We Will (NOT) Overcome

8:52 PM

"That is all… I am… sorry." Rei bows her head. Asuka, Shinji, and Misato, sit in their seats at the table with mouths agape. No one says anything for quite some time. Asuka thinks to herself, wow… maybe I'm not so fucked up after all. Misato thinks, Kaji had told me about some of the things Nerv did… but THIS. This really changes things. Shinji however, has thoughts running so rampant he can hardly breathe. His chest pounds and aches. His hands and feet are numb. His skin feels tingly yet hot all over. Rei… has part of my Mother in her. MY. MOTHER. When I first saw her… I knew SOMETHING was familiar. I felt drawn to her like no one else. I felt like I loved her from the very beginning. How FUCKED up is that?! Shinji stands up abruptly, the chair startling everyone as it scrapes the hard tiles, and rushes to his room closing the door behind him. Rei watches, ashamed.

"Damn," Asuka barks, eyes wide.

"I am not surprised," Rei dejectedly comments.

"I think he will be understanding in time," Misato tries, hand reaching across the table without touching the girl.

"Eh, I dunno," Asuka equivocates. Rei sinks in her chair and Misato shakes her head at Asuka with narrow eyes.

"Rei, he will. But if he doesn't stir soon, you need to push him."

"I do not think so. I am a betrayal to him."

"No you're not."

"Yes she is!" Asuka chimes in to Misato's dismay. "She's literally the reason his Mom is dead." Rei exhales sharply.

"Asuka, go to your room." The tone in Misato's voice chilled Asuka's bones.

"Hang on alright? I'm just being honest-"

"-As-"

"-Listen! That baka is such a hard head that he stood up to his Dad for you. Even I can tell how scary that was for a wuss like him. He hardly even knew his Mamma I thought. What does it matter if a 'part' of her is you?"

"It is not just a part. She and I are the same."
"You're not though, you're Rei and she's… Yui-san or whatever."

"I suppose that is true," Rei mumbles. "But individuality is complicated. There are fine lines. Now when he looks at me, he will only see his Mother." Asuka gags thinking about them having sex while he sees his Mom's face and a chuckles comes out shortly after.

"Actually," Misato interjects, "he has never seen a picture of his Mother. She died when he was young and the Commander got rid of them." Rei takes that in. I suppose that would help to some extent. "With all those plans by Commander Gendo however… well, that's a whole other thing. I have some work to do. That part is not on you, or any of you kids." Asuka nods, GOOD. That was way over my head anyway. Besides, I just need to pilot, I don't care who I fight for. "I need to go have a talk with someone," Misato says, throwing her coat on that was hanging over the back of her rickety seat. "Do you need a ride home?"

"I…" Rei looks toward Shinji's door.

"If you don't talk to him, I will,'' Asuka threatens. Rei taps her foot.

"May I stay tonight?" Misato nods.

"No school or Nerv tomorrow. You and Shinji should take the day off," Misato then looks at Asuka, "You however, need to go to both."

"How's that fair?!" Asuka pouts.

"They need space. I mean it," Misato waves her finger at the red head and walks out the door with purpose. Asuka stomps on the floor and balls up her fists.

"...Bullshit."

Meanwhile in Shinji's Room

Dan dan. Da do doo. Da do de.

Shinji's earbuds block out the rest of the world. He lays on his back staring at his blank ceiling. He enspects every crack and shadow multiple times. His cool colored room lets in a bright ray of light from outside that always reflects over his light blue sheets all the way to his closet by the door. My Mom. Rei. How similar are they? I have no one to tell me. Is it wrong for me to love Rei then? When we… have sex… I like it. Does that make me a freak? Is something wrong with me? Does Rei have her memories? Does Rei look like her? Does Rei only like me because my Mother did? Shinji puts his arm over his eyes. Just stop thinking about it. Pretend it isn't happening. But… I can't even do that anymore. I want so bad for this to just be a normal life… but it never HAS been. I pilot fucking robots! Shinji laughs in pity. Now I screw my Mom?

"DAMMIT!" Shinji yells out. He jerks up, sheets bunched around his lean waist, and whips his pillow across the room. Father knew this. HE did this to Mom! "HOW COULD YOU?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO SOMEONE?! HOW CAN YOU HURT MOM?! HOW CAN YOU HURT ME?!" Shinji throws his music player against the wall, breaking it completely.

