Chapter 18 Notes: Here's a long one! The boys struggle on in Philly. The last scene of this chapter contains something that a couple of readers have requested. The next chapter will be a direct continuation of this scene and will contain some follow up on this. Thanks for all the great reviews and comments for the last chapter. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Saturday morning found Jess sitting at the small table in the motel room staring at the screen of Jeremy's laptop. He had moved his job search to the Hartford area and spent most of the morning pouring over job postings and researching publishing companies there. There weren't nearly as many independent presses in Hartford as there were in Philadelphia and Jess wasn't leaving any stone unturned. He was going through each company one by one, tailoring a cover letter to match the work each did and sending out resumes. He had widened his search to internet-based editing and writing jobs, too, in the event that he didn't get lucky with one of the publishing houses. He worried there would come a time when he would need to extend his search beyond writing or editing jobs of any kind, and he felt a rush of panic at the idea of ending up back in the same warehouse at Walmart where he had worked as a teenager. That weighed on him, always there in the back of his mind, spurring him to keep looking and keep applying for jobs. It's not like he had made a ton of money at Truncheon, but he had made enough and for the most part he had enjoyed and taken pride in what he did. The idea of going back to a low-skill minimum wage job at his age was scary. He wasn't sure his ego could take the hit.

It was hard to focus today. Not having been able to talk to the social worker was distracting him. He had kept his word to Jeremy and called Ms. Garcia on Thursday, and then again on Friday, but he had not heard back from her yet. He had only called her a few other times since he had started fostering Jeremy and it wasn't unusual for her to take a day or two to get back to him. He knew she was overextended with the amount of kids in her caseload and he never held the delay against her. He always assumed she was stuck dealing with emergencies and putting out fires with some of her other foster situations. But, this time, he was the one with the fire, literally and figuratively, and he needed her help. He knew he would be a mess of nerves until he was able to speak to her and get assurance that the adoption could still go through on Tuesday. He was trying not to let himself think about the alternative.

Jess looked over at Jeremy, who was lying on his stomach on his bed, his calculus textbook open in front of him, working through some problems in his notebook. Jeremy hadn't complained once. Not about losing his home or his stuff in the fire. Or about sharing a small motel room with Jess and having no real privacy. Or about going four days and counting without a home-cooked meal. Jess thought about how ill-tempered and uncooperative he had been when he had first been sent to live with Luke. He remembered how sharing one open-plan room with his adult uncle had been so offensive to his self-centered teenage sensibilities. He was ashamed of how badly he had reacted to his own forced relocation back then. And his situation had been so much better than this. He had gotten home-cooked meals every morning and most evenings, along with all the free diner food he wanted made to order right downstairs. Luke's apartment had been much bigger than this tiny motel room, and the few times Jess had done his own laundry, he had been able to use Luke's washer machine without the hassle of dragging his stuff down the street to a laundromat. And his clothes had been his own, stuff he had picked out himself that hadn't come from a thrift store. And the neighborhood had been pleasantville-safe. If he had had a dog then, he could have walked it by himself at two o'clock in the morning if he had wanted to. Unlike here, where Jess wouldn't let Jeremy take Winston on walks by himself after dark and insisted on driving him to and from school because he didn't want him out waiting for the bus. Jeremy had to feel stifled and uncomfortable in their current situation. There was no way he couldn't. But, he never complained.

Most of the time Jess felt lucky that Jeremy was such a good kid. That he was good-natured and adaptable and didn't exhibit any of the quintessential teenage attitude that Jess himself had had in abundance at his age. He never talked back or purposely pushed Jess's buttons to get a rise out of him. He was pleasant with Jess's family and everyone else that Jess had ever seen him with. Most of the time Jess felt grateful for that. But, then there were moments like this when Jess really thought about what Jeremy's childhood had been like. About what the boy had gone through to make him turn out the way he was. About how many bad experiences Jeremy had lived through in his life. A teenager should be pissed about losing all their shit. It was the normal reaction. Jess knew that. But, everything was relative, and to Jeremy this was just an insubstantial setback in a lifetime filled with far more significant losses. Jess wondered, not for the first time, if Jeremy had trained himself to always display a good attitude because he'd never had anyone who would love him through a bad one. He realized he had been staring, when the boy started shifting around, then looked up from his book.

