Chapter 13 Notes: The boys head back to Philly. Jess finally gets the conversation he's been looking for. I wasn't going to post again so soon, but inspiration struck and I couldn't focus on anything else, so I figured I better write it down and get it out of my system! Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. I love hearing what you guys are thinking about this story. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

They were on the road by mid-morning on Sunday, staying only long enough to have breakfast with Luke, just the three of them, in the diner and then head over to the house so that Luke and Jeremy could hang the finished birdhouse. Once Jeremy had decided it made more sense to hang the birdhouse in the yard in Stars Hollow than to bring it back to Philly, where they had no practical place to hang it, he had wanted to give it a coat of blue paint to match Luke and Lorelai's house and had left it to dry overnight. Jess had stood on the porch with Lorelai and Rory, each drinking coffee from a mug and watching Luke and Jeremy install the little house on a metal rod they had attached to the side of the garage. He had realized then that he enjoyed watching Jeremy with Luke more when he wasn't trying to insert himself into the action. He had nothing except sarcastic comments to contribute to the process of birdhouse hanging, so he had hung back, out of the way, letting them do their thing together. Jess had watched Jeremy blush and duck his head at the enthusiastic applause and hooting from the porch as he climbed down from the ladder. Jess smiled at how cute the boy's shyness was, and then at how preposterous the idea of finding an almost eighteen year old boy cute would have felt to him a year ago. They had said a final round of goodbyes, his and Lorelai's being the warmest he could remember in a long time, although he still only hugged Luke, while Jeremy hugged everyone. Small steps, he told himself. It had been a good weekend and Jess had pulled out of Lorelai's driveway feeling grateful for the little group of people that he and Jeremy got to call family.

They were about halfway into their four hour trip and Jess was determined to learn something new about his foster son's past during this car ride. He felt like it was time. That he should ask some direct questions, without being pushy or invasive. They were going to stand in front of a judge and become father and son in less than a month and Jess wanted to know more about his new child. He figured that was natural. Starting the conversation, however, felt anything but, and Jess kept chickening out when it came to direct questions.

He tried again. "So, I think you're going to like New York. Have you ever been before?" Jess was aiming to chip into a story from Jeremy's past casually and then ask more questions until he started to get some kind of picture of at least a small piece of what Jeremy's childhood was like before he had come into his life.

"Uh, yeah. Once for a field trip in fourth grade. We went to the statue of liberty." Jess heard a faint buzz and glanced over to see Jeremy looking down at his phone and smiling, followed by quick typing, more buzzing and more smiling. The boy had been texting with Melissa on and off since they had gotten in the car, and something about it was rubbing Jess the wrong way. Jeremy had kept his phone in his pocket for the majority of the weekend and hadn't taken it out to text while Luke or anyone else had been talking to him. And it offended Jess that they boy's good manners had disappeared as soon as they had gotten in the car, just the two of them, as if Jess didn't count, and the trip had been over as soon as they had said goodbye to everyone else.

"That's it? None of the foster families you lived with ever took you?"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, a slightly puzzled frown on his face. Jess knew the question had been a poor choice, feeling simultaneously random and oddly specific. He sighed. He was always so awkward at starting personal conversations. He had learned that he was much better at going with the flow in situations where Jeremy initiated the topic. That was more of his comfort zone, when he didn't have to plan out a strategy and have time to overthink everything.

"Uh. Not that I remember." Jeremy's phone buzzed again, and Jess watched from the corner of his eye as the boy glanced down at it, then back up at Jess when he quickly asked a follow up question to keep the boy's attention.

"What about other places? Did any of your foster families take you any place else, or on any trips?"

Jeremy looked pensive. "I didn't really go too many places as a kid. I did have one foster family who took me to Disney World. But, I think that's the only real trip I've ever been on." Jeremy looked down and typed into his phone.

"Disney World, huh?" Jess did his best to cultivate a tone that was interested, but not overly so to the point of raising suspicion. "That sounds like fun. I've never been, myself. Did you like it?"

"Uh, yeah, it was really cool." Another buzz from the boy's phone, followed by more smiling and more typing.

"How old were you when you went?"

Jeremy looked up. "Oh, um, maybe nine or ten, I guess."

"Were those foster parents nice? Did you like them?" Jess knew this conversation was dying a slow death, that the kid would much rather be texting with this girl than talking to him.

