A/N: AKA Quinn thinks too much, the chapter. *shakes fist*
the state of dreaming - chapter two
Junior year was almost a complete failure, in Quinn's eyes. Junior prom had just been icing on that particular cake.
The only thing keeping her from removing the almost was the fact that she somehow ended up becoming friends with Rachel Berry of all people despite not treating her particularly nicely. She didn't insult her anymore, but they still argued, mostly about Finn.
So, no, it was never really a goal to befriend Rachel – maybe in her wildest dreams – she was more preoccupied with reclaiming her old self now that she was no longer pregnant and do it better this time around. Her other impromptu goal was pushing Rachel towards her future, which mostly involved keeping Finn away from her. By dating him.
Unfortunately, it turned out a relationship with two uninterested occupants was doomed to fail. Sure, he was interested in the beginning, but Finn's love was a fickle thing. Quinn had meekly hoped, once, that her and Finn could be a white-picket-fence kind of family, and Rachel could go on to be the star she was, and Quinn could be satisfied with that. Even if she didn't entirely love Finn the way she should.
And maybe she should be ashamed it took herself so long to wonder why she was so personally invested in Rachel's future. But as a Fabray, it came to her naturally; avoid addressing things until they became so obvious you had to push them out of sight.
So, yes, maybe somewhere throughout her perfectly planned junior year she started to have feelings for Rachel Berry. She could roll with the punches (okay, maybe she hyperventilated once, or twice, or a dozen times when she realized). That didn't mean she had to act on it, until she did, and suddenly denial was a lot harder when it was Rachel – the girl who forgave way too easily and wouldn't give up on someone unless they physically shoved her away.
And then she had promised to stop avoiding her, which was very, very foolish but there was no saying no to a hopeful, smiling Rachel. It was fine, other than the searing jealousy she felt at the notion of a Finchel encore and the fact that she wanted to kiss Rachel. Again. It wasn't even supposed to happen the first time!
There were other things to worry about, too. The end of the school year was upon them and Nationals were only two weeks away. The Glee club arranged two extra rehearsal periods for the last month, including Friday after school, which they were in the middle of. Everyone was a little stressed, especially –
"No, no, no! Finn, you have to get this move just right. We'll practice it again, okay? And Mercedes! Don't think I didn't notice you slacking off over there!"
Especially Rachel.
"Girl, give us a break. Mr. Schue couldn't even make it to this practice," Mercedes complained.
Rachel patted Finn's shoulder, mouthing 'keep practicing!' before addressing Mercedes. "Yes, which means he put me in charge – this is no time to be lazy! Nationals is in two weeks!"
"I know," she retorted, "as if this isn't the thousandth time I've heard it this week."
"Two. Weeks." Rachel punctuated each word for emphasis.
Rachel began to go on a tirade about work ethic and Nationals and winning. Quinn watched, amused, until she heard Artie rolling up beside her in his wheelchair. "You should convince Rachel to give us a ten minute break," he suggested.
"Why me?" She smiled, looking down at him. "If I go up to her she'll probably lecture me about how my voice sounds terrible or something."
"No, she won't. You should give it a try – you're the only one she occasionally listens to. Do it for the team."
"I think you're putting too much faith in me," she laughed, but inwardly she kind of liked the idea that she was the one sent to 'deal'with Rachel.
"Go on," Artie encouraged. "Tina looks like she's going to fall over, and Santana has been glaring daggers at Rachel. I'm afraid without supervision she'll act on it."
"You owe me," Quinn returned playfully. He just gave her two thumbs up as she walked across the stage to talk to Rachel. By the time she reached them, Kurt had joined the fray, and the three of them tried to make themselves heard.
"May I interject? Rachel does raise some good points, Mercedes –"
"No one asked you, Kurt! I know you just love to take Rachel's side nowadays, but can I remind you –"
"I want us to be better than perfect at Nationals! I'm just gently trying to encourage everyone to be at their best, is that a crime?"
Quinn felt a headache coming on. She quietly drew close to Rachel's side, nudging her gently to get her attention. Rachel's mouth was open as if she was just waiting to continue arguing, but she relaxed a little when she noticed it was Quinn. Shooting a glare in Mercedes' direction, she turned to the blonde. "Is there something you need, Quinn? I'm a little busy."
"I can see that," she smiled, shaking her head when she heard Mercedes and Kurt continue whispering heatedly at each other. "Don't you think we could use a fifteen minute break?" Maybe she was pushing it by suggesting fifteen instead of ten, but it was true that they were practicing a lot lately.
Rachel looked unhappy, like she wanted to protest, and Quinn was intrigued when the diva didn't immediately follow that urge. "Do you think I'm a bad leader?" Rachel asked instead, uncertainty written all over her features.
"You're passionate," Quinn corrected. "That's not a bad thing, but everyone's wound up. A break couldn't hurt." Briefly surveying the room, she found out that, yes, Santana was giving a fearsome death glare in their direction, and Finn was messing up his moves, and Puck was smirking at his phone, and Kurt and Mercedes were still bickering – everyone was losing focus in one way or another. "In fact, I think we'd be better off."
"If you say so," Rachel mumbled reluctantly. Quinn squeezed her shoulder in an attempt to pacify her, and Rachel smiled despite herself. Quinn tried to ignore the flutter inside her chest at the sight.
Rachel stepped away after a moment, raising her hand. "Okay, everyone! Let's take a fifteen minute break! Please ensure you're back on stage by 4:27, or else!"
"Finally!" Santana exclaimed from the back of the stage, and the sentiment was shared by the majority of the Glee club members by the looks on their faces. She met Quinn's eyes and beckoned her over, and the blonde took her time walking over. Quinn couldn't help but chuckle when she noticed Artie giving her another thumbs up when she passed.
"Hey, Q, don't look so excited to see me," the Latina said sarcastically from her seat on the bleachers.
"Hi, Quinn!" Brittany waved from beside Santana, unperturbed as always.
"Hi, Brittany," Quinn smiled, before turning back to Santana. "What do you want, Santana?"
"Nothing, really," she shrugged innocently, "I just wanted to congratulate you on being a miracle worker."
"What?" Quinn face twisted into a frown but caught her drift soon enough. "Oh. Are you talking about Rachel?"
"Who else?"
"She's really not that hard to talk to," Quinn raised a brow.
"She's not hard to talk to. But getting her to listen to you is a whole 'nother ballgame. I was telling Brit here that we should call you 'The Dwarf Whisperer'," Santana sniggered, and Brittany nodded emphatically.
"Very clever," Quinn said wryly. She resisted the immediate instinct to defend the brunette.
"Anyways, chica. I'm going to go enjoy my thirteen minutes of freedom," she stepped off the bleachers, reaching her hand out. "B? You coming?"
Brittany grabbed her hand, giggling. "Let's go hang out in the janitor's closet!"