Jeremy smiled slightly as he met Jess's eye. "What?"

"Nothing. I was just looking at you and thinking about what a great kid you are."

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, right."

Jess gave his foster son a warm smile. "What? I was." Jess knew he had embarrassed the boy, when a pink flush spread across his cheeks and he trained his eyes back down on the book in front of him. Jeremy's trouble with accepting compliments pulled at something in Jess's heart. The boy could kind of handle praise about his grades or about some specific task he had done well, but he seemed to freeze up when the compliment was more general, like telling him he was a great kid or a good person. He wondered how much of Jeremy's awkwardness with compliments stemmed from natural humility and how much was due to a lack of practice at receiving them. Jess decided to change the subject. "Hey, do you need this?" He gestured toward Jeremy's laptop on the desk in front of him. He had learned since his own computer had died that Jeremy wouldn't speak up about needing to use the one laptop they had left if Jess was using it, so Jess had become cognizant of checking in with Jeremy every so often. He didn't want Jeremy's grade to suffer because he wasn't getting enough time on his own computer.

"Oh, uh…...no that's ok. I don't need it."

"You sure? I'm at a good stopping point now, if you do." Jess had been in the middle of writing a cover letter, but he needed a break.

Jeremy started to sit up. "Ok. Maybe just for like an hour or two? I just have one assignment that I need to write up. Is that ok?"

"Of course. School comes first." Jess stood up from the desk and stretched his back and shoulders. "What do you say we go get some lunch first? I saw a little Mexican place down the block that looked good. And pretty cheap. There should be some vegetarian stuff there, too."

Jeremy frowned. "You sure you want to go out? I think we have a can of chili and a couple of slices of bread left." Jess made a mental note to go by the grocery store this afternoon and replenish their food supply.

"I'm sure. We're not going to run out of money if we grab one lunch out. I promise." As this point, Jess was hemorrhaging money so profusely on the motel that he had given up the idea of having anything more substantial than a few thousand dollars left in his bank account by the time they moved to Stars Hollow. He would pretty much be starting over at that point. He tried to block out the frenetic thumping in the back of his mind that always accompanied that thought. The one that made him feel like a failure for ending up right back where he started and filled him with anxiety that he was running out of time to right his life. Winston had got to his feet after Jess and was trotting around him eagerly. "And I really need to get out of this room for a little bit. What do you say? Let's take this little guy for a walk and then go get lunch."

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"I really could have just taken the bus, you know." Jeremy said.

Jess took a quick look at Jeremy in the passenger seat before shifting his eyes back to the road. He was a little annoyed that the kid wouldn't let this go. The boy had brought it up every morning since they had started staying at the motel. Jess tried to keep his tone light. "Huh. I could have sworn we already had this conversation."

Jeremy frowned. "I'm just saying. I've lived in bad neighborhoods before. I'm fine with taking the bus from here."

"Well, I'm not fine with it. I don't want you waiting for the bus in this neighborhood. I've told you that several times now, Jeremy. I don't want to have to tell you again." Jess glanced at Jeremy and watched him lower his head slightly, eyes downcast. The kid took everything so hard. Jess decided to change tactics. He was a little irritated that Jeremy kept bringing this up, but not enough that he wanted to make Jeremy feel reprimanded. "And, besides, I don't have anything more important to do right now than drive my kid to school and pick him up." Jess smirked. "Why do you want to take that joy away from me? Are you not enjoying this father son bonding time as much as I am?" Jess feigned shock at the possibility. "I know what you need. Would it help get you into bonding mode if I put the radio on and we had a sing along?"

Jess heard Jeremy huff out a laugh. "I'm not saying I don't appreciate the ride. I just don't want you to feel like you need to go out of your way to do it. Like, I'm some little kid or something."

Jess sighed. "Try to look at it from my point of view. I don't pack your lunch. I haven't cooked you a hot meal in almost a week. Your current wardrobe was purchased in haste at Goodwill and you only own like five pairs of socks. Please let me do this one thing that makes me feel like I'm still a halfway decent parent. Ok? Just give me this. Please."

"Ok. If it means that much to you." Jess could see from the corner of his eye that Jeremy was smiling softly now.

