"Baa-chan! I need to speak to you, now!" Naruto flung open the doors to the Hokage's office to find the esteemed slug-sage, Tsunade Senju, with her cheek squished onto the hard, wooden surface of her large desk. She was snoring none-too-daintily and there was an empty sake bottle on the floor next to her chair.
At the racket his entrance made, the pigtailed woman shot up with a snort and pried her eyes open with great effort. When she saw the migraine-inducing blur of orange approach her with a purpose only he could have, she let out a soul-deep groan and brought strong fingers to each temple.
"What do you want, Naruto?" she massaged the sides of her head delicately, "I thought you were training."
The blonde Uzumaki was about to reply, when a commotion just outside the heavy doors that had now swung back on themselves drew both occupants of the room's attention and wrenched a groan (that was extremely similar to the female hokage's one only moments earlier) out of Naruto.
He brought an irritated hand to his forehead, which he proceeded to rub vigorously as he spoke, "We have a problem, Baa-chan," he gestured a thumb to the closed doors behind which he could hear a livid Hidan growing progressively more murderous at the two having been separated.
He sighed, as long as Hidan thought he was Jashin, he would obey him. They would be safe, for now.
"You'd better let him in before he kills someone."
Tsunade blinked in surprise, before nodding silently to her ANBU concealed in the shadows of the spacious office, who opened the doors without hesitation. A manic Hidan, who seemed only moments away from beginning to froth at the mouth tumbled in unceremoniously. The Senju princess immediately leapt to her feet as she moved to get between who she immediately recognised as the insane Jashin cultist (whom she had only heard horror stories about) and the boy she viewed as family, when Naruto only held up a hand from where he had sunk into an armchair across from the hokage's seat, causing both agitated parties to pause.
Tsunade looked to the teenager utterly bewildered, still in a fighting stance, only for her jaw to utterly drop as the older man sunk to his knees and pressed his face to the floor at Naruto's feet.
The boy could only smile weakly, "See?"
Tsunade gaped at the unexpected duo before her, before sinking into her seat, convinced that she was still drunk. Naruto grunted at Hidan to get up from where he was prostrated and the priest proceeded to stand almost protectively behind the arm of the boy's chair; an action that only made the hokage's hangover that much worse as she analysed the implications of it.
It was the next sentence out of the cultist's mouth, however, that made the blonde woman want to bang her head repeatedly against a, very hard, wall.
"So, when are we gonna slaughter these tree-fuckers, Jashin-sama?"
"This is too much for me to take in, brat," Tsunade grumbled as she poured herself some more sake. Naruto, point made, had managed to get Hidan out of the hokage tower with the explicit instructions not to 'sacrifice' any of the villagers for him, lest he be incredibly displeased. The silver-haired priest had gulped, gulped, and said that he would happily oblige before shooting off to explore the village that he still believed, somewhere in that deranged mind of his, that he would be bringing to its knees. Tsunade, for her part, had warned the ANBU and told them to spread the word, not to engage with the missing-nin for fear of provoking the immortal heathen into action.
Naruto returned the mumble with a scowl, "How d'you think I feel?"
The two proceeded to discuss a plan of action, Jiraiya joining in after finally being pried away from his 'research' at the women's baths, intrigued by the utter bizarreness of the situation, well into the afternoon.
Unfortunately, they had neglected to consider the impact a cult leader could have on a population of war-scarred shinobi who, for a long time, had been searching for some reason, any reason to get up in the morning.
Hidan was surprised when, as he stomped a path through the pathetic Leaf Village, he came across someone with a shock of silver-hair that seemed to be defying gravity. For a moment he frowned in thought, the expression on his face causing those who were walking by him to give him a wide(r) berth, contemplating whether the man it belonged to had acquired it much in the same way he had (through emotional and physical trauma, of course) but quickly dismissed it.
No weak, leaf asshole would be able to live through what Hidan had been through. Nevertheless, the guy was clearly a shinobi and that was enough to make the cultist wonder what he was doing in the civilian sector of the town. Hidan himself had been mentally preparing a menu for his Jashin-sama, while he forced the hokage-bitch into submission back at that eyesore of a tower, as he would no doubt be hungry by the time he had finished with the hag. He needed to remind himself to ask Jashin-sama whether he preferred virgins or whores when he saw him later.