Asuka hears it from her room, but covers her ears with her pillow. Rei hears it too. She turned all the lights off in the house and has been sitting on the couch for about ten minutes, diving through her own thoughts. Shinji falls to the floor onto his knees. "I just wanna run away… I'm sick of the Evas. I'm sick of school. I'm sick of my useless Father. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of feeling horrible!" Shinji stands up. Tussle tussle. He picks up his backpack to then dump it out on the floor. Shttt. He grabs some clothes from his closet and stuffs them in the bag, and his eyes water and threaten to spill the whole time. He throws the bag over his shoulder. Shwoop. Shinji marches to the front door. He sits down on the stoop and gets his shoes on slowly. I can't do this anymore. I can't trust anyone it feels like. They don't need me anyway. They'll be better off without me. Shinji ties the last knot and spins around to catch Rei standing in front of the door.

….

….

….

"I'm better alone," Shinji says.

"You do not truly believe that."

"Yeah I do."

"No. You fear being alone. You hate it, do you not?"

….

"It's better than constantly being in pain."

"You do not believe that either." Shinji looks at his feet in the darkness.

"But you and I… we can't. You're…."

"I am neither false nor fake. I am me." Shinji looks up into her eyes. "Those who hate themselves cannot love and trust others…. Did you ever really love me?"

"Did?" he slips out. He takes a second to realize what he said. "I… do, still. I love you."

"You love me. And I love you."

"Yes, I… I do love you."

"Who am I to you?"

….

….

"Ayanami Rei. Pilot of Unit-00. And… and my girlfriend." Shinji loses his breath. He drops his bag on the floor next to his feet. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. Shinji clenches his fists then releases all at once, feeling his entire body relax. He reaches for the table lamp next to the door. Clank. Shinji can finally see Rei in the light. For the first time, I see her as who she really is. Yes. She comes from my Mother. But she's not my Mother… she's, "My girlfriend," Shinji whimpers, "I'm so sorry. I… I finally see YOU, Rei!" Shinji grabs the back of his collar and pulls at it. "Rei! I finally KNOW- I finally know YOU!" Shinji takes a big step forward and clutches Rei against him. She holds his back with just as much strength.

"I know you as well Shinji. I feel like I always have." Shinji nods, finally understanding. He leans back to kiss Rei. It feels so different now. It feels like we're one in almost every way. Rei threads her fingers through his short hair, and he moves his head toward her again and puts the tip of his nose on hers.

"What are we gonna do about Father?" Rei looks to the left in thought before she answers.

"He can not know I told any of you. Especially about the dummy plugs." Shinji grits his teeth.

"I can't believe he could do that to someone." Rei mmm's. "He might think you're replaceable, but I sure don't." Shinji holds her waist tighter. "No one can replace you."

"There are at least twenty copies…" Rei sadly adds. Shinji cringes. How could he need that many! What would he even use them for?! The end plan is not something Rei disclosed… and that did weigh on her. Shinji sees the sadness on her face and kisses her cheeks before lifting her feet off the floor.

"Jeez you're so light," Shinji laughs.

"Why are you carrying me?" Rei stiffly asks. Shinji puts his forearms behind her knees and holds her bridal-style.

"I… don't know, just kind of am…" Shinji starts moving toward his room and nearly knocks her head against the door. She sighs. Shinji winces. She closes the door for him and he sets her on the bed before jumping in himself.

"I must take off my clothes, I hate sleeping with them."

"Uh, sure." Rei sits up and starts to unzip her dress. It gets stuck halfway, so Shinji nervously helps. She pulls the dress over her head and lays back down with her bra and underwear exposed. Shinji stares slightly, so Rei breaks him out of it.

"Do you always sleep in your clothes?"

"N-no."

"Then you should change." Shinji nods. Duh. Idiot, he chides himself. He gets up and takes off his pants leaving his red underwear on and undoes his button up. He reaches into his closet to find a tank top, throwing it over his head. He finally gets under the pinstriped sheets and lays his head down next to Rei. He lays on his back tensely with his arms straight at his sides.

….

