The purpose of life is not to just be happy.
The purpose of life my love, is to feel.
You must understand that your pain, is essential.
-Christopher Poindexter

The drive back to Charming seemed to take longer than usual; when Happy finally saw the 'Welcome to Charming' sign he couldn't have been more relieved. He quickly glanced over at Liv, who had cried herself to sleep. She hadn't shared anymore of what she knew with him; she was inconsolable. It hurt Happy seeing Liv struggle and he couldn't do anything about it. He had never seen her that way before, not when she was faced with Marks or her attackers. She hadn't even broken down that badly when Happy had hurt her deeply. Liv was broken and Happy didn't know what he could do to help fix her. Shit, he was at a loss.

"Liv?" Happy gently touched her as they pulled into Lyla's driveway. "Baby, wake up we're home." He shook her gently.

She sat up and gazed over at Happy, her eye lids were swollen, and her nose was still red. Tears welled up in her eyes again. Happy didn't know if he could handle another round of crying. It wasn't good for anyone involved. He was on edge and Liv was close to pushing him over. She didn't need him losing his shit as well.

"Olivia, you need to calm down. The stress is not good for you or the baby." Happy said assertively.

Liv wiped her eyes on the back of her hooded sweatshirt sleeve and nodded in response. Not uttering a word, she sniffled before getting out of the car and making her way to Lyla's door. Happy grabbed Liv's bag and followed her. He felt guilty because he wanted nothing more than the old Liv back. He wanted his beautiful, vivacious, and lively Olivia; not the one who didn't know him, even though they had been getting to know each other well. Now, he especially did not want to have the Liv, who was wallowing in newly found self-pity. Shit, he was an asshole for just thinking that.

Happy walked through the door to hear Lyla talking to Liv. He waited to see if she replied but there was nothing but more silence and a little sniffling. He could only presume it was from Liv.

"I have you guys set up in the spare bedroom if you want to go lay down." Lyla said. Not long after she made her way into the kitchen. "What happened to her? I thought everything was going really well." Lyla's blue eyes full of concern.

Happy really didn't want to talk about it but he knew Lyla wouldn't drop it. She cared just as much about Liv as he did. "She started to remember; well at least the part about Wendy. She refused to talk to me about anything else and cried most of the drive back. She is blaming herself for everything that happened. I am at a fucking loss. I don't know what to do for her." Happy sat down in one of the chairs in frustration and placed his head in his hands.

Lyla placed her hand on Happy's shoulder. "All you need to do is be there for her Happy. She'll talk when she is ready. You need to keep reminding her what she has to live for, that you love her no matter what." It was as if she was speaking from experience. The sadness behind her eyes couldn't be hidden.

"I really appreciate you letting us stay with you for a few days. I just think it will be best for Liv to not have to go back to the house until she's ready." Happy rose. "I need to go check in with Jax and the club. Will you be okay if I leave Liv here?" He asked.

Lyla rolled her eyes in response; it was not the smartest things she had done, especially not with Happy so on edge. "Yes, of course it's fine Happy. It's not like she's in any danger. Nobody knows you're back in town or where she is. I am assuming you are heading over to Red Woody; will you just let the actors know I will be there later tonight."

Happy nodded and held back from saying what he really wanted to say back to Lyla. "Alright, I won't be long."

He walked back towards the bedroom Lyla had directed Olivia to. The door was partially closed, he walked in; Liv was lying on her side with her back to him. He sat down on the bed next to her. "Liv?" He ran his hand over her head and smoothed her hair down. She responded by turning to look at him. "I am going to head over to Red Woody for a little bit. Will you be okay?" He asked not expecting her to respond.

Olivia rolled her body over in the bed and sat up and wrapped her arms around Happy. "I can't remember who did it." She muttered into his chest.

Hearing Liv's voice shocked Happy. "What?" Was all he managed to respond.

Liv pulled back from him. "I can't remember who did it. I don't remember much from that afternoon other than being so scared for the baby. You had been so pleased that I was pregnant." Her hands went protectively to her belly. Tears began to fall from her eyes again.

Happy pulled her against him. "Hey. It's okay. Our baby is okay, you are okay. Wendy was a horrible accident. Please don't blame yourself, Olivia. I know Jackson doesn't." He felt Liv tense up at the mention of Wendy.

