Chapter 50

"Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face
with your greatest weakness."
~ Susan Gale

Happy pulled the police tape off his front door; Chibs had told him that the police were done at his place, so Happy could go back if he wanted. Hap's world was spiraling out of control, for the first time he could remember he felt helpless. It was not a feeling he was accustom to; he like control and he did not have any. The house still smelt of blood; when he was done it would be like nothing happened. He needed to clean it, when Liv came home… if Liv came home, she didn't need the reminder of what happened. Happy dropped the bag he had been carrying on the table, it was full of all his go to cleaners when it came to cleaning blood.

The house was finally beginning to smell clean when Happy heard the familiar sound of Liv's cell phone tone. He could tell by the song that it was Chase calling. Happy wiped his hands on his pants and made his way towards the sound of the phone.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Um…Happy?" He had clearly caught Chase off guard. "Is Liv around?"

Happy let out a deep sigh, why did he have to be the one, who had to tell people about what happened? When all he wanted to do is be by Liv's side and it was clear he was only upsetting her. "No, she's in the hospital. She was attacked in our house last night with one of her friends."

Chase was silent for a moment, it was as if he was waiting for Happy to tell him he was lying. Finally, he replied, "Is she okay?"

"She's alive, if that is what you want to know. She is awake. But she doesn't remember anything that has happened since the day the rat walked into her life." Happy's heart just hurt telling Chase that. Olivia didn't remember anything about him and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Shit." Chase whispered. "I don't think I will help but I am on the next flight out there. Maybe more familiar faces will help." He offered.

"It wouldn't hurt, man." Happy took a deep breath. Tig had already called Natalie and she was on her way down from Charlotteville. It sounded like the kid and rat were going to be coming with her. Juice's presence had to be okayed with Jax but nobody asked Happy how he felt about him coming down. Especially, with Liv's last memory being of her date with him. Happy hated to think about what could come of that.

"Plus, Liv would be pissed if she found I didn't come down. There is only one hospital in your town correct?" Chase asked. And he was totally right about Olivia, she would be so angry with Chase if he didn't show up in her time of need. She would never had let him live it down.

Happy nodded absently, "yeah. They will be moving her from the ICU to a normal room today at some point. Thanks for being such a good friend to my old lady."

"Of course. I will see you later this evening Happy."

It was dusk, by the time Happy finally cleaned his house to his standards. No one would ever be able to tell there had been blood anywhere in his house. The house smelled of bleach and other cleaning chemicals. Throughout the day he had received updated from his brothers, who were still at the hospital. The doctors wanted to meet with him and Tig in an hour to go over what they found during Liv's CT scan and what her prognosis was. Just enough time for a shower before he went back up to the hospital.

While he was in the shower, Happy realized how much he hated being in his house without Liv. It hurt, the pain tightened in the middle of his chest. Tears intermixed with the water from the shower. A loud sob betrayed Happy. If he had never fallen in love with Liv, he could have saved himself this pain. Happy allowed the water to wash over him, hoping it would clear his head but it didn't. Fuck, he was weak.

How could he live without Olivia now that he had let her in? He was a fucking fool for letting Liv go. If he would have gone to Charlotteville after she left with Juice then maybe she wouldn't have been laying in a hospital bed. She would probably be nagging him about some shit and pissing him off but he would trade how he felt at that moment for a nagging Liv any day. At least he would have his old lady to hold in his arms. Now, he was a stranger to her and he hated it.

Dr. Johnsen and woman wearing a white lab coat, presumably another doctor, walked into the room where Tig and Happy were waiting. There was a tense silence that neither of them broke, while they waited.

"Mr. Trager. Mr. Lowman. This is Dr. Allison Long." Dr. Johnsen introduced the other doctor. Thank you for being so patient with us as we have assessed Olivia's case."

"Thankfully, we did not find any evidence of head injury on the CT scan. After further assessment of Olivia, we have diagnosed her with Dissociative Amnesia." The gray haired doctor, whose name Happy had chosen not to remember said.

"What exactly does that mean?" Tig spoke up.

"Well, what Olivia has is generalized dissociative amnesia, which means she had a very stressful and traumatic event that has caused her to forget parts of her life that might have lead up to this event. The good news is, is that this amnesia is normally temporary. But…"

Of course, there is a but. Happy thought to himself.

"It may take time for Olivia to recover her memories or they could all come rushing back to her at once. If they rush back, she may suffer from anxiety because of it. I want to let you know that most patients with DA, don't not really care that they have amnesia. A person or a situation can trigger memory recovery or even going to therapy might help; we just don't know how long that could take to recover her memories. In the very rare case some patient's never recover their memories." Dr. Long finished.

