Rachel walked inside the Sector V treehouse, a DVD package in her hand. Kuki, Nigel, and Abby were sitting around the treehouse, watching TV or on their phone.

"Hey, Rach." Nigel said as she came in. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Hey, Happy Valentine's day, you guys mind if I keep this here?" She asked, holding up the DVD. "It's something my mom's teacher friend gave me for her today."

"What's in on?" Kuki asked.

"Well, my mom's pregnant, and it's been eleven years since she, you know...so this is a bit of a, um, refresher!" Rachel said.

"Is it of how to like, take care of the baby?" Kuki asked. "Because if it is, can I-"

"No!" Rachel said quickly. "It's not a, um, PG-13 movie."

"Well, what could it be of?" Kuki asked. "Like, how to change a baby's diaper?"

"No," Rachel said. "It's a, um, Abby can you-?"

"Got it." Abby said. "Kuki, it's a birthing video."

"What does that mean?" Kuki asked.

"It's a video of a baby coming from a woman." Abby explained. "Is Abby right, Rach?"

"Yes." Rachel sighed.

"Oh." Kuki said.

"Why on earth is it called, 'Candy on Cookie'?" Nigel asked as he read the title.

"This may be her sister." Rachel said in disdain. "I don't know. I've got to go."

Before she left, she took a second to notice how quiet it was.

"Before I leave, may I ask where Hoagie and Wally are?" She asked.

"Oh, they got a detention for pouring acids on each other during science. They'll be here in about an hour." Kuki explained.

"Okay..." Rachel said. "I'll be back later to get it."

"Bye, Rach!" They all called as she left.

Wally and Hoagie came into the treehouse, arguing.

"You could have so killed me." Wally insisted.

"Wally, how many times do I have to tell you, backing soda and vinegar can't kill you." Hoagie said. "And, you poured it on me first."

"Well, you were being an ass." Wally said.

"Well, you are also being an ass-id." Hoagie giggled to himself. "Get it?"

"Yeah, and you wonder why I hadn't done it sooner." Wally said. "Where are the others?"

"Obviously not here." Hoagie said. "Here." He said, lifting up a note in Abby's handwriting.

Dumbasses, we left to get pizza. May be about an hour. Don't worry, there'll be enough for you. -Abby

"Why didn't she just text?" Wally asked. Hoagie shrugged. He then noticed the DVD package, labeled 'Candy on Cookie'.

"Oooh." He said to himself.

"What?" Wally asked.

"It's porn!" Hoagie cried happily.

"Where'd it come from?" Wally asked, taking the package.

"The porn gods?! A Valentine's Day miracle?!" Hoagie said. "Who gives a fuck, Wally, it's free porn!"

"It's better than stealing from the porn store." Wally said. "Go on, put it in!"

He took out two root beers and a bag of chips as Hoagie put the video in. They both fell onto the couch, ready to see something their fourteen year old minds always think about.

The video started, but it wasn't a sexy porn scene. Instead, it was a woman in a hospital, crying loudly.

"I don't think this is..."

The camera then turned to...that area as the doctors screamed that the woman was ready, and to start pushing.

"What kind of...?"

The baby's head was then seen on the television, as it exited it's mother.

"HOLY FUCK?!" Hoagie screamed, as Wally fainted from the blood. Hoagie hurried to turn off the TV.

"That is so NOT porn."

Kuki, Abby, and Nigel came back into the treehouse with a pizza, laughing at something. Hoagie and Wally stayed on the couch, stoic and frozen.

"Hey!" Kuki said. "We got pizza!"

"Not hungry." Hoagie mumbled.

"Wally?"

"Can't eat." He said.

"What's up?" Abby asked. "Normally, we can't get food away from them."

She turned to look at the boys. They had shell shocked expressions, and Wally had a mustache drawn on his face with a Sharpie. They weren't moving, and not responding.

"The hell happened?" Abby asked.

"That." Hoagie said, pointing to the DVD player.

Abby took the DVD out and read it, her jaw dropping.

"You watched the birthing video?!" She said in disbelief.

"What?!" Kuki asked. "Why would you watch that?"

"We..we, um, we..." Hoagie stuttered under the gaze of the two girls.

"You two thought it was porn." Nigel said. Abby and Kuki glared at them.

Wally shrugged. "Yeah, we totally did."

"Wally?!" Hoagie hissed. "Now they think we're perverts."

"We already think your perverts." Nigel said. "But why the hell would you think it's porn? And why would it be here?"

"We thought it was a gift from the porn gods." Wally said.

"Or, a you know, Valentine's Day miracle." Hoagie shrugged.

"Why would either of those be a logical explanation?" Nigel asked.

"And a Valentine's Day miracle would you two getting dates." Abby added.

"Well, why the fuck is a birth video here?!" Hoagie asked.

"It's Rachel's." Nigel said.

Wally gasped. "Rachel has a kid?"

Hoagie smacked his head. "No, idiot."

"It's for Rachel's mom." Abby explained. "From one of her friends. Rachel left it here, since she's coming by later."

"Hey, guys!" Rachel called as she came into the treehouse with Fanny and Patton. "Sorry we're late. How much-?"

They stopped when she saw Hoagie and Wally sitting shell shocked on the couch and Abby, Kuki, and Nigel glaring at them.

"What's up?" Patton asked.

"They watched Rachel's mom's friend's birthing video thinking it was porn!" Abby yelled.

"What?!" Rachel asked.

"That's right we watched to video!" Wally yelled. "And let me just say one thing, it's horrific!"

No one was paying attention to him, since he had a sharpie mustache.

"You do realize you have a Sharpie mustache, right Mr. Swanson." Patton said.

Wally turned to Hoagie, who was snickering.

"Unfortunately had to find a way to get my mind off the thing!" He said.

"By drawing on my face!" Wally said.

"You passed out in the first five seconds." Hoagie said. "You deserved it."

"It was disgusting." He said. "It would have made any of you pass out!"

"It's just a birthing video." Abby laughed. "It can't be that bad."

"Yeah." Nigel smirked. "The acid you poured on each other must have scrambled your brains or something."

"Watch it yourselves." Hoagie said. "Then tell us."

"We will." Rachel said, starting the video.

Everyone sat down on the couch, while the video started, and Wally immediately fainted again.

"Stoopid boy." Fanny scoffed. "Can't even handle a little blood."

"To be fair, he is hemophobic." Hoagie said. "And just watch."

They all rolled their eyes, but regretted it after watching the next scene.

"HOLY SHIT?!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

"HOW COULD IT DO THAT TO A GROWN WOMAN?!"

"OH, FUCK WHAT'S THAT?!"

"MY EYES, MY FUCKING EYES!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, RACHEL TURN IT OFF!"

Rachel immediately turned off the TV. They sat in silence as they processed what they just watched.

"I'm never having kids."

A/N: So, this was inspired by the Friends episode, "The One With the Birthing Video", or the Valentine's Day episode from season eight. And yes, they are fourteen in this oneshot.

Go check out my other stories!

Constructive Criticism is Welcomed!

Please Review!

Bye-Nat