Chapter 2 Notes: Ok, so I got this second chapter up much quicker than I expected. The ideas wouldn't leave me alone to study so I figured I should just get them all down first so I can free up my little brain to cram for my midterm exam this week. I probably won't get the next chapter up for a couple of weeks. Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed or followed this story so far. It's always fun to see familiar names in the reviews when I start a new story. :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls. Also, the parts of the story that are related to school and social service agencies are all based on the DCFS agency that I am involved with in my little corner of the world. I do not have any specific knowledge of how the foster care system works in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania in general.
Trigger Warning: Brief mention of past domestic violence.
Jeremy walked slowly back toward Jess' apartment. He had made sure to note the address and the path he had taken all day and was being careful to retrace his route. He actually liked this part of a new placement, walking around a new neighborhood, with new places to see and new people to watch. What he hadn't enjoyed so much had been the rejection he had received at the high school. The woman in the front office had explained that as a minor, he would only be allowed to enroll himself in school without a parent or guardian's permission if he were homeless or had been emancipated. Otherwise, it would create a liability issue for the school. He had explained that he was in foster care, but that his foster parent hadn't been available to come with him this morning and he didn't want to miss any more school than he had to. She had praised his initiative toward his education and told him to wait at the counter for a moment.
She had returned a few minutes later accompanied by a woman in her mid-thirties with shoulder length brown hair and dark-framed glasses who she introduced as Ms. Lintz, one of the school's counselors. Ms. Lintz asked if Jeremy would mind talking to her for a few minutes. He had followed her into her office, perched nervously on the green couch across from her chair and answered her questions. The conversation had started out harmless enough as the woman had explained to Jeremy what her role at the school was and asked about Jeremy's experience at his old school, what subjects he liked, what he liked to do when he wasn't in school, that kind of thing. He had felt a knot tightening in the pit of his stomach as her questions veered toward whether things were ok at his new foster home. They didn't see a lot of kids who tried to enroll themselves and she wanted to make sure everything was all right and that he was getting the support he needed at home. He tried to stay calm as he answered as carefully as possible. He had admitted when pressed that his foster father hadn't woken up in time to take him to school and Jeremy hadn't wanted to disturb him. No, he hadn't seen Jess have anything to drink last night. He figured the guy was probably just tired. He had wanted to take care of this himself and not be a burden to Jess. No, Jess didn't treat him like he was a burden, he just worried about being one anyway. He lied when asked about breakfast, saying he had grabbed a banana on his way out the door. He had emphasized that even though he had just met Jess, he thought he seemed like a good guy.
The counselor had ultimately been satisfied with his answers and walked him to the door, telling him to come back with his foster father on Monday and there shouldn't be a problem in getting him enrolled. She shook his hand with a warm smile on her face, telling him that she looked forward to seeing him again and for him to feel free to seek her out if he found himself having problems at school or at home, or if he just needed someone to talk to. He had thanked her and left quickly.
He had wandered after that, knowing Jess wouldn't be expecting him back until around 2:30. He had walked through a park and stopped for a while, sitting on a bench and watching the ducks in the small pond while he reflected on his situation. He hoped he hadn't made things worse today. The knot in his stomach had snowballed with dread since he had left the school. He knew how precarious things could be in foster care. He really hoped he hadn't set anything in motion today by talking to that counselor. He hadn't liked how suspicious she had seemed about him just trying to go to school. He really hoped this didn't come back to bite him. He had wanted to show Jess that he could take care of himself. That he wasn't a little kid who needed his hand held. That he wouldn't be a hassle to have around. He wanted to redeem himself for last night. Instead he felt like he had come dangerously close to getting Jess reported to DCFS for neglect on his second day ever as a resource parent. He didn't picture that going over too well. He decided to look around for a job and then head back to Jess'. He knew that Jess probably wouldn't get out of work until five or six, but he wanted to make sure he was waiting out front by 2:30 anyway since that's what he had told Jess in his note. He needed to be extra careful not to do anything wrong, especially at the beginning, and especially after his behavior the night before.
