Chapter 20: Juice

Soft snores filled the room rousing Liv from her sleep; it took her a few seconds to situate herself and realize where she was especially since the familiar scent of her house mingled with the smells that she recognized as Happy. She rolled on her side and glanced at the clock on her nightstand, a quiet moan passed from her lips. It was only 6 AM, she had only slept four hours. Liv knew it was no use she wasn't going to get back to sleep so she slipped out of bed and left the room, closing her bedroom door behind her, knowing Happy could would sleep for at least another hour or so. Liv was glad to be back home, to be somewhere she felt safe and loved. She smiled as she walked down to the kitchen. She looked in the fridge, it was pretty much empty other than beer and water. Natalie had come over and cleaned out her fridge for her, Liv noted to herself to thank Natalie when she saw her.
She wanted to have breakfast ready for Happy when he got up. As she turned sadly and looked across the counter, wondering if she had anything in the freezer in the basement, she saw her cell phone was blinking. She had forgot that she had plugged it into charge it before she went to bed; it must have powered back up while she slept. Liv picked up her phone and looked at it, she had a bunch of messages and texts. She knew it was full of people who were worried about her safety. She walked outside and sat on her patio; Olivia was filled with the need to be alone. Here goes nothing she thought to herself when she pushed the voicemail button.

"Liv, baby where are you? Your car is still here…where are you?" Juice's startled Liv. She let out a sob which couldn't be stifled by her hand that was covering her mouth. He was still alive when she was taken. She saved the message and played the next one…

"Olivia, seriously! Please call me back and tell me where you are. If this is a joke it's not very funny. Please call me back." The message had been left ten minutes after his first one. If he had only known she was probably on her way to California.

"Fuck, Liv…I would call Natalie if I had her fucking number; it's not like you to be flighty and just leave your car. Please baby, I am so worried about you. I love you… Liv just let me know you are okay." Juice's voice was panicked, she could feel his fear. Tears flowed freely down her face. The message was from three hours after she had left Juice's house. How had he found out what happened to her? Had they just went back to his house and killed him? Liv's mind was reeling as stopped her call.

She wiped the tears from her face as she stood up and made her way back into the house. She listen to be sure Happy wasn't awake before she put on a pair of Converse and a hooded sweatshirt she had stashed in her closet. She grabbed her spare keys from one of the cabinets, where she also pulled out a pad of paper and wrote Happy a note.

Happy-
I needed to go out and get some food and my car.
Please don't be worried, I'm okay.
I love you.
-Liv

With that she walked out of the house alone for the first time in months. At first she felt liberated but then she realized there would be hell to pay when she got back to the house but she needed to do this…if not only for herself but for her relationship with Happy. She missed the quietness of her town but for some reason she felt like an outsider or someone who was creeping around the neighborhoods. To an onlooker though she would look like a person who was out for a morning walk. Olivia walked for fifteen minutes before she spotted her car parked in the driveway of the house. As she got closer her nerves were about to give up on her but she needed to see for herself.

All Liv could hear was her heart beating hard in her ears as she approached the front door. She knocked on the door before she pulled out her keys in hopes that Juice would answer the door like nothing happened. There was nothing, no familiar sound of shuffling feet across the floor or his voice calling her to come in. Liv placed her key in the lock, she couldn't help but feel like she was doing something wrong but as she opened the door the smell of Juice's cologne hit her hard, just like her memories of him.

"You smell so good." Liv smiled at Juice as he walked out the bedroom and took her into his arms engulfing her.

Juice smiled and laughed at her, "You wouldn't have said that twenty minutes ago. I was covered in sweat." Juice had taken up running in the evenings after he got off of work. It helped him blow off the steam. Even if he would have rather blown off steam with Liv in bed.
Liv looked up at him through her eye lashes, "I think you smell just as good when you are all sweaty." She couldn't help but long for his naked body against hers.

"I will remember that next time. No showers before Liv comes over…check." Juice smirked which made Liv laugh merrily. "I love that sound; just about as much as I love you." Juice kissed Liv, it made her weak in the knees. He had told her he loved her and had proved himself to her in so many ways she couldn't count. She had decided to let his past be his past and let him live in the now. Juice was the one she wanted to spend her every waking moment with.

"I love you too." Liv pulled him tightly against her.

Liv touched her lips as if she could still feel his lips on hers, "Juice?" Liv's voice called out into the empty house. Nothing. Everything in the house was the same except Juice was missing from it. Liv wandered into Juice's room where they had spent most nights making love and laying naked in each other's arms. Liv sat down on the edge of the unmade bed and looked around the room. It looked as if he had just got up and left; Liv expected him to walk into the room at any moment. The reality of the situation was finally hitting Liv; the fact that Juice was actually gone. She thought of their last moments together as tears fell from her eyes and flowed freely down her face.

"Liv?" Juice's voice called to her from inside the house. She was sitting at the table that Juice has set up in his backyard. The weather was warm and the breeze was welcome. Liv turned her head to see Juice lounging in to doorway watching her with a content smile across his lips. "I thought you were working until midnight."

