He was proud to witness resolute nods from the two boys, and shooed them into the hallway before turning around.
"As for you father, I fear this is a conversation that has long time been coming. Shall we retire to your solar?"
Cersei fled though the corridors, holding back emotions that seemed too strange and fit to burst. She had lost control, in a most spectacular fashion.
How could this happen?
She had always prided herself on her iron wrought control of emotions. During her days at Camelot, such a thing was a necessity, and the mask she wore then gave nothing away.
So what happened now?
The dinner had started off well, and she had luxuriated in the feast. Food was always her weakness, and whilst not as delicious Shirou's cooking, nonetheless she partook in it with great pleasure. Lucinda's slight was unwelcome, but she was used to such things at court, and putting on her disdainful noble mask almost came as second nature.
So why did it slip?
Was she losing control?
And why was she on the verge of crying?
The thoughts and emotions came thick and cloying, and she wanted to scream. There was too much going on, and for the first time in her life, there was no path to take, no goal to aim for, no creed to hold by.
Was this what freedom was?
She wanted to scream out of frustration. All of a sudden, everything seemed too complex, and she felt utterly lost.
"Cersei?"
She whirled around, eyes wide to behold her brothers, caution evident in their gaze.
"Are you alright Cersei? You ran out so quickly and Uncle Gerion thought that you might need some help."
Her brothers. But they weren't really her brothers, were they? She was an imposter, wearing their sister's body like a loose fitting gown. She was alone, in a foreign land, surrounded by strangers.
Just as her mind was winding itself into another frenzy of panic, she froze as Jaime gently embraced her.
"You too Tyrion! Come on over!"
The little Lannister, not yet past six namedays, tentatively approached, and his arms awkwardly embraced Cersei as well.
"It's okay" Jaime murmured. "I'm not quite sure what you're feeling right now, but what you did in the dining hall was awesome."
Tyrion murmured his approval as well, and Cersei could not help but let out a shuddering giggle. The chaos in her mind retreated, and all sudden, things seemed simpler.
"She deserved it. They both do."
Tyrion piped up: "Did you see how red she turned? She was crimson! Like a big red grape!"
"She might as well have been, when you consider how much wine she drinks on a daily basis!"
At this they all laughed, and for the first time it seemed to Cersei that she has a family in this world.
"You do realise you are in big trouble after that though? Lucinda won't let this go and as long as she has grandfather's favour she won't be going anywhere."
Cersei just embraced them tighter, the physical sensation of her siblings anchoring her to this reality.
"Let her do what she wants. You're right, I haven't exactly been feeling the same as before the accident, and there is something I need to tell you, but not now. Thanks for coming after me."
"Well I for one prefer the new you! You're much nicer to me" said Tyrion shyly, only to shrink as Jaime looked at him in reproach.
Cersei shook her head. "No you're quite right. I haven't apologised yet for how I treated you before have I? I promise, I'll no longer be like that to you ever again. You two are my brothers and I am your sister, and we will all stick together."
The look of hope that flashed in Tyrion's mismatched eyes, and the look of approval in Jaime's reinforced that this was the right thing to do. Her heart lurched, in both acceptance and satisfaction. Shaking both of them off, she discretely wiped away her tears.
"I've got something else I want to show you. Come let us go to the training yard."
"Are you sure you want to do this Cersei? You do realise I've already started training right?"
"What's the matter Jaime? Don't tell me you're scared of your big sister?", she teased, with a smile on her face.
Jaime shrugged, and the two circled each other, training blades in hand whilst Tyrion watched from the side line. She called out to him:
"Tyrion, you're the one calling out hits, okay?"
"Okay Cersei!"
Seeing at how reluctant Jaime was to take action against her, Cersei took the first move. The blunted blade whistled through the air and Cersei could not help but take glee in the look of surprise in his face as he was caught off-guard, clumsily parrying as he backed away.
She pressed the advantage, blade slashing expertly through the air. In truth, she was frustrated, for whilst her technique and memory was all there, her body was lacking physically and her blows lacked the strength and speed she was accustomed to.
Regardless, despite her diminished state, she was still more than a match for her brother, as talented as he was. Feinting with a slash, she pirouetted backwards, and baiting out an attack of his own, she lunged, blunt blade batting away his blade's point.
"Point to Cersei!" Tyrion was almost reverent in his calling, so unexpected were the results.
Jaime's eyes narrowed. "You got lucky that's all!"
She almost snorted, at how childish it was, before remembering that they were all technically children. "Best of three then?"
He answered with a challenging grin. "I don't know how you're so good, but I won't lose to you!"
As the thwack of blunted blades rang mutely across the courtyard, smiles adorned all the Lannister children's faces, and for the first time in this new life, Saber, no Cersei, felt like she was having fun.
I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. Maybe I just wasn't in the state of mind when writing this. Either way, please let me know how you went, and if it's bad as i fear I may have to redo this. Again thanks for all the kind reviews, I treasure every single one of them. Next chapter I promise things will start moving along plot wise. Many thanks, Andaii