Jeremy's phone buzzed again, but the boy surprised Jess by keeping his attention on him and answering his question. "Yeah. They were pretty nice. They fostered a lot and they took every one of their foster kids to Disney while they stayed with them. They were really into Disney and they thought every kid should get to go at least once in their life. They had this whole cork board on the wall with pictures of each kid they had ever fostered posing with Mickey Mouse or one of the other Disney characters." Jeremy paused for a minute. "Yeah, I liked them. They were nice people. They were, like, professional foster parents, though. They didn't want to adopt."

"Huh. Is that common, in your experience? Did a lot of your foster parents just want to foster instead of adopting?"

Jeremy stared out the front windshield, his expression closed, his phone lying momentarily forgotten in the hand on his lap. Jess glanced at the boy and knew he had inadvertently triggered something. "Nope." Jeremy's voice was flat. "Most wanted to adopt. They just didn't want to adopt me. Why are you asking me all this? Are you have second thoughts about me, too?"

"What? No! Of course not, Jeremy." Jeremy's phone buzzed, the boy looked down at the screen, and Jess felt himself getting agitated in response. A small, annoyed part of him wanted to grab the phone out of Jeremy's hand and throw it in the back seat. Except that he might hit Winston. And would likely scare Jeremy by acting like a crazy person. He forced himself to take a deep breath. "I was just trying to learn more about your life before you came to live with me. I guess I was doing a pretty shitty job if that's the impression I gave you." Jess sighed. "I just want to know more about you, Jeremy. We've never really talked about what your life was like before I met you." There was another buzz, the second indication of a yet unanswered text. "What do you think about putting your phone away for a few minutes so we can have a real conversation without getting interrupted every thirty seconds?" Jess knew he hadn't been entirely successful at keeping the aggravation out of his voice about the phone when he glanced at the boy's face, and saw a flash of hurt there. Jess took another breath. Sometimes things felt so easy and natural with Jeremy, and sometimes they didn't. Jess had put off worrying about New York during the holiday weekend in Stars Hollow, but he was starting to feel his stress about the upcoming move resurfacing. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to try to initiate a heart to heart with his foster son.

Jeremy looked down at his phone and then back up at Jess. "Oh, ok, I'm sorry, Jess. Uh…..I didn't mean to be rude. I'm really sorry." He looked down at the screen again, clearly wanting to respond to Melissa, but unsure what to do in the face of Jess' request. "Is it ok if I just tell her I need to go? I don't want her to think I'm blowing her off."

Jess sighed again. "Nevermind, Jeremy. You can keep texting Melissa. We can talk later."

Jeremy didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Jess glanced at the boy in the passenger seat, who still looked conflicted, not wanting to ignore Melissa, but not wanting to hurt Jess' feelings either. "It's ok, Jeremy. Really. Go ahead."

The boy smiled then, small but genuine. "Ok. Thanks, Jess." He ducked his head and started typing.

Jess watched the road in front of him, wondering if he was being a good parent by taking Jeremy's wants into consideration, or just a coward for letting the conversation drop, again. He resolved to try again over dinner one night that week. He would institute a no phones at the table rule if he needed to. But, not tonight. He needed to start seriously thinking about the move tonight. He needed to get his shit together and start making lists and budgets and figuring out what he could afford for rent in New York. He would wait to bring this up with Jeremy again when he was feeling a little less stressed about the other stuff in his life.

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It was one o'clock in the morning, and Jess was ready to call it a night, to shut down his computer and go to bed. He liked getting a solid night of sleep on Sunday to start the week off right, and he hadn't meant to stay up nearly as late as he had tonight. He had gotten sucked into his research and had spent the last few hours sitting at the dining room table staring at his laptop looking at apartments in New York that he couldn't afford, and researching neighborhoods, and schools. It had been a decade since Jess had lived in New York and it seemed that some of the neighborhoods he was familiar with had gotten better, safer, and much more expensive. He wondered what neighborhoods Chris and Matthew were looking at, and then realized with a twinge of sadness that it wasn't likely he would be able to afford a two-bedroom in the same area. They both made a lot more money than he did and had partners with second incomes. They had always made more than him as the owners of Truncheon, but the disparity hadn't mattered as much in Philly, where they had had the same humble start living together above the company for the first few years, and even after they had gotten their own places, Chris and Matthew had always lived in the city within a mile or two of Jess, just in nicer apartments. He thought about how things would change at work, too, about having to prove himself all over again to his new corporate employer. He would no longer be someone who had been there from the beginning, and who was looked at as almost as good as a partner. He felt stressed and exhausted at the idea.