"There's not much room, heh," he whispers self consciously. Rei puts her hand on his stomach and pulls him closer to her against the wall, forcing Shinji to face her.

….

"I… am sorry I can not be what you want me to be," Rei breathily admits. Shinji twitches.

"What do you mean? I don't expect anything from you. I didn't even expect you to like me."

"I suppose that is true." Rei sounds unconvinced. Shinji scratches his chest, unsure of what to say.

"...I can't prove it to you yet. But one day. One day I will." Rei looks at him, insecure, but she nods. "Go to bed Rei, I'll be here with you," he smiles. Rei holds his hand under the covers and closes her eyes.

10:21 PM

Ritsuko may have known about all of this the whole time… and so did Kaji. Misato's been sitting in her car outside of the apartment for about an hour. Her head is resting against the glass and her arms are wrapped around herself. I don't know who's against me or with me anymore… and I don't know how to play this game. Should I act like nothing happened… and obey orders. Or do I play the cards and take a chance of getting killed? She's been racking her brain thinking about all the things Rei told her, and what she didn't say. What is Commander Ikari's endgame? Why does it seem like Ritsuko helps him? What has Kaji been doing behind everyone's back? Misato sits up in her seat and rests her arms and chin on the steering wheel. I feel like I have to do something. Anything. I just can't live my life 'getting by' anymore. Misato puts the key in the ignition and pulls her phone out. I don't wanna do this… She dials Kaji's number. Bzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz.

"Misato! I knew you'd miss me too much to-"

"-Kaji. I need answers."

"...So you figured something out."

"You could say that," Misato remarks, "Can we speak in person?"

"Yeah, sure. Meet me at-" Misato types in the address and speeds away.

The Next Day. 8:21 AM

"Yaaaaawn," Shinji opens his eyes to see Rei staring back at him. He shivers a little but doesn't budge. Not creepy at all. "Hey."

"Good morning. We do not need to report to Nerv."

"Right-awww," Shinji yawns again and stretches his stiff legs. He shuffles out of the bed and puts socks on. He turns around and hands some socks to Rei. She puts them on from the side of the bed. She looks so cute doing that… so human. Then his eyes wander from her feet to her pale blue bra. ...So hot. Shinji giggles at himself inwardly, figures that's what I'd think about first thing in the morning. Rei stands up and starts to put her dress on to Shinji's dismay. Shinji takes a big step over to her and keeps her from zipping it in the back.

"Can you wait just a second? I kinda wanna…" Rei lets go of the dress and Shinji holds it just below her waist (wrinkling the skirt in the process). He puts a kiss at the top of her neck and kisses down her back till the underwear stops him. Rei closes her eyes and lets him continue. He tries kissing the skin of her back by sucking slightly and Rei nearly falls over before Shinji keeps her steady. "So it's a good thing then?" Rei nods enthusiastically and Shinji spins her to face him. She reaches up to his mouth with hers and bites his lip. Nrghhh. That never gets old. Shinji's right hand rolls up her stomach to her breast and kneads through her bra while she kisses him deeper. Rei's fingers nimbly reach for the top of his boxers until they both hear a

-SHWOOP. Stomp stomp stomp stomp. They break apart and rapidly throw their clothes on just before the door flies open.

"Hey Baka what ha-" Asuka stops abruptly to see Rei zipping up her dress and Shinji with his arm stuck in his shirt. "Uh-huh." Asuka slams the door closed. "You better still make me breakfast!" Shinji sighs and fixes his shirt before he and Rei step into the kitchen. Shinji had no problem walking until he quickly realized how tight his pants felt. He looks down then up, a blush on his ears. DAMMIT! What am I gonna do now?! Shinji smiles at Rei nervously before pulling out a kitchen chair and softly setting himself into it.

"M-maybe you could cook this time? Heh." Rei raises an eyebrow but does what he says.

9:04 AM

"Alright-sounds good, see you then!" Asuka yells into her phone. Shinji winces and hastily covers his ears. She snaps the phone off and shoves it into her pants pocket. "I'm gonna go out with Hikari-kun today," Asuka announces while sipping her water, "So don't wait up for me!" Thank Godddddddd. Wouldn't plan on it. Rei comes out of the bathroom to catch Asuka flying toward the door.