Santana reddened at that, shooting a quick look at Quinn as if daring her to say something before she made her way out of the auditorium with Brittany, their hands linked. Most of the members had filtered out for the break, although Rachel, Kurt, and Finn remained.
Quinn stretched her arms before sitting down on the bleachers that were now unoccupied. She closed her eyes, embracing the relative quiet on the stage. Hushed voices conversed before eventually quieting, and Quinn didn't bother to try discerning the words.
It wasn't too long after that she heard footsteps approaching, and she opened her eyes only to see a fidgeting Rachel, her fingers playing with the pleats of her skirt. By now, Quinn had figured out it was an anxious tic.
"What's wrong?" Quinn asked, patting the spot beside her.
Rachel sat down, her features marred with frown lines. "Kurt thinks I should apologize to Mercedes," she muttered grumpily.
It was a little funny, Quinn had to admit, how differently Rachel conducted herself when it came to Glee club. Her inner diva really made itself known, she supposed.
"Maybe you should," Quinn said carefully. She was aware Rachel wouldn't like that answer, but Mercedes was her friend, too.
Rachel crossed her arms. "Why?" She huffed, "Was I out of line for wanting her to put effort into her performance? She got her break in the end."
Quinn leaned back, looking at Rachel. "You know Mercedes hates when people imply that she's lazy," she murmured. "You don't want her plotting your demise when we're in New York, or something."
"You're supposed to be on my side," Rachel grumbled to the floor.
Quinn laughed, clear and soft. She moved her hand over Rachel's, squeezing her palm until resistant brown eyes met hers. "I am on your side. We want Glee club to be united, though, don't we?"
Rachel forcefully exhaled, causing her bangs to blow in the air. "Fine. I'll talk to her when she comes back – on one condition."
Quinn humored her. "Okay?"
"You have to come over for a movie night," Rachel said insistently. "…After I ask my dads, but I'm sure they'll say yes."
"Why am I suddenly a bargaining chip?"
"Because I'm feeling stressed and outnumbered today, and you're going to make me feel better."
"Someone's being a little bossy," Quinn's lips turned upwards, and that incessant fluttering was happening again. She nudged Rachel's foot before crossing her legs. "If you want to argue about Finn, we can just do it here instead of in your bed."
"I would rather not!" Rachel scowled at her, but a smile graced her lips not too long after, so Quinn knew it was okay. "In fact, I am banning any mention of Finn at the Berry household tonight."
"Whoa, she's serious," Quinn teased, laughing as Rachel swatted her arm playfully.
"So? Are you going to help unite the Glee club or leave me hanging and despondent?"
Quinn watched as some of the Glee members started milling in the auditorium – the break must be almost over. "I'll be there," she nodded at Rachel, and before she knew it, the brunette had nearly toppled her over with an enthusiastic hug.
She couldn't help reacting with a bright smile, her arms finding their way to the small of Rachel's back as the brunette squeezed her. Quinn inadvertently met eyes with Kurt from across the room over Rachel's shoulder, who had an inquisitive expression on his face. She quickly shifted her gaze before closing her eyes.
It was easy to forget about it once rehearsal began again – thankfully, the break seemed to do wonders, and New Directions had newfound focus for the rest of the period.
Quinn wished that she would've just texted Rachel to come to the door instead of knocking.
"Hi, Quinn," Leroy's deep voice rumbled as he opened the front door to the blonde. He sounded friendly, but there was a look of deliberation in his eyes as if he wanted to say more, which sent a rush of anxiety within the blonde whenever she saw it. "Come on in."
"Hi, Mr- Leroy." The morning after she slept over the first time the Berry men had established themselves as Hiram and Leroy because they were both Mr. Berry, so it made sense, logically; it was hard to break the habit, though.
She had quickly learned Leroy was the more intimidating dad of the two.
He moved over as she stepped in, and he closed the door behind her. "I just wanted to say it's nice that you're coming around more," he said with a smile. "Rachel seems happier lately."
She let out a quiet sigh of relief, and he laughed. "Sorry. Did I worry you?" He patted her shoulder warmly, and Quinn smiled shakily.
"Not at all," she lied, as if she wasn't staring at him like a scared rabbit only a minute ago. "I'm glad she's happier – I'm not sure if I can take the credit, though." If she was being honest, Quinn wanted to, but she didn't really deserve it when only last year she was the one belittling Rachel.
"You should have heard her before you got here," he said dryly. "Wouldn't stop talking about you coming over."
"Thank you for letting me," she replied politely, but before the older man could respond the tell-tale thump of feet running down the stairs made them glance towards the noise.
"Daddy! I told you to send Quinn up if she got here while I was in the shower!" Rachel chastised loudly from a different room. Leroy shared a look with Quinn before the brunette approached that made her stifle a snicker. "Now, if you're quite done stealing my guest, we'll both be going upstairs."
"She's all yours, honey."
"Come on, Quinn," Rachel linked her arm with Quinn's, pulling her towards the stairs. She knew the drill by now, and they fell into the familiar pattern of setting things up in Rachel's bedroom.
Once they had settled on the bed, Rachel glanced at Quinn. "Daddy didn't interrogate you, right?"
She shook her head, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "No… why?"
"Oh, no reason," Rachel waved her off, but Quinn's curiosity had been piqued. Also, Rachel was terrible at lying.
"Rachel, we both know that's not true. Tell me."
Rachel took a breath. "Okay, so he might've come to me since our last sleepover a fortnight ago and was concerned because both of my dads vaguely know our relationship was a little… antagonistic in the past." Quinn frowned, and Rachel continued hastily. "But I managed to convince him that you've changed and that you have nothing but good intentions when it comes to being my friend."
Quinn quirked her lips, unsure how to take this information. Mostly, she wanted to laugh at good intentions, because – well, she did have good intentions, but also gay intentions, and she wasn't sure those two coincided. The stringent Christian buried within her wanted to say not at all.
She must have looked slightly panicked, because Rachel tried to reassure her further. "I think it helped that you've been on your best behavior whenever they're around, so you have nothing to fret about. Promise."
"If you say so," Quinn croaked. She felt for the cross around her neck and the tension eased in her shoulders when her thumb ran across it. If Rachel noticed, she didn't say anything.
Instead, the brunette stood up from the bed and stretched and Quinn wished Rachel would invest in longer skirts. Honestly.
"So, who's on movie duty tonight?" Rachel looked at her.
"You're not going to force me to watch the entire Twilight saga?" Quinn asked teasingly.
"No. Unless you want to," Rachel added. "You can choose tonight. It's only fair if we take turns, right?"
Quinn supposed it was, but she had quickly found out that she didn't mind any movie when she was watching it with Rachel. Rachel could probably put on any niche musical and she would be happy. She could hear Santana's voice calling her whipped, clear as day. Not like she would have any room to speak, Quinn thought wryly.
