I'm back! It's been a few years, but I've decided to pick this fic back up. We will see if I can finish it. I've re-edited it and added a few things from the original posting. Nothing major, but I would suggest reading back through it before continuing on or at least re-reading the last chapter since I added the most on that one.
Winter began to roll around and all the commotion about the troll incident began to die down. Even though no other students witnessed the attack, everyone somehow knew that Merlin took down the troll. The details of how it actually happened, though, were varied and sometimes ridiculously far fetched. Still, Merlin could feel eyes on him every time he walked the halls.
After a while, new things began to clamor for everyone's attention, drawing it away from Merlin to his relief. A holiday called Christmas was around the corner, meaning that many of the students were preparing to go home for a break. Merlin was happy to hear that some remained instead of going home during the holiday, so he could as well.
On a night close to the break, Merlin finally decided it was time to check out the forbidden corridor on the third floor. He spent several nights leading up to it, mapping different escape routes and checking the perimeter to see if there were traps of any kind. He was finally satisfied enough to begin exploring the actual corridor.
Getting into the corridor was so easy. It was simply a locked door. Merlin found that he could even open it with a simple wand spell that he had learned in class. If Dumbledore was so keen to keep others out, surely, he would have made it harder to enter.
Merlin walked in an instantly froze. Having stepped in, he was looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous dog, a dog that filled the whole space between the ceiling and floor and had three heads. The dog began to growl, and Merlin threw up his hands in what he hoped to be interpreted as a non-threatening gesture.
"Good, dog," he said. "I'm not going to hurt you."
The dog took a menacing step forward, its large paw coming down to rest on something that definitely didn't sound like the stone floor of Hogwarts. Merlin chanced a look down. There, halfway covered by the dog's paw, was a trapdoor.
"What are you guarding there?" Merlin asked.
The dog answered by leaping forward, saliva flying off its yellow fangs as he charged. Merlin took that as his cue to go and wasted no time running out of the corridor, re-locking the door behind him.
Merlin figured that there was only one person he knew that would handle such animals like the one in the forbidden corridor, so the next day he made a trip down to visit Hagrid. He made sure that neither Ron nor Hermione followed him, not wanting them to get involved.
Merlin knocked on the old wooden door and was greeted by a pleasantly surprise Hagrid who hurriedly tried to make so tea.
"Didn' know you were comin' or else I'd had made some biscuits for yer," he said.
"Don't worry about it," Merlin said, relieved that he didn't have to pretend to eat them. Hagrid wasn't necessarily the best baker.
They made small talk while they waited for the water to boil. Hagrid wanted to know all about how Merlin's classes were going to which Merlin obliged. Once the tea was finished being made, Merlin tried to broach the subject of the three-headed dog.
"So, Hagrid," Merlin said. "You sure do like animals, huh?"
Hagrid's eyes lit up and he began talking about all the different magical animals he had. Merlin nodded his head along before he cut in.
"What about magical dogs? Do have any of those?"
Hagrid squinted at Merlin. "Are you tryin' to ask about Fluffy?" he asked a bit too harshly.
"So that dog is yours," Merlin said taking a sip of his tea, feigning casual. "I like the name," he added. Merlin didn't know what possessed the man to name a fearsome dog like that Fluffy but thought flattery might get him somewhere.
"You shouln' know anything about him…"
"Or what he is guarding?"
Hagrid began to grow angry. "It's nothin' to concern yeh. It's dangerous. You forget that dog, and you forget what it's guarding', that's between Professor Dumbledore an' Nicholas Flamel.
Merlin latched onto that name — Nicholas Flamel. Hagrid obviously wasn't going to divulge much information, but he may have just let a very important piece slip.
Deciding he got enough, Merlin tried to diffuse the situation and hoped that Hagrid wouldn't notice the name drop he just did.
"I've very sorry," Merlin said. "I shouldn't pry. I was just curious, but it is obviously none of my business. I hope you will forgive me."
Fortunately, Hagrid was a kind man, and the giant couldn't stay mad for too long.
The holiday break arrived, leaving only Merlin and Ron in the dormitory. Everyone else had gone home to spend the time with their families. Merlin, of course, had no family to visit, thus he remained in the castle. Ron's parents were out of the country on a trip to see one of their many other sons.
Merlin was happy to have a break from classes and ended up actually enjoying his time with Ron and the twins. Ron tried to teach him wizards chess, which didn't go too well. The twins brought out the mischievous side of Merlin and enlisted him to help with a couple of their pranks while Lee Jordan was away. Merlin remembered all the stuff he did in Camelot and happily lent his talents to the duo.
The day before Christmas, he was able to sneak away from everyone for a few hours to conduct some research in the library, glad that is was also be the one place Ron would not go looking for him as the redhead rarely stepped foot in the place when school was in secession.
The task turned out to not be all that difficult. Nicholas Flamel was a pretty famous wizard most well-known for his creation of the Sorcerer's Stone, a stone that basically grants immortality. Merlin figured that would be something one would want to heavily guard, maybe even with a three-headed dog.