"Just gonna be us today Rei," Shinji excitedly explains, mug in his hand. Rei smiles with him and sits on his lap on the couch.

"I would like to go clothes shopping I think."

"That actually sounds kind of fun!" Shinji kisses the back of her head, "Wanna go now?" Rei nods and they head off.

Fifteen Minutes Later

She and him step into the four-story mall timidly holding hands. Rei looks around before guiding them into a fast-fashion store. Shinji follows with no apprehension. While she browses, he gets to look at her and as if in a game, he tries to take her reactions and guess how she's feeling or what she's thinking. This is way easier now. Rei releases his hand to pick up a pair of black and grey Converse. She flips them over to the soles. I bet she's thinking about price and how well they'll support her feet, and I'm willing to bet she won't like them because they aren't white.

"What're you thinkin' about Rei?"

"I would prefer these in white." Shinji smiles to himself and gives himself a pat on the back. He looks over a few shoes and grabs all-white Converse.

"Like these?" Rei takes them and looks them over.

"I suppose I do not need them," Rei sullenly says. Shinji looks at the shoes she has on. They're all white slip ons, but they're starting to fade into a tan with how often she wears them.

"I think you should get 'em. Besides, I doubt you spend much money in general." Rei thinks about it and holds them under her arm while looking elsewhere in the store. Shinji follows closely behind but gets nervous as soon as she enters the bra and underwear aisle. He scratches his neck and checks to see if other women are looking at him. "H-hey I think I'll be in the-"

"-Help me pick something out," she demands. Nrrr, I feel weird. Shinji shuffles around behind her until he notices a set of matching pale blue.

"Hey um, these are… nice?" He points to it without making eye-contact. Rei grabs them and inspects, brow quirking. So he likes lace. I see. She tucks them under her arm with the shoes. "Here, let me hold something," Rei offers him the bra with a smirk, "Uh-maybe not that." Rei hands him the shoes and he holds them with two fingers.

"Would you like to pick up any clothes, Shinji?" Shinji thinks about it then looks down to the same black pants and pale red button-up he wears nearly everyday. He nods yes and so they head to the mens department. On the escalator ride up, Shinji notices Asuka and Hikari. He ducks behind Rei.

"Dammit! They really had to come here?!" Rei scans the lower floor and sees Asuka being dragged around by Hikari. Asuka's grumpy face makes Rei hum inwardly.

"At least she does not notice us." They step off the escalator and Shinji launches into the clothing section for cover. Rei slowly follows him and shakes her head.

"You're right…" Shinji sighs. He looks around at the clothes from one spot and declares, "I don't see anything for me."

"We have not even begun to look." Shinji pulls at his pants leg with a look of insecurity. "Do you not feel comfortable?" Shinji shakes his head no.

"I feel weird about clothes, I feel like I'm… too skinny, heh. I don't really look good in anything."

"I do not understand. I believe most people desire to be thin."

"Well not me," he irritably answers. "Everyone always points it out. I wanna be bigger."

"Perhaps a shirt with horizontal stripes would fill you out?" Shinji looks at her again.

"That's a thing?"

"It is, I've read many fashion articles that state such a trick." Rei begins to search for the perfect shirt. I never thought she'd be into stuff like that. "Do you like this?" Rei picks out a thin striped red shirt.

"I rather it be black or blue." Rei nods. Shinji looks behind them. A female and male mannequin set are holding each other's waists and looking at one another. The boy is wearing a black striped shirt with dark grey jeans while the girl is wearing a black skirt and a red shirt with shoulder cutouts. Shinji reaches behind him to blindly pull on Rei's sleeve and then points to the mannequins. "We should get those outfits," he declared with confidence. Rei and him walk over and pick up the matching clothes they have laid out on the shelf.

"Let's try them on," she suggests.

Five Minutes Later

Knock Knock.

"You good Rei?" Rei opens the door in response and she steps out with her new clothes and shoes. "You look really pretty. Not… that I expected any less of you," Shinji smiles. Rei slightly pinkens and looks at Shinji's clothes. Shinji picked a size Medium instead of Small. It hangs slightly baggy but the pants fit him well. She drops onto one knee. "H-HEY! Not-" Rei rolls up his jeans slightly to show off his white shoes and white socks. "Oh, nevermind," Shinji rolls his eyes at himself.