"Right," the blonde agreed instead of expressing those thoughts, standing up to go look through Rachel's movies. Once she had made her choice, she took the DVD out and set the case on the bedside table, putting it into the DVD player herself.
Rachel must have taken a peek at the case she had set aside, because a moment later she exclaimed: "Up? Quinn, really? Do you want to make me cry? Because I will."
She hadn't thought too hard about the movie she chose, so she just chuckled. "I can pick a different one if you can't handle it."
"I can handle it," Rachel pouted. "You just don't get to make fun of me if I cry. I warned you."
Quinn made her way to her usual side of the bed, nudging her body against Rachel's as the movie started. "My lips are sealed," she promised.
True to her word, Rachel cried within the first ten minutes.
It wasn't full out bawling or anything, but she started sniffing and Quinn turned to look at her. Rachel glared with watery eyes when she saw Quinn's smile, and then reached over to her bedside table to grab a tissue.
"Haven't you seen it before?" Quinn asked.
"Yes, but I can't help it," Rachel frowned, blowing her nose. "I cry every time."
"You're so cute." The words were out of Quinn's mouth before she could stop them, and she bit her tongue immediately. Heat rose to her face when Rachel's expression changed to one of surprise and intrigue. Quinn was urgently searching her mind for an excuse.
"I thought I said you couldn't make fun of me," Rachel smiled in a way that suggested she wasn't letting Quinn's utterance go as easily as her own statement implied.
"Sorry. It's a habit," Quinn shrugged casually, as if her traitorous mouth didn't just spill out words she hadn't meant to say out loud. She turned back to the movie, willing the embarrassment to go away. Quinn Fabray wasn't supposed to get embarrassed.
But she found herself unable to regret it when Rachel subtly inched closer – well, as subtle as Rachel could be, which wasn't very – until they were nearly sharing a pillow. Rachel's hand snuck across the mattress between them, stopping just beside hers. Their skin barely touched, but it made Quinn's nerves flare up excitedly regardless.
Rachel left it there, stilling her movement.
Quinn took a shaky breath, her eyes deliberately on the movie. After a few minutes, Quinn worked up the courage to gently start stroking her pinky on the side of Rachel's hand, as if keeping her actions minimal made it less real. She was content with this, until Rachel started to lightly trace Quinn's skin as well.
Quinn swallowed. Hazel eyes stared at the ceiling as her hand moved over Rachel's, using her thumb to continue her ministrations. She made a point of not looking to her right, because she didn't need to. She could perfectly imagine Rachel's curious, dark eyes on her, and that was too much for her right now.
They continued to watch the movie quietly, and it was a little perturbing; Rachel normally couldn't resist talking, even if it was to make little comments throughout movies. But Quinn appreciated it. She was afraid if Rachel said anything, she would panic and pull away.
It wasn't too long after when Rachel slowly moved her hand underneath Quinn's to turn it over, locking their fingers together. Quinn's heart sped up, and she finally glanced at Rachel with a pink flush on her cheeks. Rachel flashed her a brilliant, reassuring smile while squeezing her hand and Quinn had to consciously steady her breathing.
"Is this okay?" Rachel asked finally, her voice gentle, and Quinn could only nod. Rachel held her gaze for a moment, before turning back to the TV.
And Quinn felt so ridiculous, like some sort of pubescent boy,because who got this giddy about holding a girl's hand? She hadn't even been this nervous when she had planted a spontaneous kiss on the brunette. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that this was a long, drawn out moment instead of just a quick peck, which was what it amounted to.
She was admittedly curious about what an actual kiss would feel like, but she wasn't going to let her feelings get to her like that again, even if they were currently holding hands.
She wasn't like Rachel. She wasn't going to search for further meaning in this moment. Rachel was the kind of girl who would say and do blatantly flirtatious things and think she was just being friendly; Quinn was the kind of girl who didn't get her hopes up.
But when Rachel held her hand for the rest of the movie, giggling at whatever scenes she found amusing, Quinn dared to dream.
The next day, Quinn was reaching for her keys to unlock the door to her house before the front door opened unexpectedly. She met the blue eyes of her mother.
"Oh, Quinnie!" Judy said in surprise. "I wasn't sure when to expect you."
It was early afternoon, but Quinn never really made a point to communicate her plans with her mom past 'spending the night at Rachel's'. After the pregnancy debacle and the divorce, her mom seemed afraid to enforce anything, lest it ruin their already tense relationship. Quinn enjoyed the freedom.
It meant she didn't have to go to church every Sunday morning, even if her mom made her feel guilty about it.
"I don't like to intrude all day after spending the night," Quinn shrugged. Okay, and Rachel had 'family bonding time' – she discovered after the second sleepover – on Sunday afternoons.
"That's thoughtful of you, dear," her mom commented, and Quinn resisted the urge to snort.
Instead, she changed the subject, staring at her mom's purse. "Where are you going?"
"I was just about to go grocery shopping. Do you want to come?"
Quinn could only handle her mom in small doses, but she didn't want to seem completely dismissive. Besides, a grocery trip wouldn't hurt anything. "Sure, mom. Just let me put my bag in my room."
"Okay, dear. I'll be waiting in the car," Judy told her with a thin smile.
They had a relatively silent drive to the local grocery store. Judy attempted to make small talk, and Quinn gave minimal answers. She expected a similarly quiet grocery trip, until her mom spoke up.
"You should invite that Rachel girl to spend the night at our house one of these days, Quinnie," she suggested calmly while inspecting apples, choosing only the shiniest ones without scuffs.
"Why?"
"Well, she's hosted you three times now, hasn't she? It's only fair to return the favor." Her mom moved on to bananas.
"She's the one who keeps inviting me. I don't think she minds," Quinn frowned. Inviting Rachel to her house hadn't even crossed her mind.
"It's just a suggestion, dear." But her mom sounded disappointed, so Quinn pursed her lips. There was more to it.
"Why do you care?" Quinn hoped it didn't come out as rude as it sounded.
Judy smiled, an authentic one this time. "Okay, you caught me, Quinnie. I want to meet her. She must have caught your attention if you're willing to accept her invitations."
"Mom," Quinn complained, her cheeks reddening. She was grateful they made their way into the aisles by now. There was no one more talented at unintentionally getting under her skin than her mother.
"What?" Her mom asked innocently, reaching out to grab cans of soup. "It's rather difficult to get your attention sometimes, honey. You must like her." They continued onto the next aisle. "So, do I get to meet her?"
"I'll think about it," Quinn replied testily. She was pretty sure her mom wouldn't be so eager to see the brunette in their house if she knew the kinds of ways Quinn thought about her in bed at night.
But for now, her mom seemed satisfied with her answer, and they continued grocery shopping.
