UPDATE: Hey, guys. I can't believe all of the positive comments I got on my last post. I was so afraid that people would judge me and call me disgusting, a monster, a weirdo, etc. I mean, some people did, but I think they were just being mean. Most people were sympathetic to my situation, which made me feel a lot better.
I've also been asked if me and Arthur look anything alike, and how could we not tell we were related? Well, we are both white with blonde hair, but mine is lighter than his. His eyes are green while mine are blue. I'm taller than him. He's 28 while I'm 22. He also has thicker eyebrows than me. Neither of us think we look related, but maybe we do and we're just in denial.
Another question I've had is whether or not it was a mistake. I called the company that sells the DNA kit and spoke to numerous representatives who assured me the results were accurate and that me and Arthur kissing wouldn't affect the results of the test.
I wasn't satisfied completely, so we took a sibling DNA test with another company. It was going to take three days to five days get these results. In the meantime I slept in our apartment. We didn't share the bed like we usually did, which made me really sad. I was still in love with Arthur, while he wanted to put a pause on our relationship while we waited for the results.
He acted really weird too. He started to talk to me again, but he was always sure to make our conversations short. He would also always try to cook for me, and that stopped. As did the movie nights and cuddle sessions.
Even though I was heartbroken, I couldn't blame him.
The only person in the world who could possibly know what this felt like for me was Arthur. And the only person who could know what Arthur was going through was me. It was some sick twisted situation. We could understand each other, but we were hardly talking. Arthur didn't want to talk about the situation, and I didn't want to talk about it because Arthur didn't want to talk about it. I was so scared of accidentally pushing him away even more.
I felt so conflicted. I still feel conflicted. I had sex with my brother! That's not something that people in Arthur and I's society accept as okay or normal!
I felt kind of gross and I felt scared about what other people would think if they found out. I can imagine a conversation going: What's your name? What's your job? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have any siblings? Oh wait, your boyfriend is your sibling!?
I imagine Arthur was thinking these thoughts as well.
Finally, after four agonizing days, the results came back. We sat on the couch together and opened up the envelope together. I tried to not seem nervous, but my hands were shaking as I opened the envelope.
We are definitely half-brothers.
I was devastated. Arthur was devastated. We just kind of sat in silence for a few minutes, before Arthur spoke. The following conversation is forever embedded into my memory:
"Well, that does it then," Arthur sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"Alfred…" Arthur's eyes welled up with tears. "We can't do this anymore. You know what I mean."
"You're breaking up with me?" I felt a huge lump in my throat, and my gut began to hurt.
"It's not like I want to!" His tears began to fall, and I could see him begin to shake with his sobs.
"Artie, I-"
"Alfred, please." He looked me in the eyes and I could see how much in pain he was. "Even though I lost a boyfriend, I gained a brother."
I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded while I tried not to cry. He got up and began to walk away.
I'm bad at writing about how I feel, but it was like I was in so much emotional distress that my body was in physical pain because of it. I also felt like I couldn't get up from my sitting position. I was afraid to move. I was afraid of doing anything to chase away Arthur even more.
All of a sudden I couldn't take it. I couldn't accept this as the final answer. I had to at least try.
I could feel the adrenaline pump through me and I shot up from the couch. I touched Arthur's shoulder, and he turned around.
"I can't accept this."
"Alfred…" He looked at me with what I can only describe as… pity. I'll admit, it stung me a little bit.
"Please, Arthur!" I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around his legs. "I love you so much. I know you feel the same way!"
"Alfred…" Arthur looked down at me. He ran his fingers through my hair, and caressed my cheek. I looked up at him and could feel his tears fall on my face. "Alfred, I… I-"
He dropped to his knees and hugged me. "I'm still in love with you," Arthur sobbed. "This is so cruel. How am I supposed to give this up?"
Long story short, we cried for a long time. Then we talked about the whole thing for hours and hours.
We came to the conclusion to try to work our relationship out. (Hurray!) But, we didn't decide this easily. We're going to have to deal with a lot of judgement in our lives.
I think we're going to introduce each other as boyfriends rather than brothers. Of course we'll tell close family and friends the truth. But we don't think society in general will accept us if we reveal the truth to everyone.
At least since we both have dicks there won't be any accidental children between us.
Arthur is having a harder time dealing with this than I am. We decided to go to therapy. In another kick to the gut we had to decide between couples therapy and family therapy. We chose family, because if we break up, we promise to still love each other as brothers. We also attend individual therapy as well.
It's been two months since we discovered the truth. Our relationship is… different, but strong. And I feel like it's only going to get stronger.
In another twist, we found out we have another half-sibling! He took the test a few days ago. His name is Matthew and he lives in Canada! I wonder if he looks more like Arthur or more like me.
TL;DR: Arthur and I confirmed the results. I make a somewhat stupid over-the-top I love you gesture and we get back together. We have another half-sibling we are going to meet. Artie and I still have a lot to work through, but we are stronger than ever!