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Jeremy was tired and hungry as he trudged up the street toward Jess' building that afternoon. He had only had a few bucks on him and had used them to buy a bag of chips and a soda at a convenience store around noon when he was taking a break from picking up job applications. He had realized at the first place he had gone into that he would have to take them back to Jess' to fill out and then bring them back. Even though he had made note of Jess' address, he realized as he sat down to complete the first one, that he had no clue what Jess' phone number was. He wished he really had grabbed a banana on his way out the door, as he thought about how hungry he was and how it could still be a few hours until Jess came home from work and let him into the apartment. At the beginning of a placement he liked to follow the policy of only eating when food was offered to him to avoid any awkward situations or trouble, but Jess honestly didn't strike him as someone who would mind if Jeremy had grabbed something for breakfast on his own. When he left he had been counting on the free lunch program at school to make it through the day, knowing his status as a foster child qualified him.
As he approached Jess' building, he saw the side of a jean covered leg extending from the stoop, bent at a right angle, above that his foster father's dark hair fell forward blocking most of the man's profile from view as he looked down at the open book in his hand. Jeremy, still unseen, stopped short about ten feet away. He didn't like surprises. He had wanted more time to think about how to explain what had happened at the school that morning without looking like a dumb kid or a useless failure.
Jess looked up and to his right, then, as if he could feel that he was being studied. "Jeremy, hey! There you are." The smile that broke across Jess' face looked genuine as he set down his book on the step beside him.
Jeremy took a few steps toward the stoop, almost closing the gap between them and said the first thing that he thought of, a knee-jerk self-defense reaction. "I left a note."
"What?" Jess laughed lightly. "Yeah, I know you did. Thank you for that. I always appreciate a good note." He smiled at Jeremy like he was happy to see him, and Jeremy wasn't sure what to make of it. He stood awkwardly, nervous energy making him fidget with the shoulder strap of his almost empty backpack. "Can you come sit down for a few minutes? I want to talk to you."
Jeremy nodded and sat down, a couple of feet from Jess and one step lower than where he was sitting. He knew he should say something, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He was painfully introverted by nature and though being verbal didn't come easy to him, he knew that many adults judged a quiet teenager as being sullen or standoffish. He angled himself sideways on the step so that he was at least looking up at Jess.
"Did you have lunch? Did you get to eat at school?"
Jeremy shook his head, then remembered to verbalize his answer. "No, I haven't had lunch."
"Well, that's no good." Jess turned away from Jeremy and reached down to the step on his other side. He turned back with full hands and a warm smile, shrugging slightly. "I didn't know what you liked, but I figured you'd be pretty starving when you got home. I know I always was after high school even on the days when I actually ate lunch." He held out a bottle of lemonade in one hand and a white paper bag with a pretzel logo on the front in the other. "Is this ok?"
"Yeah, definitely. Thank you." Jeremy gratefully accepted the offerings, setting the bag down, uncapping the lemonade and taking a long sip, feeling the instant rush of sugar in his bloodstream, reviving him.
Jess gave him a few moments to take out his pretzel and choose a dipping sauce. Jess had brought a few choices, not knowing what Jeremy preferred on his pretzel. "So, uh, I was a pretty shitty foster dad today and I'm sorry for that. I should have gotten up early, made you breakfast and gone with you to enroll in school. I'm sorry you had to do that by yourself."
Jeremy finished chewing a salty bite of pretzel. "It's ok. They didn't let me enroll anyway. They said I needed to have a parent or guardian there to sign the forms since I'm still a minor. So, could you maybe come with me on Monday to get me registered and stuff?"