Once her mom had brought up the idea, Quinn found herself considering it. Which was a stellar achievement, because she almost never made a point of entertaining her mom's suggestions.
She had a TV in her room, after all. And a nice, comfortable mattress that could easily fit two people. And mostly? She could imagine Rachel's glee at the prospect of Quinn extending the invitation for once. She deserved it, didn't she?
That thought was the only thing counteracting the fact that she was not particularly excited about Rachel meeting her mom.
She walked confidently through the halls of McKinley High, making her way to her locker on Monday morning. Maybe, if she were lucky, she would see Rachel before fourth period and she could potentially bring up what her mother said. If she didn't chicken out.
But when she turned the corner to the hallway where her locker was located, it appeared that Rachel was occupied. Well, she assumed it was Rachel, because she could only see a sliver of tan legs. The rest of her was blocked by a giant oaf standing way too close.
Quinn's spirits were instantly dampened, and she continued towards her locker while shooting an icy glare towards Finn's back. She didn't really expect much, seeing as it was Finn, but he certainly didn't wait long before he began openly pursuing the brunette after their breakup.
It wasn't Rachel's fault. Not really. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind yelled that the little moments between her and Rachel meant nothing – Rachel was always going to choose Finn – whenever she saw the two together like this.
It made her angry. It made her want to break something. Worst of all, she felt hurt, and heartbroken, and Rachel wasn't even hers.
Quinn wondered morosely if she was just a supporting character in the epic love saga of Rachel and Finn.
Making quick work of collecting her books for her first class, she slammed her locker a little harder than necessary before walking away. She didn't spare another glance towards Finn and Rachel, but the sting in her chest remained.
After third period, she went to spend the lunch hour in the library. She had a history test to study for. It wasn't like she was avoiding Rachel, specifically – even though they often spent lunchtime together lately, with whatever friends that decided to sit with them.
The world doesn't revolve around Rachel, Quinn thought stubbornly. She ignored the fact that before seeing Rachel with Finn in the hallway, she couldn't wait to talk to her.
She was between bookshelves, tracing her fingers along books while looking for a specific one, when someone walked past. She didn't bother glancing over, but the person must have recognized her because they stopped and came back to her aisle a few seconds later.
"Why, if it isn't Miss Quinn Fabray herself!" Kurt exclaimed, teasing in tone. She offered him a half-hearted smile before returning to her search. "What brings you to the library?"
"A history test," Quinn explained plainly, a little confused. She was friendly with Kurt, but not exactly close buddies with him like Rachel was. "What about you?" She asked to be polite.
"I just had some books to return," he motioned towards his bag, but Quinn was pretty sure he just wanted her to look because it was a designer brand of some sort. She nodded, but didn't bother to reply, finally finding the book she wanted.
She had assumed that was the end of the conversation, but Kurt kept talking. "You're not having lunch with Rachel today?" Maybe if she had been anyone else, she would have taken his question as it was, but there was a too-innocent lilt to his voice as if he was bringing up this topic for an ulterior reason.
"No," she answered with guarded eyes. "It's not like I spend every lunch hour with her."
"I suppose not," he said with a smile. "But I've heard through the grapevine that you've been spending time at her house."
Quinn scoffed, crossing her arms and leaning against the bookcases. "You don't need to be all cryptic. Just say that Rachel told you."
"Finn mentioned it, too, actually," he said, which only put Quinn more on edge.
"We're friends," she stated tersely. "You don't have to gossip about it like it's news."
She didn't like him very much right now, but Kurt was a lot more perceptive than his step-brother. His face softened, kind blue eyes trying to reach hers. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Quinn. She's so happy you've finally managed to become friends, and you're good for her. But, just… I see the way you smile at her, and it makes me wonder –"
And maybe if this had been any other day, Quinn's mind wouldn't have buzzed with thoughts of Rachel and Finn together, a vision of her mom's disapproving stare, and the fact she felt so much for Rachel she had no clue what to do with herself, and it was all too much – she panicked.
"Whatever you're implying, stop it!" She hissed at him, looking around briefly to make sure no one else was around. She lowered her voice, but it remained taut. "Stop trying to extrapolate your – your homosexuality onto me," she bit out, and regretted it almost immediately. Kurt looked shocked, and she was probably wearing a similar expression.
"Quinn…" he said softly, his eyes sympathetic.
A retort? She could handle. Sympathy? Not so much.
She felt the tears gathering in her eyes, and her hands pulled into fists so tightly her nails dug into her palms. She was so tired of freaking out on people like she hadn't developed at all since early sophomore year.
Quinn's immediate instinct was to storm away with one last icy remark. So, with great effort, she forced herself to stay. "I'm sorry, Kurt," she said with a tight throat, looking to the side. "I can't do this right now. I'm sorry."
With that, she turned tail and fled to an entirely different corner of the library, holding the book tightly to her chest. She let herself have a few minutes of reprieve before she had to face the librarian.
If her eyes were a little red-rimmed when she approached the counter, then so be it.
She didn't get very far from the library when a certain brunette saw her in the hallway, and she cursed her luck.
"Quinn! There you are!" Rachel cried from somewhere behind her, and Quinn could hear quickened steps approaching. She stopped with a sigh but didn't turn around. "I've been looking everywhere for you," she scolded lightly.
"Oh," Quinn replied, guilt pressing on her chest. Her emotions were still unsteady, and she was trying her best to prevent Rachel from getting a good look at her face. The shorter girl stood beside her, her gaze making the hair on the back of Quinn's neck rise.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out in the auditorium with me while I practiced my scales over the lunch period, but I didn't manage to catch you this morning, and we're already twenty minutes through break –" Rachel had moved to stand in front of her, apparently bothered by having a conversation without eye contact, and Quinn finally conceded by meeting her eyes.
"Why didn't you just ask Finn?" She sneered, but it didn't sound as biting as it did miserable. It sounded like it came from a girl who had just finished crying not too long ago.
"What?" Rachel raised her brows in surprise but recovered quickly. "Where did that –" She started, but cut herself off as she inspected Quinn's face with narrowed eyes. Quinn craned her neck to look away.
"Rachel," her voice pleaded for the brunette to stop.
She did, but it was silly to think she could escape Rachel's scrutiny. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly, careful not to arouse the attention of any students who occasionally walked by.
"I'm fine." The lie slipped past her lips easily, but she already knew she wasn't convincing anyone.
"You don't sound fine. Have you been crying?" Worry was written all over Rachel's face, and it kind of made Quinn want to cry again. She would have gotten annoyed if anyone else had blatantly asked her that question, like it wasn't embarrassing to admit. But it was Rachel.
"No, I – I was just… um… it's allergies. Spring really sets them off."
And she had called Rachel a terrible liar.
Rachel just shook her head with a tiny smile, grabbing Quinn's hand. She scanned the hallways, lips quirked in thought, and then tugged on Quinn to follow her. "Come with me."
