A week after Hermione had a miscarriage, she found herself back at work, productive as ever, just as if nothing had ever happened. It was at that time, when a young woman, younger than herself, had come into the office complaining of recurrent nausea and vomiting, as well as dizziness, severe at times. Being a skilled Physician, as Hermione undeniably was, she took one look at the woman and felt her stomach sink to her knees. Even without a blood test, the young Doctor could have told the girl what was causing her symptoms.
Trying her best to keep her composure, Hermione put on a mask of happiness and slapped a grin on her face, as she told her patient that she was pregnant. Her heart ached, and she felt like slamming the door in the young woman's face. But this did not matter. It was neither proper, nor professional. So Hermione did what she knew best these days. She pretended, fooled, acted her way out of her misery. She became quite skilled at it, diving even more into her work, becoming somewhat of a recluse, yet available both physically and emotionally to her patients. Why? Because she had to. There was no other choice.
And now, Hermione stood within the thick walls of Hogwarts Castle. Silently gazing in fear at the ever-cautious eyes of those surrounding her. Eyes that were hoping for the young woman to jump up and down in glee, thanking them for their hard work, being incredibly joyous and grateful for bringing her home. And it is because of this, that Hermione had a very difficult time deciding which emotion to show forth. She did not want to disappoint. Did not want to hurt their feelings.
If it was up to her, and if there were completely no reservations about her actions, she would tear the banner down, take pride in popping each and every balloon, and walk out of the room without another word.
This however, to Hermione's standards, was reasonablyinappropriate. It would be rude. And ungrateful. And even though the young woman wanted to, with every part of her being, walk right out of that room and out of their lives, something kept her there. Something that was not physical, something that could not be seen, something that could only be felt.
…It was love.
She saw it on all of their faces. In their smiles. In their eyes.
It was, without doubt, incredibly undeniable, and Hermione wished to god that she had not picked up on it so soon. It made her feel even worse. She was torn between acting and pretending that she was ecstatic in regards to the ever-festive setting, yet she wanted them to see the real 'her.' The 'her' that was hurting. The 'her' that was still terribly mournful. The 'her' that truly wanted to let herself love and be loved in return.
Hermione quickly decided that there had to be a happy medium between the two. At least for now. She did not realize exactly when in the midst of all this excitement she had placed her hand on her mouth, but she lowered it slowly, in attempts to finally speak to those in the room.
'I…erm…' Hermione stammered, pausing to clear her throat and placing her arms tightly about her body, '-I…th…thanks for…thank you for all of…this,' she said as she continued gazing about the room, her voice somewhat void of emotion as she tried to remain optimistic and appreciative in regards to their hard work.
Molly Weasley smiled an even bigger smile. Her eyes squinted, and her rosy cheeks showed forth two symmetrical dimples on either side.
Harry was the first to speak.
'Mione,' he began, his emerald eyes glistening in the sunlight, '-we didn't know…I mean we had hoped you'd like it…but if you don't that's OK too…' he said, his hands stretched out slightly.
Hermione's brows creased.
'No, Harry, I mean…I do li-…you all must have put forth a lot of time doing this,' she finally stammered. At least she was telling the truth. With all of the immaculate coordination in colors and flower arranging, it was pure brilliance.
Harry kept grinning.
'Hermione,' Minerva McGonagle beamed, as she walked closer towards Hermione. The Headmistress kept her distance, yet slowly approached the young woman, finally standing a few distant feet from her. Wise choice, thought Hermione.
'We had hoped that you would…stay. At least for awhile,' the Headmistress offered, looking curiously at the young woman for any sign that she would agree to staying put in the castle.
Hermione's mouth went dry. She, at that very moment, did not know what to say. Though she had agreed in private to 'try,' it was a simple promise. A promise, like all promises, that could be so easily broken. Instinctively, she dug her nails into the palm of her hands, as her arms were still wrapped about her form.
A few moments passed before Hermione had finally willed herself to give a reply.
'Erm…well,' Hermione said quietly, scuffing her trainers on the floor ever so slightly, as Hermione paused to stare intently at the tightly bowed string on top of her left shoe.
Severus rolled his eyes.
'Miss Granger will indeed stay. At least for now,' he added, looking straight at the Headmistress, obviously annoyed at the young woman's verbal incompetence.