"It does. And for the record, I don't think you're a little kid. But, you are my kid, and I do worry about you being safe. And, right now, when I have so much other shit to worry about, it makes me feel a little better to not have you waiting for the bus in a not so great neighborhood." Jess glanced over at Jeremy. "So, thank you for humoring me and letting me drive you."

Jeremy nodded his head. "Just so you know, I don't mind spending the extra time with you either. And it's nice to be in a warm car instead of waiting at a cold bus stop. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to."

"I know I don't have to. But I like doing it. When we move to Stars Hollow, where the violent crime rate is a negative percent, you can run around on your own all you want. You can even stay out past ten o'clock. Nothing will be open, but you can knock yourself out staying out late if you want. But for the week and a half that we're still here, I'd like to keep driving you around, so that I know you're safe."

"All right. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Jeremy. You're always welcome." Jess took a moment to collect his thoughts before he changed topics. "So, I'm going to call Ms. Garcia again today. I know this is a lot to dump on her so last minute, with the adoption being tomorrow and you turning eighteen in a week. I really hope that we can still go through with it. I want this more than I've wanted anything in such a long time, maybe ever." Jess took a breath and put on a brave face. "But, I also know that it might be out of Ms. Garcia's hands. Me being jobless and homeless might be a hard no for DCFS. We have to be prepared for that to be a possibility. And, I….I just want you to know that if I don't get to adopt you, it won't change anything. Not for me. It's just a legality. You're already my son and you always will be. You already have a permanent place in my family no matter what happens tomorrow. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you or how important you are to me. I need you to know that." Jess hoped that was convincing. He looked at Jeremy and watched the boy nod his head slowly, his expression grim.

"And, I know all that might sound like a bunch of bullshit, but I think about it this way. Luke wouldn't love me more if he had legally adopted me. He and I have our own father son thing going on anyway. Because we chose to. Because he chose to love me like I was his own kid. And, you and I have the same thing. You're already my kid because I'm choosing to be your dad. Every single day I'm making that choice. And I'm already your dad because you're choosing to be my kid. I know that you want us to officially be a family. I get that. But if we don't get to do that-" Jess tried to keep his emotions in check. He had a feeling there would be no adoption tomorrow, and he hated how disappointed he felt and how much he was letting Jeremy down. But, he wanted to be strong for Jeremy, to point out the silver lining. They were already a family. That might have to be enough. "It won't change how I feel about you. It won't change anything. Not one bit. You're my kid and I love you. Nothing can change that."

Jeremy was looking out the windshield when Jess glanced over. "Thanks. I love you, too. And I know you're right." Jeremy said, avoiding eye contact. "I try to think about what my life would have been like if I had never met you. I'd be aging out of foster care next week by myself. With no forever family and no one who really cares about me….I'd be all alone. So, even if you can't adopt me and I don't technically get a forever family, I don't feel like I'm alone anymore. And that's huge. I know I should be grateful for that. I am grateful for that. It's so much more than I ever really expected to have at eighteen." Jeremy turned toward Jess and watched him as he pulled the car up to the curb in front of the school. "So, I get it. I'm trying to not get my hopes up for tomorrow, too. I know we'll be ok either way."

Jess turned to fully look at his foster son, giving him the warmest smile he could muster while his heart was breaking for the kid. He tried to sound encouraging when he spoke. "Yeah, we will. I love you, Jeremy and I'm so glad you're mine." Jess leaned over and gave the boy a quick hug, not wanting to embarrass him in case anyone he knew from school walked by.

Jeremy pulled back with a small smile on his face. "I love you, too. Thanks for talking to me about this and for listening to me and everything."

"Are you kidding? I love listening to you. It's my favorite part of being your dad." Jess couldn't shake the feeling that Jeremy was humoring him with how well he was taking the possibility of not being adopted. It hit Jess that that was the downside to having a compassionate and considerate child. They didn't always tell you what they were really thinking, especially if they thought it was going to hurt.

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Ms. Garcia picked up on the second ring. Jess swallowed, feeling much more nervous than he had expected to. "Hi, Ms. Garcia. This is Jess Mariano. Jeremy Cooper's foster dad."

"Hello, Mr. Mariano. I was just about to call you. I'm sitting here looking at the report from your recent background check that we ran in advance of tomorrow's adoption. Is this correct that you've been laid off from your job?"