Jess reached for another mini-peanut butter cup. He popped it into his mouth, anticipating the creamy, sugary sweetness, even as he felt a jolt of self-loathing at realizing how close he had come to finishing the entire bag. He had run to the grocery store before dinner while Jeremy did his homework, and he had felt the stress coming on even then, and had stocked up for what he had expected to be a bad night. He heard Jeremy's door creak open slowly, and heart beating fast, he quickly gathered up the empty wrappers and shoved them into the almost empty bag of peanut-butter cups, tucking the bag under his discarded hoodie on the chair next to him to conceal the evidence of his weakness. He listened to the bathroom door close, and after a few seconds, heard the toilet flush and the faucet run, and he felt ridiculous. He knew he should probably examine this knee-jerk reaction he had to hiding his vices. He realized it probably wasn't a healthy sign to feel such intense shame over privately soothing himself with sugar when he was stressed.

He heard the tapping of Winston's toenails on the wood floor in the hallway, having left Jeremy's bedroom in search of his boy, and then Jeremy talking to him softly after he came out of the bathroom, apologizing to the dog for waking him up. Then boy and dog both were peeking around the corner from the hallway into the kitchen. Jess smiled. Jeremy always seemed extra young to him when he had recently woken up, looking sleepy and cozy in the flannel pajama bottoms and long-sleeve thermal tee shirt that Jess had bought him when the weather had started getting cold.

"Hey guys. What are you two doing up?"

Winston approached first, nails clicking across the tiled kitchen floor, excited that his whole family was unexpectedly up at this hour. The dog came up to Jess' chair and Jess reached an arm down to rub his head. The dog's nose briefly strayed to the hoodie on the seat next to him and Jess redirected his attention before the dog sussed out his secret. Winston was really into peanut butter. So, was Jess. He was really grateful that Jeremy didn't really have an allergy. "Hey, boy. How's my good pup? Did Jeremy wake you up?"

Jeremy walked into the kitchen and stood near the table, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Yeah, I did. I was having trouble sleeping and I thought it might help if I got up for a bit and stopped trying so hard."

"Ah. Anything particular on your mind?"

Jeremy huffed out a breath. "Just everything, I guess."

Jess kept one hand on Winston's head, slowly petting, as he spoke. "Huh. Everything sounds like it could be pretty daunting. Can you give me any specifics?"

Jeremy seemed to notice the laptop then. "Am I interrupting you? I don't want to bother you if you're trying to work."

Jess reached up with the hand that wasn't petting Winston and closed his laptop. "You're not bothering me, Jeremy. I was just looking at apartments in New York. But, I was about to wrap up anyway. You're fine. Take a seat. You want me to make you some warm milk or something?"

Jeremy made a face as he pulled out a chair and sat down across from Jess. "That sounds gross. Does that really work to help you sleep? I thought that was just in old movies."

Jess laughed. "I don't know if it works. I have no idea why I even said that. It just seemed like the appropriate parental response to my kid not being able to sleep. What about tea? You want a cup of tea?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Thanks, but I'm good. I don't need anything. Can I just stay out here with you and talk to you for a little bit?"

"Absolutely. You can always do that, Jeremy." Jess leaned forward on the table slightly, stretching his shoulders a little like he was just getting comfortable, not wanting to look too eager. He heard Winston walk in a slow circle and lie down on the floor now that he was no longer getting petted. "So, what's on your mind?"

Jeremy shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm a little nervous about the move."

Jess nodded. "Ok. Can you tell me what about the move has you nervous?"

