Notes:

Yes I know it's been some time and I really want to apologize! Also I want to thank everyone who has given kudos or even written a comment even though I need years to update (literally). Thank you so much!

This chapter was written on my phone since I rarely get the time to be on my computer. It might be a little short but I need to find a flow for writing again. It's hard guys. I'm stressed out and overworked and all of that made me go into a writing blockade. :'D well but here I am..

I also want to apologize for any weird sentences or words, I set my phone to bilingual but maybe there is still something wrong here or there. Not beta read I die like a warrior lol.

As you can guess, the great "flash" of Kuroko no Basuke is long gone for me, so I do have some troubles with writing, but I really want to finish this story and it will probably be one or two more chapters until it's done. I still love KnB and the characters, especially Mitobe. Sorry he has to suffer a little. I'll make up to it.

If anyone is still reading this - if you leave a small comment I'd appreciate it a lot and I'll do my best to finish the last chapters sooner! I really do ;0;

The sleeping pills had helped him for about a week. A week that Mitobe was able to sleep without any dreams at all. He went to school and training normally and everyone, including Koganei, were convinced that their friend was alright again. No headaches, no signs of any lack of sleep. Everything went back to normal again and Mitobe was sure it would stay that way. It didn't. For some reason or another, his nightmares returned. The teen was tempted into taking more pills, but he knew too many of these might have serious consequences. So Mitobe didn't take more, he tried to shoulder it. Maybe he could deceive everyone else into believing he was still fine?

After some more struggling days of no sleep, he was told to stay at home. On that morning, Mitobe wasn't even able to prepare breakfast anymore, too much water in the rice cooker, the eggs burnt, a glass dropped to the floor... it was pure chaos, and his sisters couldn't bare to watch this scene any longer, shoving their brother on one of the kitchen chairs and told him to let them handle it.

They knew something was amiss, they've seen it happen before. The little ones, born after Mitobe already stopped speaking, didn't know what was wrong with their brother. Of course, being worried, they asked what was wrong, if he wasn't getting enough sleep, if it's their fault. Mitobe shook his head at every question, clearly overstrained from the whole situation.

His hands started shaking, him failing like this, worrying his siblings, even making them think it was because of them, it all was too much. When he felt tears starting to form in his eyes, he got up, sobbing quietly, and excused himself in his room. Mitobe sat down on his bed, breathing in and out, trying to calm himself. It didn't work. He messed up, he tried so hard to make it work, to show that he was fine, that there was nothing to worry about, that he was able to handle this. But he wasn't, Mitobe knew now, being as sleep deprived and scared of his nightmares as he last was when he still was in elementary school.

Koganei had been worried these last days, too. He'd constantly ask if Mitobe was alright, if he didn't sleep because he looked so tired. Mitobe had waved it off, trying to make his friend believe that he probably catched a little cold and therefore looked a little exhausted. Koganei told him to go to the doctor, but until now, Mitobe refused. Until now, where he was failing at breakfast and now sat on his bed crying. Damn. There it was, a curse in his thoughts. Mitobe never cursed, ever. But now he had to face the facts: denying his problems and trauma will only bring him this far. That's what his therapist said some time ago. His doctor wasn't so fond of Mitobe's way of dealing with his trauma. Since Mitobe only tried to forget, never really talking - as far as possible - about it to actually work himself through it.

He laid down on his bed after no new tears were coming down. Thinking about what his therapist asked him the last time he saw him, Mitobe's thoughts wandered to his best friend. Friend. He repeated the word in his mind and his heart stung. Why did it hurt? Koganei was always at his side since middle school. He was the greatest friend one could have, understanding him even though he couldn't talk, was attentive and always a pure sunshine. His kitty shaped smile made Mitobe want to pat his head, fondle his chin like a kitten would enjoy. Koga would probably look really cute when he's treated like a kitty and purr even cuter. Mitobe had to chuckle a little at the thought, then waved it away. Stupid, so stupid. What was he even thinking? Mitobe wasn't some kind of pervert or whatever, he just really.. really.. cared for this boy. His eyes were already red and swollen from crying and now his cheeks turned a new shade of red as well.

Is this it? Does he truly love Koganei? So much that it hurt him? And why does that have anything to do with his nightmares? His head was spinning. Mitobe kept thinking about these questions and needed a long time to find answers. After he was officially sick with some (very bad) cold and could rest at home, he had enough time to sort his thoughts and feelings. The conclusion was so clear after he let himself accept it: he really loved Koga, everything about him. And yes, he thought about his sexuality, too. Has he been attracted to women before? Mitobe could answer it within a second, no, he never had any feelings for a girl other than friendship or the love of a sibling for his sisters. His parents once said he will find a nice girl and just needed more time because of his shyness. But they were wrong, he would never even look for a girl.

Koganei was different, a cute boy with just the right amount of muscle and just the right huggable height for him. He had to admit that he was in fact very gay, and very in love. These days he had another talk with his doctor, and received a hint to why his nightmares might have returned. "it's because you long for someone that understands you perfectly and that you can talk about your innermost fears and the specific traumatic incident. Someone other than me, someone who loves you and eases the burden weighing you down." So Mitobe had to go ahead and talk to Koganei no matter what. He had to. But the problem was.. he couldn't.

The fear was too great. The fear of being rejected, of not being understood, of ruining a perfect friendship. Mitobe tried to keep contact with Koganei despite being sick at home. But he told his friend not to come over, that it was too risky and he might catch the cold, too. Rinnosuke felt so bad for lying to Koga more and more. If only he wasn't such a coward, if only he could overcome his fears. But the lies continued and the contact between the two became sparse. Mitobe didn't know what to write anymore, Koga couldn't do more than express his worries and was lost when his friend didn't answer.

Mitobe's "cold" went on for two weeks. The whole team thought something was wrong now for sure. None of them heard of such a bad illness going around these last weeks and days. Koganei looked extremely sad and exhausted. They all knew how much he worried about Mitobe. It was Riko who finally had enough of this hick hack: "Listen, Koga. It's been two weeks and whatever he caught can't be contagious anymore. That is, IF he actually caught any cold. Just get up and go see how he's doing. You're his best friend, you should know that he obviously needs you."

It felt more like an order than an advice. "Guess you're right. Maybe I have to tickle it out of him, huh? I'll try my best!" Koga smiled, and everyone agreed and wished him good luck. If Koga alone wouldn't be able to get through, the others will help as well. But Koganei was convinced he could do it. Maybe he really just needed a little kick in the arse. It's not like he didn't think of just visiting Mitobe and forcing his way in, it's just that he thought he shouldn't do it. Mitobe himself asked him not to come over, he wanted to respect that wish. But with every day that his friend didn't answer and didn't recover from his so called cold Koga went more and more suspicious.

It was clear now that Mitobe lied to him. For whatever reason, his best friend lied about being sick with a cold and didn't want to see him. Koga was hurt as he realized this, he had even cried to himself at night, thinking about Mitobe. Why would he do that? Did he, as his best friend, do anything wrong? Was Mitobe's absence his fault? Now that he got kicked in the butt by Riko and his friends, he didn't need to ask himself anymore. Koga was ready to ask his friend in person now. As he cleared his throat one last time, he rang the doorbell a little shyly. "Hey, is Mitobe-kun at home? I came to visit him" Koga asked when the door was opened. With a little hesitation his sister let Koganei in. "Rin-nii-chan is in his room." Koga heard her mumble. He nodded and thanked her, making his way to Mitobe's room. The door was closed and he stood there for a few long seconds until he finally knocked. "Mitobe..? It's me Koga. Can I uh.. come in?"