What I didn't know.. was that I just signed my death wish that night. A martyr soon to be slaughtered for crimes she committed.. even then some say that the wolf will always die in the end. A Killer and prey I was for the last remaining years of my life. In the end my many years of survival was worth it and the life taken from the root of my soul was swift. I pledged an oath to the cause, to the throne, and the King raged on in his fruitful reign. So.. perhaps I did make the right choice that night. They remained together and strong, their knowledge was powerful, yet they killed one another. Best to say it was the human in them that caused their mistakes.

-Unknown, 2033

"How did you know about the meeting?"

"Before I was relieved from security, Dreyfus and George were discussing something. Along the lines of No one can't know about this yet."

We emerged out of the shadows. The darkness consuming us and the only sound was the autumn breeze and our footsteps against gravel. Concern and curiosity was swimming in my head. Truth be told I never expected to be this immensely interested over a meeting. A variety of theories erupted in my mind. One of the theories is probably food shortage; which equals more hungry civilians and more dying from starvation. However the scavenging groups would've been the first ones to find out. Meaning having our asses kicked in gear to search for more supplies earlier in the day instead of the afternoon.

"So, it has you assuming that they're having a meeting?" I mean, it made sense. My family never showed up to the celebration this evening and a few others apart of the Founders Council were missing; including Ellie.

"Just an educated guess." His smile was mischievous and I jabbed him in the ribs playfully with the same smirk. "Educated guess my ass Preacher. You did say after all that you were dead serious about this." Both of us were going to waste our time if there was no meeting at all.

Doesn't hurt to find out.

"That's bullshit Dreyfus."

It took every scrap of restraint to keep from tripping over debris. Both of us now ducked behind a car and listening for the echoing of Hope's voice. I never heard her so.. pissed off. Such a voice that was honeyed and thoughtful, now poisoned in venom.

A muscle twitched in Preacher's jaw. We were both tense to keep from moving an inch near our safe haven. Hell our footsteps must of been loud enough to indicate the others of our presence. Thankfully none shifted to the direction we remain hidden. I studied Preacher's face, only to see him on guard and alert.

"You said that they were going to be in the meeting center" I whispered harshly. He mentioned it on the way through the dark alleys and corners of the city.

"I never thought they would hold the meeting here, Miriam" he replied. His voice was barely above a whisper before I peered from my crouched position. The stained window of dirt and dried blood made it difficult to see who attended the meeting, but made mine and Preacher's appearance unseen and unknown. Few people I knew.. others I didn't; Dreyfus, Malcolm, Ellie, my father, Tanner, and Hope. The rest were some I've seen throughout the Colony, but never talked to. I worried that the pounding of my nervous heart would be enough for them to notice us.

"People are going to find out eventually. I have to say it's pretty fucked up to keep this from everyone."

My annoyance grew. Cupping my hands I huffed warm air into the root of my frozen fingers and sat beside the vehicle. This was going to be a long meeting if they were just going to play the guessing game.

"I bet three trinkets that it's going to be food shortage" I chimed, not really looking at Preacher and continued to watch the meeting.

The man next to me hummed in response and bit his lip, to my surprise, laughed quietly. "Eight trinkets, it will be medicine supplies running out or..." I let out a soft snort.

"Or? Preacher that's unfair."

His teeth gleamed when the corner of his lips turned upward. "Or, the generators aren't enough anymore along with the gasifiers. Safe to say Miri it's reasonable to believe that." Preacher's voice crooned before another smile tugged on his lips. "Want to make it a bargain or not?"

"It's a bargain." I said sweetly, tugging on my bracelet and remained silent.

"If I do that Hope panic will spread throughout the Colony. It's best to keep our mouths shut and quiet about the situation. Besides.. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if this this dam could be our best chance or not."

"Look-I... I get where you're going with this, but I don't think that a lot of the civilians here are up to the task to go to a forest that has been deserted for years and burned down practically. I just don't think that we should pick only a few people to know about this and send them off. Not fair to the people who deserve to know."

Dreyfus' eyes widen at the assertiveness in Hope's tone. Despite their argument no one intervenes and the silence makes my skin crawl. Along with the revelation that soon dawns on me and the rush of adrenaline soon roars in the dullness from the crisp breeze.

The Colony is running out of power.