"I don't know. I mean, I know it's stupid because I've moved so many times in my life, and I should be used to it by now. And this time will be much easier because I'll have you and Winston, and usually I've just been moved on my own without knowing anyone at the new place…" "But, it's almost like this will be harder because things are so good here." Jeremy paused and studied the table in front of his hands. "It's like, school is school, but maybe because I'm a senior and everyone is a little older and more mature or something, but it hasn't been as hard to be the new kid as it usually is. Like, it's still lonely and I'm still an outsider, for sure, but no one's actively picking on me this time. And, then I met Melissa. And she's so great, and I've never really had a girl like me the way she does. And I'll only have known her for a month and a half by the time we move, and I don't know if she's going to even want to bother staying in touch with someone she's known for such a short time, even though it's a long time for me to know someone. And, it just seems like crappy timing. Like, I really like her and it sucks that I have to leave so soon after meeting her. But, then I think that it shouldn't matter so much because even if we stayed here, we would both be going away to different colleges and would probably lose touch anyway. And then I get stressed about college and paying for it and everything. I have decent grades and I've been looking around and applying for as many scholarships as I can find, especially those for kids who are in foster care, so I'm hoping something happens there. And I want to get a job when we get to New York. If that's ok with you. I want to start saving money for school. And then I get stressed about that because I didn't have any luck when I tried to find a job in Philly. But, if I can't save money and go to college, then I'll be in the same boat that I'm in now for the rest of my life, and maybe I'll never be able to get a job and take care of myself. And then I think about the statistics. That only 3% of kids who age out of foster care go on to graduate college and that half the kids who age out of foster care end up homeless or in prison. And, I don't know. It all just snowballs into one huge, indistinguishable ball of stress at that point." Jeremy sighed. "I'm sorry. That was a lot to dump on you."

Jess smiled softly at his foster son. "It's ok, Jeremy. You're my kid. I want to know these things. I want to know what you're worried about. I don't think of it as you dumping on me."

Jeremy smiled back. "Thanks. Really. My stress list would be so much longer, and everything would feel a million times worse, if I hadn't come to live with you. I want you to know that. How much I appreciate being here and how good you are to me."

"That's good to hear. But, if you're this stressed, I feel like I should be doing more. I should have thought about scholarships and stuff. I'm glad you're looking into that. As for college, Jeremy, you're going. There are no buts about that. I promise you. I will help you make that happen. You've worked too hard to not get to go. I have some money saved up, not much but it'll be enough to help get you started at a state school next year. And, I'll be making more money in New York, and I'll get a second job if I need to. Luke has offered to help, too. You going to college is important to him, too. Between all three of us, we will make this happen, I promise. You might have to take out some student loans, but I can help you with them after you graduate. I don't care if I'm living off ramen and paying off student loans until I'm eighty, my kid is going to college."

Jeremy smiled sadly. "Thanks, Jess. But, you do so much for me already. I don't want to take even more from you. I don't want you to have give anything up so that I can go to college."

"What are you talking about? Parents are supposed to give stuff up so that their kids can go to college. It's pretty much the number one rule of being a parent."

Jeremy was shaking his head. "It's not right. You do enough for me as it is. You're the first person who's loved me since I was five. That's everything."

"Jeremy, we will figure this out. You are going to college. I'm going to help you go. We're a team, Jeremy. You, me and Winston, right? We'll work on this together and this will happen. Luke might have to help, too, but you are going. We will figure this out. In the meantime, we should probably try to save as much money as we can, no drastic cutbacks or anything, just eating out less, buying less stuff, things like that. Ok?"

"Ok, Jess. Thanks."

"And I've seen those statistics, too, and they're scary, but keep in mind that they refer to kids who age out of the system on their own. You're not aging out. You're being adopted. I don't know what the stat is for adopted children graduating college, but I've gotta think it's a hell of a lot higher than 3%. You have support now and people to help you. In order for you to end up homeless, I would have to be homeless, too, otherwise I'd put my roof over your head. Luke would have to be homeless, too, or he would do the same. So would Liz and TJ, and Lorelai and Rory and April. You have so many people who care about you now and who would help you if you were homeless, or about to become homeless. The only way you could ever become homeless would be if something happened to all those people, too, and they no longer had the means to help you. And that's a lot of people, so it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it? Much less than a 50/50 chance."

Jeremy smiled at that. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I know I have family now, but…...sometimes it's still hard not to worry about that stuff, about ending up broke and homeless and alone."

Jess nodded. "I can understand that. It can be hard to shake old habits." "I'm sorry that we have to move and that your life is about to be disrupted again. I'm sorry that I'll be taking you out of a school that you're comfortable in and that you'll have to leave Melissa. And, that you'll be losing your college benefits from DCFS, and that everything is so stressful for you right now." Jess watched Jeremy carefully as he spoke slowly. "Do you ever have second thoughts about coming with me, or the adoption?"