"Yes, that's correct. But, I'm searching for a new position everyday. I have a solid resume and excellent references. I feel confident that I'll find something soon." Jess cringed. He was trying to put his best foot forward, but he sounded like such a tool. He took a deep, and what he hoped was centering, breath.

"That's good to hear, Mr. Mariano. Until that happens, how are you paying rent and your other bills? I see that you're collecting unemployment. Is that enough to meet your needs and provide for Jeremy?"

Jess was relieved to hear follow up questions and to know that being unemployed wasn't an immediate dealbreaker. There was wriggle room to explain his case. "Uh, yes, I'm receiving unemployment benefits. I should be getting my first payment this week. It's definitely not enough to cover all my bills, but I've got some money saved up and I really think we'll be ok until I can find something else."

"Hmm. And you're still at 1754 Hurston St.? Is that right?"

Jess took another breath. He knew this was it. He debated lying, just saying yes he was. It's not like he filed an insurance claim or anything that would show up in any kind of background check. "Actually, that's why I was calling you. There was a fire in the building I lived in. The building was pretty wrecked and we couldn't stay there anymore."

There was a long pause that Jess didn't feel good about. "I'm very sorry to hear that, Mr. Mariano. When exactly did this fire occur?"

Jess was starting to sweat. He was tempted to tell her that the fire only happened five minutes ago. "The fire was last week. Last Wednesday. I tried to call you on Thursday."

"Yes, I got your voicemail. I was tied up with an emergency situation on Thursday and Friday. My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. Where have you and Jeremy been staying since the fire?"

"Uh, we're at the Morning Glory motel right now." Jess felt humiliated at the admission. "It's not the greatest place, but it's ok, and I needed somewhere that would let us keep our dog with us."

"I see. What are your plans for how you'll support Jeremy financially through the rest of his senior year? Do you plan on getting another apartment or remaining in the motel while Jeremy finishes school?" Ms. Garcia's voice sounded neutral, not particularly compassionate, but not annoyed either. It gave Jess a small spark of hope.

"Oh, well, I'm thinking we'll stay in the motel for the next week and a half so that Jeremy can finish out his current semester of school. Then the plan is to move into my uncle's place in Connecticut and have Jeremy take his last semester of high school there. It's this really cute small town. Very safe, very nice people. And we'll be around my family, and Jeremy really likes them, so I think it will be really good. Jeremy is pretty excited about moving there." It irked Jess that he found himself singing Stars Hollow's praises in order to bolster his argument, but he supposed he would talk up anything and anyone, even Lorelai or TJ, if it would help his case.

Jess listened to the social worker sigh. "Mr. Mariano. There are certain rules that we must adhere to regarding the adoption of minors. One rule is that the adoptive parent must have the means to financially support the child. In Jeremy's case, since he is a week away from his eighteenth birthday and if you have enough savings to provide for Jeremy in the immediate future, the fact that you are unemployed could be worked around." Jess could feel himself holding his breath. He sensed a 'but' coming. "Another rule is that the adoptive parent must be able to provide safe and reasonably permanent housing for the child. Reasonably permanent doesn't have to mean owning a house, but it does mean having a lease indicating that you have control over your living space for a certain period of time. It does not include renting a room at a motel-"

"But, we'll be living with my uncle soon. We won't be in the motel much longer."

"There's another issue. The adoptive parent must be able to provide a living space that has been vetted by DCFS. We don't perform home inspections in other states, and it requires a lot of paperwork and planning with another state's social service agencies for us to have them perform the home inspection. Also, every adult in the home would need to pass a background check, including your uncle and anyone else living in the home."

"Oh, my uncle won't be living with us. He has his own house. We're going to be staying in his old apartment, just me and Jeremy." Jess wondered if the apartment over the diner would have passed a home inspection anyway. There was only one means of egress and no doors separating the bedrooms.

"Be that as it may, Mr. Mariano. There are too many open issues here. And since none of these issues will be resolved by tomorrow or within the next week, we're going to have to cancel the adoption for now. I'm sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear."