Hermione snapped her head up and glared at the Potions Master. Her nostrils flared, as she felt heat beginning to creep up her chest into her neck and face. She could not believe what she was hearing! How…dare he! How dare he speak for me!, she thought to herself.
Just then, Severus noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a glass goblet begin to teeter ever so slightly on the desk of Professor McGonagle. It started out as a simple tilt and began to increase in speed, just ever so slightly. Immediately, he looked at Hermione, who matched his gaze. Severus lowered his eyes, a deadly scowl creeping upon his sallow face.
Hermione froze.
…And interestingly enough, so did the glass…
'Well, Hermione – that is…it's the most..oh this is just wonderful!' Molly Weasley jubilantly exclaimed her words of joy, as she rushed over and crushed Hermione in a giant hug. Hermione stood for a moment, not exactlysure what to do. Or how to act. It had been a very, very long time since she had been hugged that tightly. While it did feel nice to receive a genuine embrace, Hermione felt her chest cavity begin to slowly close in on itself. A feeling that was becoming increasingly unpleasant.
The young Doctor managed to take her right arm, and gently pat the back of the woman hugging her. Hermione smiled nervously.
'There, there…it's…Molly, yes I'm…OK, well I'm going to…' Hermione stammered, as she mouthed a silent 'Help Me' to Harry, who was standing in the background, showing forth a most goofy grin.
'There there, Molly – I think we've…you've done quite enough,' Arthur Weasly said through small chuckles, as he struggled to pry his wife off of Hermione.
Severus cleared his throat. He had to admit, it was just a hint amusing to see the young woman so uncomfortable, being held captive by her once Mother-in-Law. But there were, truth be told, greater matters at hand. The last thing Severus wanted was to lose precious time.
'We must be off. There is much to do, much to arrange, and much work to get accomplished,' he bellowed in a single breath, looking at the Headmistress, his mouth forming a tight line.
'Very well, Severus. We shall see you,' Minerva Mcgonagle paused to turn her gaze upon Hermione, showing forth a grateful smile, '- and you at supper this evening in the Great Hall.'
Those words made Hermione's heart skip a beat. It had been years since she was back here, yet alone shared a meal with everyone…
The young woman offered a curt smile, and a silent nod in return. A sign she would be joining them. Like I have a choice, Hermione thought to herself…
From the corner of her eye, Hermione could see her old Potions Professor turn swiftly, and open the door. He nodded in the direction of the descending steps, and he extended an arm, signaling that she should walk in front of him. Hermione rolled her eyes, and frowned in response.
The two walked down the steps in silence, their shoes providing the only noise within the staircase leading down to the main hallway of the floor. Hermione walked at a moderate pace. Severus did the same. Once Hermione reached the main floor, she turned around abruptly, glaring up at the man in front of her.
'You didn't let me speak for myself!' she said defiantly, still holding onto the apparent grudge she had concocted for herself up in the Headmistress' Quarters. 'Why…why would you do that?' she demanded, eager for an explanation. 'Do you think I am not even capable of answering for myself?!' she demanded.
Without a word, Severus kept walking, bypassing her. His eyes narrowed, as one corner of his lip drew up in obvious distaste.
'You did not offer an answer. I, on the other hand, did. Besides, lord knows what would have come out of that mouth of yours. Your brain is working a mile a minute,' he added as an afterthought, visibly annoyed that she had taken too long to form a reply upstairs.
Hermione's eyes widened.
'You…you still had no right to do that!' she yelled at him, as he continued down the hall without her, her feet still planted firmly on the ground.
Severus stopped in his tracks.
Still stubborn as ever, he thought to himself. Severus closed his eyes, sighed, and reopened them.
He turned around slowly, taking note that they were now feet apart from each other.
'Would you have said no to them?' he asked quietly, his eyebrows slightly raised. 'Would you have honestly told them no, when you told me you had promised to at least try? You would have lied to them?' he continued to speak, as he looked at her from down the hall, his face void of emotion.
Hermione swallowed. He had her there.
Of course she wouldn't have lied. Not like that at least. If only she and Severus hadn't talked before time; if only they hadn't made a bargain before they met up with the others. If only…
And all of a sudden the young woman made a very important connection. Hermione's eyes widened and shifted in thought, then abruptly narrowed. She gritted her teeth, and began to stride very carefully, very stealth-like towards the tall man in front of her.