Quinn let herself get pulled into an empty classroom. The lights weren't on, and Rachel hadn't made a move to change that, so it was only illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the windows.
"Here, I thought you might be more comfortable in a more private setting," Rachel's smile widened.
"I'm still not going to cry my heart out to you, if that's what you're hoping," Quinn joked weakly. She already felt a little better.
"While I enjoy the trust implicit in the fact that you've already done that with me," Rachel spoke warmly, stepping closer. "I happen to prefer when you're all smiles and sunshine."
Quinn wrinkled her nose and couldn't help the smirk that reached her lips. "I'm not sure that's how anyone would describe me."
Rachel giggled, leaning up and moving her arms to encircle them around Quinn's body. The brunette shut her eyes as she placed her chin on Quinn's shoulder. "Okay, I brought you here because you looked like you needed a hug."
Quinn bit her lip, her chest filling with affection. She carefully wrapped her arms around Rachel, closing her eyes as well. She let out a shaky breath as the tension slowly left her body.
"You weren't avoiding me again… were you?" Rachel questioned softly, right by Quinn's ear. It felt intimate in a way that made her feel worse.
"No," she replied. After a few beats she swallowed. "Maybe a little."
"Quinn…" Rachel sounded only a little disappointed, but it made Quinn's heart clench painfully all the same. The brunette pulled back slightly from the embrace to look at her. "Why?"
"I wasn't… going to do it longer than today, okay. Sometimes I just need room to breathe." Quinn's tongue pressed against her cheek as she contemplated whether or not to say the next statement. "Didn't really work out well today. Um, Kurt kind of faced the brunt of it."
"Kurt?" Rachel's face twisted in confusion, pulling away from the hug completely, to Quinn's disappointment.
"He was just – saying things. I wasn't in the mood," Quinn explained without really explaining anything at all. It was the kind of response Rachel hated to receive, but Quinn liked to give.
Rachel's brows furrowed like she wanted more detail, and Quinn almost laughed at the predictability of it. "You know I want to ask, but I don't want to run out of my limited amount of daily Quinn answers yet. If I let it go for now to ask a different question, will you please answer it?" Rachel asked.
Quinn didn't know whether to be amused with 'limited daily Quinn answers' or to fear the different question that apparently took precedence. "It depends on the question," she replied vaguely.
Rachel squinted at her, taking a moment to sit on top of a desk. Quinn leaned against one next to it. "No fair. Every time you kind of break our promise, you should owe me one truthful answer."
Quinn scoffed, smiling. "Just ask already. I'm honest most of the time." But then she arched a brow, fully registering Rachel's words. "Also, I totally didn't break our promise. If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you right now."
Rachel looked like she was almost caught in the debate about promise semantics – Quinn would have preferred this, but Rachel's curiosity won out. "Whatever you say. Okay, so… why did you randomly bring up Finn earlier?"
She wasn't just being facetious when she struggled to remember the exact things she said in her emotional state.
"When I was telling you that I wanted you to keep me company in the auditorium," Rachel clarified. "You asked – quite bitterly, may I add – why I didn't ask Finn."
"Oh," Now Quinn remembered. She had only said it in the spur of the moment, but of course Rachel would hold onto it. "Yeah, that. Well, he's your 'leading man', isn't he?" Quinn couldn't help subtly curling her lip while saying it. "And I saw you talking to him this morning, so…"
Rachel's lips pressed into a thin line, very nearly a frown. "What does that have to do with anything?" She took a moment to smooth her skirt, taking a breath, her voice softer as she continued. "I wanted you there. Not Finn. Is that so hard to believe?"
Yeah, Quinn wanted to say. But Rachel's brown eyes were pools of sincerity, and there was a particular expression on her face that made Quinn feel like the brunette was staring into her soul. She was suddenly afraid Rachel could see behind all the façades she hid behind.
"You weren't…" Rachel said cautiously, as if she could sense Quinn's uneasiness. "You weren't jealous, were you?"
She didn't want to get into this, because that would involve a lot of talking about feelings she wasn't prepared to acknowledge out loud yet. So, she opted for a non-response. "Wouldn't you like to know," Quinn said dismissively, smirking.
Rachel's brows knitted as she gave an exaggerated pout. "Quinn! You told me you'd be honest."
Quinn took in Rachel; her cute, polka-dot black dress, her long hair falling along her shoulder in loose curls, the adorable pout on her face. The relentless buzz of her thoughts finally quieted when she made a decision.
"Question time is over," Quinn declared, moving away from the desk she had been leaning on to step closer to Rachel. "Which means you don't get to ask about this for at least a week. Okay?"
"Ask about wh –" Quinn cut her off, shutting her eyes and pressing her lips against Rachel's. Really, for how smart she was, Rachel was delightfully obtuse sometimes.
Quinn placed her hands on either side of the brunette, against the desk top that she was sitting on. She kept it chaste, waiting for the shock to wear off, and pulled away ever so slightly. Just in case. Their faces were a few inches apart.
"Oh," Rachel breathed, and Quinn prepared to pull away completely. But then the brunette seemed to collect herself, because her hands found their way to either side of Quinn's face and pulled her in again.
Quinn couldn't resist smiling into the kiss, her heart quickening at the reciprocation. Rachel kissed her a little unsurely, like she couldn't quite believe this was actually happening. Quinn was happy to take the lead – Rachel's lips were so soft; so unlike any of the boys she had kissed previously.
She ended up between Rachel's legs with her skirt riding up, and her hands found their way to the brunette's hips, rubbing ever so gently. Rachel shivered, making a soft noise that only encouraged Quinn to kiss her harder.
But Quinn didn't want to take this too far, despite how good it felt. Maybe that was another reason to stop, although her reasoning was a little foggy right now. It was very hard to think rationally when Rachel's kisses were increasing in bravery.
She took the opportunity to slide the tip of her tongue along the seam of Rachel's lips, tasting strawberry lip gloss, before finally gathering the resolve to pull away.
Quinn had to lick her own lips when she slowly opened her eyes and saw Rachel. The brunette's eyes were half-lidded and dark and there was a distinctive flush on her cheeks. She looked dazed, and Quinn's chest bloomed with affection.
"Are you okay," Quinn asked, her voice coming out softer than she'd ever heard it.
Rachel just nodded nearly imperceptibly. She looked like her mind was working overtime. "Finn was right," she murmured, sounding amazed and bewildered.
Quinn took a step back, raising a brow. She tried not to let the annoyance and doubt seep into her veins at the mention of him. "Excuse me?"
Rachel seemed to finally regain full awareness, shooting a wide-eyed look at Quinn. "Oh! Um, well…" she trailed off shyly, moving to flatten her skirt down from the way it was nearly exposing her underwear. Quinn's throat felt dry at the thought. "I may have… I may have asked Finn what it was like to kiss you."