Jess felt his heart sink. He couldn't believe this was happening. It's not like he hadn't expected this outcome, but hearing the words out loud and absorbing the finality of the decision were causing him physical pain. "Ms. Garcia." He hated the plaintive sound of his voice, but he knew this was no time for pride. "Jeremy wants this so much. It's been his dream for so long to be adopted. And I want this, too. So badly. Jeremy is such a great kid, and he deserves to be allowed to be adopted if that's what he wants. Please let us go through with the adoption. Next week he'll be eighteen and we'll be moving to Connecticut and we'll be out of your hair. Please." Jess knew he sounded pathetic. He felt like he was practically begging. "Please. I love him and I don't want to let him down about something this big-" It hit Jess then that Ms. Garcia had said 'for now' and he froze mid-sentence. "What do you mean, 'for now'? You said we need to cancel the adoption 'for now'?" Jess could feel his heart perking up with the slightest sliver of hope.

"Yes, Mr. Mariano." She was speaking slowly now, like she was explaining something to someone she didn't trust to understand. "We need to cancel tomorrow's adoption and put it on hold until Jeremy turns eighteen. There are too many concerns here for us to allow you to adopt a minor, but once Jeremy is eighteen, he can be adopted by anyone he chooses. He won't need DCFS approval at that point."

"Wait, I can adopt him next week after he turns eighteen? I still can adopt him even when he's an adult? Is that what you're telling me?" Jess realized he sounded like the dimwit that Ms. Garcia was treating him as, but he didn't care. He wanted to make sure he got all the facts straight and understood what he needed to do.

"Yes, Mr. Mariano." Ms. Garcia's voice was warmer now. "This would have been covered in the class you took to receive your certification as a resource parent. It isn't a secret. You can adopt Jeremy once he's eighteen. Adult adoptions aren't as common as the adoption of minors, but they happen. Sometimes a child grows close to his or her foster parents but is unavailable for adoption and chooses to be adopted by the foster parents upon reaching adulthood. Or a foster youth remains in extended foster care at eighteen and finds his or her forever family at that age and they all choose to make it a permanent family. Or sometimes a foster child whose birth parents' rights have been terminated will seek them out at eighteen and choose to be adopted back into their birth family. These situations aren't typical, but they do happen and it's what I suggest for you and Jeremy. Once he's eighteen, the only criteria for adoption is that you both want the adoption to happen. It's similar to when two adults choose to get married and become family that way. There's no background check or home inspection. You just need to stand in front of a judge and promise to be each other's family."

"That's amazing! That's the best news I've heard in a long time, Ms. Garcia. Thank you. Thank you so much!" Jess felt like he could cry from relief. "Can we set a date for next Monday and do it on Jeremy's birthday?"

"Oh, no, that won't be possible. The court calendar books up a month in advance. And this month is especially tight with the holidays coming up. I doubt you'll be able to get it taken care of before you move next week. I would advise finding an attorney as soon as you settle in in Connecticut and getting a court date on the books there. You will need an attorney for the adoption, but if that poses a financial hurdle for you, you can try looking into a pro-bono attorney. Many law firms will provide adoption services for free that way."

"Oh, all right." Jess felt his spirits dampen slightly, and tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt. Going through with the adoption on Jeremy's birthday had seemed like the perfect solution, and the best thing he could possibly have given Jeremy as a present.

"Plus, you say you have family there. You are normally allowed to bring guests to court for an adoption. Your family might want to be there, too, to celebrate with you both and welcome Jeremy to the family. It might make the day even more special for him that way."

"Oh, yeah. That's a good idea." He could adopt Jeremy. This was what he had been hoping for. The only issue now was timing, but he could live with that. "Thank you so much." Jess felt himself getting emotional. He could adopt Jeremy. He could really adopt his kid. All wasn't lost. Jess wasn't going to let Jeremy down. "Thank you for everything. For taking the time to explain this to me and for everything you've done for Jeremy for all the years before he was mine. He really likes you and I appreciate how good you've been to him. And, thank you for matching him with me. I thought it was so ridiculous when you brought me a seventeen-and-a-half year old kid, but I can't imagine my life without him now. He's a really great kid." Jess could feel his voice thickening with emotion and he felt embarrassed. "Just thank you. For everything."

"Jeremy is a great kid." The smile is evident in the social worker's voice now, possibly the first time she's aimed it at him instead of Jeremy even after all their visits and appointments. "I'm really glad I could help bring you two together. I know how happy you make him, and I wish you two a good life together as father and son."