Jeremy shook his head. "No. Never. I want you to adopt me more than I want anything else. More than I've ever wanted anything else. The adoption is pretty much the only thing that isn't causing me stress right now."

"Good." Jess grinned. "Because I really want to be your dad."

The boy smiled back. "I really want you to be my dad."

Jess smirked. "That works out well. It would be awkward otherwise."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "I agree." The boy paused and looked down for a minute before making eye contact again. "I, uh…...I know that you're interested in knowing about my life before I came to live with you, and I appreciate that you are, that you want to know about my whole life, including my past, and that you don't just want to pretend that my life started when I got sent here."

Jess nodded, feeling a 'but' coming, worried he was about to be told that that part of Jeremy's life was none of his business.

"And I don't mean to cut you off from that, or anything. It's not like I don't want to tell you about my past. It's just. It's kind of hard for me to talk about it sometimes. Or even think about it. I'm sorry if I was being rude in the car. I didn't mean to blow you off when you were asking me about my old foster parents, but it's like, even thinking about the nice ones…...I don't know. It's hard to separate thinking about any of my prior placements, even the good ones, from the idea that I spent most of my childhood available for adoption, but not wanted by anyone. It hurts. That will always hurt." Jess listened to Jeremy's voice getting shakier as he spoke, feeling guilty for causing the boy pain.

"I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean to upset you. I just…" Jess trailed off, the real reasons not seeming good enough. I just wanted to know for myself. I was just curious. "I guess I just want to know everything about you because I care so much about you. And, in case there are things I should be doing to help you, or things I should be….aware of, I guess." His repeated attempts to engage Jeremy about his past felt selfish now, more for his own benefit than for Jeremy's.

"You don't need to be sorry." Jeremy's expression was serious. "I know you didn't want to hurt me. I get that you're curious. I would be, too. Especially this close to the adoption. It makes sense that you want to know what you're getting yourself into. It's your last chance to get all the facts before we finalize things."

"Jeremy, no." Jess was horrified at the idea that Jeremy could think the adoption might hinge on anything he told Jess about his past. "That has nothing to do with it. No matter what happened to you or what you've gone through-." "Listen to me, Jeremy. I'm adopting you in three weeks. You'll be my son for the rest of both our lives. There's nothing you could tell me about your life before now that would make me change my mind. That wasn't why I was asking. It wasn't some kind of test."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just… How about I give you the big stuff now and then you don't ask me anymore? I'll probably end up telling you more stuff, more details, but when I want to. I don't want to be asked about it and caught off guard when I'm having a good day, like in the car today. Would that be ok?"

"Of course, Jeremy." Jess rushed to assure the boy. "Of course, that's ok. I'm sorry for bringing it up the way I did today. I won't ask you about it again, I promise. Just know that I'm here and that I'm willing to listen if you ever do want to talk about it, ok? And you don't have to tell me anything, not even the big stuff, if you don't want to. I understand."

"Thanks, Jess. I know I can talk to you and I appreciate that. Really. It's so much more than I've ever had."

Jess thought about Luke hugging Jeremy in the kitchen of the diner on Thanksgiving and telling him after Jeremy had left the room that Jeremy had started to talk about his parents, but it had been too much for him. He wanted to ask about that conversation, but he didn't want to look like he was throwing it in the boy's face. He said nothing, just did his best to look earnest as he nodded.

"My mom died when I was five. I know you know that from my report. My parents were fighting and my dad pushed her down the stairs. I don't think he meant to kill her. He went to prison for it." Jeremy paused, his hurt so obvious that Jess had opened his mouth to tell him that he didn't need to continue when the kid started speaking again. "I only got to visit him once before he killed himself."

"I was in ten different placements before I was sent to live with you. Some were good, some were less good, but none were really abusive. I've never been sexually abused. One foster mother slapped me across the face when I was eleven or twelve and she caught me stealing out of her wallet. A worker at one of the group homes I lived in when I was fifteen once dragged me down the hall by my hair. He was pretty rough in how he handled us a lot of the time, but that was the worst thing he ever did to me, because by then I didn't really act up much. Other than that, I have never really been physically abused."