'You knew,' she sneered, feeling a sense of betrayal rise in her. 'You did this on purpose. You made…you made me promise to stay before seeing all of them there, because…because you knew, that if they would have asked me, I would have said no!' her voice echoed in the most deadliest of tones, furious at her old Professor, her right index finger raised, pointing up at him, the petite digit trembling ever so slightly.
Severus closed his eyes slowly, and reopened them. Staring into her pain-filled eyes, he spoke to her.
'They why did you tell me 'yes?', he asked in the most deadly of tones, secretly anxious for a reply.
Hermione's eyes filled with tears. Almost instantly, she felt her breathing quicken, and her heart beat faster. For a few moments, moments that seemed like hours, they stood silent and still, looking at one another.
'Because,' she said, her voice beginning to crack. 'Because, you…you are-' Hermione began to utter softly, looking right into the dark eyes of the man in front of her, but was quickly interrupted by the sound of feet running down the steps from the Headmistress' office. Hermione instinctively stepped away from Severus, and turned her body towards the louder growing sounds.
'Hey!' said Harry, as he looked with concern at Hermione, finally making his way down the steps. 'You OK, 'Mione? I heard yelling,' he said, justifying his interruption, as he stood in front of the young woman, panting slightly.
Hermione winced, pausing to close her eyes tightly and rub an imaginary itch above her left eyebrow.
'Yeah…yeah I'm alright, Harry. Just fine,' she added, a mixed look of annoyance and relief on her face. Her response was less than convincing; something that Harry picked up on immediately.
Harry turned towards Severus.
'Sp, did you tell her where she'll be staying?' he asked the Potions Master, an obvious look of mistrust masking Harry's face.
Severus' nostrils flared slightly, and glared at Harry with pure irritation.
'Of course not, Potter. Do you see how far we have traveled? If it weren't for Miss Granger interrogating me for the past few moments,' he added, pausing to look down at the young woman '-she would have been there already.'
Hermione's eyes widened, as she once again gritted her teeth. Unbelieveable, she thought to herself. Just fucking unbelievable…
'Well, in that case – 'Mione?' Harry asked, offering an arm to the woman next to him, '-let me show you to your rooms,' he said in a gentle tone, offering the kindest of gestures, yet unsure if she would agree to it.
Hermione looked up at Harry. Ever so slowly, she took his arm, much to Harry's delight, and without another word, the two of them were off in the opposite direction, away from the Potions Master.
Severus watched the man and woman walking slowly down the hall. Potter striding with utmost confidence and assurance. Hermione, walking ever so carefully, painfully aware of her surroundings.
The Potions Master sighed. He ached for an answer to why she agreed to try. She had almost told him, almost given him a reply. If Potter wouldn't have gotten in the way, Severus thought to himself, we may have actually attained some form of progress. Leave it to the Boy Wonder to fuck things up when he believes he his being righteous…
Severus rolled his eyes. At any rate, he would be seeing Hermione at supper that evening. That left him a few hours to begin to devise a plan for her. A plan that would, by god's graces, be successful. He turned, and began walking quickly down the pale marble steps, heading in the direction of the dungeons.
Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione were walking up a flight of steps in the main hallway. Pictures and portraits could once again be heard projecting their various greetings and well wishes. Harry was beaming inside. If he could, he would scoop up his friend in his arms, give her a crushing hug, and ask her to accompany him for a drink at the Leaky Cauldron to catch up and reminisce about old times. This was, by far, completely out of the question. At this point, at least. Still, she held his arm, which was by Harry's view, a form of even the slightest bit of trust on her point. Even if she said nothing, he was happy. She was here. And he was grateful.
Eventually the pair made it to the top of the staircase, leading them to the fifth floor corridor. The hall was empty, quiet, yet let forth a great deal of sunlight, coming from the arched windows within the walls. Hermione inhaled deeply. It smelled of lavendar, dust, and leather. An odd combination, this was undeniable. But Hermione, none-the-less, closed her eyes for a brief moment, let her guard down completely, and allowed her mind to process the ever-familiar scents of the hallway that lie before her.