Happy slammed his hand down on the table with such aggression it made both the doctors jump. He clinched his jaw tightly, he really wanted to tell the doctors to fuck off but didn't. He felt like they were getting the run around, even if there was hope for Liv to get her memory back they couldn't tell them anything else. He was finding his world with Olivia in it was no longer just black and white. And that made him fucking crazy.

Dr. Long cleared her throat, "Mr. Lowman, I know you are upset about this but think of it this way. Right now, Olivia's suppressing the memories that she fears the most. She is wrapped in a cocoon of protection. And that is just what she and the baby need right now. No fear and mainly no stress."

"Sure doc, whatever you say. And what exactly do we tell her about being pregnant?" Happy asked. He hated that Liv had no clue that she was pregnant. And even more that he was the baby's father. Ugh, he was so fucking frustrated. Happy pushed away from the table and walked away. He couldn't take it anymore. "I need a cigarette." Truth was he need more than just a cigarette; he needed to get his hands on the person who did this to Liv and Wendy.

The doctors and nurses were in and out of the room all day and Olivia was finally alone for the first time all day. She couldn't understand why they were running all their tests, for the most part she felt pretty good. Well other than the nagging pain in chest where she had been shot, and her sudden aversion to meat. Come to think about it why the hell was she shot? What sort of shit had she gotten herself into? The doctors told her that she had amnesia, perhaps that was a good thing. Okay, maybe having the chaos of everyone in an out of her room all day was not such a bad deal. She was alone with her thoughts and that was not something she wanted.

Liv closed her eyes and tried to relax a bit. She listened to the steady beeps of the machines, there was something familiar and cathartic about it, she just couldn't place her finger on it. It was just what she needed though, the beeps lulled Liv to sleep and she hadn't even realized it.

"Liv?" A familiar female voice called Olivia out of her dreamless sleep.

"Mmm, just five more minutes." Liv mumbled.

"Five more minutes?" The voice laughed, Liv knew that laugh, Natalie!

Liv's eyes popped open quickly and was met by a smiling Natalie. She looked different. Her blond hair was long now and she looked older than Olivia remembered. Nat's brown eyes were rimmed bright red and puffy. "You look different."

"Um…" Natalie didn't know how to answer Liv. She did look different because the Natalie she remembered was from years ago. "You do realize that we haven't seen each other for a while."

"Nat, the last thing I remember is working that shift for you and meeting Juan Carlos. They told me I have amnesia but I don't feel like it." Liv stated. She wondered what Juan Carlos was up to, if they ended up together or whatever happened past their first date. She liked him well enough for things to move forward. And he certainly knew how to kiss. A blush passed across Olivia cheeks as the thought about it.

A frown crossed Natalie's face, "Liv, that was almost three years ago."

Three years. How could it have been three years? What had happened in the three years that Olivia didn't remember? "Okay. This sucks, not remembering, that is. But there must be a good reason why I don't remember, right?" Liv shrugged. Maybe things are better left in the past, she could go home and move on.

"Liv, you have built yourself a wonderful life here. I suggest that you try to remember it. If you cannot remember then come back to Charlotteville with Juice and me but that is the only point when you can move back." Natalie's brown eyes searched Liv's face.

Did her best friend just tell her she couldn't go home? How dare she. "Your fucking kidding me, right? Here I am surrounded by strangers, one who says he is my dad by the way and you want me to just stay here? I don't think so. All I want to do is go home!" Liv's heart monitors were accelerating with her anxiety.

Natalie sighed as she prepared herself for a fight with Liv, "That is exactly what I said to you. Liv, you don't have anything for you in Charlotteville anymore. You sold your parents' house to Juice and me. We live there with Avery. Charming is your home."

How could Natalie be telling her this? She never would have sold her parents' house, that is all she had left of them. Olivia was filled with anger and confusion, "Get out! Just get the fuck out!" She yelled at Natalie, who quickly stood and walked out of the room.

Liv's best friend in all the world had just left her feeling like shit. She liked it better when the strangers, who said they knew her were in her room at least they didn't tell her shit she didn't want to hear. The one who told her he was her dad, was crazy as fuck but at least he tried to make her laugh. Then there was the tall, bald, tattooed man. He hadn't said much, he just sat with her. Neither of them spewed bullshit to her, they just supported her; the one thing she wanted from Natalie was support and didn't even give her that. Fuck!