"Can you ask Jax if I can meet with him tomorrow?" She asked as she looked up at Happy. Sadness oozed from every part of her and it hurt Happy to see her that way.

"Of course. Do you need anything while I am out?" Happy asked reluctantly releasing Liv. He hoped he was finally getting his girl back.

Liv placed an index finger on her lips before nodding. "Yes, I would love some mint chocolate chip ice cream."

Happy let out a snicker. "You got it." He kissed the top of Liv's head. "You going to be okay if I go?" Happy asked as he rose from the bed.

Liv stared at him for a moment as if she was trying to figure if she was going to be okay or if she was going to lose her sanity. Olivia finally gave Happy a small smile, "I think I will be okay. Hurry up, so you can come back with that ice cream." A small spark of his girl came out.

"Alright. I love you, Olivia." Happy kissed her gently.

"I love you too, Hap." She said as they parted. Happy made his way out of the room. "Hey Hap?" He turned to see what Liv wanted. "Thank you for everything."

A soft smile crossed his face, "Of course."

The familiarity of Red Woody was something that Happy yearned after everything that happened with Liv. The moans of a woman assaulted his ears as soon as he walked in; what he would give for a bit of a release. Sure, he had slept with Liv a few days prior, but the stress of the last 12 hours were getting to him. Happy knew he couldn't do that to Liv, especially now. Not after almost losing her twice.

"Brotha," Chibs yelled from the other side of the room. He was standing with his hands raised in the air. "Welcome home!"

Happy nodded in acknowledgement not wanting to interrupt the rehearsal that was going on. His eyes drifted to the porn stars fucking on a gurney. He watched them briefly before making his way to the bar where he grabbed a beer and sat down next to Chibs at one of the tables.

"When did ya get back in?" Chibs inquired.

Happy took a long drink of his beer before answering. "About a half hour ago. Is Jax around?"

Chibs looked around the room. "Aye, he was just here. How's our girl?"

Happy sighed deeply. "She's hanging in there. She remembers bits and pieces. That's why I'm here, I need to talk to the prez." It was as if Happy just had to speak those words and Jackson appeared. He walked towards them. Happy stood up and gave him quick embrace and smack on the back.

"Good to have you back Happy. How's Liv?" Jax asked as they all sat back down.

"Yeah, how is my daughter?" Tig pipped in as he sat down with them.

Happy shook his head. How was he going to tell them that Liv was breaking in front of him? It hurt him to think about what she was going through and there was nothing he could do to help her. "Olivia's going through some shit. She wants to see you tomorrow Jax. But before that I need to let you know that Liv remembers that Wendy was murdered. She is blaming herself for it." The eyes that met Happy were ones full of sadness and concern.

"Of course, I'll meet with her. I will tell her myself that I don't blame her for any of this. I blame the fucker, who killed Wendy." Jax's was full of fury.

Happy knew him well enough to know Jax ached for revenge just as much as he did. They would get their revenge come hell or high water.

Liv sat on Lyla's couch snuggled under blankets with a cup of too hot peppermint tea. She didn't care that it was burning her hands; she wanted to feel anything, but the guilt and pain she was feeling. Lyla hadn't hovered over her, something she needed after being with Happy for so long. She had allowed her a good cry before offering up her shower to Liv. It felt good to be clean, to wash away some of the sadness that clung to her. What she would have given to remember who attacked her and Wendy.

"Can I get you anything else?" Lyla asked from the living room's entry way.

Liv glanced up from the steam that she had been fixated on and looked at Lyla. She was leaning with her back against the wall. "No, I'm good. Thank you, Ly." Olivia meant it from the depth of her soul. She appreciated Lyla's friendship and ability to just make her feel better.

A smile crossed Lyla's face, "Anything for you. I will always have your back."

"You don't know how much that means to me, especially now." Liv held her cup of tea close to her and sighed deeply. "I really wish that I could remember everything from that day."

Lyla made her way onto the couch next to Liv. "Do you want to tell me what you remember?" Her body language was receptive and nothing about it seemed prodding or demanding.

Very much to her own surprise Liv wanted to share with Lyla what she remembered. It was strange because she thought she would have wanted to tell Happy first, but she didn't. Liv felt like had was expecting so much from her and it made her want to shut down.

"Actually, I do." She put her cup of tea down on the table. "The day is a bit hazy. I remember going to the doctor and finding out I was pregnant. Then, finding Quinn and Reed fucking…shit how is Reed?" Liv hadn't seen her since that day.