Jess got off the phone feeling good. He couldn't wait to tell Jeremy, but he didn't want to tell him over text. He knew a person only got to share news this big a handful of times in a lifetime, if he was lucky, and Jess wanted to break the news in person. He was still sitting at the table in happy shock a few minutes later when he received a text from Jeremy asking if he could go over to Melissa's house after school. Jess really wanted to tell him that he needed to see him and that he would pick him up after school, but he thought about the limited time Jeremy had left with Melissa before the move, and he felt selfish. He texted back, that of course it was ok, to have fun and text for a ride by ten. He wanted very much to share his news. He thought about calling Luke, but he didn't think it was right to tell another person before he told Jeremy. He put the phone down and crouched on the floor in front of Winston. "Hey, little guy." Jess gently rubbed the sleeping dog behind his ears until he opened his eyes. "Sorry to wake you, buddy. I just wanted to let you know that you're going to have a little brother soon. That's right, I'm going to adopt Jeremy. What do you think about that?" Jess knew that Winston was just responding to his playful tone when the dog stood up and started licking at his face, but he still took it as a good sign. He replayed what Ms. Garcia had said in his head: I know how happy you make him. It's not like he hadn't realized that on his own, but it still felt good to hear.

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Jess was pacing around the motel room, still fully dressed, unsure of what to do. He looked at the clock on the nightstand for the millionth time. Quarter past two. He wasn't sure what the protocol was for a situation like this. Jeremy wasn't home yet and he wasn't answering his phone or responding to texts. Jess had been waiting for his text at ten to say he was ready to be picked up. When he hadn't received it by ten fifteen, he had texted Jeremy with what had felt like a joke at the time about the kid being in trouble for missing his curfew. He hadn't actually been worried yet at that point. Jess had figured that even a kid as responsible as Jeremy could lose track of time when he was spending it alone with a girl he liked. Jess had certainly done it enough himself at that age, when he had been out with Rory or Shane. He hadn't thought it was a big deal until there still wasn't a response by ten-thirty. He texted again and called Jeremy's phone, and then drove over to Melissa's house when Jeremy didn't pick up or respond.

On the drive over it had dawned on him that if they hadn't moved into the motel and Jess hadn't started insisting on driving Jeremy around, Jess would have had no idea where Melissa lived or where his kid had been spending so much time. As it was, he had never met Melissa because Jeremy always went to her house instead of having her over, even when they had still had their own apartment. He got it. The girl lived in a nice house and had a single mom who traveled for work a lot. Jess would have wanted to hang out there, too, if he were Jeremy. But, not even asking for her address until last week made Jess feel remiss as a parent. As he had turned onto Melissa's street, he had thought about how powerless he would have felt tonight if he still hadn't known where she lived. He pulled up in front of her house, and was surprised to see that all the lights were off. He jogged up the stoop and rang the bell once. Then three more times when there was no answer. He could feel his heart rate picking up. He stood on the sidewalk in front of Melissa's house texting and calling Jeremy repeatedly for about ten minutes, getting increasingly anxious as a host of possible bad scenarios ran through his mind. He had the bad feeling that Jeremy and Melissa had never been at her house tonight. He had sat in his car and called and texted Jeremy for a few more minutes. He even called the motel and asked to be put through to his room in case Jeremy had lost his phone and made it home on his own. No answer.

By eleven-thirty, Jess had headed home. He had let himself into the motel room hoping to find Jeremy already there, ignoring his phone because he was in the shower or already asleep. No such luck. Logically he knew Jeremy would never ignore all his texts and voicemails like this if he were able to respond. The boy was a worrier himself and he would never be thoughtless enough to put Jess through this if he could help it. Jess had gone on the computer to look up phone numbers. He knew it was probably too early to call the police. He couldn't see them having much of a response to a teenager who had missed curfew. He had checked the area hospitals to see if Jeremy had been admitted, but no one had a record of him or of any unconscious or unidentified kids matching his description. He had even called the jail to see if the boy had been arrested. He couldn't picture that happening, but he didn't really know that much about this Melissa girl. Maybe she and Jeremy had gotten in some kind of trouble together. He knew it was a longshot. The jail didn't have him either.