I do my best to swallow down the revelation and keep my focus fixed on the group. No way.. it's impossible. The generators and gasifiers were to at least last another five or ten years. Then again that's what I heard from the technicians throughout the Colony. How wrong they were...

My father's voice finally breaks the stillness, reticent and powerful in his own right. "I have some people in mind that might be willing to head out with Malcolm and Ellie. Though.. this is going to take some planning, perhaps another month or so."

"Who exactly will want to come?" Hope tosses a glare at my father. "The minors? those who are going to risk their lives in that godforsaken forest?"

"What exactly would be in that forest Hope?"

A man that I never knew spoke up, throwing Hope off guard as she shelters back near the concrete wall. Yet rage still lingers in her eyes. I can't do much more than stare at her, "Just a handful; Foster, Kemp, Alexander, and.. Carver."

Dread automatically fills the group at the mention of Carver's name. Oddly enough I never liked the man myself when I first came here. Though one name caught my attention, Alexander. A foreboding wave of jealously is what I feel. Not fair. Not fair at all. Why does he get to go?

"Alright, that settles it. Same time tomorrow. Meet back here and we'll start planning what to expect." Malcolm declares, earning a few goodnight's from those who joined in the meeting. All separating in different directions.

Something tears inside of me. Why? why why why? I would've been good for this assignment, by myself. Alone...

That thought has my jealously slip way. I hate the fear of being alone for long periods of time. After what happened with Carrie...

No stop.

Thinking about Carrie is a waste of time.

Thinking about those two men you killed is a waste of time.

The past is a waste of time.

Convince him..

I take a few shaky breaths. I can't feel sorry for myself anymore of what happened, it's an excuse. A waste. I know why my father picked Alexander to go, his parents are going of course. So that's a choice too reasonable to deny. Though would it be crazy enough to go? To find this dam alone? A decision that any sixteen year-old would deny for sure out of fear. However, the idea alone lures me in.. I want to be out of this Colony, this damned city, out of San Francisco all together. The Muir Woods is my best chance. Call me a hypocrite about the fear of ending up alone.. but fuck it.

"Is this a bad time to say that you owe me eight trinkets now?" Preacher's voice is inaudible to my ears before I sprint up and become frozen in step from the touch of his hand. Like a fox being hunted by hungry wolves in the masked jewel of a unbearable forest.

Calloused and warm, his hands grip my arm gently. From the car window I could see the clear reflection of my face. I was the one who was hungry and craving to surround my kill, eager to see blood stain the maw of my jaws and ravenous claws. Though that peculiar image never appeared. Instead a young girl with hollow cheeks, black circles surrounding her washed out eyes and skin that seemed too pale even if originally a lightened gold, but unhealthy, yet the hunger in my eyes still blanketed my thoughts.

"What did you just decide Miriam?"

Slowly, I pull my arm away too forcefully. "I'm going to convince Dreyfus."

"Whoa, convince him of what?" I spin to find myself being grasped by my inked wrist. "What are you planning to do Miriam Grant?" I felt myself shiver in surprise as he asked through gritted teeth. Fear was evident.

"I.. I do hate being alone Preacher.. but.. don't you want the feeling to be out there?" Indicating I nod my head towards the direction of the golden gate bridge. "Away from the stuffiness of this city? I hate it here, I mean.. I do love that I have what I have in order to be alive and surrounded by family and very few friends but I hate this city. What if you had the chance to go out there by yourself? Maybe find others? I want that opportunity Preacher."

Preacher paled as he released my inked wrist. Anger and shock spreading from his face to his darkened eyes. "That is a suicide mission Miriam. To go out there by yourself? Didn't you hear a damn thing Hope said?"

"Of course I did! I'm not deaf Prea-"

"What are you trying to prove then?"

"That I can survive out there and not be the same little girl I was seven years ago! Not afraid to be alone, not be afraid of the choices I'll make, not afraid to kill! Three people I killed! One of them being someone my father loved and was like a mother to me.. I mostly want to prove to myself that I won't be afraid to make those mistakes again. That the paranoia won't haunt me for the rest of my life."

As if blowing out a candle, my energy quickly died down like a speck of dust. Dust that never mattered and is long forgotten. I can do this.

You will die out there.