"Yes, absolutely! I'm there!" Jess smiled enthusiastically as if he were getting a second chance to do something he really wanted to do but was afraid he had missed out on. "And I swear, Jeremy, I don't usually sleep in like that. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and I guess I was really out this morning and didn't hear my alarm go off. I didn't even hear you get up. But, I promise, I will be up bright and early on Monday morning and ready to sign some enrollment forms, I can tell you that much." Jess was grinning now. Jeremy didn't really get it, but it felt contagious and he found himself smiling back. Sitting there on the stoop feeling the salt and sugar taking the edge off his hunger and being with someone who seemed to be at least trying to care about him, things didn't feel too terrible. Maybe this could be better than he had expected. "Oh, I have this for you, too." Jess dug a hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out a small key ring with one key on it and held it out to Jeremy.
Jeremy took the key with the hand not holding his pretzel. "Thank you." The key felt almost weightless in his hand. He thought about how often he had held a new key in his life, then he thought about the couple of places he had lived where he hadn't been trusted with a key of his own.
"You're welcome. I should have given this to you last night, but I guess I got distracted with… everything, and, well, I forgot to." Jeremy felt a rush of embarrassment, knowing that what had 'distracted' Jess was likely Jeremy's breakdown at his kitchen table. "That's on me, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to ever feel that you need to wait outside for me to get home. You live here, and I want you to feel comfortable getting into the apartment on your own."
Jeremy nodded, not sure what to say to that.
"So, I'm pretty impressed that you went to enroll yourself in school today, you know."
Jeremy looked up quizzically at that, as he chewed a bite of pretzel.
"I am, really. When I was your age, I…well, let's just say, I was not a fan of school. I took every opportunity I could to get out of going to school. I definitely would have taken advantage of what happened today if I had been in your shoes. I'm impressed that you didn't."
Jeremy reflected on that, wondering how different Jess' childhood and adolescence had to have been from his own, if Jess had felt that his education was something he could afford to squander. He shrugged. "I figured I had already missed the first week at a new school. I didn't want to miss any more days than I needed to. Switching schools mid-semester is kind of tough, even if it's this early in the term. And I, uh, thought they would let me sign myself up. I had read about the McKinney-Vento act a few months ago online, and I thought they would let me enroll under that. It's for homeless kids, really, but foster kids usually qualify for some of the same"….…Jeremy searched for the right word…"uh, perks, I guess." He let out a single hollow sounding laugh. "If you can call them that, that they do. So, I thought they'd let me." He shrugged again.
Jess was looking at him with compassion in his eyes now, and he wished he hadn't said so much, had stopped before drawing a comparison between himself and the homeless population. Jeremy wanted to break the lingering silence before it turned awkward. "This pretzel is great by the way. Thank you. You want some? You could break off a piece?" Jeremy held the pretzel up to Jess.
Jess shook his head. "No, thank you. That's all for you." "So, if you care this much about not missing school, I'm guessing your grades are probably pretty good, huh?"
Jeremy shrugged. "Mostly A's. An occasional B here and there, but mostly A's."
Jess grinned broadly. "Wow, my kid's a school nerd." The warm affection in his voice belied the mocking. "That's great, Jeremy. Really." He chuckled softly, staring out into the street. "My uncle is really going to get a kick out of this."
Jeremy lowered his head as he dipped his pretzel into the container of marinara sauce, feeling shy about letting Jess see the small smile spreading on his own face. My kid. He knew it was just an expression. Sometimes foster parents left out the 'foster.' He realized Jess hadn't meant it in a serious or literal way, but the fact that his mind was going there at all this early into things felt like a good sign.