Happy's eyes drifted to Natalie, who had tears flowing from her eyes as she made her way back into the waiting room. Juice was quickly by her side and pulled her into his chest where she cried, deep and heavy sobs. The visit obviously didn't go well.

"Well I guess I am up." Chase stood up and made his way towards the door.

"Wait." Happy said, "I'll go first. Too many faces she doesn't recognize might put her off to visitors in general." He had visited Liv a few times and each time, he just sat quietly with her. And talked when she wanted to talk. He knew his Liv was in there somewhere but this girl wasn't his Liv, this was the girl, who she was before he met her.

"Alright. I wasn't really looking forward to meeting the Liv that can do that." Chase nodded towards Natalie.

Happy snickered as he walked away. Deep down he was sure that all of Olivia's anger from what happened is what is coming out; she was no longer that close to Natalie and they only talked once or twice a month. There were somethings that couldn't be healed even with amnesia. Happy knocked gently on Liv's door before walking in.

Liv's eyes quickly darted to him, she had been crying but obviously not as bad as Natalie. "Good, I thought you were Nat. I am so angry with her and I really can't tell you why, other than the fact that she is telling me to stay here. No, offense but I don't want to stay here."

That was the most Liv had said to him since the attack. "None, taken. I figured you were angry with her. You made her cry pretty good."

"Good." Liv shook her head. "You want to tell me what is going on? She was talking about some people named Juice and Avery. They live in my parents' house together."

God, she was so beautiful. Happy stared at Liv and ached to caress her cheek but he restrained himself. It was hard for him, especially with how suddenly open she was with him. Happy almost forgot that she didn't remember who he was.

"Do you really want to know the truth? Or do you want me to make something up so your feelings stay intact?" He knew they needed to keep things light for Liv and the baby stakes. "The docs say we need to be gentle with you." Happy knew he couldn't keep things from Liv.

"Ugh! I am not made of fucking glass." Liv pouted. "So big man…tell me the truth." She continued.

Big man. Happy snorted. "It's Happy."

"What is happy? The truth?" Liv asked confusion was written across her face.

Happy shook his head, "No. My name is Happy. And before you say I don't look happy well I'm not a very happy man. There is only one person in this world that makes me feel remotely good and she is gone for the moment." Happy paused but then continued, he didn't want give Liv time to think about what he had just said. "As for the truth. Natalie wasn't lying when she said she lived in your parents' house. You made that decision on you own to sell it to her and Juice. You said you didn't have anything back in Charlotteville anymore. You moved your life to Charming about six months ago."

Happy was met by Olivia's furrowed brow, "What do you mean I said I had nothing in Charlotteville anymore? Nat and Big Jim and his family live there. They are my family. I wouldn't just leave them."

Oh, how things had changed for his girl. Happy loved that she was still devoted to her family but it was just a different one. "Why you left is a long story and that is for another time." No, need to go into what happened to her; this was one thing Happy could do for her, to keep that pain away for as long as he could. "What I can tell you is Juice is Juan Carlos and he and Natalie have a daughter together, Avery. You adore Avery. The crazy guy who keeps telling you, he's your dad. Well he is. That is another long story, that I don't want to get into with you. The one thing I can tell you is you have a waiting room full of people who love you very much. Liv, you have changed each, and every one of their lives in such a good way." Happy finished.

Olivia sat in silence for a long time. Happy watched her processing what he had said to her. It was a lot to take in. Liv finally broke the silence. "So, what exactly are you to me? I mean I think I remember you calling me baby when I first woke up. That is really kind of fuzzy and almost dream like."

Happy never thought he would feel uncomfortable with Liv asking him that question. But it was as if she was seeing him with new eyes and what if she didn't like what she saw. Would he be able to handle Liv rejecting him? That was one thing she had never done, even when she left Charming. Olivia had always loved him.

Happy swallowed hard, he had never been so terrified to tell anyone, anything. "You know how I told you there is only one person in this world that makes me feel good?" Liv nodded, her eyes widened as if she knew what he was going to tell her. "That girl is you, Liv. You are the only person in this world I care about. So, to answer your question Olivia, you are my family."

Author's note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was going to write about Jax and the boys but they will have to wait because Liv and Happy…okay mainly Happy had other ideas for this chapter. I really like that Liv is still drawn to Happy even though she doesn't remember him…that is real love. Please feel free to leave a review. Enjoy! Hope to have another chapter out to you sometime soon. Happy can't wait to get his hands on Reed's boyfriend/abuser!