Everyone will die someday. I'm just going out there to prove myself wrong, to sin or not to sin, even if it butchers my mind entirely.

Few seconds calmed down as if the atmosphere had become sober enough. I could trust Preacher enough to know, and to remain silent about my whereabouts.

Instead I don't see the fear and anger marked on his face. He seemed adamant and sure of this, just as much as I do. I don't need an explanation from Preacher, his lips don't move. He doesn't argue at all for my sake, so I turn on my heel once again.

"Samuel."

The name stops me before I could head towards Dreyfus' direction, "What?"

"Figure you should before your suicide mission." A familiar smirk warms the back of my mind in relief. He's okay with this, the only person who knew of his real name was the last surviving members of his family that soon perished after the Outbreak. Are we that close for him to reveal such a silver lining of his past?

Everyone here go by their last names anyway to forget the identity given to them before the dawn of the Simian Flu Pandemic, so I supposed it was normal. Wouldn't mind if a few began calling me Grant once in awhile.

"How hard can it be to find a dam?" I have to smile for his sake before slipping out into the night. Though.. how hard is it to be striped from loneliness?

Smokey air fueled my nostrils when heading back to the center of the Colony. At least.. that's where Dreyfus might be. Knowing him for the past six years he could be very persuasive, but if it comes down to a bargain trying to convince him then so be it.. if I'm able to acquire the price he'll ask for; Food, medicine, trinkets to trade, anything.

The festivities still raged on as I walked through the labyrinth of the city. Roasting meat of the familiar rabbit or squirrel that will disappear by the end of the night. Consumed by the constant smell I caught the side glances of people who saw my form but quickly returned to the attention of squealing children. The others who didn't notice continued to bask in the celebration that glorified their lives once a year. How long would it last? I do not know.

Then something broke through my mindset, Dreyfus would tell my family, yet he's a man of his word. Hopefully he wouldn't say a thing along with Preacher.

Once I stepped inside of the discontinued mall it was utterly silent. The main Colony member shouldn't be too far now. I spent the last twenty minutes or so following the man to his apartment. Which is only a few blocks from where I live.

Moonlight glowed inside the building, very few candles in people's doorways still shone with comforting light of oranges and yellows, the wax soon to be melted in another hour or so when the festival is finally over as everyone will sleep in until the afternoon.

I played through what I might say to Dreyfus over and over again. How to direct him in a reasonable and get to the point manner. Ask questions later sort of deal. I chuckled at the surprise he might face when I volunteer myself to go to the Muir Woods. But with my reasoning I'll lie to him.

Approaching to the makeshift door I knocked thrice, tapping my foot impatiently as I catch the site of shadows moving due to the candles or lamps in the apartment. Finally with fast paced footsteps the door creaked open to Dreyfus; old with wired-like glasses and ashen blond hair that is soon to turn gray, face accompanied with very few wrinkles and coated with a faint beard. Him and my father may be the same age but Dreyfus sure as hell hasn't been through the burden and stress my kin has been through.

"Miriam! Aren't you supposed to be at the celebration?" He grumbled. What a lovely greeting...

"Yes and no, Hope said that I was to spend one hour there, felt a little sick before I went." I answer, turning my face to point where I lived. Then trying to see through Dreyfus as he stood in the doorway.

"Okay?" His eyebrows knitted together when I crossed my arms. "May I come in?" I quipped, placing on the mask to appear more friendly than stern.

Dreyfus hesitates for a moment before stepping aside, I smile "Thank you." So far so good..

Heading into the threshold I was met with papers and maps pinned to the wall; coordinates that I didn't understand and landscapes of California, one map of which had a red 'X' where I'm guessing the dam might be. Followed with shelves full of books and documents that could only hold more information of California or the Muir Woods, news paper clippings were scattered along an old Radio Transmitter that's not even close to working. Completely what I expected Dreyfus to live like. A room scattered with knowledge and with only a bunk to sleep on and a portable stove and very little food. Busy I must say.

The heat of the room overwhelmed me to the point where I forcefully rolled up the sleeves of my sweater, by the time I leave I'll probably be drenched in sweat.

"You've.. been busy?" I ask, my tone hesitated when I focused on the wall.

"In a way, the Founders Council and I have been working on the same assignment for the past week." Dreyfus said with a tired tone.