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Jeremy finished walking through the empty apartment on Saturday morning. No Jess. He looked around again, checking his bedroom door, the kitchen table and the refrigerator. No note. He didn't know why this annoyed him as badly as it did. It wasn't so much that Jess hadn't left him a note before he went out, even though Jeremy had been considerate enough to leave him one when he had left for school yesterday. Things were always this way, different standards for kids than for adults. He was used to that. It was more that he had the feeling that Jess had forgotten he existed. Again. He felt like last night had gone well, but he wondered if this would happen every day, if he would feel like they were getting along and making progress in the evening just to have Jess revert back to his default setting by morning, with no memory of his new foster child. It wasn't the first time that he had had a foster parent leave without telling him where they were going or when they would be back. It wasn't even the first time he felt like a foster parent had forgotten about him entirely. This time hurt more than he knew it should. He attributed that to Jess being so good at making him feel like he cared.
Last night had been good. Really good. Jeremy had been nervous to spend so much time alone with Jess. He worried that every chance he had to interact with Jess was another opportunity for Jeremy to mess something up and say or do the wrong thing. Jess had had some stuff he needed to finish up for work, so they had gone up-stairs and Jess had worked on his laptop at the table while Jeremy looked through his collection of books for something to entertain himself with. When he had settled on The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Jess had called over from the table that he'd made an excellent choice, calling the book a near perfect novel. Jeremy had just smiled and thanked Jess for letting him borrow it. Around six, Jess had shut his laptop and asked Jeremy what he wanted for dinner. Jeremy had caught himself just before answering 'whatever,' even though he hadn't meant it disrespectfully, just that he was open to anything Jess wanted. He told him that instead, and he supposed that was what Jess had meant by them using their words. Jess pressed for what some of his favorite foods were, and Jeremy had shrugged, making some kind of vague statement that he liked lots of stuff.
Jess had ended up taking him to a small Vietnamese place down the street, where they ordered Banh Mi and spring rolls. When Jeremy had ordered his sandwich with tofu, Jess had asked if he was a vegetarian. Jeremy had nodded hesitantly and asked if that was ok. Jess assured him that it was, then mock-scolded him, saying that was exactly the kind of thing you should tell a person when he was asking what kind of food you liked and deciding where to take you for dinner. Jeremy had reflexively said he was sorry and Jess had smiled warmly at him, jokingly telling him that he'd let it go this time, but he better not hide any other important stuff from him. How was he supposed to take care of Jeremy and make sure he had what he needed if he didn't even tell Jess the basics? He didn't want to spend the next year forcing Jeremy to choke down chicken for dinner every night not even knowing he was doing anything wrong. Jeremy had enjoyed hearing Jess refer to them doing anything together for the next year, even if it did involve eating chicken every night. He took it as an acknowledgement of Jess' intentions to keep Jeremy with him past his eighteenth birthday and at least let him stay in one place for his senior year.
Jeremy had spent most of the meal answering Jess' questions on whether he wanted to go to college, he did, and what he liked to do for fun, if he played or followed any sports, had any hobbies or interests, things like that. Jeremy answered every question the best he could, but he couldn't come up with too many things to elaborate on. He really disliked talking about himself. He just never thought of anything interesting to say. When Jess had exhausted all the 'get to know you' questions, he had listened to Jess talk about the publishing company he worked at, and his two friends who founded and owned the place. Jeremy made sure to nod a lot and ask a question every so often so that Jess would know he was interested in what he was saying. After dinner they had played Scrabble at the kitchen table, and it wasn't lost on Jeremy that Jess had opened a brand-new game, one he may have bought specifically to play with Jeremy. All this didn't feel like a man who should keep forgetting that his foster child existed. Jeremy sighed and sat on the couch with his book. He didn't have any homework to start on, but he had a key. He would wait for a while to see if Jess returned, if not, he'd shower and go walk around or something. But, he would leave a note when he left.
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Jess' sneakered feet pounded the sidewalk as he finished the last leg of his run. He had debated asking Jeremy if he wanted to join him but had decided not to wake the kid up. He remembered how much he had liked sleeping in as a teenager and knew how unpleasantly he would have reacted if Luke had ever shaken him awake in the early hours of the morning to invite him on an impromptu run. He would ask Jeremy later if he wanted to join him sometime and maybe they could make a plan to run together next weekend.