Merlin woke up early on Chrismas morning as usual, but to his surprise, the first thing he saw was a small pile of packages at the foot of his bed.
"Merry Christmas," said Ron sleepily.
"You too," Merlin said back automatically. Leading up to the break, Hermione gave Merlin a crash course on what Christmas was and how it was celebrated after she learned he didn't even know about the holiday. She even helped him out in giving gifts of his own to people, but for some reason, he never expected people to give him gifts too.
"I've got some presents!" he said happily.
"What did you expect, turnips?" said Rom, turning to his own pile, which was a lot bigger than Merlin's.
The top parcel was from Hagrid. It contained a roughly hand-cut wooden flute. Merlin was so touched for Hagrid to have spent so much time making something for him.
The next parcel had him a big confused. "Ron, why do I have a present from your mother?"
Ron turned a bit pink. "I told her you didn't expect any presents with you not having a family and — oh, no," he groaned, "she's made you a Weasley sweater."
Merlin had torn open the parcel to find a thick, hand-knitted sweater in emerald green and a large box of homemade fudge.
"Every year she makes us a sweater," said Ron, unwrapping his own, "and mine's always maroon."
"That's really nice of her," Merlin said.
The last present was candy from Hermione.
Merlin began to nibble on the fudge Mrs. Weasley sent him when Fred and George burst in the room, sporting their own sweaters and making comments on how they thought Merlin's was better. Merlin grinned. He felt an odd sense of belonging with the family.
The rest of the day was a whirlwind of food and games. Merlin really felt himself letting go and enjoying the moment. He didn't hold back at all and felt like the kid his physical body made him look like.
All day he was riding on such a high that he should have foreseen the inevitable crash. It happened that night. Ron felt right asleep, and Merlin was left alone when the weight of everything on him again. Not wanting to just sit in bed with it all, he went for a walk.
He wandered aimlessly for over an hour before he happened upon a door left ajar. It looked like an unused classroom, it's desks and chairs piled up against the walls. A large mirror stood alone in the center of the room. It was as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet. Merlin squinted in the low light at the inscription that curved around the top. It made no sense to him.
When he looked into the mirror, his heart froze. There, in the reflection, stood not just him, but so many others. Arthur was to the left of him, his arm slung around Merlin's shoulders. Gaius was behind him, giving him a knowing look. To the right of Merlin stood Freya, looking as beautiful as ever. Gwen stood on the other side of Arthur, smiling sweetly. His mother and father both gave him a nod. All of the knights, including Lancelot were in a circle around them in the back. Morgana was there as well, but it was not the person Merlin saw last. She appeared in the mirror like she did when Merlin first met her. He eyes were kind and innocent.
Hours later, Merlin was still in the same spot. He had cried and begged to be taken back, but now his tears had dried. He sat before the mirror and told them all about the place he found himself in. He told them about how magic was in the future. How everything had changed. He told them about his new friends. He thought Gaius would really like Hermione. Arthur would have fun discussing strategies with Ron. Fred and George would be a riot with all the knights. When Merlin ran out of things to say, he just sat there in silence, talking in all of their faces.
The sun had risen, but Merlin hardly noticed, nor did he notice any hunger or exhaustion. It was a voice that broke him out of the mirror's trance.
"You have many people concerned about your whereabouts."
Merlin jumped, his heart leaping into his throat as he whirled around to see Dumbledore standing at the door.
"So," Dumbledore said, walking into the room, you, like hundred before you, have discovered the delights of the Mirror of Erised."
"What is this thing?" Merlin asked, his voice cracking slightly.
"Let me explain. The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?"
Merlin turned it over in his head. The word Erised kept jumping out at him. It took him a second to understand why.
"The word Erised is the word desire but backwards, like how you would see it in a mirror." Merlin said.
"Precisely," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "The mirror shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible."
Merlin looked back at the smiling faces of his friends and family before his eyes drifted back up to the inscription. Reading it backwards it said, I show not your face but your hearts desire.
The fates were so cruel to Merlin, and now they were just mocking him by showing what he so desperately wanted but couldn't have. Tears began to burn his eyes again.
"What is it that you see?" Dumbledore asked quietly.
The boy in front of Dumbledore was more broken than he anticipated.
Dumbledore knew of Morgan Emrys' habit to roam the castle, so he put the mirror in this classroom, hoping that the boy would come across it. He thought it would be a perfect way to gain more insight into the mysterious boy. He didn't know how long it would take Morgan to find the mirror, so he put a charm on the room to alert him when someone walked it. However, with the festivities of the night before, Dumbledore was sleeping hard and didn't wake to the sound of the notification. It wasn't until the morning when he did.
The headmaster thought it was just a missed opportunity and settled on trying to catch the boy with the mirror again, since he knew about it now and would undoubtedly be back. He never anticipated the boy to have spent the whole night there. Dumbledore felt the blood drain out of his face when he was confronted by three Weasley's in the Great Hall, frantic because Morgan was missing.
He now saw how broken the boy was. He saw the haunted look in his eyes when he explained what the mirror was. He saw the tears welling up, threatening to break loose. He saw the hands trembling slightly. He couldn't help himself, though, so he asked.