"When I was young, I was always in foster homes. Most people were looking to adopt and were testing me out to be their kid. They were usually nice people, with decent houses and good jobs. But, it never worked out for me. I was the kind of kid that foster parents tolerated but never really loved. I didn't get a lot of hugs. I was so shy as a kid." Jess watched Jeremy pause and take a deep breath. He wondered if a good parent would stop this now. "I was so nervous and shy and scared of making a mistake, or making my foster parents mad or offending them in some way. Because I wanted them to like me and adopt me. I always felt frozen, I guess. I hardly ever spoke because I didn't want to say anything stupid and mess it up with them. I never initiated physical contact in case they didn't want me to touch them. I hid in my room to stay out of everyone's way so I wouldn't bother anyone and give them a reason to not want me. I was still never good enough. The reason they often gave my social worker was that I was too quiet and reserved. Or that I didn't seem like I really wanted to be a part of their family. Even though, I did. Every single time. More than anything. The more I got rejected, the more nervous I got about messing up and the quieter I got and the more I hid, and the more people thought I didn't like them or want to be a part of their family and the more I got rejected."

"I only stayed in two group homes, ever. I got sent to the first one when I was fourteen, and stayed for about a year until after I turned fifteen. It wasn't a good place to live. The staff wasn't always that nice. That's where the one guy dragged me down the hall. The other kids were the bigger problem, though. A group of them picked on me pretty bad. All the time. Shoved me around, stole my stuff, called me a lot of…...colorful names, I guess, to let me know they thought I was gay, and told me I was a loser. It was constant. I got arrested for shoplifting pretty soon after the bullying started. They had dared me to do it, and I thought maybe it would make them lay off me so I went along with it. I sucked at it and got caught, and got in serious trouble at the home. And they kept picking on me anyway. I eventually asked my social worker to be moved, but when it didn't happen fast enough, I ran away. I stayed gone for two nights. I spent the first night squished into an opening between the dumpster and the brick wall behind a Petco, and the second curled up behind a shed in someone's backyard."

"I cried the whole night behind the Petco and I was too scared to sleep. I spent the second night having fantasies that the people who lived in the house would come out and find me and adopt me. They had a basketball hoop in their driveway, and a kiddie pool and a really pretty flower garden and I thought they would be nice people. I had $26 saved up from my allowance when I ran away that I used to buy food. On the third day I called Ms. Garcia to come pick me up. She took me to an emergency placement and then found me a different group home. That's where I lived before I came here. This one was fine. The kids were all sixteen or seventeen and more concerned with getting their own stuff together to age out than with making my life miserable. I hadn't turned sixteen yet, but they let me in anyway. The workers were better there, too. I don't know if it matters or if it's just a coincidence, but this home was run by a woman and had a pretty equal mix of male and female workers even though it was a boys' home. Everything was better there, less volatile somehow, calmer. It still didn't feel like a real home. Not at all. I still felt lonely, like I didn't really fit, like I was on the outside, the same as I had in every placement, my whole life. I mostly kept to myself. I didn't really want to attract attention after what I went through in the last home. I didn't have any close relationships with anyone, kids or staff, but no one was a complete jerk to me either, so it was much better than the last place."

"None of the other guys there were interested in getting a placement with a family. Some of them were focused on working on their ILP's and becoming as independent as they could for when they aged out, and some were angrier and almost sabotaging themselves, but none of them wanted to give fostering another chance. It was almost embarrassing to have people know that I still wanted to find a family at my age. Some of them gave me shit about it when I was leaving to come here. Some were just genuinely curious that I was still seriously looking for a family. And, I didn't expect much when I got here. The idea that you would want to adopt me at seventeen when no one had at five, or six or seven, seemed ridiculous, but I felt like I had to keep trying as long as they would let me." Jeremy sniffed once, averting his eyes for a minute. "And I'm really glad I did because this is the best my life has been since my mom died. This is the first time since then that I haven't felt completely alone. I have a family, now, and a dog and someone who loves me, and I get hugged pretty much every day. And." Jeremy let out a shaky breath. "I really like getting hugged."