Jess was feeling good. He was feeling clear headed and present, the way he always did toward the end of a run. He was also feeling proud of how well things had gone with Jeremy yesterday, after the whole snafu about the kid trying to self-enroll in school of course. He thought Jeremy had been sincere about accepting his apology and not holding it against him, and Jess felt like they had gotten more comfortable with each other over dinner and Scrabble. Dinner had started off a little awkward and he had had to dip into some generic 'first date' questions at times to keep the conversation rolling, but by the time he had edged Jeremy out by fifteen points at Scrabble, things were feeling a lot easier, which he was relieved about since he was determined to see his commitment through and take care of Jeremy until he graduated high school. He wanted to do as much for Jeremy as Luke as done for him. But, he was hoping for a better outcome at the end of the year. The thought made Jess smile and flush with embarrassment at the same time. The further he got into this foster parent thing, the worse he felt about all the shit he had put Luke through back then. He felt confident that Jeremy wasn't the kind of kid to get kicked out of high school and run away to California.
After Jeremy had gone to bed last night, Jess had sat down with the file he had received from the social worker and read it in its entirety. There were no red flags for behavioral issues that he had seen. There was one arrest for shoplifting when the kid was fourteen, one incident of being AWOL from a placement in a group home for two nights when he was fifteen, and a note that he was removed from that same group home upon his return because he was being bullied. No, wonder the kid had run away. But other than that, Jess saw nothing to be worried about behavior wise. What Jess had found more upsetting was Jeremy's family history. He had entered foster care when he was five years old, the year his mother had been killed and his father had gone to prison for manslaughter. There had been no family member willing or able to take custody of Jeremy. The way his mother had died wasn't included in the report, neither was any information on whether or not Jeremy had witnessed her death. His father had died two years later, from an apparent suicide in his prison cell. Jeremy had been in and out of therapy for years, finally stopping for good at fifteen, when he had refused to continue, the reason he had given was cited in the report as Jeremy being 'tired of talking about his parents and being sad all the time.' Jess thought about how Jeremy had been a legal orphan, adoptable free and clear, by the time he was seven. But instead of an adoption taking place, Jeremy had lived in over ten different placements during his twelve years in the system, mostly foster homes and a couple of group home facilities in his teens. Jess couldn't figure that out, why no one had scooped Jeremy up for adoption when he had been younger. From what Jess could tell, Jeremy was a good kid, agreeable and considerate. And he could only imagine how cute a kid he would have been at five, or seven years old. It simultaneously puzzled him and broke his heart to think that Jeremy had been in the system for so long without anyone wanting to keep him.
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Jess let himself into his apartment sweaty and invigorated. He smiled at Jeremy who looked up from his book at his entrance, an unreadable expression on his face. "Good morning! Hey, how are you liking that?" Jess nodded his head toward the book in the boy's hands as he walked through the living room toward the kitchen. When he got no response, he prompted the kid as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. "Jeremy, do you like that book?"
"Uh, yeah, it's good. It's sad and pretty bleak, but I like it."
"Good. I'm glad you're enjoying it." Jess took in a long drink of water and set the half empty bottle down on the counter.
"Did you go for a run?"
"I did. What about you? Do you like to run? I'm always up for a running buddy if you ever want to come along."
The boy shrugged. "I don't know. Not really. I haven't really done it much, by itself, just for running's sake, I mean."
Jess nodded his head. "Well, you could come with me next weekend if you want to. I think you'd like it. It gets all those feel good endorphins going. I always think it's impossible to not feel happy when I'm running." Jess moved around the kitchen pulling out a jar of peanut butter, grabbing two bananas from the fruit bowl on the table, a tray of ice cubes from the freezer and the chocolate almond milk from the refrigerator. "And, now, you're in luck my friend because you get to try my famous, best-ever post run smoothie. I love this thing! I start looking forward to it about halfway through my run."