By three o'clock, Jess decided he should report Jeremy missing. He looked up the number for the local police station. He was a few minutes into filing the police report over the phone, when he heard the door opening slowly. Jeremy walked in with guilt written all over his face. Jess gave Jeremy a hard stare as he spoke into the phone. "Thank you, officer, but my son just walked through the door." Jess watched with satisfaction as Jeremy blanched at that. Jess missed what the officer was saying, something about being glad everything turned out all right. "Me too. Thank you for your time. Have a good night." He ended the call and put his phone down on the table as he watched a sleepy Winston greet his boy at the door. Jeremy didn't make a sound as he carefully closed the door behind him and gave Winston a few distracted pats on the head, keeping his eyes down, focused on the dog. Jess took a deep, calming breath. "Are you all right?"

Jeremy looked up with scared eyes and nodded slightly. "I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper, low and frightened, as if he wanted to apologize, but wanted to avoid attracting Jess's attention at the same time.

"Get over here." It was all Jess could manage. He felt the rush of adrenaline that had gotten him through the night crash at the sight of Jeremy, alive and whole and seemingly fine. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this level of relief or been this happy to see anyone.

Jeremy tentatively approached Jess and once he was within arm's reach, Jess pulled the boy to him, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Jesus, Jeremy." Jess kept the hug brief and pulled back, holding Jeremy in place with a hand on each of the boy's shoulders, feeling anger starting to surface even as his worry dissipated. "Where the fuck have you been?" Jess's tone sounded harsher than he intended, but he wasn't going to apologize for it. Jeremy had earned it.

Jeremy looked back at him with a deer in the headlights look on his face. Jess wondered how the boy could be caught off guard by the most obvious question Jess could possibly ask in this situation. Then it hit him that Jeremy was probably surprised that Jess had sworn at him like that. Jess had been a little surprised by it himself.

Jess took his hands off Jeremy's shoulders. "Answer me, Jeremy. I've already spent enough time waiting for you tonight." Jess had a right to be angry, but he knew he needed to tone down the hostile attitude he was giving off. It wasn't going to make anything better.

Jeremy's voice trembled, not enough that it looked like he was going to cry, but enough to make Jess feel a modicum of compassion for him. He could still remember what it felt like to be young and small and have an angry boyfriend or husband of Liz's bearing down on him. "I'm sorry, Jess. We, uh, we fell asleep. We were watching a movie and we fell asleep. And when I woke up and realized what time it was, I took an uber home."

"So, you were watching a movie and you both fell asleep. Then when you woke up, what thirty minutes ago? Say around two-thirty in the morning. You saw the many, many urgent texts I sent you and voicemails I left you and instead of responding to let me know you were ok and even alive, you decided to call a fucking uber to what, surprise me?" Jess could feel himself getting worked up. "Why wouldn't you at least text me back that you were on your way home?"

"I don't know. It was so late. I didn't want to wake you up." Jeremy said it like he was asking a question, as if he, too, found his own motivation unconvincing, and it infuriated Jess even more.

"Really? That's seriously what you're going with right now?" Jess didn't bother keeping the hostility and condescension from his voice. "You woke up and looked at your fucking phone and thought, gee, Jess left me a shit-ton of urgent texts begging me to text him back, but when he didn't get a response, I'm sure he just gave up and went to bed, as any parent out of their mind with worry would do. And, I'm such a considerate kid that I don't want to wake him. You're seriously telling me that was your thought process?"

"I guess." Jeremy's voice was barely audible. "I'm really sorry."

"You're sorry? Are you also a moron? Or do you just think I'm a moron? It's got to be one or the other because that thought process is completely stupid and unbelievable." Jess recognized that he was crossing a line. Name calling was far from ok. He took a deep, stabilizing breath and a step back from Jeremy, trying to reign himself in. Even though he couldn't really wrap his mind around the idea or fit it with his image of who Jeremy was, he had the unshakable feeling that the boy was lying to him. "What movie were you watching?"

"Uh, what?" Jeremy looked startled, and even more nervous.

"What movie were you and Melissa watching when you fell asleep, Jeremy? It's an easy question. What fucking movie were you watching?" Jess's volume was rising. He could sense that whatever part of his brain normally kept his temper in check was loosening the reins.

"Uh. We uh-"

Jess was livid. The kid hadn't even bothered coming up with a decent cover story. "Do you honestly think this is how it's going to go? That this is how our family is going to work? That you're going to come home five fucking hours late and then stand there lying to me about why?"