Harry sensed her inner-peace almost immediately. He watched her inhale, and close her eyes. Her arm fell slightly limp, and he smiled sadly at her. Oh, what he wouldn't give to see her happy, carefree once again…
There were many available rooms in the castle. But this particular room, located on this particular floor, was of indeed most importance for a few reasons. While Hermione was still…recovering up in the hospital wing that morning, the five witches and wizards gathered outside of the hospital wing, to discuss what should happen in the event that Hermione agreed to stay at the castle.
It was, in the end, decided that Hermione would stay on the fifth floor of the castle. Down one side of the corridor, right in fact adjacent to Hermione's room, was a staircase that led the shortest distance from Gryffindor Tower to said floor. It is for this reason alone, that Harry wanted Hermione to reside there. Since he was now head of Gryffindor, the fifth floor would at least be quickly accessible, should he need to reach her in the event of an emergency.
The fourth floor held Hogwarts' library. It was Headmistress Minerva McGonagle's idea that Hermione be placed at least one floor either up or below this area. Professor McGonagle wanted Hermione (if she was willing to stay, that is…) to be close to the things she had held most dear once long ago.
And perhaps the most important reason, at least to Professor Snape, that is, to have Hermione stay at the castle, resided on the first floor. It was a place that, he knew in his heart, Hermione was going to find her 'home away from home.' She just didn't know it yet…
Hermione reopened her eyes, and squinted. There were doorframes on either side of the hallway, some wide open, some only opened a slight crack, while others appeared closed completely. Harry nudged the young woman forward ever so gently, and Hermione was abruptly brought out of her thoughts.
They walked calmly and carefully to the end of the hallway, where a closed door stood in front of them. Harry and Hermione stopped directly in front of the shabby piece of wood, unlocked arms, and slowly turned facing each other.
'Well, 'Mione,' Harry said a bit sheepishly, pausing to scratch the back of his head, '-this…this is it. Your room. Or rooms, I guess I should say,' he added with a chuckle, his green eyes glistening in the warm light.
Hermione gave a small smile, and looked down at her shoes.
Harry's face fell slightly, and he backed away in the direction of the stairs adjacent to Hermione's door.
'Well, erm…I'll…I'll be off now. I guess. These steps – I'm the first door at the top. All the way up, in the Tower. Our Tower- ' Harry paused, closing his eyes, and placing his hands in his pockets. '-I mean, Gryffindor Tower. This is the closest way for me to get to you…I mean, if you need me, that is. Don't wanna make it sound like I'm going to be stalking you or anything,' he added dryly, quietly laughing at his statement.
Hermione snorted. She knew they would be watching her. She was, evidently, a flight risk.
'Well..see you later then,' Harry said softly, turning to walk up the steps behind him. Hermione turned to face the door, tightly closed her eyes, and sharply turned her head in the direction of the boy walking up the steps.
'Harry,' Hermione's voice echoed within the empty hall.
Harry quickly turned towards Hermione, halting in his ascend, his eyes wide as he waited in anticipation for her to speak to him.
'I…erm…I…thank you,' she finally murmured. She offered him a small, grateful smile. She was truly appreciative for his kind offer and sweet gesture.
Harry grinned in return.
'You're welcome. Always…,' he added sadly, as he looked fondly upon his old friend.
Hermione turned around and focused once again on the door in front of her, hearing Harry's diminishing steps in the background. She took a deep breath, held it for a second or so, and let it out. Grasping the tarnished, silver-colored knob with a warm, sweaty hand, she turned the knob, and opened the door ever so slowly.
The young woman let the door open all the way, hearing a groan from the hinges as it swung.
Hermione's eyes widened. Her breath caught in her chest. And for the first time, she gave forth a wide toothy smile that could simply not be contained. She entered the room and put her hand on her chest. Feeling the tears brim the surface of her lids, she put her hand upwards towards her mouth.
I don't believe it…I really don't believe it… she whispered to herself, the tears still prickling in her eyes.
It was as if her house had been moved to the castle. Everything: from the carefully strewn magazines on the coffee table, to the tiny yellow-flowered dots on the kitchen curtains – it was hers. They had managed to do something wonderful, something that she had missed, something that she had loved:
…They had brought home to her…