Jess had been so focused on listening to Jeremy talk that he hadn't noticed the moisture pooling in his own eyes until the story was done and he felt the dampness threatening to spill over. He blinked it back quickly and stood up. "C'mere, Jeremy." His voice was hoarse. He was already around the table by the time Jeremy stood up. He pulled the boy against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that, Jeremy. I'm so sorry."

Jess felt Jeremy's two arms wrap around his back, the hurt boy in his arms feeling small and slight and vulnerable, triggering Jess' protective instincts more than anyone else ever had. "Thank you for telling me all that, Jeremy." He felt Jeremy lay the side of his face on his shoulder, and he turned his neck to kiss the back of the kid's head. "I love you, and I'm so glad you're mine now. It makes me so happy that you're my family, Jeremy."

"I love you, too." The boy choked out, his voice thick with emotion. Jeremy was laughing quietly at himself when he pulled back from the hug a moment later, his eyes red and wet. "I know you probably can't tell at the moment." Jeremy kept his voice light as he wiped at one eye with the back of his hand. "But, it makes me happy that you're my family, too."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh in appreciation of the boy's resilience.

Jeremy smiled as he grabbed a napkin off the table and wiped at his tears. "This is my happy face, I swear."

Jess cupped the back of the boys neck and kissed the side of his head, knowing he would spend the rest of his life loving and caring for his son to make up for the hand the boy had been dealt in childhood, and wondering if anything he could possibly do would ever be enough.

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Jess dragged himself out of bed on Monday morning, tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but feeling pleased that Jeremy had finally opened up to him. Their late night conversation felt like a gift that was well worth the price of enduring a day at the office on so little sleep. He had packed Jeremy's lunch the night before, so all he really had to do was quickly fry up some eggs for breakfast while Jeremy showered. They had eaten in companionable silence, both too tired to make much conversation, and then taken Winston out for a quick walk together before they had headed out to work and school. Jess felt a little guilty at how tired Jeremy had looked, and wondered if he had made a mistake the previous night and if he should have sent the kid back to bed.

When he arrived at the office Matthew was already there, looking perturbed and stressed. He greeted Jess briefly before retreating into the conference room by himself and closing the door. Jess knew that today was the day they had planned on announcing the move and mass layoff to the staff and Jess felt for Matthew and Chris, glad he wasn't in their shoes today. The day proceeded normally for the first couple of hours and Jess wondered when the announcement would be made. Chris came in late after taking his baby to a doctor's appointment and went directly into the conference room to meet with Matthew. Jess' desk had a clear view to the conference room window and he watched them speaking to each other, both wearing matching frowns. At one point Matthew wiped at his eye, as if he were tearing up. In the entire time that Jess had worked for them, they had only fired one person, and it hadn't been a tough decision because the guy had basically stopped coming to work. This had to be killing them.

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In the early afternoon, Chris had come by Jess' desk to catch up and ask about his holiday. Jess had filled him in on his time in Stars Hollow and listened to Chris recount his Thanksgiving at his in-laws'. Before Chris walked away, he had asked Jess if he could hang back to talk after everyone else had left. Jess had agreed, and was now sitting across from Chris and Matthew in the conference room digesting the unexpected news Chris had just delivered. Matthew was quietly sniffling and wouldn't look at Jess.

There was no job for him in New York. There was no job for him at Truncheon, period. After Jess had told Chris and Matthew that he was interested in relocating with Truncheon the previous week, they had officially submitted his information to Penguin Random House along with a detailed email as to which projects Jess had worked on and why he was their top choice of staff to bring along to New York. None of that had mattered after the company had done a background check and found no college degree or even high school diploma, only the GED Jess had gotten in his early twenties. The company was owned by two European conglomerates with non-negotiable hiring practices. The negative response to Matthew's email had resulted in multiple conference calls, with both the mergers and acquisitions lead that had originally made them the purchase offer as well as the director of human resources. Matthew and Chris had passionately pleaded for Jess' job, but the final answer had been a definitive no. They were told to pick another candidate who held a degree. Matthew had started tearing up as he relayed how hard they had fought for Jess, how sorry they were, how much they loved him, and how Truncheon wouldn't be the same without him.

Jess had listened wordlessly, as the shock had set in. He felt like his world was teetering precariously on its axis, and that if he made any sudden moves he might jar it and send it spiraling off into orbit. He felt physically nauseous, angry, panicked and terrified all at once. He focused on remembering how to breathe. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?