"She is fine. She has been staying with Quinn; he's been taking care of her. They seem to be a thing, by the way." Lyla shook her head and gazed at Liv like she was expecting her to be surprised by it. But Liv had seen that coming a mile away, at least Quinn was a good guy and he would take care of Reed.

Something about the mention of Reed made Olivia uneasy, but she pushed it aside and continued her story. "I remember being scared to tell Happy about being pregnant. I mean we weren't really stopping it from happening, but I guess I didn't think it would happen so quickly. I didn't know how he would react. Thankfully, he was just as excited as I was. Where is gets blurry is when I got back home. I remember being at our house with Wendy. Then gun shots and Wendy…." Tears filled Liv's eyes. She saw Wendy's crumpled body on the floor.

"It's okay Liv you don't need to continue." Lyla took Liv's hand into hers.

Olivia shook her head and wiped away the tears. She needed to continue. "No, I need to. It might help me remember. When I heard the gun shots I wasn't thinking about Wendy or myself. I was just thinking about the baby." Her free hand went to her belly protectively. "Then, it was black. I don't really remember a whole lot from the hospital only pits and pieces of things. Like Natalie. And Juice telling me about being pregnant. I remember feeling so safe with Happy, like everything would be okay when he was around." Warmth enveloped Liv when she thought of Hap. A small smile crossed her lips. "He took really good care of me when we were in Bakersfield. He smothered me when we were there, the look on his face every day as if he expected me to remember. Funny thing, it wasn't Happy that made me remember it as the reflection of stained glass on my hands. I saw the blood, there was so much blood. Everything came rushing back all at once. I lost it, literally." Liv could still feel the scalding water on her hands. It surprised her that she hadn't burned herself. "And Happy was so gentle and sweet. I just shut him out…I wanted nothing more than to not remember anything or any of it. I wanted to forget it all, even Happy. It was so peaceful. I was blissfully ignorant of everything that had happened to me since meeting Juice. It was nice to not have any of that shit floating around in my mind."

There it was, everything all of Olivia's truth laid out in front of Lyla. It was then Liv realized why she hadn't wanted to tell Happy any of it; she didn't want to remember and not remembering meant never knowing what she and Happy had together. Happy her dad and her Charming family was the only good things that had come out of Juice coming into her life. Ever since he walked into her life it had been a culmination of unfortunate events.

"Liv, you remembering is a good thing. I know you don't feel that way right now because it is still so fresh, but just think of what you would have missed out on if you didn't. You have so many people who love you and you wouldn't have them. You have a job you love and lives you are changing because of it; what would they do without you? Now that you are beginning to remember the day there will be justice for Wendy."

"There will never be justice for Wendy or for Abel and Thomas." It was so unfair that they had to lose not one but two moms. It sucked. Her heart ached for those poor boys; she understood what it was like to lose a mom, twice. How had they ended up with such a horrible lot in life?

"Then we need to just be there for Jax and the boys and be their moms. To help them remember their moms that they have lost." Lyla had a good way of putting a spin on a horrible situation. "That is one of reasons that you are still alive Liv. Shit, I don't want to imagine what Happy would have been like if you passed away." She shuttered.

Liv snorted. "He would have moved heaven and hell to bring me back. I am sure he threatened me like I threatened him."

"I did." Happy's voice startled Liv. She hadn't even heard him pull up or come in. He had a lazy smile on his face. Liv had missed that relaxed look. "I would have too."

Lyla stood up, "Well I should really get to work. Please make yourselves at home. My place is your place. I won't be back until…well I don't know when I am going to be home." She said to both Liv and Happy before turning back to Olivia. "You and I know both know that is good that you remembered, even if it sucks. Take your pain and embrace it; it will make you stronger in the end."

Happy sat down on the couch next to Liv. She moved close to him and tucked herself under his arm. She needed to feel secure and that was one thing he had always provided her with. "I love you." Liv said quietly as she looked up at Happy.

"I love you too, Olivia." Happy kissed her forehead gently.

"Good, now where is my ice cream?" Liv gave Happy an elusive smirk.

A/N: Thanks all for your ever persevering patience with my chapters. I hope you enjoyed this shorter chapter. Thank you all for the reviews, you don't know how much I appreciate hearing what you think. Hope everyone's new year went well and that 2018 is going well for you all! Until next time.