Quinn narrowed her eyes, unsure how to take this revelation. Her heart thumped in her chest. A million questions rattled in her head and out of her mouth. "When? What did he say? Why?"
"Earlier this year." Rachel was fiddling with her hands, now. "He said – he said he saw fireworks. I don't know why. I was curious?" She winced, as if she knew that was a weak explanation.
While this information intrigued Quinn in a lot of ways, she had no clue what to do with it right now. She was still kind of in a kiss-induced haze, so she didn't press further. "Okay."
Rachel's eyes caught hers, filled with confusion and yearning. "Quinn, we should talk about –"
"I thought I said you don't get to ask about it." She didn't even think she could answer it if she wanted to. Not without having to explain how much and how deeply she felt.
"But –" Rachel bit her lip, stopping herself. Quinn was impressed with her self-restraint.
But she also felt a tiny bit guilty. Rachel was a lot more honest with her than she was. But talking about it meant thinking about it for more than a few seconds, and she hated the way her doubts appeared at the forefront.
Quinn sighed, grabbing Rachel's hand to squeeze it. "It – lunch hour is going to be over soon," she babbled. "But, I… we can talk about this later, sometime, maybe," she said, because Rachel deserved better.
"Really?" Rachel's face lit up the entire room.
"Um… maybe not like today soon, but soon."
"Whenever you're ready," Rachel's huge smile made Quinn believe everything would turn out okay.
It wasn't until Thursday, when Quinn had let finally herself re-imagine the entire scene at the end of class, that she fully comprehended the words they exchanged. She suddenly couldn't stop wondering about why Rachel would ask Finn about how Quinn kissed – there were some sort of implications there, weren't there?
But it would be weird to press for further details now, because her and Rachel went back to acting friendly as usual. Quinn, because she knew if she did anything remotely romantic again, there would be questions; and Rachel – she assumed – because she didn't want to push Quinn. So, yes, if Quinn acknowledged that moment at all, Rachel would probably insist that they have a thorough conversation, or something equally Rachel-like.
But there had to be some sort of reciprocation of feelings, right? They held hands and very nearly cuddled last weekend. And Rachel had kissed her back, after all. Her chest filled with the barest sense of hope. But the cynical side of her thought about Rachel and Finn together.
Quinn wished that she wasn't such a coward.
A finger snapped in front of her face, startling her and on instinct she glared at the perpetrator.
"Jesus, Q. Something interesting happening in that head of yours?" Santana peered at her from the seat beside her as if she could see her thoughts through her skull.
"No," Quinn shrugged. "I'm just… thinking about the lesson."
"The lesson's been over for three minutes," Santana deadpanned.
Quinn didn't let her face reflect the fact that she had been caught. "It was a really interesting lesson."
"I'm sure it was," the Latina snickered as they both stood up from their seats. Quinn just shot her one more glare before grabbing her books. She would appreciate the fact that Santana waited for her, but she suspected it was only because she had wanted to make fun of her.
As they approached the door, Santana turned to her. "Oh, and Q?"
"What?" She didn't like the mischievous look Santana was giving her. She narrowed her eyes again.
"If you're fantasizing during class, I heard it helps to get well acquainted with your hand –"
"Don't finish that sentence!" Quinn hissed, face hot as she stomped ahead to exit the classroom first.
Santana's loud laughter rang out from behind her.
After shaking off Santana, Quinn made her way towards her locker to dispose of her books before heading to the cafeteria for the rest of lunch hour. To her surprise, Kurt was standing there holding two fresh coffees when she approached. The rest of the hallway was nearly empty.
"What do you want?" She asked warily. She was careful to keep her tone from becoming completely hostile.
"I wanted to apologize, too," Kurt said as he handed her one of the coffees. "It wasn't fair of me to push you like that. I, of all people, should know how it feels to be – to be questioned about my identity and having others exercise judgment on me in a way that's completely unfair. It took me a long time to get comfortable in my skin…" he paused, trailing off a little forlornly. "It still isn't easy sometimes. But I digress. I should've have acted like I know your feelings better than you do… I'm sorry, Quinn."
Quinn felt herself smile faintly, although inwardly she truly appreciated his words. She took a sip of the coffee before responding and was surprised to discover it was her usual order. She had a sneaking suspicion…
"One cream, one sugar, right?" He smiled at her. "A little birdy insisted on giving me advice, lest I get your coffee order wrong and ruin the apology."
Of course. She let out a small laugh at that. "Thanks," Quinn said quietly, biting her lip because she didn't know how what to say. She forgave him, but an eloquent reply wasn't forming in her head.
"So… peace offering accepted?" Kurt asked hopefully. He opened his arm that wasn't holding a coffee, offering a hug.
"Peace offering accepted," Quinn confirmed, leaning forward to give him a casual hug – semi-awkward because they were both holding coffees, and Quinn wasn't really a hugger. But Kurt looked so relieved, Quinn didn't mind too much.
Kurt stepped back, adjusting the collar of his clothes. "Well, I won't keep you. See you around?"
But something didn't seem quite right, yet, so Quinn stopped him. "Wait, Kurt," she licked her lips, nervousness flickering in her chest. He spun around, tilting his head slightly.
"Yes, Quinn?"
The hallway was nearly empty. And Quinn was tired of being a coward.
"I think," she whispered, her lungs feeling like they were running out of air. "I think I'm a little in love with Rachel."
Quinn was grateful for Kurt's sensitivity when he just smiled reassuringly, silently rubbing her shoulder while she inhaled shaky breaths with blurred eyes.
"How did it go?" Rachel whispered when Kurt and Quinn arrived at the cafeteria together awhile later. She had been looking around as if she were anxiously waiting the entire time. "Please tell me it went well. It's incredibly hard not to feel antsy when your two best friends aren't talking to each other."
Kurt glanced at Quinn. "We're okay," the blonde said softly. "Everything's okay."
Confessing her feelings to Kurt had gone great, all things considered. Probably helped by the fact he had apparently already deduced it. He was a bit of a gossipmonger, but she trusted him enough to keep this secret (she also may have threatened him not to tell Rachel in particular).
But Quinn hesitated to run up and pour all her feelings out to Rachel, despite her slowly (slowly) growing courage. There were a few reasons. First: all the boys she dated had actively pursued her, other than Finn – the first time they dated – but he was hardly intimidating and she hadn't foreseen any chance of rejection. So, the whole confessing to Rachel thing was a brand-new type of terrifying.
Second: it didn't seem like great timing to start a relationship (or get rejected, Quinn gulped) when Nationals were a week away. Rachel was already high-strung, even more so currently, and Quinn didn't want to start a whole new mess of distractions for either of them.
And maybe a small part of her was just putting it off for a little while longer.