"Yeah. We were slow so Big Jim let me go early. He said I work too hard." Liv walked over to Juice and wrapped her arms around him and planted a kiss on his chest.

Juice looked down at Liv, "He's right, you do work too hard. You need to learn to say no, Liv. You don't need to make everyone happy, all the time." He was right, she did try to make everyone else happy. "Let me pamper you tonight." Juice suggested.

"Mmm, I like the sound of that." Liv smile up at him. She was not used to being pampered, she was used to pampering others. She knew he was doing it because he loved her, it was something Matt never did for her when they were together.

Juice laughed merrily at her. "Good. I think we should start by getting you out of those clothes." He started to pull at the hem of her shirt, Liv lifted her arms above her head to accommodate him. "God you are beautiful." Juice stood back and gazed at Liv, the surprised her by picking her up and carrying her to his room. Their laugher filled the air.

Liv couldn't handle the happiness that filled her memory when all she felt was sorrow; she knew it was her fault Juice was dead. She should have just stayed with him. She shouldn't have said no, but she was trying to show him she could say no even when she wanted to say yes. At least she could say that her last evening with Juice was a good one. They were moments where they were both happy and in love.

Liv grabbed Juice's pillow and pulled close to her chest and inhaled; his scent was still on it. She yearned for just one more moment, one last second to tell him she loved him, to tell him goodbye. "I'm sorry Juice. I am so sorry." She sobbed into his pillow until she didn't have any more tears to cry.

She was at a loss, she didn't realize how hard it would be to put him behind her. Being in Charming made things seem like a bad dream and when she came home it wouldn't be true but it was true, all of the horrible things that had happened were true. But then she thought about Happy, how he cared so much for her, loved her; it wasn't fair to him for her to hold on to Juice. Maybe this is how she had to say goodbye to him. She hugged his pillow tightly and inhaled one last time. Then she stood up and walked to the door way, turning around to take in the room for a final time.

"Goodbye Juice. You'll always be in my heart." She said quietly to the empty house as she walked to the front door. Liv was going to leave that piece of herself she gave to him there. She realized couldn't move forward with Happy if she still dwelled on and yearned for her lost love. This was her final goodbye she thought as she removed his key from her key ring and reluctantly set it on the table by the door. Liv stood there for a moment staring at the key considering taking it back but something told her not to so she turned her back on it. She locked and closed the door to Juice's house and walked defeated to her car.

The ringing of her phone pulled her out of her thoughts. There was only one person who knew how to reach her on her cell phone and it was Natalie. She didn't even look at the number before answering.

"Listen Nat, now isn't a good time." Her voice dripped with sorrow.

"Where the hell are you?" The voice on the other line was full of venom.

Liv frowned, "Happy?"

"Well I am not fucking Natalie. Now tell me where you are." He was short with her.

"I'll be home in ten minutes." Liv said calmly on the phone, knowing she took far more time that she meant to at Juice's house and she still had to stop and pick up something to eat.

"If you are not back here in ten. I am going to tear this fucking town apart looking for you." He said nothing else, the line just went dead.

Damn it, Natalie. Liv knew that she had given Happy her cell phone number. There was that part of her that was glad that he was willing to tear her town apart to find her but then there was the part of her that didn't care because he was being an overbearing asshole. There was going to be more than just hell to pay when she got back to her house; she was going to have to deal with Happy's wrath.

Happy paced the living room like a caged animal. How could Liv just up and leave? He was livid. When he woke up and found Liv wasn't in bed with him he just figured she was somewhere else in the house, enjoying the fact that she was home. He got up quickly and searched for her but she wasn't there, instead he was greeted by a note saying she would be back soon. How could she be so careless about her own safety? By the time he heard a car pull in the driveway Happy, had settled into a chair with his duffle bag next to him. He had decided that they were going to leave as soon as Liv got back. She had taken advantage of his generosity and soft heart towards her. He was done, they were going to go to Tacoma where he would be sure Liv wouldn't slip out from under the Sons sight. It would be controlled just like he wanted it to be.

The house was silent when Liv walked in the front door. She didn't know what to expect from Happy, his voice was full of such anger when he spoke to her on the phone. She walked into the kitchen that opened up into her living room, all she saw was the back of Happy's bald tattooed head. He sat stiffly and his breathing was heavy. He was pissed.

"Happy?" Liv said quietly. He didn't turn around to look at her. "Happy. I'm here and I am safe." Liv pushed as she set down two cups paper cups of coffee and a paper bag that held muffins. She was thankful she didn't recognize the girl who was working at the coffee shop because she knew word would get around fast that she was back in town. She walked into the living room and sat on the arm of the chair that Happy was sitting in. "I'm sorry Hap."

Happy brown eyes glared up at Olivia, she flinched when she saw the look on his face; it was cold and callous. Happy could tell she had been crying but at that point he didn't really care if she had been crying or if he was scaring her. "Are you really sorry or are you just saying that to smooth things over?" He snapped at Liv.

Liv stood up quickly and put some space between her and Happy. She could feel his fury radiate off of him. She thought about what she was going to say before said it, she had promised Happy she would always be honest with him. This honesty would probably hurt but she didn't care at that moment in time because he needed to know. "You know what I'm not sorry. I needed to say good bye." She could feel the tears building again. "Would you have really wanted to be there? Would you want to be there with me when I said goodbye to Juice?"