Jeremy was speechless, and Jess couldn't blame him. He felt out of control. He knew he was scaring the kid. He had to be. He was unnerving himself. "I went by Melissa's house, Jeremy. At around ten-thirty, when I didn't hear back from you. Every light in the house was off. I rang that doorbell four or five times. I'm only going to ask you this one more time, Jeremy. Where the fuck were you tonight?"

"I uh-"

"Dammit, Jeremy!" Jess was full out yelling, and he couldn't deny that it felt good, like the release he had needed since the day he had been fired, since the day he watched his apartment burn with everything he owned inside.

"We, uh, we went to see Melissa's sister's show." Jeremy's voice was low, but he spoke quickly. "She sings in a band. I forgot my phone at Melissa's house. She dropped me off in an uber just now. She had her phone so she called for one at the train station. The show took forever. The band's time kept getting pushed back, and then it got late, but Melissa wanted to stay for it. Since we had gone all the way-" Jeremy looked up at Jess, his expression frozen with guilt.

"Go ahead, Jeremy. Finish your thought." Jess's voice was antagonistic and loaded with sarcasm. "Since you had gone all the way where?'

"Uh, to uh, New York. Melissa's sister goes to NYU."

Jess took another step toward Jeremy, getting in the boy's face, his anger taking on a life of its own, driving his actions without his permission, feeling like he was somehow towering over his foster son even though the kid had a good two inches on him. "You went to New York? Are you fucking kidding me? Like I don't have enough to worry about right now without you running off to another state in the middle of the fucking night without telling me!" Jess was yelling for real, letting out all his pent up rage, over this night and the last two weeks of his life. He was every man who had ever loomed over him in his childhood, trying to intimidate and threaten, his aggressive posture one he had come to recognize as the precursor to physical violence. There was a loud banging against the wall behind the beds in response, and it pissed Jess off even more.

"I'm sorry."

Jess could see how scared Jeremy was, his voice little more than a squeak. But, he still didn't seem capable of lowering his voice or backing up.

"You're sorry? What the fuck, Jeremy? Do you have any idea how stressed I am right now? Tonight was the last thing I needed from you! Do you know fucking worried I was? I called the hospitals when you didn't come home! I called the police! And you know what the first thing they said was? They told me that sometimes teenagers break rules, they miss curfew and stay out late. I told them that my kid wasn't like that. He wasn't a thoughtless, self-centered little shit-." There was more pounding on the wall, and Jess couldn't handle anyone else's shit tonight. "Seriously." He muttered under his breath and ran over to the wall and pounded back, over and over with the side of his fist. "Stop pounding on my fucking wall, asshole! I'm trying to talk to my kid over here!"

"Jess!" Jeremy was pulling at Jess's arm, the one he wasn't using to bang on the wall, trying to pull him away. "Stop! They're going to come over here or call the police! Stop it!" The panic in Jeremy's voice pulled Jess out of his rage.

Jess jerked his arm away from Jeremy, breathing hard. He felt more out of control than he had in a long time. He took two deep breaths, trying to center himself, not sure how he had gotten to this place. He looked at Jeremy, taking in how scared and upset and so very young the boy looked. And down at Winston, who was nervously dancing back and forth behind Jeremy. He looked back at his foster son, knowing that he needed to end this confrontation and send them all to bed before anything was said or done that would irrevocably damage their relationship. With great effort, Jess kept his voice level. "Go get ready for bed, Jeremy. We're not done here. We're picking this conversation up again tomorrow."

Jeremy nodded meekly. Jess could see the relief in the boy's eyes. He didn't want to scare him. Of course, he didn't. But, he didn't want Jeremy to think he was getting off scot free either.

"And just so you know, you're grounded."

The boy's expression turned to one of concern. "But-."

Jess could feel his anger surge up again as he cut Jeremy off, his voice stern but lower than before. "And Jesus Christ, Jeremy, if you stand there right now and try to tell me that I can't ground you because I'm not your real father, I swear to god-."

"I wasn't going to say that! I would never say that!" Jeremy's brow furrowed with hurt, his voice raised in outrage. "If that's what you think then maybe you shouldn't bother trying to adopt me. Maybe you should just send me back!" Jeremy's face crumbled as he started to cry. As Jess watched the boy wipe at his face, it hit him that he hadn't told Jeremy the good news about the adoption.

To be continued…..