Jeremy got up from the couch and walked over toward Jess, stopping where the tile from the open kitchen met the hardwood of the living room.
Jess had already dropped one scoop of peanut butter into the blender on the counter when he noticed Jeremy standing at the threshold to the kitchen, his arms folded protectively over his chest. "What's up, Jeremy? Are you ok?" The boy had been acting off, like maybe he was in a bad mood about something, but Jess wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he just wasn't a morning person.
Jeremy took a step back, shaking his head, his expression serious. His voice plaintive, almost hurt, when he spoke. "I can't eat that. I have a peanut allergy."
Oh shit! Jess' thoughts ground to a halt. Peanut allergies were serious. Kids went into the anaphylactic shock and died from those. He had heard that peanut butter wasn't even allowed in schools anymore because an allergic kid just sitting at a table where another kid had eaten a peanut butter sandwich could trigger a reaction and cause life-threatening problems. He stared down at the peanut butter in front of him with a new perspective. "Shit, I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't know. Just go back in the living room, ok? I'm going to get rid of all this. Just don't come over here, ok?" Jess heard the panic in his own voice and he felt even worse. Not only had he almost killed the child he had been trusted to care for, he wasn't even able to keep it together and put on a calm front for the kid as he dealt with the problem.
Jess hurriedly put the lid back on the jar of peanut butter and put the cover on the blender. He grabbed a clean trash bag from under the sink and threw the jar of peanut butter in it. He stared at the blender for a split second, before realizing what he needed to do. He quickly set the garbage bag on the floor and placed the blender inside. It was a Vitamix, one of his favorite and most expensive possessions. He loved that thing. But, he knew he wouldn't feel safe trying to clean out the peanut butter and risk spreading the contaminants somewhere where Jeremy could come in contact with them later. He scrubbed his hands at the sink, dried them on a paper towel that also went into the garbage bag and then tied off the bag. He lifted the hefty-wrapped blender from its base so the bag wouldn't tear and headed to the door. "I'll be right back, Jeremy. I'm going to put this in the dumpster outside. Stay out of the kitchen while I'm gone. I want to scrub down the counters with disinfectant before you go in there again, ok?"
Jeremy nodded, his mouth turned down in a small frown.
Jess could see that Jeremy was feeling badly, and he figured he should at least try to reassure him despite how panicked he felt. "It's ok, Jeremy. Everything's going to be fine. I'm really sorry about this."
Jeremy nodded again, wordlessly. Jess gave him an encouraging smile before he hurried out the door and down the stairs with his load. He felt like an idiot. In the three days that he had been a foster parent, he had already made the kid cry, failed to enroll him in school and practically starved him, and now he had almost sent him to the hospital, or worse. Shit. Was he going to fuck up in some new way every day? Is this what he could look forward to for the next year? He felt like shit. Jeremy deserved better than this. After everything he had been through, everything Jess had read in his file, the kid deserved some competent parenting for his last official year of childhood. He deserved to feel safe in his own home.
Later, after Jess had cleaned and disinfected his entire kitchen from top to bottom, refusing Jeremy's offer to help and insisting the boy stay in the living room and watch TV, he had gone through his cabinets tossing anything he could find that contained peanuts or any peanut related ingredients. He was carrying a second garbage bag out to the dumpster, when he found his waning panic being replaced by anger. He had read through the entire file from the social worker last night and nowhere had it mentioned anything about a peanut allergy. He was sure of it. Something that scary would have jumped out at him. He understood that social workers were overworked, but that was a pretty important thing to miss in a report. Jeez, he could have killed Jeremy all because someone hadn't paid enough attention to document a life-threatening medical condition. He thought about Jeremy spending his whole childhood dependent on adults who were barely more than strangers for his care, and how one unthinking or overworked person in that mix could do something that could kill him in a heartbeat. When Jess reached out to lift the cover of the dumpster, he realized his hands were shaking.