"Had a shitty week as well Dreyfus, so I can relate." I reply, with very little humor to my voice when I nonchalantly crept closer to the wall, studying every detail that my mind can absorb and remember if he declines my offer.

Dreyfus looked to where my attention was set and began to stare down at me, as if he was going to give me a good scolding any minute, and I suppose the longer I stayed staring, the scolding I was going to get. "Why are you really here Miriam?"

"To save you from your troubles" I lied, straight-forward and calm. As I expected he was bewildered, surprised at what I declared, "What in hell are you talking about?"

This is my chance to get a home run, or be sent home and he'll tell my family right off the bat.

"I overheard the meeting you all had half an hour ago. I'm.. guessing I missed half of the meeting since you and Hope were in the middle of arguing over something.. about a dam?" His slow nodding urged me to continue, good, I got his attention now. "What I'm saying is, why waste your time sending a group of people when one could be enough? Less planning to do and less time that'll take me to find the dam." I paused momentarily when I began tugging the attire attached to my wrist, such a hateful habit. "I.. I don't want to feel helpless. All I do here is sit around and go on supply runs and go to school, I want to help out more. Besides.. this isn't for me, it's for the Colony." There it is, there's my lie.. this is for me, and not entirely for the Colony, more for myself, to prove a point of how I've felt for years. And to find survivors that might or might not kill me.

"Miriam Grant do you know who your father is?" He said, awfully calm and surprised at the same time, "Or how he is?"

"I'm well aware of that Dreyfus. Though like I said, I'll be back before you kno-"

"No! no way Miriam, I'm not sending a minor by herself to find a dam! Your father has made that very clear to not mention any of this to you. However I guess that's out of the question since you already found out.."

It was my turn to be pissed off, "Then why was Alex chosen? He's a minor just like myself and he has the chance to go?" With the jealously in full swing I knew exactly why he's going, but it wasn't fair. I quickly averted my gaze to the carpet stained floor with clenched fists, my knuckles soon to turn white. "What has my dad told you?" My voice was now bitter and haunted, this should be a feeble attempt to let me go and to tell Dreyfus that I would find a way to go without anyone knowing.

"V..very few things Miriam." Dreyfus managed to sputter out when I fought the urge to roll my eyes but failed.

"What my dad keeps on forgetting is that it happened seven years ago. Done and over with." The constant chime of the clock above my head continued, but I felt my heart begin to stop. I admit.. I'm being too forceful, I'm nothing like this. I guess that's what happens when I stay in one place for so long and feel restricted enough to crave the urge to go out there, simple human nature. And I can't throw a tantrum by not achieving what I want, so I breathe in and out.

"Just give me a chance.. I'll be back with some information about the dam and all will be well." I knew nothing about Hydroelectric Dams, but if Dreyfus is only asking about the state of the dam that's something I can do.

Minutes passed as Dreyfus shifted himself towards the wall, clearly in concentration as his jaw clenched, I was afraid his teeth my shatter with every passing second.

And with each passing second was his approval to let me go.

Slowly, I exhale, stretching my limbs and flipped through the pages of a book, dust plastered as the thin paper was no longer a pearly and white, instead ivory and discolored from years of being surrounded with outside life. Nothing interesting catches my eye so I close the book with a loud thud. Echoing the room before Dreyfus angled to look at me.

"You really want to do this Miriam?"

I hesitate before saying yes, the words clogged in my throat when I continue to tug on my bracelet, to my surprise I nod ecstatically, "Yes."

Dreyfus is perplexed as he tilts his head, but ends up laughing quietly due to my excitement. "You are the craziest person I've ever met Miriam. No one would've volunteered as quick as you."

Indeed, I hadn't quite believe of what blurted out of my mouth before thinking, so I shrug with hands on my hips. "Then let's get to planning."

"Okay."

Like a wolf I achieved my kill and was provided of what I desired most. Beneath my gratitude I only dragged two people into the game I was about to play, all for the sake of my sanity. What I didn't know.. I was going to regret this decision for the next few weeks. Though I'm thankful that Dreyfus will keep where I'm about to go low profile from the Founders Council and everyone else I know.

So.. perhaps I won't regret this, hopefully..

(A/N: Well guess what Miri I'm gonna make it hell for you to find that dam, it's all for the plot of the story though haha.)