"You look quite good in that."

"Do you think it fills me out?" He checks himself out in the mirror with a look of insecurity. Rei rests her head on his shoulder and holds him with one arm.

"I would say yes." Shinji breathes out in relief. They look at their clothes in the mirror. Shinji's eyes keep fixating on the openness of her shoulders. Why am I getting so into her shoulders? How weird am I? Shinji and Rei reluctantly return to their changing rooms. No one else is in close proximity yet they stay separated by a thin wall. Shinji was just pulling his pants off as he heard a familiar stomping of feet move into the stall next to him.

"You'll look great in that Asuka-kun! I bet all the boys will be enamored with you!" Ugh, Shinji mentally grouches.

"Yeah yeah, as if I have any boys to impress," Asuka mumbles. He continues changing back into his clothes hoping he can sneak out before Asuka catches him. He hears Asuka talking to herself as she changes. "What am I even bothering for? It's not like I look good anyway." Shinji pauses for a second then shoves his feet into his shoes. Asuka sighs loudly. "Mom was right, I'm gonna get fat soon." Shinji raises an eyebrow. What the hell is she talking about? She's in perfect shape. "Argh, never fits right. I hate girls clothes." He hears a thunk on the wall next to him. "Even Shinji wouldn't like me." Shinji's eyes widen and he stays stiffly still. He hears a cough from Rei's stall and he holds his breath. He tip toes to the door and opens it slowly. Rei comes out of her stall loudly with a grimacing face. Shinji tries to wave her off. LET IT GO he mouths before reaching for her hand to walk out. CLANK. The door behind them swings open and hits the metal stall next to it. Asuka tumbles out with a sad expression before it turns into a look of annoyance. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Changing our clothes," Rei says with a surprising amount of attitude that does not go unnoticed. Rei spins on her heel and starts walking out.

"What's wrong with you? Were you listening in?" Asuka questions.

"Yes. You were speaking loudly in a quiet room. What do you expect?" Shinji bites his tongue and tries to gently push Rei out the door but Asuka keeps following, swinging her shirt around in her hand.

"Ok and? Am I not allowed to speak his name in your presence?" Rei finally turns around to face Asuka. For a second you can see all of the agitation on her face before she hides it with an expressionless mask.

"Hey, it's fi-" Shinji tries to interject.

"-It is fine," Rei finishes and spins back around. Hikari finally sees them but ignores the awkwardness she just overheard. She greets everyone and says,

"Alright Asuka-kun, let's go somewhere else now if you're ready." Asuka mumbles something at Rei but Shinji couldn't hear it. Asuka and Hikari walk off into a different store. Shinji tries to touch Rei's shoulder but she nudges it away.

"Rei? I didn't do anything…"

"That is the problem," Rei replies quickly. Shinji frowns and bunches up his clothes nervously. They walk to the front lanes and check out, not speaking a word to each other.

"So… where now?" Rei looks at him then looks away. She shrugs at him. What? Why's she acting so… weird? Shinji scratches his head. "Want some ice cream?" Rei shrugs and leans against the window of the store. "...Candy?" Rei shrugs. "...Wanna see a movie?" Rei shrugs. Shinji sighs and looks at his toes while his arms limply hang at his sides with the bags in his hands. "What did I do?"

"Do you find her attractive?"

"Not at all."

"...What if you were not involved with me?"

"...Maybe," Shinji looks up to see a scowl on her face. Shinji cringes. "But, even if I thought she was pretty, it wouldn't be like you!"

"How so?" Gotta use words… we know how good I am at that. He itches his forehead and sucks his tongue.

"You're um, I really think you're… like," Shinji rolls his eyes at himself. Come on. Think! "Rei," Shinji forces his hand into hers. "You're really beautiful, and I mean it. You're the only girl I've ever thought that way about," Shinji finishes with a scratch of his neck. Rei finally turns to him, satisfied. She kisses him and he glances around the mall to see if anyone looked.

"I'd like to go for a walk. Then I'd like to have sex." A group of women walking by hear this and gasp in a chorus Shinji can't stand. Shinji blushes bright red and drops his head.

"R-Rei! Don't say that stuff so loudddd!"