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Jess heard Luke pick up on the first ring. "Hey, Jess!"
"Hey, Luke. Do you have time to talk?"
"I always have time to talk to you, nephew. Hold on one second." Jess heard Luke yell something to Cesar. He had thought Luke would get better about taking the occasional day off when he married Lorelai. That Luke would slow his pace and spend more time enjoying his life. But, that didn't seem to be happening. Luke and Lorelai both seemed to work a lot of weekend shifts, Luke at the diner and Lorelai at the inn. The only time Jess ever heard about Luke taking time off was when he or April were visiting Stars Hollow, or when Luke was visiting him in Philadelphia or April in Boston. He was starting to worry about his uncle as the man got older. He worked too hard. Maybe things would change when Rory gave them their first grandchild in a few months.
"Ok, I'm good now. So, how's it going, Jess? I've been dying to call you and see how things are going over there, but I didn't want to interrupt you guys. I figured it was better to wait to hear from you. Are things ok?"
Jess had called Luke as soon as he had spoken to Ms. Garcia and agreed to take Jeremy. He had needed someone to talk him down from his panic that the social worker was on her way over with an actual child. It had been the first Luke had heard of him following through with fostering on his own. He knew he had caught his uncle off-guard, but the man had been supportive of his decision and asked a bunch of questions about Jeremy. Jess hadn't hung up until the door buzzer had rang in his apartment signifying his new foster child's arrival, promising to call Luke in a few days and tell him how things were going.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to call you, but I wanted to wait until Jeremy had gone out. I didn't want him to hear me on the phone." Jeremy had finished filling out his job applications, with Jess' phone number included, and gone out to hand them in this afternoon. Jess had made a mental note that the kid needed a cell phone.
"Well, so tell me. How's it going? What's he like?"
"It's going…" Jess collected his thoughts. "Ok, I think."
"You think? What's that mean?"
"Well, he's a good kid. He gets good grades. He seems to actually like school. I wasn't planning on making him start until Monday, you know, to give him the weekend to settle in first, but, get this, he left the house before I was up on Friday and actually went to school and tried to enroll himself so that he wouldn't miss an extra day."
Luke chuckled. "That's amazing, Jess. That's a great attitude. That sounds like something Rory would have done at that age. He sounds like a good kid."
"He is." Jess agreed.
"But, hey, why weren't you up?"
"Oh, uh, I had a lot of trouble sleeping the night he showed up. I ended up lying awake worrying most of the night, and then I just couldn't get up the next day. I had expected him to sleep in, too."
"Jess." There was a stern quality in Luke's voice now. "You can't sleep in now that you have a kid. You have to be up making him breakfast in the mornings. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I know. It was a mistake. But, it was just a one-time thing."
"It sounds like things are going well, overall. Why do you sound so hesitant, that things are 'ok, you think'?
"Well…" Jess filled Luke in on Jeremy's crying the night he had arrived and about the kid's peanut allergy and how they had had a near miss with a medical emergency that morning. "So, I don't know. I just feel like I'm not good at this, like I don't really know what to do and I'm constantly messing something up."
Luke laughed softly. "That's what parenthood is, Jess. Always feeling like you're doing something wrong even when you're trying your hardest. It's a lot of worrying about your best not being good enough and that you might accidentally mess up your kid for life."
"Gee, thanks for the great pep talk, Luke!" Jess said with fake enthusiasm.
Luke laughed. "What do you want me to say? We all mess up as parents. We all mess our kids up in some way. You just have to hope that you don't do anything too emotionally damaging, and that even if you do, if you, say, kick your kid out because he didn't graduate high school or something, that your relationship is strong enough that you can get past it and make up later." Jess could hear the seriousness in Luke's voice. "It's pretty much all any of us can do, nephew. I wish I could tell you different."
Jess sighed. "Yeah, well, I hope our relationship gets to the point that it's strong enough to withstand me messing up. Right now, I feel like he's not getting attached to me because I keep fucking things up."