Quinn spent the weekend by herself, and she was perfectly content with this. She wasn't going to be at home at all next week, and she wasn't lying about needing time to breathe and recharge. Next time we have a sleepover, we'll talk, she decided. No backing out.
The next week passed in a blur; all studying and Glee rehearsals and eager conversations about the upcoming trip to New York. Before she knew it, New Directions were on the bus, dreams in tow.
It wasn't too surprising when they ended up dancing around and singing excitedly as they explored the big city.
But after their long day of travelling, it was a relief to get back to the hotel they were staying at. Mr. Schuester only managed to get them two rooms – separated by boys and girls – with one more for the teachers. It was a tight fit seeing as there were only two queen-sized beds, but they made do.
"This is so fun!" Brittany cheered as they entered their room. "It's like a giant sleepover party."
"Whatever you say," Mercedes chuckled. "Right now, I'm more concerned about the sleeping arrangements. I call dibs on a bed."
"I sleep wherever B sleeps," Santana said with a toss of her ponytail.
"I wouldn't mind sleeping on a bed, if no one minds," Tina said nervously.
"Well," Rachel cleared her throat, speaking as if she were giving a speech in front of a class. "I certainly can't sleep on the floor; it'd be terrible for my back, and I refuse to do anything that will prevent me from achieving my maximum performance."
"Now hold on, midget, me and Britt –" Santana retorted, but Brittany grabbed her arm and distracted her. "What, B?"
"I want to sleep on the floor," Brittany said excitedly. "Sleeping on a bed is so boring. I mean, yawn. We can do that at home."
"It's your lucky day," Santana said gruffly towards Rachel, but smiled when Brittany hugged her a moment later. "Guess that settles it. Streisand and Aretha get one bed, Tina and Q can –"
"Oh no," Mercedes shook her head. "That's not happening. That's waaay too much diva for one bed."
"I'm inclined to agree," Rachel said. "Besides– it's already been proven that Quinn and I are excellent at cohabitating in the same bed."
"Do you have to say it like that?" Quinn put a hand to her face to hide the blush when Santana snickered.
Rachel just smiled, and Quinn could see the teasing glint in her eyes. Huh, Quinn thought. Someone's learning.
"Fine with me," Mercedes shrugged easily, placing her bag on the bed closest to the door.
After helping Santana and Brittany make a suitable floor bed with shared bedding, they all settled in for the night. Kurt ended up in their room, and they all watched TV and chattered away for a little while before bidding each other goodnight.
Quinn didn't think it was her imagination when she noticed Rachel slept closer to her than usual. Not quite touching, but close.
The next day, Rachel and Kurt had disappeared for part of the afternoon. When Quinn had asked about it, Rachel explained that they were scouting out the city. She looked so starstruck with the entire world that Quinn didn't have the heart to chastise her.
Later, the girls bundled back up into their hotel room. Quinn was sitting at the edge of the bed while Santana and Rachel argued about a movie. In the end, Rachel finally relented because Santana pointed out that she was stuck sleeping on the floor.
She chose a horror movie and turned off all the lights, to half the room's displeasure.
"Guess you'll just have to snuggle up real close to someone if you get scared," Santana shrugged nonchalantly, giving the briefest glance at Rachel and Quinn in particular. Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Ugh," Rachel complained when she sat on her side of the bed, pouting towards Quinn. "Why was I the only one arguing with her?"
"I think you're the only one with enough energy to argue with Santana," Quinn smiled, moving to lean back against the headboard. "And she'd use the 'look who's on the floor' card with any of us. I guess this is our punishment."
"I hate horror films," Rachel said reproachfully, pulling a blanket close. "Funny Girl was obviously the better choice."
"Don't worry," Quinn murmured as she rubbed a gentle thumb on Rachel's arm. "I'll keep you safe."
The smile she got back was well worth it. It was even more worth it when they did end up in a snuggle of sorts, as Rachel had opted to press right against Quinn, hiding her face in the blonde's shoulder whenever anything gory happened.
It was ruined when Rachel heard her phone vibrate and shuffled over to fish it out from her bag on the bedside table. Quinn watched as Rachel read a message, and then bit her lip in thought.
After a minute, Quinn finally leaned over to ask in a hushed tone, ignoring the loud chainsaw noises and screaming in the background. "Who was that?"
"Finn," Rachel said a little hesitantly. "He wants me to go out for supper with him."
Quinn didn't bother to hide her disdain. "Isn't it a little late for that?" She meant time-wise, but she supposed it could hold a double meaning.
"I mean… maybe a little, but…"
"You're considering it?" Quinn hated the hurt that seeped into her voice.
Rachel looked conflicted, like she was waiting for something. "Finn is my friend," she said quietly. "Why shouldn't I go? I'm spending half of this movie hiding in your neck, anyway."
Quinn felt the tiniest flush at that, then quirked a brow. "You're aware," she took a breath, trying to maintain composure, "that he's probably not asking you out to supper just as a friend-date."
"Yes, well," her eyes flickered across Quinn's, and the blonde stiffened her jaw. "Sometimes it's nice to hang out with someone who isn't afraid to acknowledge their romantic inclinations."
"Oh, so that's what this about?" Quinn hissed, trying her best to keep her voice low. The only thing keeping their conversation from reaching unwanted ears was the loud movie. Quinn's chest twisted; she knew she was taking long, but Rachel had said whenever you're ready, hadn't she?
"Maybe it is," Rachel huffed, sitting up.
Now, Quinn could tell Rachel that she'd already been planning to talk to her as soon as possible after Nationals. Or she could even just say something about her feelings to reassure her. She could plead with her to stay. Instead, she did the exact opposite.
"Fine," Quinn said coldly. "If you want Finn that bad, there's the door."
Rachel visibly swallowed, hurt shimmering in her eyes. Quinn's chest squeezed painfully at the sight. "There's nothing else you want to say?"
Quinn held Rachel's gaze, wordlessly communicating. She sucked in her cheeks, about to reply.
"Oy, if you're going to keep whisper-arguing like a married couple, get a room!" Santana yelled from her spot on the floor.
Quinn dragged her gaze to the mattress. "Sorry. Rachel was just leaving."
Rachel silently gathered her things and Quinn winced when the door opened and shut. She stared a hole into the TV when she had noticed the other girls offering concerned looks.
When Rachel returned later in the evening, Quinn pointedly kept herself facing the other way and pretended to be asleep, as if she hadn't been staying up to make sure she made it back safely.
The following day, when Santana and Brittany were the only ones in the room with her, Quinn ended up having a miniature breakdown. Santana had suggested a haircut, which sounded not helpful at all, in Quinn's opinion. But it was something to distract herself with, so she followed her advice.
She was staring at herself in the mirror, watching as the scissors glided to take the first snip of many, when she felt a change. It was like looking at a new person.