Hidan was jolted out of his disturbing thoughts with a single hand on his shoulder, the other one occupied a pocket-sized, orange paperback, and the silver-haired ninja that had caught his attention suddenly whisked him away in a gust of leaves to what had to be a training ground of some sort. It was empty though.
"Whaddaya want, asshole?" Hidan snarled, the lankier man eyeing him over the book carefully.
"Why are you here, Hidan?" Kakashi Hatake demanded, no room for argument in the tone of his voice. The priest smirked and leaned back on his scythe, the sight of which had sent the civilians scurrying into hiding like the rats they were only minutes ago.
"I'm flattered that the Copy-nin recognises me," he purred smirk still stuck fast on his face, "Bingo book?" He enquired, but no answer was given. Instead, the 'copy-nin' pocketed his book over his breast and straightened, pure ice in his gaze.
"We've been instructed not to engage you, and I want to know why," Hatake's voice darkened considerably, but his attempt at intimidation had no effect on the immortal in front of him.
Hidan let out a snort of crude laughter, "Ha! That's rich! Jashin-sama really works fast, eh?"
If the masked ninja was confused, he made no show of it, instead raising a hand to his hitai-ate ready to uncover his gifted doujutsu should he need to. Hidan waved his hand in a placating manner.
"Relax, bastard," he cocked his head, "I'm waiting for Jashin-sama to be finished with the hokage before I do anything."
Hidan then grinned predatorily, sending shivers down Kakashi's spine that he would never admit to experiencing.
"But when he's finished, this village isn't going to be left standing," he then burst out into dark laughter as Kakashi's lone visible eye widened in alarm. The hokage was in clear danger if someone calling himself Jashin-sama was holding her hostage! Why hadn't anyone done anything?!
Deciding that this maniac was no longer the greatest threat, Kakashi decisively vanished in a shunshin and appeared in the hokage's office in a defensive position in front of her chair.
Tsunade herself was knocked back at the sudden appearance, while the copy-nin threw himself at the figure opposite the desk. He grabbed onto his shirt and violently tugged 'Jashin-sama' to the floor.
He blinked once. And then twice, as Naruto stared up at him from where his jacket was gripped in his sensei's white knuckled fists.
"…Naruto?" he looked around the room, finding the two remaining sannin, and his student the only occupants. They were all staring at him in astonishment.
He got up swiftly, pulling Naruto to his feet as well and he stated heatedly, "You're in danger Hokage-sama. A man claiming to be Jashin of all things is in the village. Well, if Hidan is to be believed."
The reactions Kakashi got were certainly not the ones he was expecting. The other three people in the office groaned and seemed to slam their heads into the nearest surface simultaneously. Now it was his turn to gape at them.
A sheepish laugh from his sensei's son caused his attention to fall on the boy, "That would be me, Kakashi-sensei."
Kakashi stared at the wall, his visible eye glazed over at the sheer absurdity his student had managed to get himself into. But then again, what was new? Number one most unpredictable ninja, right?
He rubbed his furrowed brow dazedly and then stood up decisively, "I'm going to go watch over Naruto's convert," the boy scowled at the term, which made the Hatake feel a lot better, "and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."
"How in the world are you going to do that, Kakashi?" Tsunade groaned, "The man is a killing machine. I don't even know why I let him stay in the village, no matter how short a length of time." She scowled at Naruto who blushed under the scrutiny.
"He'll listen to me," he defended himself, "As long as he believes I'm, ugh, that. And besides," he continued, "If we were separated, he would do anything to get to me." Everyone present blanched at the implications of the words.
Tsunade, who was not the hokage merely because she was a pretty face, came up with a solution.
"Kakashi," the man stood to attention, "I want you to take him to 'T' and 'I'."
"Torture and Interrogation? Why?"
Her eyes hardened, "I hate to have to make the decision, but," she sighed, '"we have prisoners on death row who are being held there," Tsunade's words sunk in and her companions became solemn, "He is too dangerous if he is not controlled, somehow." Naruto began to reiterate that he was under a semblance of control, when the hokage interrupted him.
"I don't want you to have any exposure to him beyond what is strictly necessary," she stated, sternly. Naruto nodded in relief, he had no qualms about that. Although, a matter suddenly occurred to him that he didn't have to be in contact with Hidan for some of his, ahem – activities – to have an effect on him. But, just as he was about to explain why, his sensei disappeared in a cloud of smoke and swirling leaves and Naruto sighed before gritting his teeth. He would just have to prepare himself to bear that burden. If it kept everyone else safe, it was worth it.