"What is it that you see?"
Morgan's head snapped back to face Dumbledore's before slowly drifting back to the mirror. There was a long pause, long enough that Dumbledore didn't think the boy would ever answer.
"I see them all… my friends… my family… my home." His voice cracked on the last word.
Dumbledore winced before pressing on. "It really does help if you talk about it."
He was given no response. He scrambled to think of something to do or say. He came up with an idea.
"I lost my father at a young age," Dumbledore began. "History looks back on him in an ugly light, but it doesn't really know him. I loved my father, and he loved my family. My younger sister, Ariana, got attacked by three muggles one day because of her magic. It left her in a very bad way, and it drove my father over the edge. In a rage, he went after them and attacked them. He got arrested for it, but never told them why he did it for fear of what they would do to my sister if they found out what she had become. I never saw my father again. He died still imprisoned in Azkaban."
The room once again lapsed into silence. Dumbledore stood, looking down at Morgan whose clutched his legs to his chest tightly as he sat, staring into the mirror. To the headmaster's surprise, Morgan began to speak.
"I didn't really know my father very much," he said. "He was forced to leave my mother before I was born. He never knew I existed, that is, until I found him. I needed his help, so I sought him out. He was so happy to know that I was his son. He — he said he was proud of me. But, I only got three days with him. We were ambushed, and he died protecting me. Sometimes I think he would have been safer if he never knew me."
Dumbledore let out a shaky breath, his heart heavy from the story. He should have been happy that Morgan was opening up to him, but he felt none of that. Despite it, he sat down on the hard, stone floor next to Morgan and continued.
"My mother was a loving woman when I was younger, but she was never the same after Ariana's attack. Moving forward, we had a relationship that was strained. Her top priority was keeping Ariana safe and a secret. I, on the other hand, was young and idealistic. I didn't want what my mother wanted for me. I regret not spending more time with her now as she too passed way too soon in life. She was most unfortunate to be taken by an uncontrollable outburst from my sister. Do keep in mind that it was not Ariana's fault as she had no control over it."
"My mother was the most amazing person ever. She was so loving and strong. She was the best mother I could ever ask for. She constantly worried about me, though, and ended up sending me to stay with my uncle. She didn't have magic, but he did. She hoped for him to teach me, and he cared for me as if I was his own. I — I don't know what happened to either of them after I was taken."
"Taken by whom?" Dumbledore asked, but Morgan gripped his legs tighter, refusing to answer. The old man let out a sign, knowing that what he needed to do was to quit his inquiry and help the young boy. He had been reckless and may have done real harm to the boy with the mirror.
"Morgan, listen. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but know this: Hogwarts is your home now, and you will find that help is always given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. That is all you have to do — ask."
Morgan looked away from the mirror and at Dumbledore, giving him a small victory.
"I miss them all so much that it hurts. I don't want to be here, but I am. I'm drowning, but I do know what to do. What do I do?"
Dumbledore struggled, looking down at the crying boy. He hesitantly lifted his hand and then rested it on Morgan's back in a comforting manner.
"Pain and grief aren't things that just go away. You must work through them, and it takes time. Bottling it all up will only serve to harm you. I know you are scared. I don't know why, but I know that you are. There are people here that wish nothing more than to help you. You should have seen the chaos earlier. Misters Fred, George, and Ron Weasley all but tackled me when I walked into the Great Hall all because they were worried about your absence.
"Besides, do you think the dead we loved truly ever leave us? They are alive in you and come when you are in need. Don't let their memory drag you down but be your fuel to keep moving forward. That love your parents and your uncle had for you isn't gone. And though I didn't know them, I can tell you that they would stop at nothing to make you no hurt anymore."
Morgan rubbed his eyes and looked up at Dumbledore, his lips hinting at a sad smile.
"Thank you," Morgan said quietly.
Dumbledore offered the boy a hand, and together they stood up. The headmaster was pleased to see Morgan had his back to the mirror.
"The mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow," Dumbledore said, "and I ask you not to go looking for it. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Now, why don't you go find your friends and put them out of their worry."
Morgan nodded and walked to the door. He paused and looked back, not at the mirror, but at Dumbledore.
"Sir," he said, "what do you see when you look in the mirror?"
Dumbledore was caught off guard but spoke. "I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks."
Morgan stared.
"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone, and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."
Morgan frowned, shaking his head.
"Surely you don't expect me to believe that," Morgan said before leaving the room.
Dumbledore stood, looking at the empty doorway, surprised to have been called out, but as he turned and looked into the mirror himself, he knew he shouldn't have been surprised for the boy to have detected his lie.
That night Merlin sat in his bed, staring down at the bottle in his hands. The purple liquid of the dreamless sleep potion reflected the moonlight coming through the window.
Merlin closed his eyes and saw his mother's smiling face. He could almost hear her voice, saying that she loved him.
He opened his eyes and looked back at the potion. Then he reached over and put in back in his trunk.
For the first time since arrive here in the future, Merlin slept well without any potion's aid.
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