Gone was the studious, straight-A student; gone was the prom queen candidate; gone was the devout Christian; gone was the perfect blonde cheerleader dating the quarterback.
She was just… Quinn. She could be anyone she wanted to be.
When she watched her hair fall to the floor, she wondered how long she had been desperately trying to reflect perfectly tweaked images instead of following her heart.
It turned out that Santana's suggestion hadn't been completely useless, after all.
Nationals were a disaster.
Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. They ended up in twelfth, which wasn't terrible out of fifty different participating groups, but it was nowhere near the victory they were looking for.
Quinn was worried about Rachel's reaction, but they weren't really talking, even though Quinn sought her out. They had been just too busy preparing and sightseeing to have a lengthy conversation, and Rachel kept sneaking off with Kurt.
Anyhow, it was a near disaster because Finn had decided to plant an unscripted kiss on Rachel – to the rest of the Glee club's horror – which didn't really come across as romantic to any onlookers and instead a strange, awkward pause at the end of their performance that lasted way too long.
And, well, the fact that she was currently holding an irate Spanish-speaking Santana back with Brittany really highlighted that it hadn't been appreciated. Quinn kind of wanted to yell at someone too, but that someone was tall and dorky and sometimes too hopeless for his own good.
It was a good ten minutes before Santana finally calmed down enough to use her words, in English this time.
"Berry, I hope you're happy with that stunt you and Finnsolent pulled –" Santana growled, and Quinn nudged her.
"Back off, Santana. You could tell by her reaction she wasn't the one who planned it," Quinn defended. In her heart she hoped she was right – that Rachel didn't secretly find it romantic.
Rachel just sat there solemnly. It was eerie and incredibly out of character in a way that made Quinn forget about any jealousy she may have felt.
"You're just saying that because you wish you were the one who did it!" Santana retorted, striking like a snake.
Quinn worked her jaw, and the rest of the room widened their eyes. Everyone fell silent.
"Quinn wouldn't do that," Rachel said in a small voice, catching their attention. "She's too tactful and considerate to do something like that."
She blinked at Rachel, earning a tiny smile from the brunette.
Santana opened her mouth to reply before Brittany interrupted her.
"San, let it go," Brittany soothed, linking her elbow with Santana's. Santana huffed out one more petulant 'whatever' before letting herself be dragged out of the room by Brittany. Quinn was a little on edge after Santana's accusation, but no one left in the room made a move to question her, so she just shook it off.
Quinn didn't know what to expect when she returned to her and Rachel's shared bed, so she went to fix herself up in the bathroom and get into her pajamas. When she came out fifteen minutes later, Mercedes and Tina were nowhere to be found.
Only Rachel remained.
Quinn hesitantly padded across the room and tried to settle into her spot as casually as possible. Rachel didn't look up from her hands.
"Uh," Quinn spoke up because she hated feeling awkward with Rachel. "Thanks for standing up for me."
"Santana is upset with me," Rachel said simply, not looking up. "It isn't fair for her to take it out on you just because you defended me."
Quinn worried her lip, leaning a little closer. "Tactful and considerate, though? I'm not sure I deserve that after our last conversation." She let out a dry laugh, trying to ease the tension.
"You do," Rachel replied with the faintest smile on her face.
Quinn was filled with the urgent need to cheer up the brunette, but she wasn't a natural at it– not like Rachel. She wished she would just look at her. The blonde moved to hold Rachel's hand in our own, squeezing it. "I don't… like fighting with you, Rachel. I'm sorry for what I said." Quinn shrugged helplessly. "I was just… I was jealous. If you're mad at me, I understand, but – please talk to me, if you need someone to talk to."
Rachel finally met her eyes, brown depths expressive as always. "You don't need to apologize, Quinn. I'm not mad at you – I'm mad at myself." Rachel shook her head with a sad chuckle. "I feel terrible. I told you I'd be patient, and then… and then I tried to rush you. I just – imagined the myriad of possibilities being here in New York, and, you know…" She looked frustrated that the words weren't coming to her naturally.
"It's okay," Quinn said, and Rachel shook her head furiously.
"It isn't. I shouldn't have used Finn to get you jealous. It wasn't fair to either of you – and clearly Finn got the wrong idea. And I can't even blame him for getting his hopes up, because," Rachel threw her arms around in a way that made Quinn smile vaguely. "Because I was being Rachel Berry at her worst. Self-absorbed and nearsighted."
Quinn quirked her lips in thought, absorbing all this information. "The wrong idea…? You just went out with him to get a reaction out of me?"
Rachel gave her a look. "You're a very smart girl. I don't think I have to explain that further." Quinn must've looked doubtful, because Rachel frowned in disbelief. "Did you really think I still wanted to date Finn?"
"I guess we really suck at communicating, don't we?" Quinn said ruefully instead of directly answering.
"I blame you for that, Quinn Fabray!" Rachel nudged her so hard she fell on the bed with Rachel next to her, laughing. "If I had it my way, we would be –" She stopped abruptly, her eyes owlish.
"We would be what?" Quinn smirked, nudging her back.
Rachel was quick to regain her bearings. "Wouldn't you like to know," Rachel mocked, sticking her tongue out. Quinn resisted the urge to do something with it.
"I guess I deserve that," Quinn sighed, heaving herself back to sitting up with a smile. "Are you feeling a little better?"
"A little," Rachel sobered, her expression becoming a tinge serious. "I mean… I'm still very, very, very disappointed we didn't manage to win Nationals – but we have next year. We'll make it here again." She sighed, gazing out towards the window. It was dark outside, but the city was alive with lights. "And I'll make it back to New York. I know I will."
Quinn admired her determination – she had never met someone so sure of themselves before Rachel. When Rachel found her hand again and gave it a squeeze, she thought that maybe she could be an optimist, too.
Not too long after, the other girls had made their way back into the room and everyone settled into bed, preparing for the early trip back to Lima tomorrow.
"I forgot to say," Rachel whispered into the space between their pillows. "I like your new haircut, Quinn."
"Thanks," Quinn said quietly, smiling. It was a little strange having it shoulder-length after having longer hair for years.
"I doubt you could ever look bad with anything, but I think it suits you." Rachel was looking at her with so much affection it made her heart soar. "Anyway," she continued, pulling the blanket closer to herself. "You must be tired. Goodnight, Quinn." She was about to turn away when Quinn stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Rachel," Quinn murmured, hazel eyes clear with resolve. "Want to spend the night at my house next weekend?"
"Really?" Rachel gushed as quietly as she could, which wasn't very. Quinn nodded once. "Of course I do!"
Quinn would do anything to keep that smile on her face.
A/N: As mentioned, this was meant to be a two-shot, but I would feel a little cruel leaving it here, lol. Expect a third installment that may or may not be as long as the previous two. It'll be slower to come.