"Is this the whole reason we came here? So you could say goodbye? Why do you have to say goodbye Liv?" Happy scowled at her. He couldn't comprehend why she needed to go to the rat's house to say goodbye to him. Was he not good enough for her?

"I…" Liv paused as she sat down on the couch under Happy's scrutinizing watch.

"You what?" Happy questioned impatiently.

Liv shook her head as she wiped tears from her puffy eyes, "I am the reason he is dead. It's all my fault." Liv sobbed as placed her face into her hands.

Happy soften seeing Liv struggle with this demon; he hadn't realized that Liv felt that way. "It's not your fault he is dead."

"If I would've just stayed…If I would have just…" Liv cried the same painful heartbreaking sobs that she did at Juice's house. "He would be alive."

Happy couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as Liv cried for another man, a dead one at that. A man that betrayed his club, the people he considered his family but then again she probably had never known the man that he knew. The Juice that Liv knew was completely different from the Juice that Happy knew. Happy knew the man, who knew had killed a fellow member of his club to cover up the fact that he was his ratting out the club to conceal the identity of his father. He also helped cover up Tara's murder before fleeing from Charming. To Happy, Juice was the epitome of coward. But to Liv he was someone who taught her to love again, who opened her mind up to what the world could give her. Juice made her feel again, it wasn't for him she would have never allowed herself to feel what she did for Happy.

"Olivia. What happened to Juice is not your fault. Marks would have gotten his hands on him and it could have ended with both of you with bullets in your heads." Happy sat down next to Liv on the couch and placed his arm around her. His previous anger forgotten as he tried to comfort the girl he loved. "And where would I be without your pretty little face." He took her face into his hands and wiped her tears away.

"Unattached and swimming in pussy?" Liv shrugged, Happy couldn't help but smirk at her. She knew him well. "I am sorry that I upset you." Liv said in a quiet remorseful voice. "I just needed to do it by myself, I didn't want to burden you with this Happy. I thought I would be back before you woke up. I needed to do it so I could move on."

Happy hadn't thought about it as something she needed to move on from. Death had never really been that big of a deal for him; in fact he enjoyed inflicting it on others. He was sad when he lost one of his brothers but it was a part of the life he had chosen for himself. He never took the time to think about how it affected others until now. And really he only cared how it affected Liv. He cared for her in a way he had never cared about anyone even his brothers.

"Don't do it again Olivia." His voice was stern, "Don't leave without me or someone else who knows what is going on. Marks and Cartwright have been quiet but they are just biding their time. They know you mean something to the club and they will try to hurt us again if they can."

Liv shivered at the thought of being in the grasps of August Marks and Moses Cartwright again. She was about to say something when her phone buzzed in the pocket of her hooded sweatshirt. She pulled it out and looked at it and then at Happy. He nodded for her to take it as he got up and walked over to the bar where Liv left the food and coffee.

"Hello?" Liv answered her phone.

"Hey…" It was Natalie. "I wanted to give you a heads up that I gave Happy your cell number and he wasn't very pleasant."

"Well you're a little too late. I already dealt with it." Liv responded with exasperation and an eye roll that was lost because of the phone.

"Shit, I am so sorry. I should have known he would have called you right away. Where were you?" Natalie inquired.

"Do you really need to ask?" Natalie knew the one place where Liv wanted to go. They had discussed it many times when she came to visit her in Charming. Natalie was the only one who she had confided in that she blamed herself for Juice's death.

"How are you?" Natalie asked.

Liv snorted. "With what?"

Natalie realized that Happy must have been close and that was why Liv was being so short with her. "With the whole Juice stuff."

"I'll get over it eventually. It was hard but I needed to do it to move forward." Liv glanced over at Happy who was sitting at the bar eating one of the muffins she had picked up. "Listen Nat, I have to go. I'll see you later."

"Alright. What time will you be to the café?" Natalie asked, she was excited to hang out with her best friend and to surprise Big Jim. He had been asking about Liv for over a month. Natalie kept her promise to Olivia and did not say anything other than she was visiting a distant relative out of the state. He believed her for a while but as time had passed and he had not heard anything from Liv he started to get suspicious and pressed Nat for more. She never gave anything up, that was the best thing about Natalie and Olivia's friendship they never told the others secrets.

"We will be there after the lunch rush so I can actually spend time with you all before we leave." A smile spread across Liv's face as she thought about spending time with the people who had always been there for her.

"Okay. I will see you soon. I love you Liv."

"Me too, Nats." She hung up the phone.

Olivia sat on the couch for a moment thinking briefly about Juice and how he would want her to move on before joining Happy at the breakfast bar. Happy, the man, who she wanted to be her future. It became clear to her at that point that she needed to walk out of the shadow of her past and into the light of her future with Happy.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I would have liked to have it out to you sooner but I had some scheduling issues. Hopefully you will not have to wait too long for the next chapter. Super excited for something big that is going to happen in a few chapters! Thank you all for your support and comments…they mean a lot to me.