"Jess, it's only day three! Give it some time. I spent so much time worrying about you not liking me enough the first few months you lived with me, and April not liking me enough when I first met her. And it feels pointless now. These things just take time. Even with a biological connection, you and April didn't instantly love me. Although, I gotta say, April was much more polite about tolerating me in the beginning of our relationship than you were." Luke laughed. "But, you both came around. As far as I know, you both like me now." Luke laughed again, and it was starting to annoy Jess. He didn't feel like his concerns were being taken seriously.
"You don't understand, Luke. This kid is different. He's a good kid, for sure, but he just doesn't talk to me. I mean, he'll politely answer direct questions, but he doesn't tell me anything about himself or what he's thinking unless I ask. He didn't even tell me that he's a vegetarian or that he has a peanut allergy until those situations came up. I mean, those are pretty important things to tell a guy, right! I just don't know if he likes me, or even wants to connect with me."
"How is that different? How is that something I don't understand? You took in a teenage boy that has zero interest in talking to you or sharing any details of his life with you. You don't think I can relate to that, nephew? Are you kidding me right now?"
"This is different." Jess insisted. "Sometimes, like this morning, he seems almost…..hostile is too strong a word, but like, he was in a bad mood or annoyed with me even though I didn't do anything. And, this was before the whole peanut butter thing. It's hard to anticipate what kind of mood he's going to be in. Like one day he's crying like a little kid, then he's upset or annoyed for no reason-"
"Jess." Luke cut in. "Is this kid on drugs?"
"What?" Jess was thrown by the randomness of the question. Was Luke even listening to him? "No, Luke, of course he's not on drugs!"
"Is he in a gang?
"What?" Jess started to see where this line of questioning was headed. He sighed. "No, he's not in a gang."
"Is he running an illegal brothel out of your apartment while you're at work?"
Jess huffed out a breath. "Not that I know of. And FYI, I think that's redundant. I'm pretty sure all brothels are illegal in the state of Pennsylvania."
Luke laughed. "I'll take your word on that. But, my point is, Jess, that it's not so different. You took in a teenage boy that you want to help. He's moody, like all teenagers. Sometimes he'll be an emotional mess. Sometimes he'll be pissed at the world. Sometimes he'll walk out of the room when you're trying to talk to him. Sometimes he'll stay and yell back at you. And, sometimes he'll be the good kid that you wish he was all the time. But, no matter how he acts, you just want him to be happy and have what's best for him. I really do get it, Jess."
"Yeah." Jess conceded. "All right. Maybe you do."
"And you spent a good chunk of time when you lived with me making sure I knew that you thought you were smarter than me."
"I'm sorry, I don't think-"
"I'm not looking for an apology, Jess. You are smarter than me. You and April both are. My point is that if I could get through this with you when you were a teenager without irreparably damaging you or completely ruining our relationship, then a smart guy like you should be able to do it no problem."
"Yeah. You think so?"
"I know so, Jess." Luke said. "But, just know that this kid thinks he's smarter than you, too." Luke chuckled.
"Hmmm. He might just be. He is smart enough to know he should go to school." Jess paused, then smirked. "But, I did beat him at Scrabble last night, so I've got that going for me."
Luke chuckled. "So, when do I get to meet my new great-nephew? I'm thinking you should bring him home over Columbus Day weekend. He gets a day off school for that, right? You guys could stay for a long weekend."
"Yeah, I think he gets a day off. At least, we always did when I was in school. All right, I'll talk to him and see if he wants to."
"All right. I'm really looking forward to meeting him. I like this kid already."
"Yeah?"
"Definitely. I like any kid who's driving you even half as crazy as you used to drive me."
Jess snorted. "Real nice, Luke. Very mature."
Jess could hear the smile in his uncle's voice. "Hey, what goes around comes around, my friend."